Roy: Ba, da, daaaaaaaaaa-…yeah, I'm not really feeling it. Do we really have to do the whole, "Ba, da, daaaaaaa," thing at the beginning of every chapter?

Donjusticia: Well…I mean…it's sort of traditional and uh…

Roy: Well screw tradition. I say we come up with a bit more variety, like…I don't know…some kind of witty theme song?

Donjusticia: Okay. I'll whip up something.

*2 seconds later.*

Roy: *Reading the script.* You can't be serious.

Donjusticia: Oh but I am.

Roy: *Inhales deeply* Okay…fine then. Let's just get this over with.

Anime-niacs (A parody of the "Animaniacs" Theme Song.)

Edward, Alphonse, and Roy: It's time for Anime-niacs!

Edward: And we're angsty to the max.

Alphonse: So just sit back and relax.

Roy: You will laugh till you collapse.

Edward, Alphonse, and Roy: We're Anime-niacs!

Edward: So come join the Elric brothers,

Roy: And an alchemist named Roy.

Last chapter I was busy

fixing some poor old brat's toy.

I ordered my friend, Riza

To shoot me in the head.

But I spoke with Truth

And with a "Poof!"

I came back from the dead!

Ed, Al, and Roy: We're Anime-niacs!

Mei is cute, and Ling's a hack!

Gluttony packs away the snacks!

And Truth spouts some random facts!

We're Anime-niacs!

Meet Gluttony and Lust

Who help Dad rule the universe!

The seven sins flock together,

Izumi smacks them with her purse!

Marcoh runs from Envy,

Scar makes his face look worse!

Winry bakes some pies

And then Hughes dies

It's like they all are cursed!

We're Anime-niacs!

Hoping for a really good climax!

We're angsty to the max!

We've got homunculi on our backs!

Roy: We're Anime-ny

Edward and Alphonse: Totally brainy.

Mei: Teaching Alkahest-ry

The whole FMA Brotherhood Cast: Anime-niacs! Those are the facts!


Again 4Koma Theater 2

Panel 1:

"…What's wrong, sir?" Riza's voice, with a hint of concern, drags him out of his thoughts—he'd completely forgotten she was here, and now she'd seen this entire episode.

"I—uh—" Roy coughs, sinking back into his chair. No matter how much he trusts Riza, he can't tell her what happened. Not yet. "I'm fine, Lieutenant. Just took me a second to wake up, and remembered I have a lot of paperwork to file before our transfer to Central." That's a decent excuse, right? Please don't question it, Roy thinks, hiding his nervousness behind one of his sheepish grins.

Thankfully, she doesn't. "This is why you should do your paperwork when I give it to you instead of wasting your time planning dates and messing with people, sir."

"Hey—that's not all I do!" Roy objects, folding his arms across his chest and almost pouting like a small child. "And I do do my paperwork. Sometimes. Maybe if you wouldn't act like a stern mother all the time I'd get it done faster."

"Sit up!" Riza barks, "And don't you dare use that tone with me when I'm talking to you, young man!"

"But Liueteeeenaaaant!" Roy whines.

"'Butts' are for sitting on chairs." Riza scolds. "And when was the last time you brushed your hair!? Do I have to get your aunt on the phone!?"

"No, Liuetenant." Roy grumbles.

"Good boy." Riza replies, patting Roy on the head. "Now straighten up your desk and hair and wash your hands when you're done. We're having Spinach Quiche for dinner."

"Awwwwwww, but I HATE Spinach Quiche!" Roy whines, stamping his feet on the ground as he throws a tantrum.

"Do I have to send you to your barracks for a time-out again!?" Riza scolds, wagging her finger at Roy.

"No." Roy grumbles, vigorously shaking his head.

"Well good." Riza replies, "Because you are going to eat every last spoonful of Quiche, and you won't get any dessert until you've finished."


Panel 2:

Roy fishes a notepad and a pen out of his desk, and begins writing down all of the things he knows he has to prevent. Of the things he'd already thought of (with a side note to somehow work out how to gain Major General Armstrong's favor… or at least how to make her not want to take off his head as soon as he starts talking), he adds delaying or stopping Sloth from completing the tunnel under Amestris; failing that, preventing the crest of blood from being carved in the North would definitely work, stopping the Immortal Legion from being activated, and if he could, figure out a way to stop the unrest in Liore. He thinks it might be too late for the last one, but if he can do anything to save a few lives, he will.

He sighs, tapping his pen on the desk a few times. What else should he do? Finding a way to contact Van Hohenheim can't hurt. Oh, and securing Dr. Marcoh from the homunculi—the man's research on the Philosopher's Stone can possibly help him out. Is there anything else? The nagging feeling in his gut says there is, but he just can't seem to—

"OH MY GOSH! I'VE GOTTA SAVE HUGHES!" Roy shouts before rushing out the room.

One chapter later…

"Wow! Thanks for saving me, Roy." Says Hughes, thanking his friend as he works to compose himself. "If you hadn't of arrived sooner, I would have been a goner!"

"Just doing my job." Roy reassures his friend before sighing with relief.

Wow! It worked! Time travel is awesome! By why should I stop here! What other things could I fix!?

"Okay, wait right here, Hughes." Roy instructs his friend. "There's a couple more things I need to fix."

And with a snap of his fingers, Roy suddenly disappeared from the present time.

"Come here, Nina." Shou Tucker whispered to his daughter, "I want to 'play' with you…"

"Okay, but…why do Alexander and I need to stand in the scary demon circle?" Nina asks her dad as Shou laughs insanely.

Suddenly, before Shou can make another move on his daughter and her extremely cute dog, Roy suddenly appears in the room.

"YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!" Roy roars, punching Shou in the face before hand-cuffing him.

"NO! My plans! My beautiful plans! All my dreams of renewing my state certification ruined!" Shou wails.

"You can turn your state certification in to the judge!" Roy growls before shoving Shou into a conveniently placed police car.

"No! Daddy!" Nina wails. "He was an egomaniacal psychopath, but I loved him! How can I go on without any of my parents!?"

"One second." Roy reassures the little girl before snapping his fingers and reappearing seconds later with Nina's mom, alive and well and most definitely not a chimera.

"There." Says Roy, as Nina and her mom hug. "You're life is happy now."

"State Alchemist!" The voice of Scar roars as he suddenly bursts into the room, hand outstretched. "Prepare to meet God!"

"Listen, Scar, let's just talk for a moment." Roy sighs.

"No talking!" Scar growls, "Just exploding your face!"

"Listen," Roy huffs, rolling his eyes in exasperation, "Your brother was an alchemist too, just like the Rockbells who were good people who cared about you, yadda, yadda, yadda, cycle of revenge must end."

"I'm instantly repentant now." Scar replies, lowering his arms and vowing to peacefully rebuild relations between Amestris and Ishval.

"Great!" Roy exclaims, "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to make a trip to Liore."

Liore

"I am the voice of Leto!" Father Cornello bellows as throngs of followers gather around his temple.

"No you're not, you're a fake." Says Roy, suddenly appearing behind the cult leader before smashing his ring.

"Nooooooooo!" Father Cornello wails, "The source of my fake powers! I'm ruined!"

"Waaaaaaaaaah! My faith was based on something completely fake!" Rose bellows.

"Listen, just start a food stand, and you'll feel better." Roy replies, patting her on the back.

"What?" Rose asks, looking completely confused.

"Just trust me, it will make sense later on." Roy admonishes before snapping his fingers and disappearing again.

"So, you ready to bring mom back?" Edward asks his brother Alphonse.

"Eff yeah!" Alphonse enthusiastically replies. "Let's commit the taboo!"

Suddenly, Roy appears in front of them before smacking them both in the face.

"No!" he roars, "Bad children! No using alchemy to bring back the dead!"

"But we-…" Edward begins.

"No!" Roy repeats. "Don't you do it! It won't work anyway! You'll just end up bringing back the corpse of some random guy who isn't even your mom."

"Awww…but we miss mom so much!" Edward groans while Alphonse begins weeping.

"Okay, look guys." Roy sighs, "It'll all work out in the end. You'll marry Winry and have tons of kids," he begins, pointing at Edward, whose eyes widen with shock, "And as for you, Alphonse," he continues, pointing at Ed's brother, "you'll probably end up with…oh…I don't know…some Xiangese princess or something."

"WHOO!" Alphonse celebrates while Edward looks completely mortified.

"Whelp, I think that takes care of just about everything." Roy muses, before he's suddenly hit by some inspiration.

"Okay, never mind." He says to nobody in particular, "I just remembered that there's a way we could prevent all our problems from ever happening in the first place!"

The Kingdom of Xerxes

"So tell me the secret of immortality!" King Xerxes commands The Man in the Flask.

"Okay." The Man in the Flask replies, a mischievous grin on his face, " All you've gotta do is-…"

Suddenly, Roy appears next to Slave #23 before casually knocking the flask from his hands.

"OH WHAT A WORLD! WHAT A WORLD!" The Man in the Flask screams as his container shatters and his body dissolves into black mist.

"Wha-what the-…?" King Xerxes sputters in astonishment.

"Trust me, you're highness, I'm saving EVERYONE a whole lot of trouble." Roy promises.


Panel 3:

That's not what I—you know what, never mind. I don't want to argue." Roy lets himself sink back in his seat in relief. The pain in his chest has turned into a numb sort of happiness and he doesn't want to ruin it. "Your first assumption was right. I don't feel like filing paperwork and thought talking to you could help pass the time. Got… Got any new daughter stories, Hughes?"

There's a sharp intake of breath from the other end. "Whoa, who are you and what have you done with Roy Mustang?

Roy is about to reply, when all of his men have suddenly leveled their guns at him.

"On your feet, Colonel!" Riza barks, "Or should I even call you that?"

"Lieutenant, what are you-…?" Roy begins, before Hughes suddenly interrupts him from the other end.

"Can it, imposter!" He barks. "I don't know exactly how you managed to disguise your voice and appearance, but there's one thing I AM certain of! The real Roy Mustang would NEVER call me to hear some of my daughter stories!"

"Oh come on, man!" Roy protests, "I was just trying to…you know…be friendly at all!"

"Ha! As if!" Riza scoffs.

"The Colonel Mustang I know doesn't have any friends!" Havoc growls, cocking his pistol.

"Yeah!" Fuery agrees, "We all know what Mustang's really like!"

"For one, he's a complete A-hole who doesn't even notice the people who actually care about him!" Riza growls.

"He also sounds like a complete moron over the phone, not at all like you do!" Hughes angrily adds, "He's always going on like, 'Duuuuuuuuuuuuh…imma become Fuhrer, but I don't have a freaking clue how!? Could you tell me what to do, Hughes?'"

"And the real Roy isn't nearly as handsome as you are!" Havoc adds, "Riza and I are always making jokes behind the real Colonel's back about how stupid his fat face looks!"

"Yeah! His face is so ugly that the real Roy Mustang couldn't find a girlfriend even if he did become Fuhrer!" Riza adds.

Roy stares at his followers, a look of disbelief coming over his face.

"Truth!" he shouts to the sky, "I'd like my old timeline back now, please!"


Panel 4:

He strains his memory for some sign that he can—he'd absorbed so much information in that place it hurts to think about. But he sees, something. He pictures the transmutation circle he needs in his mind, and claps his hands together to complete it before pressing his hands on the yo-yo.

For a second, nothing happens, and Roy sinks, afraid he's just embarrassed himself in front of this kid. His eyes light up when the familiar crackle of blue lightning flash around the toy, and in an instant the repair is done. Roy stares at his hands while the boy celebrates his toy being fixed. He, he actually can do it. Meaning… meaning he's just made himself a bigger target for the homunculi, if word gets out.

"Wowwowwow! Mister, that was so cool!" the boy cheers. "It was like magic!"

"Magic? No, that was alchemy, kid," Roy replies with a grin.

"Can you fix my top?" A girl from behind suddenly asks, holding up her broken toy.

"Well…uh…" Roy begins before another boy suddenly approaches him.

"Can you fix my slinky?"

"Look kid, I'd like to help you all, but I'm kind of in a-…" Roy replies, before a crowd suddenly swarms him.

"Could you mend my dress?" A woman asks.

"And my marriage relationship?" Another man asks.

"Could you bring my dead dog back to life?" Another little boy asks.

"Excuse me," A gentleman in a top hat asks, "but I'm in need of some refreshment. Could you transmute this water into some wine for me?"

"I have been lame for twenty years!" A cripple gasps, "Please! Could you mend my legs!?"

"Master! If it be thy will, thou canst make me clean!" A leper pleads, ringing his bell.

"I need only touch his robe, and I shall be healed!" A hooded woman whispers to herself before grabbing at Roy's sleeve.

"TRUTH!" Roy shouts over the multitude, "I'M SERIOUS ABOUT TAKING BACK THAT DEAL NOW!"

Ending Donjusticia A/N: Thank you all once again for your support. Have a wonderful, normal, non-repeating day.