Q. How come Alice and Jasper can affect Bella with their supernatural powers, but Edward and Aro and Jane can't?

I didn't put much thought into the writing of new moon, and in fact I woke up from a massive acid trip one day and found that I had finished the story whilst high. Don't bring up any of the inconsistencies, they're too numerous to number.

Q. Was Edward somehow psychically connected to Bella with the whole hearing-voices thing?

Nope, Bella was just developing paranoid schizophrenia. She's just lucky that she wasn't visited by a demonic rabbit called Frank.

Q. What did Edward break in the living room after the vote?

Bella's virginity… JOKES!

Q. What happened to Lauren's hair?

It magically disappeared as she slept, and was made by a bunch of elves into a lovely new sweater for her to wear… WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK HAPPENED TO IT, SHE CUT IT OFF.

Q. Why did Edward leave? WHY?

Because he got bored of Bella's one track mind. And her clinginess. And her shit taste in music. And her inability to do anything interesting. And her whorish tendencies. And the fact that I decided to show the world just how weak she really was.

Q. What kind of flower is that on the cover, and what does it mean?

It's a prettiful flower that I found on Google images. Why is it that you wanker fangirls can't just take something at fact value? Are you trying to quantify your failed lives by reading too far into everything? Is that it?

Q. What does the title refer to? Is it a werewolf reference?

See my previous answer, but substitute the first sentence for 'it's a random pair of words that I though echoed with profundity that I could never think up myself.'

Q. How far along are you on Eclipse? Midnight Sun?

Go to your local bookstore and find out. Duhh.