Don't expect updates to keep coming this fast. They'll probably be pretty sporadic. And longer. This was pretty short.

Chapter One

Waking up is always a sucky experience. Unless you're some kind of freak, you probably don't like waking up. Waking up with a massive headache, sore everywhere, on the floor and with your body feeling much different than it did when you last you remember it, however, is much worse.

"Ugh, who drugged me," Alan muttered wearily. He sat up very slowly, wincing at the numerous aches that exploded all over his body, before looking around.

He was in an apartment, that much was clear. There was a TV, a small square table, a desk with a computer, and a mat and pillow that acted as a bed. He was smack dab in the middle of it all, lying face down on the wood floor only a ways away from the make-shift bed.

"What the hell... Where am I?" He said, before promptly shutting up. Making noise in a kidnappers house would probably be a bad idea. Or would it? The apartment was small, with only one other room which more than likely led to a bathroom, so only the most incompetent of kidnappers would not have heard him getting up.

He noticed the sores all over his body slowly beginning to fade. They weren't going to completely disappear for quite some time at this pace, but they were disappearing unusually fast. This thought prompted him to quickly look over his body.

A blue and white tracksuit covered most of it, but there were definitely a few unexpected differences. Like, per se, A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BODY!

"AHH!" Alan immediately shot up onto his feet, his mind working frantically to come up with some kind of explanation for his circumstances. That's when a completely different realization startled him.

"AHHH!" He should be dead. A monster attack was the last thing he remembered, and monsters aren't generally the types to spare others. Was this the afterlife? Was hell actually just the life of a middle-aged man? He didn't know much about that sort of life, but he heard it sucked!

Disregarding his previous worries about kidnappers, Alan rushed into the bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror.

Alan is many things. Awkward? Yep. Annoying? Sure. A failure as a hero? Sadly... A waste of space? Well, that's a bit rude, but you could probably argue that most people are wastes of space, so sure! But, if there is one thing Alan is most definitely not, it's bald. His old body had an excessive amount of that, actually.

For a few moments, he stared in complete disbelief. Who knew that one late night session of stargazing could mess your life up so bad? What was he even supposed to do? He'd never dealt with anything more than teenage drama, and waking up in the body of a bald middle-aged bald man wasn't something even heroes had to deal with! Unless, you know, they were middle-aged bald men.

You know what? He didn't have to deal with this. This was long since a problem he couldn't solve on his own, so there was only one logical course of action. He'd have to consult his parents!


Standing in front of his parent's house, he was starting to have second thoughts. He liked to think he was immune to the effects of awkward conversations or a good old-fashioned tongue lashing, having experienced those many times in his life, but there was a distinct wrongness in telling your parents you were their only son when, in reality, you possessed the body of someone with an age comparable to their own.

Hesitantly, he knocked. It was a gentle thing, really. In his old body, his knock would have produced so little noise nobody would have even heard it. In this body though, Alan watched with wide-eyes as the door flew off its hinges and shattered into pieces against the far wall.

"How?" His mouth opened and shut rapidly, not comprehending the show of superhuman strength he just pulled off.

"AHHH! SOMEBODIES BROKEN IN! GERALD, GET THE GUN!" His superhuman feat was so distracting, in fact, he failed to notice the scream of his mother from inside the house.

"Did I just...? Oh my god. This is the body of a hero-"

"EXPLAIN YOURSELF!" Alan stared down the barrel of his dad's gun, mind blanking out for a moment.

"Guess a villain is more accurate now..." Alan muttered. "NO WAIT!" His eyes widened, "DAD! Don't shoot!" His hands waved wildly in front of him, trying to buy time to explain before his dad got antsy and killed his own son. A few feet away from his dad, his mothers head peaked around the corner with a panicked expression.

"Gerald, he just called you dad! He's on drugs! I'll call the police!" His mother said, before darting out of view. This was getting bad. Really bad. Today just wasn't his day.

"No, wait! I actually am your son, I just-" He began edging closer while talking.

"ANY CLOSER AND I SHOOT!" He backed away instantly.

"Dad-"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

"SIR! SIR, you're birthday is August 21st, you think hero costumes are tacky and dumb, you've had eight dogs, the fifth one being your favorite, you've-"

"Wha-HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT, YOU STALKER!"

"IT'S BECAUSE I'M YOUR SON!" Briefly, the shouting from both sides stopped. Gerald considered it for about half a second.

"You must have been the one to kidnap him!" Panicked couldn't even begin to describe the look of utter terror forming on Alan's face. "BUT! I'll give you a chance to explain. HONEY, COME HERE FOR A SEC!" And just like that terror turned to relief.

"What is it?" She warily entered view again, holding a phone with her finger hovering just above the number one on the screen, two digits having already been typed.

"Alright, let's sort this out," He placed the gun directly against Alan's temple, "Explain."

"I-I, umm.. Well-umm.."

"Out with it!"

"Alright fine! I was just a little down from my failure on the Hero Exam, so I was relaxing outside. Then some monster comes up to me and... and..." Tears flowed down his face like a waterfall, the stress of the last 24 hours finally becoming too much to bear. He collapsed onto the ground a pathetic mess, hiccuping and crying.

Both of his parents watched on, half-disturbed and half-worried. The speech patterns and nervousness were the same, he acted similarly and knew lots about them, and on top of it all, he claimed to be him. Maybe this was actually their son after all.

"Ok, fine. Come inside… Alan." The name was said hesitantly, but the wide-smile that spread across the bald man's face at being called that curbed some of his hesitation.