SLASH!

Disclaimer: if I owned anything I wouldn't be writing this.

On request of one my reviewers this entire chapter is devoted to slash pairings. (I have nothing against homosexuality)

OBIKAN (Anakin skywalker and Obi-wan Kenobi)

Sigh, and here I thought I was free of Obi-wan's pimpness. Apparently he thought all of his female ships weren't stupid enough so he turned to the even stupider Anakin skywalker, whiner extraordinaire. Well if Obi-wan thought he'd seen stupid he hasn't anything yet. The jackass who created this ship apparently thought pairing up an idiot with a whining idiot would net him a "romantic" and "heartbreaking" story but all he got was my burning retinas. It's even worse when they make lemons betweens the two because the descriptions send me into cardiac arrest and it's just plain awkward since I'm a guy.

Anakin is of course an idiot, and why anyone would fall for him, a whiny emo kid with emotional problems, is beyond me. Obi-wan probably didn't want to give him the talk because Anakin would probably start bawling about how Obi-wan "turned against him" I feel bad for the writers of this ship since they have to keep Anakin in character which is emotional and an idiot. Plus the whole cut off your limbs thing would kind of be a turn off for both of them, plus Anakin burst into flame, most likely eliminating his ability to do that.

WINDUOUS (Mace Windu and Darth Sideous)

I swear when finish writing this I will cast the maker of this ship into HELL! I mean, who would be idiotic enough to make this ship? Mace Windu is the only African American in the prequels (so much for equality) and has a girly little purple lightsaber. Why would you want a purple lightsaber, you would probably get teased so much no wonder he's usually such a jerk. Not to mention he is way to "dark chocolate for such a "skinny white bitch" and not to mention they're mortal enemies and mace is bald, so that's a turn off. Mace is most likely the only intelligent being in star wars because he knows when you face a sith lord, you kill him not keep him alive to save your pansy ass wife.

Palpatine is a two hundred year old sith lord with the face of a rodian who took a shotgun blast to the face and the voice of boomer from left for dead. Most people think he's intelligent but he's really not. All he does is say "everything is going as I have foreseen" or some other mystical crap. I am almost convinced he's a relative of Qui-gon since all he does is make marijuana induced statements. The guy can't fight for shit, oh yay he beat a little green midget hurray! Another reason this ship wouldn't work, his obsession with force lightning. During sex he'd probably send lightning into mace instead of that stuff.

SIRIME (Siri Tachi and Padme Amidala)

Great, now we've got the blonde idiot with the brunette idiot, wonderful. These two are the single greatest female idiots around with Asajj coming in at third. They're total bimbos that probably belong together because only an idiot would want to be with them, the words Obi-wan and Anakin come to mind. Padme is of course a not-pacifist, most likely sister of Qui-gon and a woman who brings stupidity to a whole new level. In fact, she's so stupid she doesn't even know she is stupid which is really, really stupid. As I've said her hair styles are ridiculous especially the bun thing which looks like a cinnamon bun, only rotten to the core. Hell if Padme should be paired up with anyone it should be with duchess Satine, a fellow blonde idiot and non-pacifist.

Siri is a blonde who slept with Obi-wan because she's a pathetic transsexual who's way to man-like to be a woman. I mean really, she's like mulan only reversed and it's really, really transparent. Now the fact that she's practically a guy doesn't even make this a slash pairing at all, but everyone's too much of an idiot to notice much. She has tried and failed several time to seduce men, hell she's probably even tried chat roulette and we all know that's just a bunch of guys jacking off so that technically makes her gay…

GRIEVU (General Grievous and Count Dooku)

I thought things would start looking up but they've only turned worse. This ship is just as bad as WINDUOUS and that stuff was just plain horrible. Okay first off, Dooku is like seventy years old and is probably a virgin. He can't keep a secret for crap as he told Obi-wan right out that sideous was controlling the senate which was a total give away anyway. His so called "skills" are weak beyond imagination and why sideous would want the help of a weak ass old fart is beyond me, maybe sideous has a thing for him, I don't know. Why Dooku would have a thing for grievous when he doesn't even fight in any battles is really ridiculous as he's probably only got one pound of muscle.

Grievous is a cyborg that gets paired up with way to many characters for it to be normal. I mean first the demoness Shaak Ti and now the Weak fart known as Count Dooku? This cannot be normal. As I've said the guy got blown up in a shuttle crash and half his body was blown off, including his you-know-what so that kind of ruins the concept of sex as I'm sure that even if grievous did have one, it would probably be pretty small. Now as for looks they probably aren't so great as a lot of his face was blown off and he lacks lips, so yeah so much for romance. If I had to choose a pairing for this guy it would probably be Shaak Ti because atleast she kind of looks hot in a strange alien-ish way.

OBIXAN (Obi-wan Kenobi and Xanatos)

Xanatos is a failed jedi padawan who was too much of a wimp to finish some pointless trials that seem difficult but really wasn't. The only redeeming quality about the guy is that he was a dark jedi and instead of facing death like a man he pointlessly committed suicide which served no other purpose other than to add further angst which wasn't necessary in the first place. Xanatos was once Qui-gon's apprentice and amazingly he didn't become an idiot or a hippie which is a good thing because we don't need anymore Qui-gons running around and "flipping off the system." He's also one of Obi-wan's arch enemies which kind of tears down the romance. Seriously that's like the batman and the joker getting together and if that ever find that ship I will kill someone.

Obi-wan apparently knows how to raise the dead and make friends out of enemies, maybe he's not such an idiot after all…oh wait, he can't. Obi-wan is still as pimp as always (And not in a good way) as he's got just about every male character lusting after him along with almost every other female and every other bisexual (Siri, and most likely, Palpatine) and or transsexual. I'm surprised that that Obi-wan isn't bisexual with how many males and females are "charging up his loading ramp." It's unfortunate that almost every person lusting after Obi-wan is either a blonde idiot or a total freak, in a way I feel sorry for him, but hey he attracts the weirdoes.

Well, that's chapter two, thank you for the reviews and please give me requests I beg you!

-Wakkomonkey9258