After being searched by Paul we set off to hospital, it's only a short drive but it felt like forever. I watched the world pass me by, everyone going about their day and then I'm here stuck with the police because clearly no one wants me to be happy.

"Iain we're here now" Hannah got out of the car and opened the door.

"This is humiliating" I stuttered as I stepped out of the car.

We walked inside to the reception desk, it felt like everyone was staring at me.

"Iain…. I thought you were in the call centre" Noel looked puzzled.

"I am…. I…." words wouldn't flow, what am I supposed to say.

"We need to book him in, he's on a section" Paul chipped in.

"Oh" Noel typed on the computer "take a seat, we'll try and get a bay for you".

We sat and waited, it was silent and awkward. News must have been spreading about me being sectioned by the police, staff would look at me every time they came out and then notice the police. My life was ruined before but now it somehow feel even more torn apart.

After an hour or two Charlie approached us "bay four is ready for you, I've made a bed up because you might be here a while." We followed him to the bay.

"Why don't you try and get some sleep" Hannah pulled the blanket off the bed and gestured for me to climb onto the trolley.

It might be for the best" I got on and she covered me up.

It's mad to think how things have changed. You'd think life would only get easier as you learn more about the world, the issue is the more you learn the harder it is to love the world and enjoy it. Especially after being in the army, it does make you stronger but you see how disgusting people can be and see how everyone is fighting. There is still a lot of love in the world but there's also a lot of war.

Thinking is exhausting, my eyes are heavy and maybe it's time to just sleep.

"Iain they're here" Hannah gently rubbed my arm to wake me.

"No" I screamed as I shoved her.

Paul grabbed my arms and held me down to the bed "calm down" he shouted.

I tried to fight him off me but Hannah then helped to hold me down too.

"Iain it is okay" Hannah tried to calm me but I just felt so panicked and scared.

"Sorry" I screamed as tears rolled down my face "I tried to save them, I just didn't succeed" all I could think about was Sam and Mia.

I started to struggle when Mia jumped off the bridge, I should have done more to help her but I didn't. When Sam died as well it was like my world was shattered into thousands of tiny fragments that are impossible to be put back together.

"We need to assess you Iain. I'm Ron an approved mental health professional. This is Sandy, a social worker and this is Tim, he's a psychologist." A tall man stood in front of me.

"I'm mentally stable, I just went to the bridge to get some air" I lied.

"You've been through a lot lately, the police were concerned you may hurt yourself. I see from your notes you recently took an intentional overdose."

I knew they would bring that up "I just wanted to sleep for a while" more lies.

"I think you need to be admitted to a mental health ward for a bit of recuperating. It helps a lot of people" Tim replied.

"It also makes a lot of people worse. As a paramedic I see how it changes them for the worse and they end up stuck in the system" finally I spoke some truth.

"Will you go in voluntary?" the social worker asked.

"No, I'm not going into hospital" they won't force me.

"Okay, you'll go in on a section two then" Tim scribbled onto his notebook.

"No" I started to try and get off the bed and the police continued to hold me down "get off" I screamed.

"We're going to go and sort your referral now" they all stood up and left.

I relaxed a little and the police loosened their grip. I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes, when will I wake up from this nightmare?

After a few more hours a man appeared, he started talking with Paul outside of the cubicle. I tried to listen to what they were saying but it was too quiet.

"I think you're very brave. I'd heard what you had done for your friend, you tried to save her. Even if she didn't make it she would have been so proud of your efforts" Hannah reached her hand out and held mine.

"Thank you" I smiled "everyone else has just said don't blame yourself, you're the only person who has said she would be proud".

"I honestly believe I'm speaking the truth. Think of her as a motivation, get back on track and recover from this trauma so you can live on for her."

Hannah's words meant a lot, it does make me think deeper but then the dark thoughts overrule everything positive I try to think of. Sure I can use living for Sam as a motivation, but if I die and the afterlife turns out to be true I can be with her.

Paul returned with the man "they've got a bed for you, let's go".

We stood up and I followed them back outside to the car, we got in and the journey began.