'ELLO EH, MATES!

I got exactly three reviews for the previous chapter. XD

I hope they weren't the same person. o_O

Ahm gunna 'ave tah say thanks tah yah oll!

I know not every FFXIII fan has played the game, so I'll explain most of the stuff in here later.

My favorite chapter.

Onward we go!


CHAPTER 2 - Kyuable With...


Fang stepped out onto the Archylte Steppe's central expanse and took in a breath of fresh air.

Hope came out after her, panting, then fell to his knees.

"S-slow down next time... F-Fang..."

And he collapsed.

"Ah think wey need tah booze yeh stamina bafoh weh stat," Fang mused, looking at him lying pathetically on the green, face down.

A gorgonopsid passed by, then paused to look at the fatigued figure on the ground.

Fang waved her spear at the creature. "Oi! 'E ain't feh sale!"

The gorgonopsid gave a hiss, wagged its tail at her, then ran off and ate a passing flan.

Fang poked Hope's butt with the smaller end of her spear. "Oi... mate. Ge' up."

Hope wiggled his butt. "I... am... trying to," he whined.

Fang sighed, then grabbed the back of his scarf again. Hope managed a small yelp before his air supply was cut off.

"Gosh! Will you please stop grabbing my scarf?" he choked out.

Fang cringed, let go, and dropped Hope back on the ground, face down.

"Ugh... yeh yoosd thah wohd 'gosh'."

"Whatsh wrong wishat?" Hope asked, his mouth muffled by the dirt (and chocobo shit, but he doesn't know this) his face was nestled in.

"You ah so gay."

"No I'm not."

Fang kicked him lightly in the stomach, and he rolled over.

He opened his very large eyes, then closed them again, tired from opening them.

Fang sighed, then pulled a Fortisol from a random fold in her sari. She popped the spray-cap off and threw the contents into Hope's mouth.

Hope's gigantic green eyes popped open, and he leapt to his feet. A look of determination glazed over his features, and he looked more awesomer than everer.

"WOW!" he yelled, waking an adroa in the Tsubaddran Highlands. "I! FEEL! SO! BRAVE! AND! FAITHFUL! AND! HASTY!"

He skipped around the place bravely, faithfully, and hastily, yelling about how fortified and synergized he was.

Fang stared at him, surprised that anyone could be so hyper. And she grew up with Vanille, so that's saying something.

Hope continued to hop about like a druggie, occasionally throwing Blizzaga spells at some unlucky wyverns.

Fang sighed again, deciding it had gone too far when Hope began to dry-hump an adamantoise's leg.

She pulled Hope away with a bear hug, struggling to control the spazzing and twitching teenager.

She threw him on the ground and pinned him there by stabbing the earth on either side of him with her split spear.

"Theh," she said, standing up and admiring her handiwork, A.K.A. a writhing 14-year-old pinned to the ground by a bladed spear while singing old inspirational songs (e.g. I Believe I Can Fly). "Thah shudd hol' 'im feh a bit, ah lees until thah fowthisol wehs off."

She never expected Hope to begin foaming at the mouth.

"W― ah, wazzis?"

Fang took out the empty bottle of Fortisol and read the label at the back.

"Feh extehnull use ownley."

She looked at Hope again, who, in addition to the foaming, had also begun convulsing.

"Ah crap... Lady Luck ain' on moy soyd t'day."

She fumbled around her carrier belt, took out a bottle of painkillers and a bottle of antidote, and then, once more, threw the contents of both into Hope's foaming mouth.

The foaming and shaking eventually stopped, and after a bit Hope got into a sitting position. He groggily opened his humongous eyes and looked at Fang. "I... feel... kinda dazed and foggy..."

Fang looked at the empty bottle of painkillers and read the label again.

"Two pills peh dose feh sixteyn an' below."

She glanced at Hope. "Daze an' Fog, eh? Yah ain' gunna loyk tha kyuh feh thah..."


Okay, let's begin explaining.

A Fortisol is a shroud used in the game. If you use it, you get bestowed with Brave, Faith and Haste before a battle. It's used outside of battle, meaning during exploration. When it's used, sparkly stuff appears around your characters, like a spray.

Daze and Fog are status ailments. Daze is curable with Foul Liquid, and Fog is curable with Mallets. XD

I guess that's about it. XD

I'd like to thank the people who reviewed:

BrightSparx (moar heavily accented Fang on thah way. My beta-readers read it phonetically, too. XD It's more fun to write Fang's lines than to read them.)

Liz99 (oh, you will see more. You will see more.)

and HBHound [thank you for putting my story and myself on shitloads of stuff (alert, fave, etc.). T'was awesome.]

Thank you all!

I think I should raise the bar a bit higher (living up to my reputation as a review whore) so I'll post the third chapter after the first FIVE reviews of chapter 2!

I am SUCH a sadistic review whore.

Gawd. I love exaggeration.

Preview for the next chapter:


"Hey Fang, what do we do next?"

"Shuh uhp, 'Ope. Um thinkin'."

The next second, Fang unbuckled her belt, then threw it on the ground.


But of course that doesn't mean I'll be posting previews for every following chapter. I just felt like it.

TEEHEE