Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the characters, I'm just borrowing them. I'm not doing this for profit, just for fun etc.

Thank you all for the reviews and the alerts – they mean so much to me. The virtual night with a favourite cast member goes to Alaia Skyhawk for her helpful suggestions!

This is part 1 of 3 of my first sub-episode as although I'm trying to do S4 based on what I've heard from twitter, interviews and spoiler threads so far I refuse to just jump a year as the show will! I will also be doing sub-episodes between the 'real' ones to cover what I would like to happen but know the producers and directors would never show. You will find the full list of episode names up on my profile now and that is all the hints you are going to get about where this is going - I haven't included all the sub-ep names as a girl has to have some secrets!


Sub-Episode 1 – The Aftermath – Part I

Night swathed Camelot like a crushed velvet cloak, soft and muted; stars standing out like delicate embroidery around the glowing brooch of the moon. The silence was deep; not even the barking of a dog or the tramp of the few guards patrolling the lower town marred the tranquillity of a city at rest. But appearances can be deceptive for not all within the walls of Camelot were at peace in the dark hours before dawn.

Merlin, perched on the windowsill of his unlit room, turned his face up to the moonlight with a soft sigh. Sleep hadn't come easy since his confrontation with Morgana and Morgause and even now, tired as his body was, his mind would not fall quiet. He'd clambered up there when lying in bed wondering what news the scout Arthur had thoughtfully sent to Ealdor would return with had become intolerable - at least at the window he had a view to distract him from imagining all kinds of horrors. The rider had only left yesterday and he had a dispatch to deliver to Willowdale before he could head to the border, he wouldn't be back any time soon and there was nothing Merlin could do to speed up the process.

I shouldn't be wasting the opportunity for sleep he thought ruefully to himself, rubbing eyes that itched with tiredness, I've had little enough chance since we returned. Between his normal duties as Arthur's manservant, helping to treat the victims of the sisters' personal brand of "justice" and desperately trying to fill in the gaps in a much depleted castle staff there just wasn't a moment to spare. Gaius hadn't slept in his chambers at all, preferring to sleep in the makeshift infirmary he and Gwen were running so he was on hand at all times. He's probably getting less sleep than me, Merlin thought, remembering the dark shadows under his mentors eyes when he'd dropped in after taking Arthur his evening meal. He'd stayed to help – one of the knights had taken a turn for the worse, ensuring Gaius and Gwen were completely occupied - so Merlin had organised food for the rest and changed a few bandages. He'd also quietly cast a few healing spells where he could but he'd been unable to make much difference. His skills at healing non-magical maladies and wounds had not improved and he had to fight not to curse out loud at how little he'd managed to do.

Ever since he'd emptied the cup he'd felt out of sorts. Morgana's face as she lost control, hate and fear etched in every feature, seemed to be burned into his mind and her vengeful words echoed through his head. It was a dark malediction that, to Merlin, seemed to promise the end of his destiny before it had begun. He had felt helpless in the presence of her power, unfocused as it was and that, coupled with this almost palpable sense of his own inadequacy, had brought him almost back to the levels of despair he'd felt in the aftermath of Kilgharrah's attack and his part in Balinor's death.

Instinctively his fingers curled around the carved wooden dragon in his lap which, like a child with a favourite blanket, he'd taken to keeping close in the fleeting moments he had to himself. It didn't offer much in the way of comfort given the litany of self castigation running through his head but it was his only link with his father and right now, that was enough. Lifting it up and into the moonlight he addressed it softly.

'What would you do?' he asked, wondering as he did whether the question was really for his father or Kilgharrah. 'Would you go looking for her, for them, or would you stay here and prepare for their return?

It was Kilgharrah's voice that answered him, from somewhere deep in his own soul.

Trust in your destiny, young Warlock. Do not let the witch's tricks blind you to your true purpose. You must become who you were born to be. You must find your way.

A smile, sweet and true, crossed Merlin's face and the creases across his forehead and around his eyes smoothed out. Sliding out of the window he carefully put the dragon back under his bed and then headed out of his room. He had some things to collect and then some serious practice to do and now, thanks to the memory of Kilgharrah, he knew the perfect place to do it in.

As Merlin slunk through dark corridors, clutching several prohibited items, Arthur leant back his chair with a disgusted snort, lifting his arms above his head in a vain attempt to stretch the kinks out of his neck. He knew it was very late but there was so much to do and none of it could wait, not unless he wanted the people of Camelot to suffer more than they had already. He looked down at the list, the very short list, of men fit to guard the city but the words began to dance on the page. For Gods sakes he muttered, flinging himself out from behind his desk and striding across his chambers to the fireplace. With each step he noticed, and not for the first time since they'd returned, the differences Morgause's brief possession of his room had wrought.

Gwen had managed to save a couple of his books and a few items of clothing before she'd made her bid for freedom but the personal items he'd kept there – jousting favours, tournament prizes, the few gifts his father had given him that weren't weapons related - had been spirited away to who knew where along with the Pendragon bed hangings and curtains. He had torn down the ones Morgause had replaced them with but had stopped Merlin and Gwen trying to find his old ones; a few missing items were hardly important right now. At least he'd been wearing his mothers ring and her bracelet, he thought, rubbing the ring with this thumb, if they have been taken by those, those … women, it might just have tipped him over the edge. A shiver that had nothing to do with the temperature ripped through him and the taint of her presence became almost unbearable. Clenching his jaw he dropped to his knees on the fur at the hearth and gave the fire a vigorous stoking before added several more lumps of wood. He would not be driven out of his chambers by a memory, not when she'd had no right to be there in the first place.

I shouldn't have dismissed Merlin for the night he acknowledged to himself five minutes later as he sat slumped in front of the now roaring fire. Not that he could have kept him in attendance when he was so obviously exhausted but right now he really needed someone to confide in, someone who wouldn't judge him and, not that he would admit it to the bumbling idiot's face, someone who he could call friend. The weight of responsibility that was now his seemed to be growing, pressing down on him, as he watched the dancing flames. He was king in all but name, thanks to the one sane act his father had managed to perform since his release - signing an attester to his regency in the presence of Geoffrey and Gaius.

Arthur knew that Geoffrey had drawn it up and Gaius had virtually ordered his father to sign it but that didn't make it any the less binding, nor him any the less grateful. They, like him and the friends who had helped him liberate the kingdom, wanted Camelot to have a future – a good future. Arthur hoped their belief that he was the one who could make that happen was justified. Was he really strong enough, he wondered, fingers tracing the carved pattern on the chair arm. If he was, surely he could have prevented this, seen Morgana for what she was. Hell, if he was anything like the ruler he wanted to be then surely Merlin should have told him of his suspicions, should have told him she had magic? All Merlin had said when he'd confronted him was that it hadn't been his secret to tell and Arthur hadn't found any words to argue after that. But still, if Merlin had worked it out, he should have done. Pushing his fingers through his already dishevelled hair he was just contemplating going to the indoor training room to give him something to take out his frustrations on when there was a gentle tap at the door.

'Arthur?' Gwen said, poking her head through the gap before slipping into the room and closing the door behind her. She was clad in the old red dress she'd had for years but the firelight gilded the curls dancing round her face and gave an added lustre to her already luminous skin. Arthur drank in the glorious picture she made but when he met her eyes to see unshed tears in a glittering film over brown irises his upsurge of desire was forgotten.

'What's happened?' He said, crossing the room in three strides and gathering her into his arms. 'Are you alright?'

'Sir Paladin,' she said, voice muffled by his chest. 'Just now … I'm sorry. There was nothing more Gaius could do.' She took a few shaky gulps of air before adding. 'I thought you'd want to know.'

Arthur nodded sharply before guiding her back to his chair where he settled her on his lap, unable to say a word. Sir Paladin had been a good man and an excellent knight; his loss was yet another blow to their already depleted defences. Morgana had not allowed any of the knights who were injured but alive after the invasion to be treated unless they swore allegiance to her. None had and of the few who had survived the two weeks of her rule now only one was left, despite Gaius' best efforts. The despair he had only just been keeping at bay washed over him once more and he held Gwen tight, taking comfort from her warming presence.

He wasn't sure how long they had been sitting, lost in their own thoughts when Gwen spoke.

'She's not going to just accept this defeat and leave us alone, is she?'

'No,' He replied, unable to find the words to soften he statement. 'No one who can cause this much suffering in such a short time would give in, especially now she has exposed what she truly is.'

'Yes, I didn't realise how powerful she was. I didn't realise she had allies. I didn't know who her teacher had been.'

The tone of her voice told him his intuition was right but he had to ask anyway.

'You knew, didn't you? Before she welcomed Morgause with opened arms. You knew she was a danger, that she had magic.'

'Yes.' She shifted on his lap so she could look him directly in the eyes and his anger was gone as swiftly as it had come.

'You should have told me.' He'd meant to sound stern but all he managed to do was sound like he was pleading. 'Why didn't you tell me?'

She cupped his face in her hands, leaning her forehead against his for a moment before pulling back and saying softly, 'And how would you like me to have put it? How could I have told you before, when she still appeared to be your friend, when your father would hear no word against her?' She bit her lip, eyes uncertain.

'Don't stop,' he said, forcing his body to relax, 'I want you to tell me everything. I need to understand how I could have been so blind. And how the two people who mean the most to me in this world felt they couldn't tell me what they knew.'

'Oh Arthur,' Gwen said, eyes filling with compassion and understanding. 'This wasn't your fault, this wasn't anyone's fault. Even if I'd said something, well, there was no proof of my claims. Not one tiny shred.' He'd opened his mouth to interrupt but she held her finger over it and continued 'I know you would have believed me, but what would you have done. If you'd confronted her she would have denied it, if you'd gone to the King he would have dismissed it out of hand and either course of action would probably have resulted in my being imprisoned, banished or worse.' She paused, eyes searching his face and he managed a weak smile, which she returned. 'I'm sorry I had to keep it from you, but I thought I was doing the right thing. And so did Merlin.'

'No, I'm sorry,' Arthur said, voice catching in his throat. 'Sorry I didn't stand up to my father more. Sorry I didn't speak up when he dismissed charges against a noble just because they were a noble but condemn commoners without trial. I'm ashamed that I didn't challenge him each time he let his blind hatred of magic condemn innocent people to death and make those people who would have been allies into enemies. Maybe if I'd been able to temper his actions Morgana wouldn't have done what she did.' He dropped his eyes, unable to meet her gaze any longer. 'I failed you. I failed her. I failed everyone.'

'Look at me Arthur Pendragon,' she said, pushing herself straight, her voice was suddenly strong, commanding. He did not even consider disobeying. 'You will not think that and you will never repeat that – either out loud or in your head – ever again. If you do you are letting her win. The only person who failed is Morgana. She let her fear turn to hate and then she abused her power in the worst way possible. If you are going blame anyone, blame her, she is the only one who deserves it'

Arthur studied her face, her belief in him, her love for him radiating from every feature and the knot of fear and panic that had been threatening to overwhelm him melted like butter in the sun. He could tell her, she would understand.

'I'm so angry Gwen, so angry that I don't quite know what do with myself. Right now if she walked into this room I'm not sure whether I'd be able to control myself after everything she's done. I didn't know I could feel hatred this strongly.'

'But you don't want to hate her?' Gwen questioned, voice neutral.

'She's my half-sister, my blood, my family. Family is … precious. Part of me thinks that no matter what she'd done I shouldn't hate. But then I think of all the people who are dead or injured by her will and I see red again.'

'Her actions condemn her, certainly. She does not deserve forgiveness simply because you share her blood, but equally hatred does you no good either.'

'It doesn't sound like you hate her.' He said, wrapping his arms more snugly round her waist and pulling her back onto his chest, feeling better already.

'I don't.' She replied, nestling her head into the crook of his neck. 'I pity her and I fear what she might do next but I don't hate her. She lost herself in that year she was lost to us, Arthur, that year Morgause poisoned her mind. We never got Morgana back, just a shell full of spite, anger and the desperate need for revenge. The Morgana who was my friend as well as my mistress would never have done these things and that Morgana would have despised who she has now become.'

'I know,' he said, idly twisting one of her curls round his forefinger, 'but that's what makes it so hard. When I think of her I think of the old Morgana, the one I loved like a sister without knowing she actually was. How could she have set that relationship aside so easily? Especially when, even now, I can't.' He took deep breath before continuing 'and I still don't understand why Father didn't tell either of us. If he'd told us the truth in the beginning, when she first arrived, would this have happened?'

'He was also doing what he thought was the best thing … for you both.' Gwen said gently. 'Morgana loved Gorlois fiercely, telling her would have been impossible when she was grieving for him and then, as time passed, it would have seemed more and more difficult to explain why he had not said something sooner.'

'That still doesn't explain why he couldn't have told me.' He knew he sounded like a petulant child but he didn't care, it was just such a relief to say it out loud.

'Without telling her? Are you saying you would have been able to carry on and treat her exactly as you had been once you knew?'

'That's not the point!'

'I think to your father it may have been.'

'I just … I thought he trusted me.'

'He did, Arthur, he still does and,' Gwen tilted her head and pressed a kiss to his jaw before continuing. 'And I think this is the reason you are quite as angry as you are. I don't blame you, not in the slightest, but you do need to deal with it and I don't think I'm the person you need to have this discussion with. Go and talk to him in the morning. Say what you need to say and give him a chance to explain. You might not like the answers but at least you'll know the truth and can stop torturing yourself with your imaginings.'

'It really is that simply isn't it.' He said bemusedly, feeling calmer than he had for days.

'It really is.' She replied, the hint of a smile in her voice. 'Most things are when you aren't the one they are happening to.'

'Thank you, Guinevere,' he said sincerely, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. 'You really are a remarkable woman.'

He could feel a blush heating her cheek as it rested on his collarbone but she said nothing, just twisted her hand into his shirt and let out a contented sigh. Leaning his head on hers he allowed his eyes to close, intending to plan his conversation with his father in head, but it was not to be. They were both asleep within minutes and that was how they remained for the rest of the night. They were still curled together, in front of the cold hearth, with slight smiles on their faces when the dawn arrived and with it Merlin bringing Arthur's breakfast.


Kizzia: Well, there you are – hope you liked it. Part 2 will be up next week and then there will be regular updates until it's finished – except when I'm on holiday with no access to internet.

Please review – I really appreciate knowing what you think.