Chapter two | Hormones


Pregnancy was weird. This Meredith concluded weeks before, but it never lost its meaning. She categorized herself as a woman in control of her emotions. Meredith Grey wasn't the type of woman to put her feelings on a pedestal for the world to see. In fact, she rarely put what she felt out there for anyone to take a gander at. For years her husband spent an incredulous amount of time prying her open bit by bit. Derek had been successful. She was much more open with him now about what really was going on inside her head and heart than she was when they first met. But even so, there were still some things Meredith wouldn't allow herself to do.

Albeit, her permeated womb had other plans.

It seemed the baby was now in control of almost any feeling she had. No emotion Meredith felt was ever kept secret. The wild hormone train reminded her of a patient she rounded on with Derek years ago who blushed every time she felt an inkling of a feeling. Of course for Meredith her face wasn't crimson but her irises definitely puddled with tears or her lips practically ached from laughing so much.

She vividly remembers making fun of cheesy rom-coms on tv with Cristina over how dramatic the pregnant women were. At that time, Meredith still despised the simple notion of being a mother and figured she'd never be left to deal with the issue. Now she was really pregnant and suffering through an emotional cesspit of baby induced hormones.

Thinking she could control whether something made her smile or crumble to tears was a joke. Meredith, being exactly who she is, really assumed she was beyond the typical pregnant lady crap. Maybe her dark and twisty was useful in other departments such as being immune to trauma or never shedding tears at funerals but not in this case. Her nerves were jostled and twisted akin to tangled wires. She was a ticking time bomb essentially and one wrong step would set her off.

"Your eyes are red." Cristina snickered when pulling a light blue scrub top over her head.

Meredith brushed her lids with the back of her palm, feeling appreciative she opted against mascara today. "Shut up."

Her friend snorted. "Someone's in a mood today."

She inhaled slowly. "I'm not in a mood, I'm just..." pregnant. It's what she wanted to say so freaking bad. Barely anyone knew about the pregnancy. In fact the only people she had told so far were Derek, Cristina, and Lexie although that was merely a fluke. Her sister caught wind of conversation she was having with Derek in the kitchen a couple days ago. She was met with squeals of delight and her sister kneeling by her flat stomach, murmuring baby talk. The excursion was all a little strange for Meredith and she nearly smacked Derek across the face when she found him quietly chuckling in the corner.

All in all, her pregnancy was still much of a mystery to everyone. Not even the chief knew which she understood would become an issue if she kept ignoring the conversation. Being pregnant meant sooner than later Meredith wasn't going to be able to work languorous shifts anymore. She would have to trade in trolling for cases on Tuesday nights for quiet evenings reading What to Expect When You're Expecting.

"I had a rough night." Meredith concluded as she slipped her navy converse over her heel. "And I'm tired."

"Too much sex with McDreamy?" Alex chimed from behind. Meredith could feel her skin heat at the admission and she did all that she could to repress a hormone induced screaming match to rear its ugly head.

She watched as he snickered and fastened the watch on his left wrist. "You're just pissed I'm getting laid every night and you aren't." A wicked grin stretched.

"Hey I was shot, I have a reason to be celibate." He concluded with a sneer.

"Shepherd was shot and he's still getting laid." Jackson commented somewhere beyond the cluster of residents bustling to dress for the workday.

Meredith really wanted to giggle at the way her friends face shifted from pasty white to crimson. "I think Lexipedia just dumped you and that's why you're not getting any." Cristina said.

Alex didn't rebuttal and instead stormed from the residents lounge in an angry march. Meredith shared a look with her person and they snickered together. "That bullets made him moodier than you." Cristina mumbled. "Is McDreamy suffering any post gunshot mood swings?"

"No, but I think he's having a midlife crisis. He bought a new Porsche and drives that thing like he's in a race or something." Meredith sighed.

She watched as the remainder of residents exited, leaving she and Cristina on their own. "Oh so he wants to be a NASCAR driver now?"

Meredith laughed. "No, but a couple weeks ago when he was stuck in bed he got really caught up in watching this race on TV. I think it was the Grand Prix but anyways he said it was 'exhilarating' or something. I think he just wants to be like Patrick Dempsey."

Cristina rolled her eyes while pulling her crisp lab coat up on her shoulders. "Derek wishes he could be as extraordinary as Patrick Dempsey. The man is a legend, Derek is... well he's McDreamy."

"You know people have said Derek looks a lot like that guy before. Maybe that's why he's trying to live out his speed demon fantasy."

Meredith grabbed her pager, clipped it to her waist, and followed her friend out of the lounge. She absently brushed her digits over the smooth material of her cerulean scrubs, just over her navel. She still found it difficult to grasp at times that there was a human life in there. Perhaps the idea would really settle once she started to gain a little more weight and her belly rounded out.

"No, Patrick has better hair than McDreamy." Cristina added.

As they roamed the halls, Meredith couldn't help but notice how barren the place seemed. When she was forced to return to work two weeks after Derek's accident, the hospital was dry with patients. She expected that. No one yearned to be in the same place a gunman had shown up to. But even now it looked deserted. The lack of patients wasn't all crappy. It did give her an excuse to nap when fetus exhausted her. It also gave Meredith the chance to take it nice and easy, something she never really grasped at before being pregnant. And maybe if she was lucky the dry oasis would give her a chance to spend the day with her husband on his first day back.

Speaking of, Derek nearly crashed into her, Mark by his side. "Oh god, Mer!" He apologized, breathless.

"In a hurry?" She asked.

"No I um, I was actually looking for you."

"Me?"

Derek's expression softened and he titled his head slightly to the left. Whatever it was he needed to see her for must have had something to do with the baby or else he would've murmured it aloud. He knew Cristina was in the know but clearly his practical brother Mark was still oblivious. She didn't mind if he said something but Mark Sloan was a natural gossip. If they told him the entire east wing of the hospital would be chatting about the Shepherd-Grey baby by lunchtime. And Meredith wasn't ready for everyone to know. Not until the first trimester was over.

"Do you want to..." she pressed her hand to his chest. "We could go outside for a couple minutes. Bailey doesn't expect me for rounds until 8:00."

He nodded eagerly and shifted his hand into hers. Meredith relished the way their fingers meshed, she always had. Mark could be heard asking what the deal was with Shep and Big Grey. Meredith knew Cristina would handle the situation though.

The warmth of July in Seattle greets her alabaster skin when the sliding doors whoosh. It's a beautiful day, rare for the rainy city. Derek takes her out to their favorite green bench and keeps their hands entwined. "What's up?" She asks softly, leaning over to kiss him. He tastes like dark roasted espresso. She really freaking misses her coffee.

"First, I wanted to ask if you were okay."

Her brows scrunch. "Of course, why?"

Derek chuckled quietly. "Well after your breakdown this morning I wasn't quite sure."

Meredith blushed. That morning had been... not good. Actually, terrible in the Meredith Grey chronicles. This was the one thing that was starting to bug her about carrying a child. Drawing back to the feral train of emotions, she imploded on him earlier that morning over something completely fixable. Her socks were missing or one sock was missing. Already, Meredith had been in a hurry to get out the house. She was nauseous, fatigued, and couldn't find her favorite white sock anywhere. Their laundry room fell victim to her tornado as well as their dresser. When Derek suggested she wear another pair or mismatched socks the result had been anything but pretty.

"I'm sorry I hit you." Meredith pouted, stroking the shoulder blade her fist collided with earlier.

Derek seemed unfazed though and she felt relief swish through when he grinned. "You're carrying our baby. Hit me if you need to or yell I can take it. I grew up with four sisters and three of them have been pregnant before. I kind of know what I'm getting myself into."

"But I shouldn't have gotten all violent. I mean it was a sock, Derek." Meredith laughed.

"Mer, your tiny ineffectual fists don't do much at all."

Meredith formed a frown. What the hell was that supposed to mean? "Are you saying I'm weak?" She quickly dislodged her fingers from his and securely slipped them into a fold over her chest.

Derek seemed dumbfounded by her question. Every bit of euphoria stroking his expression was now displaced by confusion. "I... no. Of course not, Meredith. It was just a joke."

When he reached to touch her elbow, Meredith flinched. "Clearly you think I can't defend myself." She groaned.

"That's not what I meant I was just making a joke. Did you want me to tell you that it hurt when you slapped my arm earlier?"

Tears welled in her vibrant green eyes. Her vision blurred and all that she could muster was a dark haired blob before her. "You're saying I hurt you?" She sniffled.

Derek looked defeated. This is what the hormones did to her. One minute she was giggling with her husband the next she was sobbing a river. Meredith didn't cry often and when she did it had to be something intense to send her over that edge. Except being pregnant meant tears came at any time they wanted.

Now was one of those absurd moments their baby made her such a mess. "You didn't hurt me but you aren't weak either." He finally breathed although it didn't help calm her tears.

"Yes it did." She hiccuped. "I hurt you!"

Derek pressed his fingers into her vertebrae. His calloused fingers massaging her tendons and muscles like magic. The motions began to soothe her. "No you didn't. I swear you didn't hurt me."

"I hate being pregnant." Meredith grumbled with her face smashed against her palms.

"Oh, Mer, stop it." Derek whispered against her ear.

She wiped her eyes. "I didn't mean it like that. I like that we're having a baby and it's an excuse to eat whatever I want but... it makes me so fucking hormonal. You more than anyone knows I would never cry this much! I'm having a breakdown about possibly hurting you when I sucker slapped your shoulder this morning. Not pregnant Meredith would be laughing at how stupid I look."

This was so unlike any way she normally behaved. Was this a preview of what the rest of pregnancy was going to be? Her husband walking on eggshells around her as she slogged through another crying attack? God, she hoped not.

Meredith glanced at her watch. Rounds were starting and Bailey would put her on scut if she was late which would only strengthen her sour mood. She huffed slowly. "I have to go." Blurting that before Derek could offer some form of comfort.

"Hey, I'll talk to Bailey if you want to sit here and cool down a little." He chimed but his assertion only annoyed her.

"Oh what would you tell her? Meredith's pregnant and has gone mental outside, she needs a few minutes."

Derek sank against the green metal bench they were resting on. His hand reached for her knee and he squeezed. "I just want you to be alright is all."

"You're hovering." Meredith corrected. "You're mommy tracking me already and I'm not even showing yet. Besides I don't want to tell her. Not until after the ultrasound and the second trimester starts." She wasn't seeking special treatment. A pleather of residents and interns had been pregnant before her and none of them requested a couple of minutes to keep their composure. In the world of medicine, anything could happen in an instant. Her jumbled hormones weren't an excuse to pause because surgery never stopped. Life didn't take a break and Meredith didn't feel deserving of one either. Being Meredith Grey should mean nothing, even if she is knocked up by the head of neurosurgery.

"I get to worry, I'm your husband. I know you're not used to being asked how you're doing or having people check in on you but this is what marriage is. You're pregnant and I get to be a helicopter because of that."

His pager rings and saves him from getting an earful from Meredith. "Crap, I have to go." He sounded agitated and it only made Meredith feel worse. Derek gave no details about what patient he was working with and failed to ask her to scrub in like he promised a couple days back. Not that she expected him to and quite frankly she was still pissed that he felt this urgency to coddle her like an invalid.

Derek zipped away and Meredith was plagued with the task of heading back in. For the first time in a long time work was the last thing she wanted to be doing right now. It sucked because not only was she an emotional wreck but no one could know why. The nurses were probably already starting a gossip ring about her little argument with Derek by the front entrance. There was no privacy in this place. Someone was bound to catch you and flock that secret around until everyone was swarming on it.

"Grey, you're late." Bailey scolded. She was on her service today and by the looks of it she was less than pleased.

"I..." Meredith couldn't think of an excuse. The only one she had was the one thing she wasn't allowed to talk about or wanted to for that matter. "I'm sorry."

"You are a fourth year, I expect more from you." She announced harsh. Bailey grappled for the chart and motioned that Meredith follow her attending. She watched as Bailey gave her a glance over quickly. "I used to get emotional over charts. One misspelled word or any kind of chicken scratch on a damn chart would send me over the edge."

Meredith wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry?"

"Zofran is good to keep you from vomiting although it never helped me with the nausea." She continued.

"Okay, I'm not sure what you're implying but-"

"Oh cut the crap, Grey. I know."

Meredith halted in her tracks and furrowed her brow. "You know?"

Bailey swiveled around and relinquished a heavier sigh. "I know." Her colleague whispered.

Instinctively Meredith's hands went to her belly. Still no pouch or poof or pudge since the last she placed her hands there. She was dumbstruck. How did Bailey know about the pregnancy? "I-I don't understand." She divulged.

"Grey, don't kid yourself. I am Dr. Bailey and I know everything. Besides you've been a dead giveaway for weeks now. You come into rounds red eyed and pale. I watch the way you excuse yourself to the restroom to pee or puke every so often. You're always snacking. I knew you liked food but I swear almost every time I've seen you, you're munching on peanut M&M's like they're your life vest."

"Derek and I... we were..." She stuttered.

Bailey reached forward to stroke her forearm, sympathy sinking over her features. "I know you were and I'm not going to say anything. But you don't have to pretend in front of me."

"I can't believe you figured it out." Meredith mumbled softly.

Bailey chuckled. "I've been pregnant I know the signs. And besides any of that you just seemed different. Lighter, not so... dark. Softer. You really do have that glow, Grey." She smiled.

Meredith's lip quivered an attempt to grin. She folded her arms over her chest. "I'm not soft." She smirked. "I'm hardcore, not softcore."

"Stop turning this conversation into something nasty, Dr. Grey, sounds like we're talking about damn porn. And you know what I mean."

"Okay sorry, stopping." She huffed. "Do you promise to keep this a secret maybe? At least until Derek and I decide to tell people?"

Her attending nodded and shot her a sly grin. "I won't tell a soul. And if you're having any... trouble before rounds just let me know privately, we'll work out something."

Meredith was grateful her shorter although somewhat terrifying superior had her back on this. A lot of people she feels may frown upon the notion of being pregnant during a residency, especially a fourth year, someone just beginning to prepare for their boards and enter in the race to be chief resident. This wasn't planned by a long shot but she's ecstatic it's happening. Even if the thought of being a mother is still slightly terrifying.

"Thank you so much." Meredith kept her voice low in an attempt to drown out her appreciation to Bailey from lurking nurses. "But I really don't want special treatment. I know when you were pregnant with Tuck you didn't either." She added.

"Meredith," Bailey sighed. Rarely did the woman use her first name when addressing Meredith. The gesture took her by surprise. "I was a fool trying to work long hours with no help whatsoever. Sometimes you need someone in your corner to give you a break. I can assure you that baby is gonna make you wish you had a break. Enjoy a little assistance."

Bailey continued her stride down the corridor and Meredith followed akin to a lost puppy. "What's the case?" She questioned.

"Appendectomy." Her attending groaned.

"An appy?" Meredith frowned. "That's incredibly basic."

"Well, Dr. Grey not many patients want to be admitted to the scary hospital where a gunman came in and shot up half of the staff. An appy is a good case if we're being honest with ourselves."

She twiddled her thumbs. "Do I at least get to scrub in?" Meredith beamed optimistically.

"Has Dr. Perkins cleared you for surgery yet?" Bailey asked.

Meredith's stomach turned to knots. No, he hadn't. In fact, she felt like she was the only surgeon left in this hospital who wasn't cleared to perform procedures. She had tried almost anything and everything to get him to sign off and he wouldn't. It was crap, literal crap! That damn therapist signed Derek off before herself and he had been the one to get shot. Even Alex was doing surgery and he was waltzing the hospital halls showcasing the bullet poking from underneath his skin.

She was cognizant she wasn't crazy or some kind of lunatic. She was stable. Well, as stable as a pregnant woman could be. "Well no-"

"Then you aren't scrubbing in until he does." She interrupted.

"Then what good am I on your case then?"

"You are still a resident, Grey. You have a lot to learn. You're here to learn this case and prep the patient. If I had it my way you would get to scrub in but I don't so you aren't." Bailey said.

Meredith had to keep from rolling her eyes or breaking down into tears. "Do not make me cry." Meredith hissed at her flat belly.

"Have something to add, Dr. Grey?" She piqued.

Shaking her head, Meredith responded, "No, I don't." She inhaled slow to calm herself. The no surgery torture would cease its torture soon enough. In the mean time it gave her allotted time to take some of those breaks Bailey had been talking about. Maybe she could even get an appointment in with the obstetrician to see her baby. Derek could come too. She wanted him there even if she was still slightly upset about the sour note they left on when he dashed away earlier.


Meredith really had to pee. Her leg was bouncing like a baby in its favorite chair. Nonetheless, her bladder was full. With her brain pushing and insisting she head off to the restroom, she couldn't. Not now because she was sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair just outside the OBGYN's office waiting to be called back.

Succumbing to an abundance of time after prepping her appy patient meant she could make an appointment to finally see her baby. Meredith shot Derek a text, unsure if he was in surgery. She never got a text back and that twirled her insides indefinitely. To pass the few hours in between her call time and to help fluctuate her budding nerves Meredith researched ultrasounds in the medical library.

Apparently a full bladder would give her best results for an ultrasound. Albeit she felt near regretful slurping down that Diet Coke and two bottles of water because she was curling her toes and squeezing her thighs to keep from making the lounge her personal toilet. She could just relieve herself and end the torture but the insane mommy side of her was insistent a brimmed bladder would be best.

Beads of perspiration dotted her hairline. Her palms were slick and she continuously wiped them over the fabric eclipsing her thighs. Meredith felt uneasy and she hated to admit it. She was Meredith Grey, terrible things naturally happened to her. She didn't want that for her baby. Her child wasn't deserving of all her dark and twisty nature. The universe delighted in making her life a living hell sometimes and she was worried this first ultrasound might fall victim to it too. What if something was wrong with the baby? Or there were two babies? She was a doctor who knew of possible defects. She worked dozens of cases with Addison a couple years ago and with Arizona Robbins in Pediatrics. Bad things happened to tiny humans all the time.

Now her heart was racing. She hadn't been fearful until her subconscious put her on a one way train to Worry Town. "I feel sick." She mumbled to nobody but herself and maybe the baby who was causing all her nausea.

"Oh thank god, you're still here." Meredith turned her head to see Derek, panting, red faced, and his brow coated in sweat. His hair was mussed, likely the result of a scrub cap lying against his locks for hours on end.

"Hey." Meredith murmured in an uncharacteristically small voice. "You came."

He sighed softly and groaned when he sat next to her. "Of course I came. I'm sorry I never answered your text. I was in surgery and my patient kept coding. I saw it when I finished and ran all the way from the west wing here." A sly smile curved on his thinner lips. There was hint of glimmering joy flashing beyond his very blue eyes and it calmed her erratic heart.

"I thought you were being broody or something since we had that fight earlier." She sighed.

She watched her husband stifle a laugh. "Meredith, that wasn't a fight. You were annoyed I was hovering and I was going to tell you I could back off but then my pager buzzed." He reached to brush blonde hair from her peripheral vision.

"But I went all crazy psycho wife on you before that." She said.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Mer but your hormones are kinda all over the place right now. That wasn't you having a meltdown on me it was the baby. I'm not going to grow a beard and go hide out in the woods anymore. You're carrying my baby and I'm grateful for that. Bark and scream at me all you want."

She leaned her head down on his shoulder in relief. His words hadn't angered her or made her want to sob an ocean this time and she found herself grateful. The idea of going into that appointment by herself had been a heavy trauma on her mind. But now Derek was here and he was happy. He didn't care about her stupid hormones.

"How's your patient?" She asked quietly. When his body tensed she knew exactly how the surgery had gone. "Oh, Derek."

"Pretty crappy 'Welcome Back' surgery huh?" He laughed coldly. She understood how hard it was on him to lose a patient. Especially if it was one he grew fond of or created a bond with.

Now it was her turn to provide him a sheen of comfort. She strummed her fingers over his chest. Her tips smoothed over the beginnings of his surgical scar. For the most part his chest hair covered his wound. It was pink still but healing marvelously.

"Guess we've both had crappy days." She murmured and planted a kiss at the crook of his neck.

"Still no surgery?" He frowned.

"No surgery." Meredith sighed, unhappy. Even her own fingers were beginning to tremble with desires of cutting. "And Bailey is mommy tracking me too. Plus I'm pretty sure our kid is gonna have three heads or something."

Derek turned to glance at her. "You told Bailey?" He asked.

She shook her head and relinquished a heavier sigh. "No. Apparently Bailey is a human pregnancy test or something."

"My mom is one of those." Derek chortled.

"What?"

"She knows when all my sisters are pregnant before they know. It's like a gift." He said.

"Do you think your mom would know if our baby is defected?" She implored.

Her husband's smile faded at the assertion. "Oh Meredith, stop it."

"Crappy things happen to us, Derek. Especially me. Crappy stuff happens to me and I'm the one who's carrying the baby around for nine months. I wouldn't be shocked if my bad karma was passed down to our baby." She had fears and they would probably forever be prominent. She wanted this baby so much but her crap genes could potentially ruin it all for her.

"Seriously, stop. Nothing is going to happen to our baby. You aren't defected and neither is the baby." He argued.

Meredith shook her head. "You don't know that Derek."

He reached to cup her cheek, her body shivering at the sudden contact. His eyes brimmed by heavy emotion. "I know that if we made it together, it's perfect. And if by chance something is wrong with our child we are going to fight it just like we always do. So let's just go in there and keep our heads held high."

She desired to protest except a smiling nurse called for Meredith to head back. They weighed her, questioned her diet that she may or may not have fibbed slightly about, and took her temperature.

"You can change into this gown really quick and Dr. Jennings will be with you shortly." The pudgy woman shot Meredith a cheeky grin. It was the type of smile that made her retinas burn. How could a single human being store so much joy?

Meredith began to strip off her scrubs. "Is that how everyone is in obstetricians? Bubbly and smiley?" Her converse landed with a thud on the ground. The periwinkle scrubs concocted a a growing pile next to them.

"How would I know?" Derek laughed.

Meredith pulled herself back up on the exam table. "You were married to one for eleven years."

"Oh, well maybe I don't know. I didn't regularly come to work with Addison everyday and mingle with her staff." He said.

She rolled her eyes although didn't offer a reply. Her legs swung like swings on a set in an attempt to slacken her riveting heartbeat. She was nervous. No doubt about it. Not to mention her bladder was still incredibly full and she still had to pee really freaking bad. She watched while Derek bent over to collect her clothes and neatly fold them. Typical she thought. He was a neat freak and she was somewhat of a tornado.

"Hello." A serene voice filled the vicinity. "I'm Dr. Jennings." Meredith couldn't help but gulp. Her OBGYN was practically another Addison Montgomery except her tendrils were brown not red. She was leggy and fabulous just as Addison had been.

"Hi." Meredith managed to spit, reaching her hand out for a handshake. Dr. Jennings firmly shook with Meredith as well as Derek, that perky smile never once leaving her rosy cheeks.

"The infamous Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd, I was wondering when I'd have the pleasure to have you in my realm." She convulsed, moving to the sink to wash her hands.

"Infamous?" Meredith mumbled. Her flesh was burning at the assertion.

"Well you two are practically living legends around this hospital. Just because you're surgeons doesn't mean your great love story hasn't travelled." Their doctor winks whilst drying her smooth skin with a paper towel.

Meredith finds herself to be curious if Dr. Jennings knows Addison and if she's ever spilled gossip on she and her ex-husband. "Oh, um..."

"Well, let's jump right into it." Jennings seemed to ignore Meredith's awkward response and she found herself grateful. "Meredith, is it okay if I refer to you as Meredith?" She asked.

Meredith nodded. "Good," the sound of latex gloves slapping against skin pricked Meredith's ears. "Well then, Meredith I'm going to have you lie back for me. I'm sure Nurse Amanda told you but I'm just checking to make sure everything's off from the waist down?" She nodded again. "Great. Since you're still in your first trimester we'll be performing the ultrasound transvaginally today." Jennings adjusted her gloves and took a seat at the rolling stool.

Drops of sweat rolled down her back. Her skin was sticking to the paper covering the exam table. Her heart thumped like a heavy drumbeat as she shifted to pick up her feet. Derek was there, standing beside her, sending off a reassuring smile. Somewhere through the fog she found Derek's hand. Meredith adjusted her legs and feet in the stirrups.

The situation was a little awkward. Usually in the event a woman was examining her lady parts, Derek wasn't there. She felt slightly over exposed and her husband seemed to sense her discomfort when he leaned down to kiss her temple and brush back her bangs. "You're going to be fine." Derek whispered to her ear.

"Alright, this shouldn't hurt at all. There's a bit of lubricant on the probe so it may be slightly cold at first. Just relax for me." Her physician gently inserted the wand.

Derek's digits trickled over her thigh. The gesture wasn't sexual but an attempt to bring her solace. She squeezed his other hand wrapped in her own. This was a moment so many women looked forward to. This was supposed to be moment in time permeated by complete euphoria. Except all Meredith could process was terror. Raw and real terror that her crappy genes already fucked up their baby.

"Ah, here we go." Jennings whispered.

"Oh wow." Derek breathed, his breath hitched. Meredith felt nauseous. Never could something good ever be handed to her. The universe had a grudge against her and now it was taking its bad karma out on their baby.

Her lip quivered and the beginnings of tears crescendoed at her waterline. "What's wrong with it? I screwed the baby up didn't I?" She trembled, fat tears starting to leak.

"Oh, no. Meredith look." His finger curled under her chin to guide her head toward the monitor. "Just look at the screen."

She was met with the imagery of a tiny white blob that somewhat resembled the shape of a little human. The figure wiggled. "Everything looks fantastic thus far." Jennings cooed sweetly. "The fetus is healthy, a single embryo." She informed them with a grin.

"Judging by your hCG levels I'd say you're around ten weeks. Your baby is just starting to grow fingers and toes and measures right around 2.7 centimeters." She continued. "Congratulations you two."

Meredith's vision went blurry almost immediately. The tears she accumulated earlier were now those of unbridled giddiness. There was a tiny little human floating inside her body that was currently learning to grow toes and fingers. How freaking cool was that? Their child was barely more than a little grainy blob to the naked eye but it was a perfect grainy blob nonetheless.

"Heartbeat is around 160 beats per minute. I'd say by your next appointment we'll be able to get a good listen."

"Der," Meredith husked. "That's our baby." Tears streamed down her cheeks.

"I know, Mer." She watched her husband brush the wetness from his optics. "Our perfect baby."

"I-It's so tiny! Derek don't you see?"

He chuckled through joyful tears. "I see, Mer." His hand left her thigh and repositioned to her forehead where he brushed the hair from her forehead.

For what felt like the first time in her life, something had gone the way she wanted it to. Her child wasn't growing two heads or a tail.

Just as her husband said, it was absolutely perfect.

"I'm assuming you guys want a couple sonogram pictures?" She and Derek nodded eagerly as their emotional spill came to an end.

"Great, let me get those for you. Before I go I do want to let you know I'll be prescribing you some prenatal vitamins to take regularly. Also, in your chart I read you've been experiencing some nausea and a little morning sickness." Dr. Jennings assessed.

Meredith snorted as she sat up. "A little?"

"The term is a sort of redundant I'm aware. I can prescribe you some Zofran to ease some of the vomiting but your nausea may still be present." She said.

Meredith looked to Derek. "Would it be safe for the baby?"

"There's risk for any medication you're taking while pregnant although those risks are incredibly minimal. I don't think you have anything to worry about."

"Could I think about it?" She implored. "I mean just to see if it gets any worse? I know it's supposed to ease up when I hit the second trimester." She felt Derek's thumb stroke the skin of her hand.

"Of course. Stop by any time if you change your mind." Jennings removed her gloves and shucked them to the trash. "I'm going to write that vitamin prescription for you and then I'll get those pictures. You can go ahead and redress as well." Her obstetrician quietly escaped.

Meredith moved to the edge of the table where her knees met Derek's hips. She brought her palms to his shoulders and she squeezed his skin and scrub top. "We're really having a baby." Meredith addressed.

It was all really setting in now. For the last five weeks she had known of the baby, never had it felt so evident. Actually seeing her baby wriggling on the monitor had put everything into perspective. In less than seven months she was going to be a mom. She would become responsible for another human beings life and that was pretty epic.

His nose slid up and down her forehead slowly. "Hmmm, we are."

"Our baby isn't defective." She added.

"Nope." He confirmed with a slight smile.

"We made a human, Derek. That's kind of insane."

His fingers brushed her stomach. "A tiny human." He whispered.

"Thank god that's over I really have to pee." She blurted.

Her husband began to laugh. "Oh, Mer."

She shrugged her shoulders as she started to take off her gown. "I do! My bladder feels like it's going to explode. Do you even realize how hard it was not pee on her when she was poking at my lady parts with a magic baby wand?!"

"I-" Derek started although his statement fizzled. "I honestly don't know what that feels like." He answered.

Meredith simply giggled. "Sorry I know TMI and all." She said while shimmying into her pants. She glanced at her husband who was currently looking at her naked breasts like a lion in search of its next meal. "Can I help you with something Dr. Shepherd." She purred, smirking.

"I am really liking the pregnant boobs." He smirked.

Meredith shook her head while clipping her bra into place. "I'm sure you are."

"Well why don't I let you pee and then let's get out of here. I'll make you some of that pasta you like so much." He sighed and helped push the remainder of her golden hair stuck inside her scrub top.

She moaned in content. "Mmm, the baby and I are really craving some pasta."

"When aren't you craving pasta?" He asks, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

"Shut up!" Meredith rolled her eyes as they walked out of the exam room.


Well we've made it to the end of the chapter. I have tried finishing this chapter all day long and every minute something would come along to distract me but we got here!

I don't have much to say other than I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I would be so appreciative if you left a review with your thoughts. I felt it would be funny to dive into a little bit regarding Meredith and crazy hormones.

Thank you so much for reading guys!