Disclaimer: I own nothing
I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. I don't know what to do, what to say. I don't know where my place is now when all I want to do is wrap my baby up in my arms and tell her I've got her. But of what use is that when her child is in the arms of another woman?
For a time; she was a child without a mother, now she's a mother without a child and I can relate, if only slightly, to the trauma that this causes one's heart.
She's gone, long gone. I can tell from the way she looks out at nothing in particular, a solemn look on her face that tells me she thinks this is it, that this emptiness she's feeling will forever be there –a hollow cavity in her chest.
I don't know what to do and I doubt many mothers would, so I simply guide her to my car where she slips in without a word. Walking round to my own side; I sit next to her, noting her every feature, realising she's no longer my baby girl. She's so much more than that.
Taking her cold hand in my own, I squeeze it. There's so much I want to tell her but right now the simple gesture is all I can muster. I'm doing everything I can to not fall into the same state, after all, it's me that she inherited the coping mechanism from.
She remains unmoved, barely registering my hand on her hers. It's eerie but not in the least bit surprising. Pulling out of the space, I find my mind wandering as we make the trip back to our road. How was it my daughter grew to be such a brave young woman? With only myself as a role model; how was she able to do such a selfless, loving gesture for the sake of her child?
So much my daughter has, strength, courage and in some ways it feels like she is the parent. I suppose she has been for a long while. As I sat nursing a glass of wine, feeling sorry for myself after the latest bust up with Russell; it was Quinn that made sure the house was presentable and food was prepared. For so long I relied on my child; it's time for me to finally prove myself to her, to show her that she does have someone.
I am under no illusions that by having my support, she will heal any quicker. All I know is Quinn is my baby girl and just as she did everything for Beth's welfare, I will do the same for hers.
