Loel caught the ball for the fifth consecutive time, feeling so happy he thought he might burst. Dan jogged over to him and clapped him on the back, not to hard, hard enough to be strong but gentle enough to be affectionate.
"You're not bad, Loel," the older boy said.
Loel shrugged. "I've never been that into sports."
Dan looked back to their families, specifically his stepfather who was leaning over the grill.
"I'm not sure I would have been, but Robin is and he encouraged me, and I think it's good if he and I get along. It's nice for Mom."
Loel thought of things they never talked about, specifically an older, quieter Daniel who never quite faded completely, though these days he was very remote.
"Maybe my Dad would like it if I played sports…"
"You don't have to be someone you're not for your parents. Mom's always saying, we should be who we are. They'll love us no matter what."
Loel smiled. "My Mom says that too."
Dan chuckled. "I think they share a lot of their parenting tricks." He took the ball and tossed it around his body, thinking. "They were friends, like we are."
Loel fought the urge to bite his lip. He didn't want him and Dan to be like his Mom and Regina. He wanted… He let his desires dissipate without naming them, changing the subject before his mind got out of hand.
"Did your school tell you to think about colleges over the summer?"
Dan grimaced. "They sure did. But I don't know… Did you think of anything?"
"Maybe literature."
"Right, because you're into myths and fairytales. I always thought that was so cool."
Loel's eyes lit up. "You did?"
Dan grinned. "Yeah, man, it's so interesting. My hobbies are football and… Well, hanging out and playing video games. And everyone does those, it's so boring."
"Football isn't boring," Loel disagreed. "I think it's impressive."
Dan chuckled. "You would. But I'm not that good, these days I'm mostly doing it so Mom doesn't worry and I have something to put on applications."
"What do you mean, I would?"
"Because you're my best friend."
Best friend. Best.
"I am?" Loel knew he sounded dumb, but the words slipped out before he could stop them. Dan became very interested in his shoes.
"Yeah, I mean, I have the guys at school and they're fun to hang out with but I've known you my whole life. We talk about stuff, you know? Real stuff. I'm sure you have a ton of other awesome friends to talk about that kind of thing with but-"
"No! I mean, no, I only talk about it with you, too."
Dan smiled, looking up. "Then I'm yours, too."
I'm yours. He didn't mean it like that. Of course he didn't. Loel suddenly wanted to run. He could feel his cheeks reddening; he turned to go but Dan stopped him, a soft hand on his shoulder.
"Please don't go," Dan said quietly. "I-"
"Danny!"
A gorgeous dyed-blonde teenage girl in barely there denim shorts and an opaque white crop top ran the rest of the way to them and threw herself into Dan's arms. He hugged her awkwardly.
"Hey, Jenny."
"I missed you," she said, batting her eyelashes. Dan extricated himself from her grasp; she contented herself with fondling his tanned bicep.
"Your Mom's looking for you," Jenny said to Loel.
Loel and Dan shared an apologetic glance, then Loel jogged over to the barbecue wondering what Dan had been going to say.
Regina watched the scene unfold. She had just given Emma a beer.
"I still don't understand how you drink that dishwater," she said.
Emma took a long swig, then smacked her lips. "It's delicious, that's how."
"It's vile."
"How would you even know? You've never tried it."
"You don't know everything about me, Miss Swan."
Emma laughed. "I haven't been Miss Swan for seventeen years."
"You will always be Miss Swan to me."
Emma leaned against her, giving her a nudge. "And you'll always be a stuck up bitch."
Loel interrupted Regina's witty comeback with a well-timed arrival.
"What's up, Mom?" he asked Emma, sounding a bit miffed.
"Uh, nothing? Except your Aunt Regina's being mean."
"Excuse me? I am never mean. You, on the other hand, just called me a b-i-t-c-h."
"He's fifteen, he can spell."
"I know, I just don't like to say the word."
"Mom!"
"Yeaaaah?"
"Jenny said you were looking for me."
Regina pursed her lips, watching the Lucas girl throw herself at Dan. She could see from Loel's expression that she wasn't the only one who felt uncomfortable about this.
"There seems to have been a miscommunication," she said. "But why don't you come to the kitchen with me, Loel? We can get you a drink, then you can help me carry things outside."
Loel nodded, always polite.
"I'll go find the other brats and herd them to the table."
"Emma, do not call our children brats."
"Can I call Jenny a brat?" she muttered in Regina's ear. Regina swatted her arm.
"No," she said out loud. "Even if it is true."
"What did she say to you?" Loel asked as they went inside.
"Something very rude, and unfortunately accurate."
Loel accepted the soda Regina handed him. She leaned against the counter, watching him drink his coke and wondering if he would talk to her. She had once been his closest confidant, but he was getting older, growing secrets he wouldn't tell her.
Loel struggled for words. He loved Regina, she was like a second mother to him, and she was efficient and amazing and her house, unlike theirs, was always clean, which he interpreted as a sign of brilliance.
"Does Dan…" he trailed off.
"Go on, dear."
"Does he like Jenny?" Loel blurted out.
Regina had a strong feeling she knew exactly why this question was being asked, so she wasted no time with pleasantries or insistences that of course he did, she was his friend.
"No. Not in the way you're thinking."
"You're sure?" Loel asked, surprised.
Regina thought about it. "Yes. He has better taste."
Loel sighed. "When did Jenny get so mean?"
"It's a phase. But I know Dan doesn't like it. He told me the other day. It goes without saying that this is between you and me, but he was rather dreading seeing her today."
Regina took in the relief on her godson's face and wished with all her heart that she could give him and her son the fairytale that they deserved.
Something seemed to click in Loel's mind. It did not seem to be a pleasant something.
"Shit!"
"Loel, dear, please do not curse in my house."
"Sorry. Regina… You know, don't you?"
She'd had an inkling for several years, but, "No one can know before you tell them, Loel."
"Do you hate me?"
Regina pulled him into her arms, soda and all.
"You are perfect," she murmured into his ear. "I will always love you, no matter what. But this is not even in the no matter category. This is a good thing, a beautiful thing."
Loel broke away to put down his soda, his eyes glistening with tears. "No it's not."
Regina produced a tissue. "Why do you say that?"
"Because this isn't being bad at sports or liking to read. I'm gay, Regina."
"I'm afraid I don't see your point," she said kindly.
"But my Dad would. Robin would."
"We don't know that. They may be ignorant, but they are good men and they love you and that will not change."
"You really don't mind? Even though I…"
"Even though you like Daniel? No, Loel, I really don't mind," she said, taking his hand. "I'd far rather he dated you than Jenny, that's for sure."
"But Daniel's…"
"Straight? I don't know. We don't know. Maybe he doesn't even know."
"He's going to hate me."
Regina shook her head. "He is not. I cannot promise you he will return your feelings, but I know you are his best friend, and he hopes you always will be."
Loel sniffed, embarrassed by his crying. "He said that, just now. He was going to say something else but then Jenny was there and got me out of the way."
"He'll say it. Dan doesn't like to let things fester."
"You… Are you going to tell my Mom?"
"No. But you might feel better if you do."
"Would you tell her?"
Regina raised her eyebrows. "You want me to tell her?"
Loel smiled weakly. "I… I could be there. I just… I don't know how to say it."
"I suppose I have done more bizarre things than this in my time."
"Can we do it now?"
"Right now? This very moment?"
Loel smiled more enthusiastically and Regina had to keep him happy. She took out her phone and called Emma, who answered on the first ring.
"What? I'm literally at your party, why are you calling me?"
"Emma. Kitchen. Now."
Regina hung up. Loel looked at her questioningly.
"She responds better if you don't give her time to argue."
Loel laughed. Emma charged into the kitchen, panting.
"Oh, hey Loel. Why have you summoned me? I thought you were bringing food outside."
Regina closed the door behind Emma.
"Guys, is this some kind of intervention? Because this is only my second beer, I swear."
Loel rolled his eyes. "No, Mom. I, uh… Regina has to tell you something."
Regina rolled her eyes too. "Emma, Loel has asked me to tell you, formally, that he is gay."
Emma paused, open mouthed. She looked from her friend to her son, then strode across the room and wrapped Loel in a hug even bigger than the one Regina had given him.
"Thanks for telling me, kid." She held on tight, feeling him relax into her hold. "Regina, get in here," she called. Regina made a face, but joined the hug.
They separated. "I am going to go outside," Regina said. She took the salad from the fridge. "Bring food with you when you come out."
"Thank you," mother and son said in unison. She smiled, then left the room. Emma turned to Loel.
"I'm so proud of you."
Loel bit his lip.
"I mean it," Emma said firmly. "This is just another part of what an awesome guy you are."
"Really?" Loel whispered.
Emma nodded, then kissed his forehead. She had to raise herself on her toes to do it, but the gesture reminded them both of a happy, simple time.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you first," Loel whispered.
Emma paused. She'd be lying if she said she didn't care at all, but Loel had always needed Regina. She was the conscience, the academic… When they'd finished hating each other, Emma had realised that she and Regina had the perfect balance. In a way they were polar opposites, but that was why they were both necessary. And Emma knew she was awkward and goofy where Regina was calm and sensible.
"Regina and I have always been a team when it comes to you lot. I'm happy you told us both," Emma said firmly.
Loel picked up the bowl of bread, leaving Emma with dishes of chips and coleslaw.
"Thanks," he said gruffly. Emma watched him hurry outside, then expertly juggled the remaining dishes as she followed.
Cara narrowed her eyes disapprovingly.
"Mommy, you're going to drop something."
Emma grinned, skipping the last step to the table and expertly sliding everything onto it. She cackled at her daughter.
"Hah."
Cara shook her head. "You're silly. Auntie Gina?"
Regina chuckled. "Yes, sweetie?"
"Has Emma always been this silly?"
Regina looked Emma up and down, as if evaluating her. Consequently, she couldn't help taking in Emma's shorts and long, tan legs, her roughed up boots, her sleeveless plaid shirt, tied at the bottom to show off a strip of her washboard stomach. She gave herself a shake.
"As long as I have known her, yes," she said to Cara, blushing slightly as Emma raised her eyebrows. Those arms, too. And the eyes, of course.
Cara remembered their earlier conversation.
"Mommy, Auntie Gina says you do know how to braid."
Regina coughed into her hand to hide the rising colour in her cheeks. She wondered if Emma was remembering the same night she had been thinking of - and if the blonde's guilty look was anything to go by, she most certainly was.
"I, uhm, I did braid Regina's hair, once, but it was years ago and I don't know how to do it any more."
Emma stumbled through her answer. It was the truth, but the incident in question was a confusing memory, and joined many others behind a door that had long since been labelled "impossibilities".
"Perhaps I could give you a refresher course later," Regina suggested. She did not know why she said it, the words seemed to appear in their mouth of their own accord and her lips and tongue had been all too eager to say them. Her body was not like her mind; it could not lie to itself.
Cara trotted over to the table and took her seat next to her grandmother.
"At least you have noticed me, my dear," Cora Mills said, sounding incredibly snide.
"Mother!" Regina cried. "I do apologise, I was inside and I missed your arrival. How are you?"
I do apologise, Emma mimicked behind their backs, making Dan, Loel, Jenny, and Henry cackle. Roland almost outed them, wondering why everyone was laughing, but Ruby herded everyone to the table and chivvied the conversation on to something else.
Regina smiled as Dan made a point to sit beside Loel, with Roland on his other side to give his parents a break from watching him. She smiled even more when Emma flopped into the seat next to her.
Cora dominated the conversation, though she asked a lot of questions. Despite insisting she disliked Emma, she took a great interest in the Cassidy brood, wanting to know about Loel's academics and college plans, and practically fawning over Cara. Regina supposed she understood. They were lovely children, and she didn't think it was possible to disapprove of Cara Swan Cassidy.
Neal and Robin drank copiously; Ruby almost matched them. By second helpings, Regina was the only sober adult at the table. Jenny, losing interest in Dan, was texting under the table, and excused herself as soon as she could to call her friends. The boys were talking books, and Cara was back to quizzing Regina and Emma about the history of their friendship.
"So you've heard about Amy?" Emma asked Regina. Regina chuckled.
"Yes. It seems we are inspiring, at least to somebody."
Cara looked from one woman to the other. "You are very different," she decided.
"Aren't you and Amy different?" Emma asked.
Cara thought about it. "Well, she likes strawberry candy but I prefer chocolate. And she has a sister instead of a brother. But we don't argue."
Emma laughed. "Oh, C, Gina and I don't really argue."
Regina raised an eyebrow; Cara laughed.
"What?" Emma asked, grinning. "We don't. It's just joking around - and I know that for sure because I know you know you're always right."
Regina smiled at that. "Suck up," she muttered. Emma batted her eyelashes like a teenager. Cora cleared her throat, feeling left out.
"What are you three giggling about?" she demanded, her words slurring a little.
"Nothing of consequence, mother."
Cora huffed, then pouted until Emma refilled her whiskey and Regina included her in conversation. Cara went to help Henry clear the table, and Cora eyed her daughter and "the Swan girl" who had been a fixture in her life for so long hating her just wasn't worth the energy any more.
"How is the world of law enforcement these days?" she asked Emma in a bored drawl.
"A lot less exciting than working in a city would be," Emma said. "But I'm up for a promotion, the Sheriff's leaving, which leaves the spot open, and I'm the longest serving deputy."
"But you are a woman! And a mother!" Cora exclaimed.
Emma held back an eyeroll.
"It's actually illegal for them to use either of those reasons not to promote me," she said with a small smile. "And anyway, why should being a woman, or a mother, hold me back? Do you think you're any less than a man?"
Cora was affronted. "Of course not! I held up my marriage and my household, and I worked for every penny I have, but in ways that were appropriate! A woman should be there for her children, she should support her husband… How do you feel, Neal, that Emma has so much more of a career than you do?"
Emma was glad the children had gone; if they were here, they wouldn't be able to contain their laughter, especially now that Neal was getting flustered. The horrible thing was, Cora wasn't wrong. Neal did hate that his wife supported him. He still worked in his father's antique store, the same as he had since they'd graduated high school. Emma had always thought they'd move away, but in the end it had been Regina who'd skipped town from Storybrooke, Maine to the big city of Boston.
She'd stayed, at first. They'd bought houses in the same neighbourhood, they'd shared recipes, they'd had dinner parties, they'd even had their first babies in quick succession. But then Daniel had died, Regina had insisted on a change, and… Emma had always thought that she would come back, that she'd go away for a month or two but miss everyone (her) too much and fall back into her old life with her friends to support her. But instead, she'd met Robin, stayed in the city, and stuck to her new life.
She could have been Mayor of Storybrooke. That's what Cora liked to say. But politics had never been Regina's true ambition. She'd worked as a fashion photographer, she had a brilliant eye, but she had all but given up when Roland was born. Robin was wealthy, he owned a lumber company, and he liked to say, repeatedly, that there was no need for Regina to work another day in her life. Regina wished she could relay to him how useless that made her feel, but he remained oblivious.
"Emma's always been a modern woman," Neal said awkwardly. "And I like the simplicity of the store. My life's how it's always been, you know?"
While Emma had been in college, Neal had been "finding himself" on various adventures, funded by his doting father. He'd broken the law, while Emma had learned how to uphold it. Of his peers seated at the table, he was the only one without a degree, and the only one not at all bothered by this fact. Well, Emma told herself she didn't care, that his education wasn't important, and of course, it wasn't about the piece of paper. When she really thought about it, she knew it was about desire. A desire for knowledge, for self improvement, for a world larger than the small town that they lived in. But Neal was content to spend his days working in the store, eating in Granny's diner, going to High School football games, and visiting with friends and family that he'd known all his life.
Cora had a soft spot for Neal. More for his father, really, but she approved of Neal's old fashioned world view.
"You'll have to tie your wife down," she told him. "It won't stop with this promotion. She needs to know you're the man or you'll lose her."
"Mother," Regina cried. She felt a hand on her knee, holding her back.
"I don't mind," Emma muttered in her ear. She caught Regina's eye, trying to soothe her with a look until the vein in her forehead that jumped out whenever she was emotional settled back to normality.
"Regina, dear, do tell Emma how much you are enjoying yourself now that you no longer work," Cora said. Regina felt Emma's grip tighten on her leg, grounding her, allowing her to answer.
"Yes, it is very relaxing. I have so much time. I don't know what I'll do with myself when Roland starts school in the fall."
"I'm sure you'll find something to occupy you," Cora said, somehow making it sound like an insult.
"Perhaps you can learn to cook something more interesting than lasagne," Robin quipped. He'd meant it as a joke, Regina was sure, but she still felt a wave of frustration. Firstly, her lasagne was prizewinning, it was better than even Mary Margaret Blanchard's! And secondly:
"What is that supposed to mean?" she demanded, wishing she'd had that glass of wine after all.
Robin at least had the decency to appear somewhat chagrinned. "Nothing, I was joking," he said.
Emma almost growled. "We should clear the table!" she said instead, pulling Regina up with her. "Neal, why don't you and Robin take Cora down to the deck and get her settled in a lounge chair? Then when Regina and I are done cleaning up, you know, the girl stuff, you guys can clear away the tables and we can all go for a swim."
It was much more like an order than a suggestion, and Regina smiled gratefully as she loaded her arms with plates. She and Emma traipsed through to the kitchen, but only behind closed doors did Regina allow herself to snap.
"How can she still be like that?" she demanded, hands shaking as she turned on the water for the dishes. Emma moved up behind her, taking her shoulders and easing away the tension with skilful fingers.
"Just let it wash over you," Emma suggested. "You know better than to take anything she says seriously."
Regina sighed, relaxing into the massage.
"I know, I do, but… Surely she wants more for me than… Than this!"
Emma turned Regina in her hands, still holding her at arm's length, looking at her contemplatively.
"Aren't you happy?" she asked.
Regina was surprised by the question. It was not something she and Emma usually discussed.
"I…" she began. "I suppose so."
"But if you want Cora to want more for you, you must think there's more your life could be," Emma pointed out.
"I didn't mean this as in my life, I meant this as in housework, dishes, throwing dinner parties!" Regina said, but she wasn't convinced, and neither was Emma. "Do you think my life could be more?" she asked, almost accusingly.
Emma tilted her head to one side. Truthfully, she'd never much liked Robin, but she knew Regina felt the same way about Neal and frankly that was a stone she'd much rather leave unturned. There were some conversations their friendship might not be able to take.
"I want to go back to work when Roland starts school," Regina said in a softer tone. "But… I also want to move back to Storybrooke."
Emma gasped. "Really? You do?"
Regina nodded. "I had this idea, and don't you dare tell a soul about this, Swan, but… I was approached by a little cafe in Boston and they'd seen my old website, from when I used to do fashion shoots, and they'd asked if they could hang some of my pictures and even sell them. I've never sold prints before and I told them I wasn't interested but it got me thinking… I've always been good at baking, I make a great cup of coffee, and Storybrooke doesn't really have any place other than Granny's and I could make a kind of gallery along with it-"
She was interrupted by a squeal of delight that Emma couldn't hold in a moment longer, and then an almost violent hug.
"Yes yes yes yes yes!" Emma cried. "Please do it, please! What does Robin think?"
Regina bit her lip. "I haven't told him yet. I'm sure he'll hate the idea at first, but he'll come around. And then he'll want to invest."
"Shouldn't he?"
Regina sighed. "I want this to be mine. He has his company, his money… I have something my father left me, it won't last forever but it's enough to pay for a property…"
"It sounds amazing, it really does," Emma said. "And I'd love for you to move back. I miss you…"
"Emma, we see each other at least every fortnight, usually more."
Emma made a face. "I'm used to seeing you every day."
Regina settled into a more comfortable position in Emma's arms. "I know," she said quietly. She opened her mouth to say something else, but as always, she stopped before she had even worded the comment in her mind. There were places she and Emma did not speak of, places that had been forbidden for so many years it was no use mentioning them now.
BREAK
"We're too old for sleepovers," Regina complained, picking disdainfully at the corner of the pink invitation in her hand.
Emma examined her own invite. "But it's at the Misthaven mansion!"
Regina sniffed. "That house is far too ostentatious."
"Whatever, you're just jealous that their house has seven bathrooms and yours only has six. If you're interested, by the way, my house has one bathroom and Mrs Blanchard takes so long in the shower every morning I know for a fact I'm not the only one that's resorted to peeing in the kitchen sink!"
Regina gasped. "I eat in that kitchen!" she protested, but they were both giggling.
"What's the big joke?" Ruby asked, sauntering up to them. "Is it that even Swan got an invite? Wow, Elsa's really into this inclusive bullshit, isn't she?"
"Shut up, Rubes," Regina said, even though the joke had been clear. Emma felt a strange kind of warmth buzz in her chest as Regina defended her.
"Whatever," Ruby said, the criticism rolling off her. "Are you guys going?"
Regina pursed her lips. "Em, do you want to?" she asked in the end.
Emma smiled cautiously. Regina wondered how she'd ever thought of Emma as confident; the blonde was continuously reserved, and seemed incredibly preoccupied with what other people thought and wanted.
"It might be fun," Emma said, trying to sound like she didn't really care.
"I guess we can make an appearance," Regina said, partly just to see those green eyes glitter.
The party rolled around, Regina lied about a study group, Emma persuaded her foster mother that parents, even young, fun ones, were not welcome, Ruby snuck out past her deaf grandmother, and they strode into Elsa's mansion feeling entirely grown up at seventeen, and completely on top of the world.
Emma had been drunk before, and Ruby and Regina had at least tasted alcohol, but the levels of merriment at the Misthaven party were a new experience. They danced, they buzzed, they sang karaoke, they gossiped about boys, they raced around the castle-like home… Regina and Emma ended up sitting on a balcony, breathing in the cool night air, thinking back over the past year. Their junior year. After the summer they'd be seniors, and then they'd be adults and go to college and get married and get jobs and have lives…
"I can't wait to get out of here," Emma lied, her fingers entwining with Regina's.
"You don't have to run forever, you know," Regina said. "Not any more."
Emma took a deep breath. Regina passed her the cigarette they were sharing; she inhaled the smoke until she felt it lighten her head.
"You think they really love me?" Emma asked.
"I know I do," Regina said without thinking. Emma had meant the Blanchards, her foster family, but Regina couldn't speak for them. In the moment, she'd said the only thing that made sense, but now, as she took back the cigarette with a shaking hand, she wondered if it had been a terrible mistake. What if Emma took her confession for something other than what it truly was.
Or worse, what if she didn't?
"I love you too," Emma said in a whisper so quiet it was almost swallowed by the night sky.
Regina put out the cigarette and let it fall to the ornamental garden beneath them. When she looked up from watching it, Emma's face was tantalisingly close to hers. She started, jerking away involuntarily.
"Your hair is a mess!" she announced suddenly, blurting out the first stupid thing that came into her head.
Emma stared, bemused. Had she misread it? Had Regina meant just as friends?
"You cannot possibly go to sleep like that," Regina continued. "I will braid it for you."
Emma decided it would be pointless to mention that she'd gone to sleep with messy hair just fine every single other night of her life. She followed Regina inside; they were in a bedroom. They stared at each other, desperately awkward, until Emma bounced onto the bed, grinned widely, and turned to her best friend.
"Well, don't leave a girl hanging! You said you were gonna braid my hair - get to it!"
Regina stood, stranded, for another few seconds, wondering what the hell was going on, but then she got her act together, knelt on the bed behind Emma, and began combing her fingers through long, gold tangles.
Emma tried not to moan with pleasure as Regina's gentle caresses sent tingles through her scalp, and then somehow her whole body. They could hear each other's breathing, feel the warmth of each other's bodies, feel the tension in the room building irrevocably.
The braid was finished all too soon. Emma felt Regina's hands still and wondered how she could possibly prolong the interaction. She'd thought, when Regina moved away, that the other girl hadn't felt the same, hadn't meant the same thing when she said she loved her, but the way they were when they were together, the way she was breathing, the way her dark eyes were black with the need Emma knew was reflected in her own-
"I have to do yours!" she said suddenly. Regina touched her long brown ponytail.
"Mine?"
"Yeah, yours. You braided my hair, I should braid yours."
"But I can braid my own hair.""It's not the same. Come on." Regina allowed Emma to switch their positions, but she turned, looking at Emma over her shoulder.
"Do you even know how to braid hair?" she asked incredulously.
"Nope," Emma said with a smile. "But you're going to teach me. And don't pretend you won't enjoy it, I know how you love bossing me around."
BREAK
A/N: I came back! Thoughts, feelings, ideas..?
