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Chapter 1:

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There's this girl in the mirror,

I wonder who she is.

Sometimes I think I know her,

Sometimes I wish I did.

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Sakura awoke abruptly from her sleep and squinted at the sunlight pouring into the room. She cringed for a moment, trying to allow her eyes to adjust, but it didn't make much difference, because she had already realized that she was definitely not in her room. The mattress was too firm, the headboard was a deep mahogany, and the whole place smelled like the forest. Funny how she'd been here a hundred times before and yet this place was so unfamiliar.

Usually during her bouts with Genma, it was late at night, many times she was intoxicated, and even during those moments she wasn't, they never wasted anytime when they arrived. It was always dark, neither of them bothered with the lights, and once they were finished, Sakura would gather up her things and leave before daybreak. Desperate to get away before the sun could creep in and betray her body to Genma.

She had never let him see her. Somehow she'd fixed it in her mind that if Genma were to see her body, really look at her flesh, then it was somehow an unforgivable sin. Besides, it was too… close. Too intimate. Perhaps if he saw all the things she hid underneath her clothes, he could all the things she hid beneath her skin. All the things she hid inside her soul.

With all the stealth of the talented ninja she was, Sakura carefully placed a foot down on the creaky hardwood floor, and tiptoed across to reach the pile of clothes she had so carelessly threw across the floor last night. Genma stirred and Sakura stopped moving immediately holding her foot in midair, pausing the step she had been about to take. After a few seconds his breathing returned to normal and she quickly collected the rest of her things, before disappearing out the window.

Once she was among the trees she quickly dressed and headed back to her house. Running a brush through her hair, she glanced at the clock to check the time. Crap. She was due for a meeting with the Hokage in twenty minutes. Needless to say she did not even begin the work she was supposed to have finished by the time the next twelve hundred seconds struck eight. Sticking a bagel between her teeth and grabbing a thermos full of orange juice, she hauled up the enormous pile of papers, and headed of toward the Hokage Tower.

She was screwed, anyway.

At least she'd have orange juice.


"SAKURA!"

Tsunade was not pleased. She closed her eyes tightly, her foot tapping incessantly on the hard wooden floors beneath her. Every ninja in the room quickly excused, themselves, including Shizune, who muttered something offhand about the coffee maker being a fire hazard.

Sakura however, took it all in stride.

"You didn't even touch it! Not a word! Sakura I needed this dissertation for the upcoming council meeting. This could be the most incredible breakthrough medicine has ever seen." Tsunade began to pace the room, anxiety written all over her usually confident face.

"Look," Sakura said. "It's not too late. We have a whole month before we have to present this, and besides, you know I still have to do a bit more research. Hands on research I mean."

Tsunade glared at her most prized student. As much she knew Sakura was trying to save her own ass, she also knew that the girl was right. With a medicine breakthrough this big, they had to make sure everything was perfect.

"Clever girl," Tsunade said, the hint of a smile tugging at her lips. "Fine," she said. "I'm sending you on a mission today. Shouldn't take long, you should be back by tomorrow morning. Check around the small villages on our outskirts and find wounded ninja. Test the technique on them. I warn you though, be careful. You can't harm anyone."

Sakura gave a cocky smile. "Come on, shishou. I'm not one to make mistakes." Sakura stood up and began walking towards the door.

Seeing the conceited grin, Tsunade took her chance to ruin it for her. "One condition though, missy, since research and writing seems to be where you're lacking."

Sakura paused.

"Neji Hyuuga is going with you."

"WHAT!"


It wasn't that Neji was a bad guy, per say, he and Sakura just didn't talk much. But as weird as it would be, Tsunade was right in choosing him. His ability of the Byakugan would come on handy with this project. But why couldn't she have picked Hinata? That would have been ten times as comfortable, but this was her punishment for not completing her task in time. She was going to kill Ino for dragging her out last night! That girl was going to-

Sakura cut her thoughts off abruptly, suddenly remembering what she herself was doing to Ino. The guilt washed over like a wave, dense, heavy, an impossible to ignore. Sakura felt her heart jump in her chest at the feeling, and she paused a moment, and sat on a nearby bench.

In some ways it seemed so weird that she could almost forget what she was doing, and in other ways she could see it happening no other way but that. Sex with Genma had become a sort of release for her. In more ways than one. He certainly was more than admirable in bed, bring Sakura to multiple orgasms a night, filling her with a hot wetness that only he seemed to supply, and she almost reveled in the sin. It was a forbidden act, one that allowed her an escape route from everything else that plagued her.

It was a freedom she was addicted to.

On the other hand, it kept her up in the late hours, made her nervous and uncomfortable around Ino, made her head want to explode. She did not want to be a bad person. She simply sought solace. And while it lasted during the moment, as soon as it was over, she felt even lower than before. What she needed was to end it.

She could do that right?

She could stop.

She could stride right up to him and tell him to never come looking for her again.

It would be almost… easy.

"Excuse me, Sakura-san," a smooth, rich voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she looked up in the pale eyes of Neji Hyuuga himself. "I'm sorry; did I interrupt your thinking? I apologize. I simply wanted to confirm that I was to be the one to accompany you on your mission."

Sakura sat there in silence for a long minute.

"Sakura-san?" Neji finally asked.

"Um, of course! Yes, uh, Tsunade did assign us to go together. I was headed toward my house- just to ah, grab a few things." Sakura felt like a fool for sounding so incompetent while Neji sat there calmly watching her resemble the nearest bimbo. Some kunoichi she was.

"Of course," Neji responded. Shall I meet you at the gates? Say four o'clock?"

"Yes!" Sakura blurted out. "I mean, uh, right. Four o'clock is perfect. I'll meet you then." She tried for a small smile, but only succeeded in showing teeth, as she quickly got up and bounded down the path towards her house.

Neji watched her leave and smiled to himself as he turned and headed towards his own home.


Sakura could have slapped herself for being so stupid. Something about how he'd snuck up on her had made her feel so disconcerted. It wouldn't happen again though. That little throwback to the old Sakura would never happen again. Fuck that.

She glanced in the mirror as she walked past to get a jacket.

That little girl left a long time ago.

She smiled cynically.

Yeah, that little girl was now a complete mess, barely making it through each day, losing her very grip, and to top it off sleeping with her best friend's boyfriend with no shame at all. She shook her head hard almost as if the thoughts would simply fall out of her.

She turned too quickly out of her closet and stumbled face first onto the rug in front of her.

But she didn't get up.

She laid there and cried.

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Author's Note:: So according to my traffic button, I'm getting a lot of views and visitors to this story, and my profile as well. Feel free to drop a message or review! They're always welcome. So how was this chapter? I'll update as soon as I can, I'll need a few days though. This chapter was more that halfway through already. And I start up college again next week. Still though, I'll try really hard. Hope you enjoyed this! It's only gonna get better. Peace! :)