A/N: Thank you so much for your comments! They make me want to write even more (: Hope you enjoy this, too x
Peter was barely hanging on by a thread.
The music was way too loud, the people way too many and way too close for his comfort. The smells were all over the place – various fast foods, sweat and so many spilled drinks that his feet stuck to the floor even without spider powers. The lights were too much, too, it was harsh even for normal sighted people but it was almost unbearable for him.
He made it through the concert, though. He even managed to convince himself that he was having fun at some point and he joked around with the others, joining them in jumping and dancing and singing along to the songs.
It wasn't that he didn't like Fall Out Boy because he did.
Just a year ago he would've laughed at anyone telling him he'd ever start to enjoy rock music, especially with his enhanced hearing, but after having spent so much time with Tony he had started to get used to it and then had begun actively listening to the genre even without his mentor present. It was a stark contrast to the softer music he usually listened to (that Tony continued to make good natured fun of) but he had learned that it was just the right thing to ground him in moments where he felt too out of it.
But listening to music in a controlled environment at a controlled volume – even with the huge speakers at the Tower – was fundamentally different to listening to the same music live. Hence why he hadn't been too thrilled about going in the first place. Ned had asked him, telling him some other people from their school would go too, and that it would be nice to get out every once in a while. And, most importantly, it was Fall Out Boy! Ned's favorite band ever since elementary school.
He had been looking forward to it, too. Ned had been right, going out with other people their age every once in a while was a good thing and even May and Tony had supported the idea, only giving him about three speeches about staying safe and keeping away from strangers and to call should he need them.
It had gone okay so far. The music was loud but he had managed to enjoy himself anyway, covering up how uncomfortable he felt at times, by sticking to Ned's side as much as he could, grateful that his best friend didn't seem to mind his clinginess too much.
Now, though, the opening act Rise Against had just finished and there was a break until Fall Out Boy would come out. They had watched them start cleaning off the stage and bringing on the new instruments for a while before some girls had seen Rise Against settle somewhere near the entrance to give autographs and take pictures with fans and of course they wanted to go.
Ned had been thrilled but Peter had only needed one look at the huge crowd surrounding the musicians to know that there was no way he could actually go through that and not have a full blown anxiety attack. So he had resigned himself to just stay there and wait for them to come back.
His best friend, god bless him, had not wanted to go and leave Peter on his own and it had taking him some convincing until he went. He didn't want to keep Ned from enjoying a normal life every once in a while just because he was so messed up. And he knew that he would protest could he hear Peter's thoughts but he couldn't help but feel bad for making his friend have to put up with so much of his crap.
They went then, not without Ned telling him over and over again to call if he needed him, and now Peter was standing alone in the middle of the crowd, the feeling of his inadequacy suddenly burning bright in his belly and making his eyes sting.
No. He refused to give into the anxiety that he had been able to keep at bay up until now.
Peter looked around him, watching the people around him converse with each other lightly and laugh loudly. They all looked so relaxed and he hated that he couldn't be one of them. He hated that his normal had never contained this ease around other people that everyone else seemed to have.
He sighed, trying out some of the breathing patterns he had taught himself a while ago, to calm his increasingly beating heart in his chest. There was not much else he could do right now, so he started to walk around a little, looking for spots that were a little less crowded and a little more quiet.
He ended up settling down in a corner in the far back, sinking to the floor with dread coiling in his stomach. Somehow it got worse now that he was alone and didn't have to hold himself together anymore because no one could see him break down here. No one would notice some teenager succumbing to his anxiety here, they'd just think he'd have too much to drink.
Feeling the tears prick at his eyes once more, he wiped them away with a huff.
Weak. Pathetic. Freak.
Ugh. No. He needed a distraction. Something. Anything to keep his mind off of the self- loathing he could feel etched in every bone and clinging to his skin. He didn't want to go down that road. Not now. (Not ever, really, but he wasn't stupid enough to even consider that possibility.)
Fighting against his own voice in his head, he pulled out his phone and unlocked it, staring at the bright screen blankly for a few minutes. What was he supposed to do now? Play Tetris? No, even something as simple as Tetris felt too stressful right now.
A message pinged and he felt the corner of his lips turn up ever so slightly.
Tony: Hey kiddo. Having fun?
Not too long ago the billionaire superhero had been in his contacts as 'Mr. Stark' much to his own dismay and not too long before that, he hadn't had his number at all. Now Tony texted him on a daily basis even when they would see each other later anyway, just checking up on him every once in a while.
All good, he typed adding a happy emoji that was so far from what he was currently feeling that he had to swallow past the growing lump in his throat when he hit send.
Maybe he should text his aunt, too, so she wouldn't worry.
Hey Aunt May! The opening act is done and we're waiting for Fall Out Boy now, he scoffed inwardly at the pronoun. There was no we. There was only him, hiding in the darkest corner he could find because he was being a baby again. Hope you're having a good night! Love you! He added two heart emojis and, satisfied with how it sounded, sent the message.
The teenager was about to put his phone away again – the bright screen doing nothing in helping him keep his sanity – when Tony's reply flashed up.
Tony: Then why are you texting?
Before Peter could form a reply that didn't sound as pathetic as he felt, a new message got in.
Tony: How are you holding up? You didn't take the plushy, did you?
He almost rolled his eyes at how well his mentor knew him but he also felt a blush creep into his cheeks. Why did everyone have to know how messed up he was? Why did he have to be someone who needed some anxiety plushy in the first place? He loved it, he really did. But he hated that he needed it.
Before he could reply May's reply came in and pulled him out of his thoughts.
Aunt May: Okay, sweetie. Have fun and text me when you get to the Tower! Love you, too xx
Once more he looked up, feeling small in the way he was hiding from the rest of the world. Ned and the rest of the group were still standing in line for the autographs in from the looks of it they would probably take a while. Looking back down in hope of being completely invisible, he started to type a reply.
I'm fine. He paused. Sending this would almost definitely earn him a worried phone call and he really rather not put any unnecessary attention on him, so he added another, Ned and the others are getting autographs before the band starts playing. I'm waiting for them to come back.
Satisfied, he sent the message. At least this one didn't sound like he was curled up in a dark corner, blocking out his surroundings as much as he could. He didn't have to wait long for the reply and he felt himself feel grateful for the distraction his mentor was – intentionally or unintentionally – providing.
Tony: Autographs too cool for you, kid?
He actually grinned, feeling some of the tension leak out of his shoulders.
Don't need some band's autographs when I've got yours, do I?
Tony: Since when do you have my autograph? Did you steal some of my stuff and I'm gonna find it on ebay in a few weeks?
Tony: Please tell me you didn't take used tissues or stole leftovers out of the trash.
Peter laughed at the mental image of the billionaire mockingly freaking out over him selling his stuff online. The smile felt foreign on his lips now after his face had been tense with anxiety for hours.
Nah, you know me. Wouldn't give away food. He typed, his lips still tugged upwards slightly. I've had it ever since the Stark Expo 2010. You signed it right after the opening ceremony. I was the kid with the Ironman mask.
He frowned when the reply took longer that time, worry starting to reform in his belly. Tony Stark wouldn't remember some random kid he signed some random picture for. He signed stuff all the time. And while it might've been Peter's dream come true when his hero had said something along the lines of 'I'll you see you later' while patting his self-made Ironman helmet, he doubted the man had even realized he had done so.
His phone pinged with another message before he could spiral too deep.
Tony: That the only time you've been to that Expo?
No. We went as often as Aunt May and Uncle Ben let me. It was the best thing ever!
For the first time that night, his anxiety got overshadowed by the memory of how excited he had been back then. Ironman had been his hero ever since he first saw him on TV and knowing that he was smart, too? Smart like Peter who was being picked on for it? And then seeing so much knowledge and innovation in one place? It had made his life.
Tony: Please tell me you weren't there the day the drones attacked.
Tony: Peter. Tell me you weren't that kid that tried to fight the Hammer drones with his fake repulsor.
Uh, I wasn't that kid that tried to fight the Hammer drones with his fake repulsor?
Though, in my defense, they looked like the real deal. And you did safe me. So it was all good.
Tony: You're grounded.
What? Peter typed though he couldn't help but laugh. What for?
The reply came instantly.
Tony: Making me go grey way too early. You know how much my hairdresser costs?
You've been grey before you even met me. He quipped lightly.
Tony: Considering we met at the Expo I have to disagree. Way to go, kid. Taking years off my life since 2010.
Something in him was thriving at the idea of Tony Stark remembering him from years before they ever really talked to each other. Everyone had always told him off for worshipping Ironman so much and for telling everyone that his hero had saved him specifically. 'He saved so many people, Pete. He won't remember saving you.'
He hadn't wanted to believe them and had drawn images of Ironman flying in to save the day for years after. And knowing that he actually did remember? It was another reminder of how much better Tony Stark was than he let on.
Sorry, he replied with a monkey emoji that was covering his eyes, Still love me?
Here was the thing.
Peter Parker knew that his mentor loved him like his son. And he knew that the man knew how he felt about him.
He also knew that Tony Stark wasn't as comfortable expressing emotions as he was.
It was something he had struggled to get used to after only ever having known the Parker family's way to go about this which was pretty straightforward. They had found their middle way of Tony not shying away from confronting his feelings and Peter not expecting too much too fast. Still, he worried whenever he put himself out there like that. Worried he sounded too needy and reminded the billionaire that he wasn't really worthy of his time.
Tony: Only 'cause you've grown on me like a fungus.
Tony: Kidding. Of course I love you, kid.
He smiled brightly at the screen and when he looked up next, to blink the happy tears away, he saw Ned making his way towards where they had left him earlier.
Gotta go. He texted back quickly. Ned's coming back and the band is about to start playing.
Tony: Have fun, kid. Are you feeling better?
Loads. Thank you for keeping me company. And sorry for the grey hair. I love you, too, btw.
Tony: Happy'll pick you up after. Text me if you need anything.
Peter grinned as he jumped up and started walking back to where his friend was looking for him. Waving so he wouldn't worry.
"You okay, Peter?" Ned asked with a worried frown and the teenager couldn't help but beam up at his best friend before replying honestly.
"I'm really good."
It was the truth. Everything was still a lot to handle for him and he was still feeling anxious but with his best friend by his side and with Tony having his back, he felt that he could defeat about anything.
Thank god for text messages, he thought to himself, when the first notes came through the speakers, and for Tony always reading between the lines even when he couldn't bring himself to tell anyone.
A/N: If you have a tumblr and enjoy Irondad fanart and fanfiction you can check out weartirondad, a blog I run with my best friend. We're really close to 1k followers and we'll do a few prompts once we reach that. xx
