Title: Miscellanea
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Sir Felix and Bertram belong to me.
Summary: A collection of stories.

A/N: This should have a warning but it is hard to give one without ruining the storyline. However, this story may upset and contains reference to bereavement.


In which an observation of our friends in London is made.

"Oh, Dobson's has new bonnets in!" Mrs Amelia Waterford exclaimed as she looked at a shop window.

"I have seen better," Mrs Catherine Calder said with a look of indifference.

"Oh Kitty dear, we do not all have rich husbands like yourself," Mrs Waterford replied. "We cannot afford better."

"It is nothing to do with money," Mrs Calder said with a shrug. "They are poorly made up for an establishment in Town. I have made ones superior to those and I do not claim to be a milliner. You had much better create your own."

"I think they are pretty," Miss Clarissa Cole put in. She was the younger sister of Mrs Waterford.

"You think every bonnet you see in London pretty," Mrs Waterford told her. She found her sister too rusticated now she had married and moved to London. "Even that turban we saw at the assembly."

"Those things are dreadful," Mrs Calder said. "I had to persuade my mother against one. I know one's hair should be covered once you are married but there are limits." Her censure of turbans was partly down to envy. She had attempted one herself as she liked to be fashionable. It did not suit her and Mr Calder had laughed far too much when he has seen it.

"They are supposed to be à la mode," Mrs Waterford said, pleased to be able to show off her French and her knowledge of fashion. She was one year older than Mrs Calder was and three years older than her sister so was determined to show that.

"I still do not like them," Mrs Calder said.

"Show me how to make up a bonnet, Mrs Calder," Miss Cole said. She had not been paying much attention to her sister who had put on many airs since her marriage.

"You know how to, Clarissa," Mrs Waterford said.

"Yes but they always look strange," Miss Cole complained. "I cannot do it even with many years practice."

"I will if you want," Mrs Calder said. "We should do that one day!" she exclaimed after sudden inspiration. "We can have a bonnet-making party."

"Yes, let us!" Miss Cole said joyfully. "I should like that very much."

"It is a nice idea," Mrs Waterford said, subtlety dismissive. She counted Mrs Calder amongst her closest friends but that did not mean she was not jealous that her friend always had the most compliments on her bonnets. She did not need her help though and was not going to put herself in any situation that might encourage it. "Now, you may not like the bonnets on offer, Kitty, but is there not a fine range of ribbon."

"Yes," Mrs Calder said. "See that turquoise, Amelia. I think it will trim your new dress very nicely."

"I know," Mrs Waterford said. "I have already done so. Will your new dress be ready for the assembly three days hence?"

"No for a mistake had been made," Mrs Calder complained. "The sleeves were cut incorrectly. They somehow made my arms look twice the size."

"A pity," Mrs Waterford said. "It is an attractive cloth."

"I liked the dress you wore at the assembly a few days ago," Miss Cole added. "It is a similar cloth, is it not?"

"Almost but my new dress was to be thinner as it is getting warmer," Kitty said. "I am finding myself very flushed after dancing. I need something cooler."

"That is why I tell Mr Waterford that we are not standing up for every dance," Mrs Waterford said. "I think he wants me to be red in the face for he insists on dancing when it is too warm. Are we done here?"

"Yes," Mrs Calder said. "I will only buy more ribbon if we stay longer. There are only so many shades of blue you can have after all."


"Have you been spending my money again," Bertram teased as his wife came into the room laden with packages.

"You said it was our money now," she reminded him. "And it is only little things." She opened one of the packages, "Look at this lace, Bertie. I have no clue how to use it as it would be a shame to turn it into something that is rarely seen.

"Use it to trim your nightgown," Bertram suggested with a grin.

"No, it would be a waste of good lace," she dismissed. "Only you would see it then. It begs to be shown off in company."

"Stick on a bonnet," he said.

"That is why you are not a women," she told him. "That would ruin it. I will think of a purpose. Now, I will put these things away and then come back down," she kissed him and went.

He smiled and turned back to the ledger he had been looking at before she returned. He was not getting very far and for every minute spend working another ten had been wasted by staring into space. He did not know how his brother could devote so many hours to his ledgers. He was glad he only did it once a week. He believed that any more time spent on them would send him to Bedlam. It was much better to think about nonsense.

"BERTIE!"

Bertram was brought of out his daydreaming into full alertness at his wife's anguished cry. He rushed up the stairs and stood stock still in the doorway of their bedroom as he found his wife with a patch of red on her dress. "Please tell me that is red ink," he said, it was the only thing he could think to say.

She shook her head and gave a sob. "What is happening to me?" Bertram hurried to her side and held her to him.

"Is it coming from…your area?" he asked hesitantly then cursed himself. This was no time for euphemisms.

She nodded, "I bent down to put something away and then there was this awful pain. What is it?" she asked desperately. She had never experienced anything like this before. Menstruation for her was rarely severe or painful. "My courses are not due until…" she then realised she had no idea when they were due, she had been so busy recently that she could not recall the last time.

"I do not know," Bertram said helplessly. "I will send for the doctor." He said and walked her to the bed. He laid her down and kissed the top of her head. He went to the door and stopped a servant. "Send for a doctor. Mrs Calder is ill." When he returned to her he took hold of her hand and gently stroked her hair. "How do you feel, Kitty?"

She weakly smiled at him, he looked so concerned, but then grimaced. "It hurts again," she whimpered and he took her in his arms. He had no idea what to do. His wife was suffering and he could not think of a thing to help her. He went to let go of her but she resisted. "No. Stay here. The servant can bring the doctor when he comes."

"I love you," Bertram said as he gently kissed her. "You will be fine. I wish I could do more."

"Your presence helps, Bertie," she told him. She had no idea what was happening to her and had never been so scared but he was there and she always felt safe in his arms. "Do not leave."

"I will have to when the doctor comes," he told her regretfully.

"I know but he is not come yet," she said suddenly feeling tired despite the pain.

"Dr Fox," they were disturbed as a servant announced the doctor.

"Mr Calder," Dr Fox said.

"Yes," Bertram released Kitty and stood up. "She is bleeding, doctor, from below and there is pain," he informed Fox.

"Thank you," he said. "I am afraid I will have to ask you to leave. Have you a maid?"

"I understand," Bertram said even though he was reluctant to go. "Sophie, assist the doctor," he said to the maid that he had seen hovering by the doorway. He turned to Kitty and squeezed her hand. "I will be back as soon as he lets me." Kitty nodded and Bertram left with one last concerned look towards his wife.

He went down to the sitting room and started to pace. He had never considered the possibility of Kitty becoming ill. They were young and healthy. What if he lost her? He did not know what could be afflicting her but there was blood and pain involved so it had to be serious. He sat in one of the chairs and waited for the doctor. Hopefully Fox would know what was happening to Kitty and that it could be easily treated. Then Kitty could rest and everything would be fine. It had to be because they were both far too young to be widowed. A few days rest and she would surely be herself again. That had to be the only outcome. Maybe Kitty was having a bad attack of her womanly troubles and it would be over soon. That usually involved pain and blood so maybe it was just a little more intense this time. They could cope with that. He would just hold her when it hurt and hope it would help. Yes, that is what it was. Kitty would be fine soon enough.

Bertram stood up when Dr Fox entered after what seemed like hours. "Well?"

"I am sorry," he said and shook his head. "I was unable to save the baby."

"Is Kitty in any danger?" he asked anxiously. What the doctor had said then registered. "What was that?"

"I was unable to prevent your wife from miscarrying," the doctor told him. Bertram stared at him in shock. "You did not know?"

"I-I-well, no," he stammered. "No. No." He could not believe it. He had not even considered the possibility though now it all made sense with the bleeding and the pain. "Will Mrs Calder have known?"

"Your wife was only partly conscious once I was treating her," Fox replied. "She was unaware of anything I said to the servant assisting me. It is probable she did not."

Bertram struggled to understand what the doctor was saying. Had he been alone he would have pinched himself to see if he was not in a dream, or rather a nightmare. "Is my wife unharmed?"

"Mrs Calder will be fine after a rest," the doctor said reassuringly. "There is no damage though a little shock has occurred. A few days bedridden and she will be recovered."

"Physically, I suppose you mean," Bertram said. "She has lost a baby after all. Should we have know?" he asked. He knew he was inexperienced in these matter but he had always believed it was obvious when somebody was expecting but then what would he know. He could not recall ever spending much time in the presence of a pregnant woman.

"It depends. Your servant said she has been sick," Fox replied.

"Yes that is true but I thought it was our new cook," Bertram said with a frown. "I was suffering myself for a few days. I just thought my wife was taking longer to recover. I cannot believe I did not realise she was pregnant."

"You are not the only one it has happened to," Dr Fox told him. "I had a female patient who was almost ready to give birth before it was realised."

"It is no excuse. I am supposed to look after Kitty," he sighed. "Will it happen again?"

"I could not tell you. I do not know why it happened this time, your wife is perfectly healthy in other respects and more than capable of bearing children," he told him. "I can tell you that I have known many women have children after such an episode as this."

"That does not comfort me at present knowing we have lost one child," Bertram said sadly. "But thank you for your help all the same. Kitty is safe and that is all I can manage to deal with at the moment."

The doctor shook his hand. "I shall come again tomorrow to see how the patient is progressing. I will see myself out."

Bertram nodded. Once Fox had gone he sighed. He had no idea how he was going to break the news to Kitty. It was hard enough for him to accept himself without having to say it aloud, which would make it horribly real. Whatever happened, though, he was determined not to let Kitty blame herself. If anyone was at fault it was himself as it was his duty to protect his family.


Kitty awoke to find her husband sat at the bedside, "Have you been there long?" she asked. He gave a small smile but did not say anything. She had never seen him look so serious. "What is it? What did the doctor say?"

"Oh Kitty," Bertram said.

"What? What is wrong with me?" she asked, panicked by his sombre face.

"Nothing as such now but you-you…had a miscarriage," he told her with difficulty.

"I was pregnant?" she asked in disbelief. He nodded silently, biting his lip. "Was pregnant." It was starting to register what he had said. "I was pregnant. Oh! We were going to have a child but…not anymore." She had never felt as astounded as this. "Bertie? How did I not know?"

"It was as much as a shock to me," he told her. "I still do not know what to think to it. The doctor says you need to rest for a few days."

"I was pregnant," she said again. It did not seem real.

Bertram stood up and joined her on the bed. He took her in his arms.

"You are in your nightshirt," she realised. "What time is it?"

"After ten at night," he replied. "You have been asleep for most of the day." He had hardly left her bedside once the doctor had gone. He wanted to be there when she woke up.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"I do not know. I did not realise I was soon to be a father when I awoke this morning and I am not to be one now but something of great importance happened today in relation to it," he replied. "I feel very confused, Kitty. I am just relieved you are not in any danger now."

"I still cannot believe I was with child," she said. "I had no suspicions at all. Not even in the slightest."

He sighed. "It had been my constant thought since the doctor told me but I am no closer to understanding it."

"Why did I not realise?" she asked in desperation. "Maybe I did something I should not have done when pregnant and that is why we lost it."

"You have not, Kitty," he told her. "You must not blame yourself. I should be protecting you."

"I always feel safe with you, Bertie," she said. "Do not worry that you have been neglectful. You will never be."

"I felt helpless this morning," he said. "I never want to experience that feeling again."

"Then how are you going to be in the future when I give birth," she said. "It does not matter anyway because you still there when I needed.

He kissed the top of her head. "I did not want to leave you."

"I know but you are here now," Kitty replied, clinging onto his chest. "I am glad you are not banished from the room."

"I would have ignored it anyway," he said. He lay down and she settled so she was as close to him as possible. "You do not need me in the next room, you need me here."

"I am glad you are my husband," she said as she fell asleep again. "I could not have married a better man."


"Sir?" Marsden found his master sat at the window in the sitting room just staring out onto the road. He had his knees against his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. It was the day after and Kitty still needed rest according to the doctor when he had visited. "You are in here then."

"Yes, Tommy," Bertram replied briefly looking up. "You have suddenly become very formal addressing me as 'sir'."

"I reckoned I had to start showing some respect now," Marsden replied. Joking aside he had noticed a change in Bertram in the past day. There was a new seriousness about him. "Maybe soon I will become 'Marsden'."

"Yes," Bertram said then sighed. "I am not in a very light-hearted mood, I am afraid, though I appreciate your attempts to tease."

Marsden nodded. "Mrs Calder is asleep, Sophie says, and I have told the servants that they are to admit no visitors." It was obvious to him that the master wished to see nobody at present and Mrs Calder could not.

"Thank you," Bertram said. "I have written Mr and Mrs Bingley, however, so do not turn them away."

"Understood," Marsden replied. "You would have made a fine father."

"Thank you, Tommy, but that is not what I fancy hearing at present," Bertram said with a sad smile. "I am afraid it is only a reminder of what has been lost." Whether he would have made a good father was of no consequence now. The opportunity had been destroyed and he did not want to think upon the matter. He was scared the miscarriage had happened because God had decided he was not made for fatherhood.

"My mother lost a few babies but there is still enough of us," Marsden told him, hoping it would offer some consolation. He was one of the surviving twelve and it was only age that stopped Mrs Marsden from producing more. "I am sure this was not your only chance."

"I know," Bertram said. "Tommy, could you please leave me now. I need time to think."

"Of course," Marsden bowed.


"Bertram?" Charles Bingley stuck his head into the sitting room. Bertram was still sat at the window where Marsden had left him earlier. He had not moved since then, not even to find food, which would worry Kitty when she found out. He usually hated missing meals.

"Charles," Bertram looked up and put down the cushion he had been hugging.

"How do you feel?" Bingley said as he came over to join him. He had never seen his friend this subdued. It was an unsettling experience for him and he was sure it was so abnormal that he would start seeing horses with two heads and cats that talked.

"I am beginning to realise what we have lost," he replied then noticed he had managed to pull the tassels off the cushion in his brooding. "Oh dear," he muttered. "Is Mrs Bingley with my wife?"

"Yes," Bingley replied.

"I am a stupid idiot, Charles," Bertram said harshly. "What sort of man does not realise his wife is with child? I am supposed to protect her," he looked away and dug his nails in the seat, "and our children."

"To be fair, Bertram, I only knew about Jane when the doctor told me," Bingley said. "We are not telepathic."

"Yes but Kitty was sick every morning for nearly two weeks," Bertram told him bitterly. "And I put it down to bad food. I am obtuse. I hope she is never seriously ill. She would probably be dead before I noticed."

"Bertram!" Bingley sounded horrified as his friend's bluntness. "You know it is not so. I have always thought you to be an attentive husband."

"No, I have just been fortunate that marriage so far has been fun," he said. "Now it has become serious and I am too childish to manage. Poor Kitty."

"I think that realisation is a common occurrence," Bingley told him. "I know I only believed marriage to be full of pleasures at first."

"I just wished I had known she was pregnant," Bertram said with a sigh. "We went to an assembly a few days ago. We spent the evening dancing. If I had known…" he trailed off.

"I believe it is safe to dance at first," Bingley told him trying to be reassuring. "At least I presume so. It never harmed Jane when she was having Thomas." Or indeed now but he did not think it was an appropriate time to announce they were expecting another little arrival in the new year. Although, now he wondered whether it was safe and decided to tell Jane his concerns.

"I cannot believe we were nearly parents. I mean, a little baby, Charles," he stared at the oak panelling of the window frame and then at Bingley with a humourless smile. "I suppose I should not be surprised given how active in the bedroom we are. It is not fair, Charles."

"I have no answer to that," Bingley said.

"I do not expect you to," Bertram replied. "The doctor had no real answer either. He could not even tell us whether it will happen again. The next time Kitty is expecting I will ensure she will never overdo it. I can do that at least. I do not know what we would do if it happened again."

"Have you told our family?" Bingley asked.

"I have written Felix but nobody else yet," Bertram replied. He had sent a message to his brother even before sending one to the Bingleys. He had told Sir Felix not to come to London but even writing the letter had helped him. He knew his brother would send him something consoling in return and that was enough. "I would not know where to start and I have to confess I would find it difficult to cope with Mrs Bennet's presence. I think she would be overwhelming with her concern. I am slightly comforted by the fact we did not even know Kitty was pregnant. At least we do not have to explain to people where the baby went. We simply will not tell our friend in Town unless Kitty wishes to confide in those with which she is more intimate. That way it will be easier to get over."

"Mrs Bingley and myself are here whenever you need," Bingley told him.

"I know, Charles, and I would like to thank you in advance," Bertram said. "And I am glad Mrs Bingley will be there for Kitty. She is in need of her sister."


"Jane?" Kitty sat up as her sister entered the room.

"Oh Kitty," Jane quickly crossed the room and embraced her sister. "My poor Kitty."

"I am glad you are here, Jane," Kitty told her. She had longed for her sister to come all day and was thankful she was in London and not at Brisden. She was sure she would not be able to cope if they had been alone in London.

"We came as soon as we could," Jane told her. "Mr Bingley is with Mr Calder. How is he?"

"He has never been so serious and quiet," Kitty replied. "But he is loving and I would not survive without him."

"And how are you?" Jane asked her.

"Terrified, Jane," Kitty replied. "I did not know I was pregnant. There was new life within me and I did not realise. Why? What if it happens again?"

"How far along were you?" Jane asked.

"Two months at the most, the doctor said," Kitty replied.

"Then that is why," Jane reassured her. "When I was pregnant with Thomas I did not know until after three months and it was the same for Lizzy." However, she did not want to tell her they had known much sooner this time. She could not even bring herself to tell her sister she was pregnant. It seemed too cruel. "You would have known soon enough."

"If I had not lost it," Kitty said. "Jane, I feel so guilty. I have lost Bertram's child. I am scared he will hate me for that."

"Kitty, I do not think you husband is capable of feeling that towards you," Jane said. "Has he said as such?"

"No, it has been the opposite actually," she said. "He begs me not to blame myself. I just worry that he will not feel that way in the future. Maybe that was our only chance."

"No, Kitty, you will have children. I am sure of it," Jane decided. "You are not yet twenty after all."

"I had forgotten that," Kitty said with a sigh. "I feel old suddenly."

"That will not do at your age," Jane smiled. "For it will make me very old."

"It has not aged Bertram though," Kitty said. She wanted to change the atmosphere. The whole house was very subdued at present. "He has simply turned into Sir Felix. I cannot say you would not recognise him instead just say you will think you are talking with the wrong Calder. I hope he does not stay this way."

"He will not," Jane said. "It is not his nature."

"I still cannot believe we were going to be parents, Jane," Kitty told her. "I do not know what to think to that. I am not exactly maternal but it does not frighten me to think I was to be a mother. I like the idea of Bertram as a father. When it happens I think we will enjoy it."

"I am very happy being a mother," Jane said, not realising she holding her stomach.

Kitty looked at her strangely, "Jane, are you with child?"

Jane sighed, "Yes. I hoped you would not find out just yet but yes. I did not want to make you sad by telling you."

"I am not upset," Kitty said. "I may find it hard in the future but I will never be jealous of you. I do not want any of our sisters to experience a miscarriage. I will be very happy if you have a healthy child."

"Thank you, Kitty," Jane replied. She felt relieved that Kitty had taken it well. "I wish we could have been pregnant together."

"Yes but I think in several months time when you look like a whale I may feel slightly relieved," Kitty said, smiling for the first time that day. She would always be sad that they had lost a child but maybe seeing an uncomfortable Jane will make her feel better. "I will not be so elephantine."

"Kitty!" Jane exclaimed but was pleased to see her sister more cheerful. "I was not that large with Thomas. Lizzy was bigger."

"Lizzy is not here to tease," Kitty said. "And it makes me feel better. I need not always feel so sad. I am glad you are here."


"Bertie," Kitty said. They were laid in bed and she had her head on his chest. She very much hoped the doctor would let her get up tomorrow even if it did not include leaving the room. "I have been thinking. We must not let this dominate our lives."

"How do you mean?" he asked.

"I do not like feeling like this," she replied. "It has only been a day but I cannot take it any longer. The servants are cautious around us, it is all so quiet and I feel cosseted. Jane did not even want to tell me she is with child for fear of upsetting me."

"Jane is pregnant?" Bertram queried. That was news to him. "Charles did not say anything."

"That is what I mean," Kitty said. "They have this happy news but are scared to share it. A few days ago we did not realise I was pregnant and we only did once I lost the baby. Why has it become a big issue?"

"You want to put it behind us then," he said.

"Yes. I do not want to seem callous though," she said. "I am not saying that we should forget but we cannot focus all our attention on something we did not know we had until it was gone."

He nodded, "I see what you mean. We need a memorial. Nothing big or obvious but something we can use as a small reminder. Maybe a small tree in the garden."

"I like that," she replied. "Then nobody but us will know what it signifies but we will still have something."

"As soon as you are well then we will buy one and plant it," he said. "From now until that day we will mourn but after that we will get on with our lives."

"I agree," she said. "I was also thinking that I want children now. After coming so close it has made me realise I would like to be a mother."

"I do admit losing the chance to be a father pained me more than I thought it would," he agreed. It had taken him by surprise but he did want a child.

"Then we should start trying properly," she decided. "Once I am well enough."

"We have certainly practiced enough," Bertram smiled. "But, yes, I am of the same opinion. When it happens, though, you are not to exert yourself in any way."

"I will not even try to," she told him. "I will take the opportunity to be justifiably lazy."


A few days later they stood in their garden. Bertram placed a small rose bush in the hole he had just dug and made sure it was securely planted.

"We do not have a name," Kitty said. "We do not know whether we were to have a son or a daughter."

"Then we are planting it for simply 'Little Calder'," he said. He put his arm round her in comfort.

"LC," she decided, "It will be known to us as just LC. That way it will be special only to you and I as we alone will know what it means."

"LC," Bertram sighed. "Then, LC, we are your parents. We may have been oblivious to your existence until you dramatically showed yourself and are now gone but we will still miss you. We will never forget you either. You made us realise many things and our marriage is stronger because of the heartache you put us though. Goodbye, our LC."

Kitty smiled sadly. It was just what she wanted to say but would never be able to put it like that. "Goodbye, our LC," she repeated and Bertram kissed her.

"Shall we call upon the Bingleys?" he asked and she nodded. "I think it is our turn to visit them and it is a pleasant afternoon. We could perhaps take a stroll in the park later as well."

"Yes, I have that new dress to show off after all," Kitty remarked.