She awoke sore and stiff, her face dry and raw from tears. She sat up slowly, looking around to see that she was in her room, on her cot, her shoes taken off and set neatly on the ground. She was empty inside. It found her with a strange sensation of nothingness, like her heart was all washed out, like she had no tears left to cry. Like Margaret Houlihan died with Hawkeye, and there was nothing left but a shell of a woman with wispy blonde hair that fell in strands across her tear stained, haunted face.
BJ hadn't been there. BJ hadn't held him in his last moments. No one had. She herself had finished giving him his medication, and then she left. He simply fell asleep and never woke up. Hawkeye Pierce was dead.
She felt an overwhelming wave of nausea at the thought and just barely made it to the wastebasket in time. When she was done emptying her stomach of its meager contents, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and stumbled to the door. It was morning now- she must have slept through the night. She walked aimlessly like a ghost through the camp, floating around on emptiness before a touch dragged her back to earth. She looked to see nurse Kelleye with a gentle hand on her arm, round face somber.
"Major? Are you alright? I'm sorry nobody was with you when you woke up, we've been…" She swallowed, "busy. Let's go get some breakfast, ok?"
Margaret found with odd fascination that she could not speak. Her voice wasn't lost, she knew because her throat felt fine. She just couldn't talk. It was the strangest thing. So, she nodded numbly and allowed Kelleye to guide her to the mess tent with a calming hand on her back. She wondered what they'd done with Hawkeye's body.
Everybody peered up, some with red, puffy faces, as Margaret entered the room. Kelleye silenced them all with a look, though, as they walked in.
"Here, Major, let's get you something to eat." Kelleye murmured softly, sitting Margaret down at a table before returning with a tray of food. In truth, she wasn't hungry. She felt rather full, actually, like she could go without eating for a thousand years.
Kelleye sighed after a few minutes of silence, noticing everybody was still staring with concern etched in their faces. "Oh, Margaret… We're all broken hearted. It's… It's going to be ok, though, I promise." A few nurses stifled sobs, and even some doctors had tears cascading down their faces.
"Where's BJ?" Her voice surprised her, scratchy and hollow, like an old woman's. It was foreign to her.
"He got back about five hours ago," Kelleye answered softly, wiping a tear from her eye.
At the mention of BJ, everybody was sent into a new wave of crying. Margaret didn't have to wonder why. "And the body?" She rasped. She didn't even care anymore. Why should a ghost feel?
Kelleye's eyes widened in sorrow and horror as she looked away, avoiding her superior's gaze. "Captain Hunnicutt is still with him…"
