Out of the Ashes

Two

I can move between the veils/ One is of my deep regret/ And the other is of memories that I choose to forget/No matter where I go/ You'll forever be under my skin- Helga G. Pataki

Good 'ole Sunset Arms, home to me, home to Arnold.

I hated my life and the way things had started to go for me. I had let Arnold go, right? I had let go of all those feelings right? So why did I get that feeling under my chest, in my heart? Why did I feel like I was going to explode whenever I saw Arnold coming out of the shower with a towel around his waist as I passed him on my way in? Probable because he had an amazing body and was good looking, but even still that was not the point. I think my feelings for Arnold were starting to bubble to the surface again and I don't think I could handle that.

Not when I was just starting to forget him.

Me and Arnold moved through our daily lives at school and barely acknowledged each other. It helped that he didn't pay attention to me, and I returned the favor. He played basket ball and I was a ballerina. We were on different ends of the spectrum with no middle ground with the exception of our friends and our living arrangements.

I was glad that Arnold didn't feel the need to insinuate himself into the middle of my life even though we lived in the same place. I was distant and emotionally attached which is what I believed my dancing required, and he was fun and outgoing.

He was also dating Lila, finally and it really didn't help that I still hated her. She had him, and his love and his warmth and attention.

I had no one.

I rarely daydreamed but when I did it was about confronting Lila and asking her about why she was with Arnold. I would stand in this day dream and glare at her while she talked in that 'ever so perfect' way and annoyed the hell out of me, with her response being, "Because I'm popular, and he's popular and we should be together."

Of course I knew that Arnold would never date Lila because of that reason: popularity. I mean I was popular but I just didn't feel the need to be out there like Lila. I swear the girl had been as slutty as ever until she hooked up with Arnold and got it together. He made people better, and when they were around him they wanted to be better. I had wanted to be better.

Phoebe snapped me from my thoughts by pointing out that the lunch line was moving. Nothing seemed appealing today, not even tapioca pudding and so I left line and told Phoebe I would meet her out on front quad after she finished getting lunch.

P.S. 118 had had some renovating done and had had a front quad put in and that was where everyone went to eat and hang out between classed and during lunch. This particular day Arnold just had to be out there sitting on the picnic table with Gerald, who didn't like me much. They were playing around and dancing and I even had to admit that Arnold could dance for a white dude.

His movements were fluid, liquid in motion and I liked what I saw.

Nadine waved me over. "Helga, come watch these fools." She laughed and I jogged over and sat on the picnic table. Arnold was laughing but once he looked up and saw me the smile left his face and he quit.

"Man, why you stop?" Gerald asked and then glanced in my direction. "Cause of her?"

Arnold said nothing but continued to challenge me with his stare. "No, never."

The words left his mouth like something of a challenge but I simply continued to stare back. "Well then finish." My words were pointed, ice cold to the touch and he could feel them.

"Why don't you try and do it then, Helga. Ms. I'm on Point," Gerald spoke up from behind Arnold and out the corner of my eye I could see people staring but my gaze was for Arnold. Gerald had tried to take a stab at me being a ballerina, even only he knew!

He smiled and made a gesture that I should join him but then I broke eye contact and the world blurred as I stood up, steped to Arnold then turned and left. I passed Phoebe on my way out and I heard whispers from behind me, Nadine's voice telling everyone, "She could have wiped the floor with you. Helga's pretty good at hip hop dancing, you fools. Ever see her in the club on a Saturday night, you'd be begging for your life!"

I smiled, my secret was out but I quickly masked my face and entered the school.

Later on that night, after dance class was over, I came home to Sunset Arms to meet Olga heading out for a date with some guy. He looked nervous and was waiting outside when I came up.

"Hi," he smiled and stood, placing out his hand.

I shook it and waited.

He explained. "I'm dating your sister. Tonight is the first night were going out." Smile. "It's very nice to meet you Helga. Olga tells me you're a ballerina. So is my daughter."

Whoa! Alarm bells were going off. He had scored points by knowing who I was but had quickly lost them by saying he had a kid and was trying to date my sister. Even though me and Olga didn't get along, no dude was going to wreck her life with baby mama drama. I'd see to that.

I smiled. "You two have a nice time." I moved past him and went inside passing Olga on her way out. She had a on a fire-engine red dress that was backless and she had a smile on her face that was one of pure happiness. She kissed my forehead and left.

I yawned but I wasn't sleepy. I still wanted to dance and I was going to. I quickly slipped into a sports bra and shorts and went to my secret studio.

I had discovered that Arnold's grandmother had once been into dance as well and in one of the unused rooms she had converted it into a dance studio. I turned my Ipod on to some hip hop and started.

I loosened up, stretched and then began to move. Choreographing moves into my head. Moving with the beat and then the music went dead I whirled around to find Arnold standing there with a silly grin.

"Do you always have to make people look bad?" he spoke the grin never sliding from his face.

"Just a gift," I replied and reached for a towel to wipe away the sweat.

"Why didn't you defend yourself at lunch today? Obviously, you're an amazing dancer."

"Didn't want to give you the satisfaction, foot ball head."

He smiled. "Haven't heard that in a while."

"Yeah, I'm thinking of bringing that back." I turned away hoping he would leave but knew that he didn't plan on it. I watched his reflection in the mirror as his gaze stumbled over my body. I was nervous and I didn't want him here.

So if wouldn't leave I would. I picked up my belongings and went to move but he blocked my path.

"Nadine says you dance at clubs. I've never seen you at any I've been to."

"So. Nadine says a lot of things, doesn't make them true, Arnold."

"But this time I think she's right. I saw you Helga, and you were…wow!"

"Why the sudden need to know stuff about me. I've been here for six months."

The way he was looking down at me made me weak. I didn't do weak as well as some would. "Because today Helga is the first time you've ever backed down from a challenge and I wanted to know if it had anything to do with me bringing the challenge to your front door or not."

"Seriously, Arnold. I don't need this. I have home work, I'm tired and your blocking my way."

His blue eyes looked defeated. He hadn't gotten the answer he'd wanted. Too bad, neither had I at one point in time. He stepped aside and let me pass.

This was me.

This was me resisting temptation.

Author's Note: The first chapter was an interesting take on Helga's world, as the whole story will be. She has other things in her life that she can focus on and that doesn't always have to include Arnold.