Chapter 2
A few weeks after that incident, I hardly ever saw him in the laboratory, apart from when Professor Oak was talking to us about our progress with our respective research projects. Even now, when we're this apart, I can't help but to worry for him, it's something I've always done.
He was such a troublemaker when we were younger, I always worried for him, especially since he seemed to like climbing trees and easily got into trouble. After getting our Pokémon, and starting our travels, there would be times where I worried for his well-being and would be so relieved when we came across each other on our travels, and he seemed to be doing very well. And of course, getting into a battle soon after meeting.
I know that I don't need to worry for him, that he can take care of himself and his team. Much better than he did in the past, that he's an experienced trainer. But I can't help but to worry for him. 'Is everyone alright?', 'Is HE alright?', these questions plagued my mind at times, along with how he looked at me during the Incident. How I long to clear the doubts I have, and yet, that look he sent to me back then, to this day, and how I realised that this love of mine, it will never be reciprocated. I wonder why I do this, and hurt myself more and more each day.
It's on days like this where I immerse myself in work, just focusing on what is in front of me and trying to forget that small, throbbing pain in my chest, as well as that small, niggling thought at the back of my head. As I was scribbling furiously on my papers, a pencil suddenly tapped on my desk. I looked up, and saw Daisy. "You alright, Leaf?", she asked.
"I'm fine", I lied, in the end, I always do. She looked at me worriedly before just sighing and petting my head. "Everything will eventually work out", she said, as she left, but that only left me to worry about what she might have been planning. She always did have something up her sleeve.
The days after that exchange I spent focusing on the work I have in my in-tray, and when he does return, I'm up to my eyes in paperwork and am too busy to even recognize him. At least, until he comes by my desk, taking some of the paperwork, ugh - logistics, to finish. But still, each time he does, I feel a flicker of hope in my traitorous heart, before snapping out of it and focusing on my work instead.
I can feel it – those concerned glances the Professor and Daisy keep sending my way, I had been spending more nights in the Lab after all. And then he stopped coming by for a week after he helped with the paperwork for auditing, being busy with his gym leader position. It is both a relief and a disappointment. At least that was how I felt, until I saw a dark shape on the pantry couch a few nights later.
It was Blue, napping. I smiled sadly, thinking of what he must have done to get himself this exhausted. Turning to the mugs, I made two cups of coffee, and left them on the small coffee table before I sat next to him. He was so close, and he wouldn't know the pain I went through for him. I reached out, and brushed his hair with my fingers, then that scene played itself in my mind again, and I snatched my hand back, holding it to my chest, feeling a warmth settle on my cheeks. Quickly, I took my cup of coffee, and left the pantry, but not before casting his sleeping figure another glance. That night, the image of him peacefully sleeping played itself when I tried to sleep, futile though it was. That night, I cried myself to sleep.
Why do I always think and dare to hope, even after all these years, there is a chance that he might reciprocate these fruitless feelings of mine, I pondered, as I knelt on the ground, leaning against Venusaur, with Pikachu curled up beside me, as my team and I had our picnic on the empty lot en route to Cinnabar Island. With Lapras playing in the water near the shore, Fearow just taking a good flight. And Nidoqueen basking in the sun, as Pikachu curled in my lap. It was peaceful, it was the type of day that made you want to sleep, and to dream, to relax and just be, thus, a vacation was in order. To try and get away from Pallet town, to just rest, and not think about my aching heart, about work, and spend time with my dear comrades, my friends who fought alongside me and just enjoy.
It was pleasant, to not have that weight hanging down on my heart, and to just take joy in the warm sunlight on my skin, the salt in the air, the sound of the waves and the gentle breezes. When did I last feel so free, free from the same emotions that threaten to break me every time I think of him, free from the town and feeling the breeze? Though one of the reasons why I was so willing to step forth on my adventure, on this rite of passage, was because I wanted him to notice me, to stop insulting me, to prove to him that I was better, though it didn't play out the way I had so foolishly dreamed. But, I made irreplaceable partners who accompanied me on my journey, and stayed with me even after that, I saw more of this world. It was more than enough, and I was content with that.
I can still remember that day in the lab, where Professor Oak stood there, offering me my Pokémon. I was so nervous, meeting my partner for the first time. I looked at the one ball resting on the table, my eventual partner, when his hands grasped the Pokéball, and opened the catch, letting Eevee out in all his glory. Eevee was receptive to me, but was attached to him, and that look in his eyes as he declared himself my rival, that made my blood boil then, when I was still free with him, where I didn't have to care. Perhaps the Professor noticed, and he offered me Pikachu instead, who became my Pikachu, my sweet, impish little Pikachu.
Perhaps he chose Eevee then, to show me the fatalities of my hesitance, to snub me. When I met his eyes after our first battle, there was a strange thump I felt, and I could feel something warm settle onto my cheeks for a moment, before he rushed off on his adventure, and I too, left for my journey.
Throughout the entire journey, we came across each other several times, mostly challenging the other to a battle, to gauge how much stronger the other has become, and for me, a chance to see that he was well. However, there is one occasion that will forever be etched into my mind.
I had gone to Lavender Tower, despite the shivers that ran freely up and down my spine at the mere thought of it. I had heard that Team Rocket was poaching the wild Cubone at the area for their skulls, and that Mr Fuji, an elderly man who looked after the orphaned Pokémon went to give them a piece of his mind. Knowing what Rocket was capable of, and the flames of anger spurring me to action, I took off to the tower.
On my way up the tower, I saw him, standing in front of the grave, staring at it fixatedly. His posture seemed so tired, his arms trembling. I knew something was wrong with him, but the moment I approached him, his face flushed with anger and tears were in his eyes as he lashed out at me, before storming off. Back then, I saw the grave marker, and understood why he was upset. I understood that he was in pain, and he needed time alone, so I continued up the tower.
Only later did I find out what happened – It was my fault. I was different in my youth, my battling style was much more brutal, relying more on brute strength to power my way through everything and a more aggressive team, each move more aggressive than the last, not caring how damaged my opponent would be after the battle. In my horror, I apologised to my team, and reshuffled them, or their move sets. I trained to be more of a straight-forward attacker, deal damage to knock-out and incapacitate the opponent, rather than going for prolonged status effects, especially like poison. I talked and ensured that my opponents could heal their team, helping them if they couldn't – which was hardly ever.
Resting against Venasaur, I watched the sun slowly set, before gathering everyone back into their Pokéballs, before we proceeded home. As I sat on Lapras' back on the short surf home, I wished on a star that perhaps tomorrow, or at least someday, I can learn to move on from this.
The title of Champion was a hold-over from the older days when peace was a rarity, and the years were regularly interspersed with war and hence the Challenge was used to entice trainers to sign on as soldiers – by taking the first badge, one signs that they are willing to defend their country when the time calls for it and that the badges were used to determine the strength of the soldiers and the Champion was the Captain-Commander, leader of the troops, and hence had to do all relevant paperwork. It was rather difficult for a child to defeat the Champion, and those who did had the necessary logistical mindset and strategic thinking needed for the position.
Thus, I spent the next day in the League finishing up some of the paperwork (Agatha wanted to retire, Lorelei wanted to leave for her hometown and qualified replacements had to be found), when the management approached me with some rather interesting suggestions to add onto my leaving of the league, apart from going out to do a field study at one of the most dangerous places in the world – Mt. Silver. And truth be told, their offer was tempting.
As I sat on the roof, I pondered about it, though I knew I would accept it. Carrying out research at one of the most dangerous areas in both the Kanto and Johto regions, while bettering myself and my team, simultaneously serving as the new target to beat – and I had been craving a decent battle outside the other gym leaders or the Elite 4; or so I would say to anyone who would ask me about it later on. The amount they were offering would put my mother in comfort for years, and that would ease my worries about leaving her in Pallet town whilst I was up that mountain. Furthermore, it would send my name out to the world, and maybe THAT MAN would hear of it and regret.
But, in my heart, I knew what else I was doing: being a coward. Why else would I choose leave my home, everyone, to go to Mt. Silver and stay there for a much longer period than I had originally planned? I couldn't face him anymore. Not with this hole in my hearts that seems to throb and ache each time I see him. Not while I could feel the guilt of taking his dream, and killing one of his earliest team members? Granted, I was going there to continue my research, as well as at the behest of the Pokémon League, who believe that by placing me in a hard-to-reach position might encourage more trainers to take up the Pokémon League Challenge. But, it would hurt less when I'm not around him. Hopefully I won't have to feel that stabbing pain I feel when he looks at me, and all I can remember are his eyes like daggers, piercing me. Hopefully, I could move on.
When the Professor announced my decision to the rest of the research team, I could feel his gaze burning through me, but I returned his look with my own, answering any questions his eyes asked. His face was blank, and his eyes, they were sharper than I had ever seen them.
Later, when I went to the pantry, he was there, by the coffee machine. As I poured for myself a cup of that dark, bitter ambrosia, he said, "Up for a battle?" I was shocked, as we haven't battled each other for a long time. Though trepidation crept upon me, and a shiver ran down my spine, the slight flame ignited itself in my heart, the urge to battle, and before I knew what had happened, and because I could never say no to anything he asked within reason, I was leading the way to the arena in the fields within yelling distance of the lab, remembering to drag a first aid kit with us.
And so, we fell back into the rhythm we had when we battled each other. After the match, he stood his ground, his eyes staring at me. I could feel the intensity of it, and it set my heart drumming away. I turned away, pretending to dust my skirt, before he spoke to me. "Why?", he asked, but I couldn't turn to face him. I didn't answer, checking on the condition of my Pokémon instead and left him there alone.
A/N: Apparently I forgot this important detail. DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT IN, ANY WAY, OWN THE CHARACTERS NOR GAIN ANY PROFIT FROM THE WORKS OF POKEMON, apart from entertainment value of playing the game and writing fanfiction. Also, all characters and incidences in this work are purely fictional.
I would like to thank all my readers, the traffic, follows, favourites and review go a long way to boost my confidence in continuing this story. Now that we've put her up the mountain and set the premise for gen2, G/S/C/HG/SS, we've got to get her down. Now, I've written the draft until then, but after that is still a blur to me, so any feedback would be appreciated. If not, I'm more likely to make the angst a prolonged thing. Really, my friend who used to beta-read this work for me refuses to read it anymore because my scenarios were so chock full of angst, she couldn't take it. Also, my schedule is irregular, and this will reflect on my updates. I try not to update one chapter unless I have the story worked out for the next 3 or so. This allows me to be able to make minor edits that will/might be crucial later on in this story. Also, I might delay the updating even further, pending the new installment of the series. Or not, since it might take a long while for me to update normally already...
