Disclaimer: I own nada, not even a beta

Disclaimer: I own nada, not even a beta. -cries!-

Ok for some reason the stupid thing is saying my disclaimer twice! and only after its posted so don't complain about it being doubled.

You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.

Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

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The two gathered in silence outside of the train watching the clouds go by in the dark orange and yellow sky above them.

"Good news is I don't sense anything, and my snakes have not reported any suspicious activity like the ones before. You?" Sasuke asked as he stood on the train roof. "I don't smell anything but pubescent teens. Kyuubi's got nothing either. Better get back before hell brakes loose." Naruto smiled and dangled his feel from the train and then swung himself in and on top of the ceiling silently as a group of second year hufflepuffs walked by and disappeared into a loud chattering girl filled car at the other end and shut the shaking door. "clear." Naruto said as Sasuke appeared at his side. They both dropped down from the ceiling and began to walk back to where their target Harry was staying.

Walking back into the compartment Sasuke first saw Kakashi glaring at the burnett girl across from him. And the girl looked a little nervous. Putting two and two together, Sasuke found out that Kakashi was pissed because of her. Wow such a great observer.

"What happened?" Naruto asked as he moved passed Sasuke and into the compartment to see what the hold up was for entering.

"That woman, if I can even call her that, said that I smell like wet dog, and then she had the nerve to tell me off just because I was taking the job of one of her friends." Kakashi said without his book out, which we all no is not good. Sasuke gave an exasperated sigh at his overreacting ex-sensei.

"Well, no Professor all I said was there was a strong scent of wet dog in the area and that when you mentioned your position I commented on how I knew the person who had that job last year." Hermione said a little miffed at how her words were twisted.

It appeared that the other two boys were not even part of the conversation, it looked like they were having a good discussion considering the fact that the red head was waving his arms around like a mad man.

"Apparently we have a new Defense the dark arts teacher, who is going to be leaving before the end of the year. What do you think they'll get fired for? Working for the dark lord, or being a fake teacher?" Ron said in a rude voice to Harry who laughed slightly.

Now both Sasuke and Naruto were kinda miffed, well only Naruto, Sasuke could care less at this boy. "I don't know, I think I'm a fair enough teacher at the job, how about you?" Naruto asked Sasuke loud enough for the two boys to hear. Both blushed when they heard this.

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It was now night and the train had come to a halt.

The four ANBU teachers had left Harry's side to leave the train and get aware of their surroundings. And since they still needed to keep tabs on Harry, Kakashi Naruto Sasuke and Sakura each quick did a substitution clone jutsu of themselves to trail after Harry.

The ANBUS weren't as amazed as some of the students for they had read up on this place and the magic for a good month or so. So this was nothing new to the shinobi.

"Exactly how do we get there?" clone-Naruto asked rhetorically, jetting his thumb in the direction of the huge castle in the distance not expecting an answer from his right. Or an answer from the rude red head he met on the train or an answer at all.

"By those of course." Ron said confused to why the teachers didn't even know that, pointing to carriages that seem to be pulling themselves to ninety percent of the population of the school including some teachers .

"What kind of horses are these, I don't believe I have ever seen such... morbid looking creatures, besides Sasuke here." Clone-Kakashi said as he got into a carriage with the others. He as well as his former students had been assigned to ride in this cart. Carriage number 13, funny eh? The same one as Harry Ron and Hermione.

Clone-Sasuke just snorted at the comment but otherwise said nothing and climbed in after his favorite blonde fuck toy.

"You can see those?" Hermione asked surprised at the question.

"Yes, I can" clone-Kakashi said still in a bad mood about what she said about him and dogs, I mean he's a little sensitive about it in his own way.

"Same." Clone-Sasuke said nodding in agreement as he sat down, he still had his Uchiha death-I-don't-want-to-be-here glare on his face as he answered.

"So, you are not familiar with the horses? But you are working here are you not? And w-" she went on with her questions.

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Sasuke-clones point of view.

'That weird fluffy headed girl keeps staring at me, she is asking too many questions. I just want to get to that damn castle so I can be with Naruto.' I moved his left leg slightly over the other one. He then caught Harry glancing at his left arm. I put my hand over it in unconsciously and then saw that the boy's eyes widen in shock and then diverted his eyes. 'Shit, that cant be good.' I immediately released my arm and went back to staring out the window. "Kuso."

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Inside the Castle with the real ANBU

The four were standing on a grand stair case looking up at the moving stairs above them. They had switched in their ANBU uniforms masks and black silk cloaks covering the tops of their heads. Sakura had to change the apperance of her hair from a bright pink to a soft red to keep suspicion away if met with students in the form, though all she came across was an old silver tabby cat.

"Whoa, look at this thing. Its eyes are glowing!" Naruto yelled.

"That's cause it's a cat baka" Sakura said hitting him on the head with the blunt end of her katana.

"No! its eyes are a glowing green! And its getting bigger! AHH BAKENEKO!" (1) Naruto yelled as the tabby morphed into an old Woman with emerald green robes and square glasses on her face were the markings on the cat were.

"Well! Its always nice to see I can get a reaction still. And you four must be the guards?" the woman asked.

"my name is Minerva McGonigal. I am the deputy headmistress, pleasure to make your acquaintance." The woman said with a nod.

"We are Inu, Karasu, Neko and Kitsune, the guards as you have guessed from our appearance. Would you happen to know where the headmaster would be at this time, headmistress?" Kakashi asked with his devilish smile in his voice that made the professor ruffle her feathers slightly.

"He shall be here soon, I just spoke with him a moment ago and he should be coming through that corridor in a moment if you would like to wait. And please excuess me I must attend to the first years who shall be arriving shortly. Goodbye" with that the strange emerald woman left.

Walking down the old stone corridor they came across a room filled with a great deal of multi level stairs all moving in different directions at once.

"Wow." Sakura said amazed at the sight.

They were all in aw at the magic and chakra flowing all around them. "Bet-cha i could jump from the top of the stairs and make it down in five seconds." Of course in a situation such as this magical place Naruto would say that. Hecraned his neck up and back to see how many flights there were and to see if he could make it when a voice spoke out.

"I would prefer that you wouldn't. We don't need any unnecessary deaths now adays do we." A kindly looking old man wearing a dark midnight blue robe, giant black hat and half moon spectacles said from behind them half cast in the shadow of a headless statue of a night.

"And you can put those away for now for I am no enemy" The man said as Sasuke and Kakashi moved their hands to reveal sharp as hell Kuni's sticking from the edges of their fingers and put them back into their holsters. Sakura moved her wrist to show five senbons glinting in the dim torch light, and disappeared into her pink hair bun. Naruto had eight shurikun in his hand ready to throw but reluctantly stashed them into a pocket of his uniform.

"I am the headmaster here and I think it be best if we should introduce ourselves back in my office were peeping ears cannot be seen or listen in on, and danger wouldn't be a paranoia." The headmaster said as the weapons were still in mind.

"It never hurts to be prepared, does it Headmaster-sama." Sasuke said bowing and the other three did as well.

"Please, call me Dumbledore. And welcome to Hogwarts!"

'Cheery much?' Kyuubi thought.

Normal view no time laps, clones

"Why? Is that weird or something to see these horses?" clone-Kakashi asked coking his head to the side once the girl had stopped talking about horses and some other crap the reall Sasuke or clone-Sasuke could care less about.

"Well yes, you can only see those horses if you have witnessed a death." Harry said now joining in on the conversation. He was a little worried that guy was supposed to be taking care of dangerous deadly and sometimes bloodthirsty creatures didn't know about the horses, for what else would he not know about.

"Really death? Have you seen anyone die I suppose?" clone-Naruto asked as he looked right into the eye of Ron. Surprised Ron blinked and fell back against the seat as the carriage hit a pump in the dirt road. "M-me? Bloody hell no. I cant see the horses" Ron croaked out.

"They seem to be a sign of death. Are they a rare breed?" Sakura asked looking out the black carriage window at the swishing tail of what she guessed was a horse as it swatted away what looked like an enlarged firefly with four tails with a orange ball on the end.

"Yes, they are very special breed of horse that lives only in-" Hermione began but was interrupted from her animal history lessen by Harry.

"So you have any of you seen someone die?" Harry asked very bluntly and so unlike himself. Hermione gasped and glared at him. "Harry!" "They did Hermione." Ron said

At that comment clone-Sasuke eyes darkened and he turned his head down slightly so that his bangs were covering his face in a shadow in the already dimly lit carriage. Clone-Kakashi just closed his eyes and took a deep breath and turned by to his book.

Clone-Naruto sensing his boyfriend's, and teacher's discomfort, decided to change the subject to the castles history, to which Hermione was more than delighted to explain.

Man now clone-Naruto really didn't like this girl. She talked too much. Naruto winced on the inside, but was glade the subject changed, but he wished he could disappear in a cloud of smoke and be done.

But the dark expression that clone-Sasuke had didn't get past Harry, but he was smart enough to kept his mouth shut. He would find out latter about this silent teacher later.

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The carriage came to a halt and they exited and began to walk up the path to the castle, the four kept little farther back then the rest of the kids.

Inside the castle the clones and real ninjas met up, and the clones vanished and the events of what happened returned to the originals and they changed there clothes quietly again. They began to walk down the hall and caught up with the students in time so no one noticed they absence.

Naruto fell into step with Sasuke. "You ok?" Naruto asked as he grabbed for Sasukes hand to try and comfort him.

"Yeah." Sasuke reassured nodding towards the demon vessel. He then snapped his head up at a random ghost who floated by overhead. He squeezed Narutos hand when the apparition was out of sight.

'So strange that they have Goryo's (2) run free in the school.' Kyuubi said as it vanished.

They came around a corner in the giant maze of a castle to barely see around a staircase what looked like a small group of really young looking kids in the black school robes standing around another stair case in front of a old woman in emerald green dress. "Hey its that deputy headmistress, McGonigal." Sakura said as she saw her take out a list and a hat from her tobes.

"Must be the first years, for the seniors graduate every year." Kakashi said as he spotted them. The large doors berond them opened and the ANBU parted from the student body and were now walking with the teachers up to the main table and sat down on the far end. They watched as students took their seats, or went to other tables to talk to friends in other houses who they haven't seen over the summer to catch up on things before having to sit down.

The first years came in and were sorted, which was pretty amazing for Naruto who was staring at the hat the whole time when it sang and placed people into their houses. He was just amazed that a hat could talk, and sing no less.

"Sasuke?" Naruto asked and nodded his head in the direction of the hat, but Sasuke's eyes were already red and looking into the hats Chakra (magic) system.

"Seems that there is a magic ring around the brim of the hat that has a certain amount of Chakra in it allowing the object to move. Much like Diedara's clay, but with more of a personality." Sasuke said as he switched off his Sharingan.

"Talk about personification." Naruto laughed as food appeared on his plat. A couple minutes into the meal after the new first years got sorted into houses and sat down the guy with the big beard stood up. AKA Dumbledore, but bearded guy worked for Naruto too.

-Cling-

-Cling-

-Cling-

"Attention students." the boisterous voice of the headmaster Albus Dumbledor broke through the chattering hall. All the students silenced and looked up at the man.

'Amazing on how well trained they are. Now if only Iruka had that power when we were in school.' Naruto mused to himself with a smile as he looked down the table to take in what the other teachers looked like and to get their profile for when he would patrol that night. His gaze stopped shortly when it came to a man at the end of the table by the old woman known as McGonigal. It appeared to be a giant. Naruto coughed slightly and nudged Sasuke in the side with his elbo. "Hey teme look at that daidarabotchi (3) I think hes the one the kid harry was-" he didn't get to hi and bit into a strip of chicken he had on his fork, but then he felt a slight pressure on a certain spot on his being, more specifically his crotch. The chicken fell from his mouth, but went unnoticed because the attention was on Albus.

Naruto glanced down, ignoring the speech the old dude was saying something about not going into the woods, but his mind was a bit preoccupied with the pale hand going further up his thy.

He looked over to see a smirk on the Uchiha's face next to him. 'That little teme. Hes not even looking at me!' Naruto thought with a playful grin plastered on his cute face.

Sasukes hand began to make small circles on the cloth above Narutos crotch. Still not looking at the blonde. 'Oh, he's good. Using the table cloth as a shield to abuse me?' Naruto thought with an impressed smirk on his face for the ingenious mind of his lover.

Then Sasuke squeezed when he got to a certain spot he knew would get a reaction from his friend. And thus the little action made Naruto jump up from his seat in surprise.

"Uhh...hi?" Naruto said scratching the back of his head as all eyes went on him.

Kakashi snickered at him behind his clothed mask.

Sakura just glared at him, but it failed because of the smirk on her face for she saw a slight but barley noticeable bulge under his cloak. Only she would notice, her being a advanced nurse. And the fact that Sasuke always did that when there was a table cloth and he was sitting next to Naruto.

He didn't care if it was in public, or in the safety of the Uchiha mansion or Uzimaki house hold. Sasuke just loved to torture his blonde friend. And it greatly amused Sakura her being the one to hook them up and all at last years Christmas party.

'And they thought that the sex pill me and Tsunade made would never come in handy.' Sakura thought to herself as she looked around the room at the shocked expressions on the faces of pre pubescent children.

'I love eating with those two.' Kakashi said as he made a mental note to tell Jiraiya about this, he was being paid for this stuff.. Jiraiya was starting a YAOI book, besides that's were he got the money from, so he and the others could go shopping.

'Hey might as well make some cash while I'm here.' Kakashi thought as he slipped down his mask and inhaled his food before anyone got out of the daze.

The Headmaster had stopped rambling and looked at the blonde, and so did the rest of the school along with the teachers. Naruto had a very dark blush on his face as he bowed and sat down again.

"Oh Yes, thank you Professor Uzimaki! I almost forgot, we have some new staff this year. All the way from Asia we have miss Sakura who is going to be added onto our medical staff in the hospital wing to help with the nurse shortage this year." Sakura stood up smiled bowed and sat back down.

"Is she really from Asia, she has pink hair, and what's with that blonde guy? They look our age." these were the thoughts coming from the students.

"Next it Professor Kakashi, he will be taking over as care of magical creatures." Kakashi stood bowed a straight bow and sat back down. Then something new, this year we will be having two defense against the dark arts teachers instead of one for the reason that they shall show more physical ways in defense against the dark arts. Combat so to speak" The headmaster began.

"Naruto and Sasuke." he then raised his hand and motioned them to stand.

All the students gasped as the new teachers stood, mainly because of how handsome they were, and beautiful in Sakura's case.

Ok, ok. All the girls gasped at the extremely handsome Uchiha, and his hotteness. And the fact that Kakashi had his head band over his eye and still had on his cloth mask added to his mysterious allure. And Kakashi to this day, swears that he saw one girl faint and have an orgasm at the same time at the sight of the youngest Uchiha. Disturbing eh?

A bunch of the girls screamed in delight at the new teachers. Sasuke just winced and the same thought penetrated Sasuke and Naruto's mind at the same time 'Crap! Sasuke fan club!'

"Yes, and we shall be getting a second care for magical creatures Iruka." Dumbledor said as Iruka walked in.

'IRUKA!?' Kakashi screamed in his head as the object of his affection walked in wearing a brown cloak and smiling up at the staff table.

'This was not spoken of when we received the mission.' Sasuke thought as his ex-sensai walked closer.

"Iruka!" Naruto asked confused.

Sasuke then pulled him down and said "Dobe shut it! We don't need any more attention to ourselves. We'll talked to him after dinner."

"And also in the medical field, Gaara."

"Gaara!" that one was Sakura as she saw her boyfriend walk up behind Iruka. He was wearing a sandy red cloak. He had the 'I'm going to kill you if you look at me.' look on his face, but that face meant he was content. He only was himself around people he knew. The rest were dead bodies to him.

"I don't understand, why would they be here? Does Tsunade not believe that we have the capability to complete this mission on our own?" Sasuke asked himself.

"There must be a reason that Gaara is here as well." Naruto replied

"Bloody hell. These teachers look like they just got out of a crazy house, or whatever muggles call them." Ron said as he saw the murderous glare 'Gaara' sent him.

"Its going to be an interesting year." Hermione said. Harry only nodded in agreement.

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It was to the middle of dinner, Sakura was talking with Gaara who was sitting next to her about why they were there. On the other side of her was Snape who was looking at her chest who knew? I thought he was Asexual shows what you know.

Gaara gave him a death glare and a small growl, courtesy of Shukaku and then Snape snapped his head forward and began to eat his food but still glared at the redhead every now and then.

"So Gaara, why are you and Iruka-sensai here? Our mission has only just begun. Did Tsunade have that little faith in Sasuke?" Sakura asked saddened.

"No. She has complete faith in the Uchiha. But she thought it wise to have Iruka come and assist Kakashi-senpia because of the simple job assigned to him" Gaara said as he poked at his own chicken breast.

"and you? Why would the Kazekage be here?"

"Temari thought that the demands for being the leader of the Sand village were getting overwhelming for me and thought it best that I went on a little vacation to relieve my stress by going on a mission and to kill when appropriate. So she made a deal with you Hokage and allowed me to join on the mission with you." Gaara said and leaned back in his chair. He speaks more when with people he trusts now then he did two years ago.

"Who is watching the school for Iruka?" "Ibiki it." Gaara flinched at the name and so did Sakura. "I feel bad for the kids."

"And on a happy note, who is watching Suna?" Sakura asked taking a sip from her goblet.

"Kankuro." Gaara said simply. And the two began to talk about other things relating his position of power over Suna.

"Hey Kakashi." Iruka said nodding slightly to the door "You see what I saw?"

Kakashi removed his eyes from visually rapping Iruka and looked at the door.

"I know." Kakashi said as he looked at Naruto and Sasuke lazily, and then back to rapping Iruka with his eyes. "They'll get it."

"Kakashi stop that! And quit using that Sharingon. I know when you use it even if its under that headband of yours!" Iruka said as he blushed.

Kakashi just smiled under his mask.

'Oh I cant wait until I can remove them.' Kakashi thought as he looked at his boyfriends pants.

"Think they noticed?" Sakura whispered, leaning over to Gaaras ear, and nodding.

"I think so." Gaara said as he saw Narutos head turn up to where Gaara and Kakashi were looking at.

All of a sudden the song 'Baby got back' started playing in the back of Kakashis head. He started bobbing slightly. "Ok, now your scaring me." Iruka said scooting away slightly and watched what would happen.

Now tonight was the night when the students would truly learned to respect their new defense against the dark arts teachers. Naruto suddenly stood up from the table and walked quickly to the back door going on the sides of the tables as not to be noticed.

Some students stared at him, but most just thought he was constipated and had to go.

What they didn't know was that Naruto could eat a femur and shit it out like it was bread the next day. Visual right? So yeah, Naruto left.

Sasuke got up too and followed through the door. A few of the students were now concerned because their favorite hot silent new teacher left but they didn't voice it.

"Things are about to get very interesting around here." Kakashi said as his eyes narrowed to the front doors. "What are you talking about old man?" Snape said as he looked over Sakura and Gaara.

"Hey, where are the two others?" He didn't get an answer, mainly because of Kakashi holding in his anger for being called, yet again, an old man.

'For Gods sake! Im 29' Kakashi screamed in his mind.

Then Iruka nudged him in the ribs and he smiled.

Suddenly the sky above the table turned black as all the candles in the room seemed to be blown out at once. All the students screamed as the doors burst open and in came a couple of dementors.

The air around Harry literally went cold as 'it' made its slow glide over to the Griffindor table. Noone could see a thing as the creatures moved about the tables. You would only know when it passed you.

'What the hell?! How did dementors get in here?!' Harry thought as he went to grab his wand but was interrupted by the new teacher. Just as the death creatures were about to suck up some soles from people a loud shout of "Chidori!"Sasuke yelled as birds chirping could be heard as a dark white/grey and black ball of energy was released from behind and killed the dementor instantly in a swirl of black and gray matter.

The students gasped as the dementer fell to the floor unmoving. It gave one final hiss before it dissolved into the stone floor.

"Show off." Naruto mumbled as he pointed his wand and did a one handed hand sign under his rob/cape and used his chakra as a transfer to the jutsu into his wand and then out it.

"Resengan!" he yelled and killed the other dementor right through the hooded skull. Girls cheered for the new Defense against the dark arts teacher did a really cool move in their opinion.

There was still one left unknown to the two boys and it snuck up on Sasuke and began to suck his happy thoughts away from him."AHH!" Sasuke cried as his mind was put to torture on the day of his worst memory. And we all know what that was. His eyes flashed a glowing red for a few seconds before it disappeared . You could see it clearly cause that was one of the only things illuminating in the whole room.

He quickly dispatched a Kuni to the head of the beast. It screamed in pain and fell to the floor as a paper bomb was thrust into its robes blowing it up dead to the floor. "Sasuke are you ok?" Naruto asked in Japanese quietly, walking over to Sasuke who held his head in the palm of his hand. He was standing but two feet from where Harry and Ron were sitting, Hermione across from them.

"Yeah, I've been through worse. That was a wet dream compared to what he did to me." Sasuke said in a whisper.

Harry's ears picked up on another thing on this silent teacher.

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shape-shifting cat

a vengeful spirit, or phost

a giant responsible for creating many geographical features in Japan

I got a list of mythical stuff from japan so I shall be more informed! Yeah! I kinda wanted for this chappy to go a little longer but oh well. And guess what! I created the perfect pet for Sasssuukkeee! Yeah!

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in
the universe you will believe them but if they tell you a wall has
wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

Signed

-The Puppet Master