Karkat x Roxy
Read from Karkat's POV. Polite Warning!: Under Age drinking, excessive cussing/cursing/swearing with Karkat being in it. While this pairing is challenging to write for, I hope I portrayed everything well. I'm not so happy with it but all that matters is that you liked it. I also finished writing this at 1am-4am, so I honestly do apologize for the hurriedness and mistakes that have been made.
Summary: (Mostly Cannon Universe/ Noncannon events) When Karkat screws with something, he's stuck in a strange, yet similar universe. There's a guy who reminds him of a high Dave Strider, a girl who annoyingly resembles John Egbert, a guy who hold's Jade Harley's spirit (and a weird-ass accent), and a cute girl who's like a drunk and fun Rose. They speak of trolls and their knowledge is limited in the entirety of things, yet vast for their species. What happens when the girl in pink decides everyone needs to have more fun?
Roxy X Karkat request from roxyxkarkat.
Rated: Teen
It had been two days since I'd held a decent conversation with anyone, and while I hated pretty much everyone I could talk to, it was boring as hell to sit and stare at a wall. Sollux refused to speak to me after I made fun of his lisp three days ago, Terezi is strung up in some long-ass lawyer, 'Justice Protection' roleplay with Nepeta, and John also refused to talk to me after I insulted his 'Nick Cage-Baby'. I couldn't even mess with these losers without them going off like Eridan on Quadrant's week. You know, the third week of the Light Season when the first day is dedicated to Matesprites, the second to Moirails, the third to Kismesis, the fourth to Auspistice, and the last few to those close runner-ups.
I decided to see if Sollux was over himself yet.
"Hey, Sollux," I burst into his hive without knocking. I knew he wouldn't answer anyway, he was in his room gaming or hacking. I made my way up the stairs and tried to remember which room was his (narrowly avoiding being stung in the face when I opened the wrong door). Sure enough I found his room and he was clicking and tapping away on his damn computer. "Sollux!"
No answer.
"Stop. Being. A. Mother. Fucking. Princess," I punched his back just enough to bob him back and forth.
No answer.
"MOTHER OF A NOOK SUCKING FAIRY! I'M GOING TO FUCK WITH YOUR TECHNICAL SHIT IF YOU DON'T ANSWER ME!" I spun him around in his swirly chair and pressed our noses together.
"Ok, one: Someone's insults are getting creative, but that isn't the way to get someone to talk to you. Two: You're extremely close to me right now. And three: You're going to break something you can't replace or screw with something and get yourself in trouble, KK" Sollux casually lisped.
"You finally talk to me and that's what you say?" I pressed my forehead against his along with my nose. He smirked and turned around to face his computer.
"That's it, I'm gonna go fuck with something shiny and button-y," I told him, heading for the door.
"Oh, so you're going Redrom with KN's skirt?" (KN=Kanaya) He whispered. I tactfully ignored that comment and looked around his hive for a moment. It'd been a while since I'd been here last. I barely remember where he kept his important shit. Yet, I did remember.
I walked down a few stairs until I came to an average door with a not so average inside. There were many electronic devices placed in an unorganized fashion around the room. I came to a rather large metal machine with three monitors hooked up to it. Perfect. I proceeded to press multiple buttons while saying random shit with a lisp. I had finished my fit of terror and the contraption began whirring and humming. Crap. I slowly stepped away as the machine began to violently shake. I would've run if my thinkpan had decided to communicate with the rest of me. As soon as my body got the message and I had turned around, ready to sprint to Sollux, there was a flash behind me and out of nowhere I ran straight into a wall. A soft wall.
"Shit Kanki, uh Kankri, watch were you pops out of nowheres at, and wheres your pertty, pretty shirt?" I looked up to see that I'd run into some blonde girl's boobs. At least she seemed under some sort of influence.
"Who the fuck is this Kankri douche?" I shouted, pushing myself away from the human.
"You is Kankri," She looked as if her mind was blown as she pointed at me with a perfectly filed nail.
"No, I'm Karkat," I said slowly.
"Noooooooo, you're Kankri Vantazzzz," She slurred into almost one word.
"How the fuck do you not know my first name, but know my last name? Where the fuck did you even here my last name?" I shouted.
"Day-mnnnnn, someone's let loose the tigers today, er, triggers. You're really cranky today, Kankri~" She threw her arms over my shoulders. "We newer get ta talk, we need ta do that more."
"Who the fuck are you?!" I pushed her arms off of me.
"I'm Roxy LaLonde~ Hey, you don't happen ta know where theres boooooze, do ya?" She waggled her eyebrows at me.
"Uhh, no. I was just in Sollux's hive and now I'm fuck knows where!" I was getting tired of this bullshit.
"Sollux? I don't think I've met that torl before. Troll. Maybe...," She squinted her eyes as if deep in thought.
"You'd remember him. Double horns, honey blood, blue and red eyes, lisp, and obsessed with bees and all kinds of freaky shit," I rolled my eyes in recollection of Captor's words. I'd screw with something and get myself in trouble. Well, I screwed with something and got myself in trouble.
"Wait, you mean Mutana? Er, Mituna?" She looked around as if trying to find the troll in the empty room.
"No, Sollux Captor. You know what, never mind. Where the fuck am I?" I was officially tired of amusing this drunken human girl.
"Honestly I dunnno. Janey brought me here fur a getogether," Roxy slurred.
"You're hopeless," I huffed and looked around more closely at the room. There was an array of luggage in the neat room. I knew I was somewhere on Earth, the architecture looking much too mild to be anything on Alternia. Even so, how did this girl know of trolls and all of that shit? Who is she really? Wait, a second... Roxy LaLonde... Rose's last name was LaLonde, right? This couldn't be one of those motherfucking 'Ironic' coincidences Dave was always babbling about. "You don't know Rose LaLonde, do you?"
"Nope, is she like, a long furgotten relative or somthin? Ya know what, let me take ya to Dirk, he'll know more about all this stuff," She grabbed my hand, but before I could pull away she had me in a side hug. "Ya know, you're kinda cute~"
"No I'm not," I restrained from beating the shit out of her when she poked my cheek. I had to find someone to get me out of here before I beat the shit out of anyone, no matter how intoxicated.
"DICK! Oops... DIRK!" Roxy shouted when we entered a hallway.
"What is it Roxy?" A tall, blonde guy with an orange hat on his shirt, huge pointy glasses, and black skinny jeans stepped into the hallway moments later. Damn he looked like an older, more vibrant Dave. I hope he was nothing like him. "Who the hell is this?"
"This is Karkat, I dunno his last name. Kerkit, this is Dirk Strider," Roxy waved her hands dramatically between the two of us.
"MOTHER OF FUCK! STRIDER? LALONDE? Please tell me you know Dave Strider," I was almost begging the male blonde to even say yes for my sanity.
"Uh, no. Cool name though..." He rubbed the back of his neck.
"HEY! Since everyone is here, why don't we get this party started. Karkat, you don't have to be such a tightass though," Roxy pitched in.
"In a second, Roxy. So, Karkat, how exactly did you get here?" Finally someone's getting somewhere.
"I think I changed Universes of something because I was fucking around with this geeks Sollux's shit and I hit something I shouldn't have and ended up here. And before you ask, I was fucking with his shit because neither him, nor any other troll or human was talking to me and I was bored," I told him.
"I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to talk to a ray of sunshine like you," Dirk smiled.
"Fuck you. Anyway, I need to know if someone can get my back," I finished.
"I probably can, but it'll take sometime," He informed me.
"YAY! Karkat can party with usssss!" Roxy sang.
"What's you're full name by the way," Dirk asked, motioning me to follow him back into the room Roxy and I had left.
"Karkat Vantas," I looked at him questioningly.
"Ironic, because we have a Kankri Vantas with your horns, stature, last name, and seems like blood color, but a personality basically polar opposite," Dirk said, getting into one of the suitcases.
"I don't want to meet him, ever," I grumbled.
Dirk proceeded to pull multiple boxes out of the cases that seemed to be full of metal parts, bolts, and tools. Once everything was out he started doing what looked like weird ritualistic shit. Once he put everything away he grabbed the case and told Roxy something, then left.
"Well, Dirk's gonna go fix you and you're gonna go watch movies with me!" She declared, grabbing my arm and running out of the door. She brought me to a small room with a table, couch, and what John told me was a human television. She put something in it, having trouble organizing everything, and sat down on the couch, pulling me with her. She buried her head into my chest and began the 'movie'.
"Wait, why'd that guy have all of that shit in a suitcase?" I asked her.
"He likes to build things and right now me, him, and two other friendz are gettin together fer the third time in our lives. You're cuter though. Hell, you even beat Jane!" She giggled. I couldn't help but get a little flushed as her head bobbed up and down on my chest. She was the cute one. I mean, for a human.
The movie began and all I can say is it is very much different from Alternian 'movies'. I sat through it, though, as Roxy made side commentary through it and made it bearable, hell, even funny. As the ending song came on she started to sing along.
'Ohh, Ooh, ohh, Ohhh
I had a dream so big and loud
I jumped so high I touched the clouds
Wo-o-o-o-o-o-oah.
I stretched my hands out to the sky,
we danced with monsters through the night~'
Even with the slight slur, her voice was silky and sweet.
"Oh no, Karkat, you're smiling! Wait... Are you purring!?" Roxy pointed at me from on top of the small table.
"Shut up!" I immediately caught myself and stopped.
"Come'on! It's ok to have fun!" She cooed. She started petting my nose and humming to the song again.
"Sorry to, uh, interrupt, but Dirk said that the problem is, fellow, that you went to the left slightly in dimensions and went back on the timeline," A guy with a weirdass accent and glasses stuck his head into the door. "Good to meet you by the way, my name is Jake English," He waved. I was expecting an Egbert their with that freaky-ass resemblance.
"Dis is Karkat Vantas," Roxy hugged me and pressed her cheek against mine.
"Don't have too much fun you two," The boy nodded and left the room. What a Grandfather.
"Hey, Jake come yet?" Dirk poked his head through the door.
"Yup!" Roxy chirped. "That bitch was all up in my man!" Roxy grabbed my arm again and started petting it.
"Alright, well we just need to wait for the batteries to charge, which will take about three hours then you'll be home," Even though Dirk was wearing dark shades, he was obviously looking at Roxy's affection towards my arm. "You know, usually I have to warn people that she bites."
"Well, I'm sure she'll try. Anyway, four hours of work and we have to wait for a motherfucking battery?" I asked.
"Four hours of my work, and yes, Jake may be pretty, but he didn't plug the battery in all the way," He then left, leaving Roxy and I in the room.
"Let's go get food from Jane and eat some SWEETS!" She jumped off of the couch and dragged me once again.
Thus began an argument about manners with a small girl who looked like John and Jade's love child. First it was Roxy's demanding and 'bossiness', then it was my lack of respect, then lack of respect for all human life. Afterwards, Roxy finally got her sweets and inhaled them.
"We should dance!" Roxy smiled at me. "I've had so much fun with you, but we haven't even danced yet!"
"I don't fucking dance," I scowled.
"Until now," She looked at me as if it were an inside joke between us. She played some upbeat music and danced wildly towards me. "Come, on!"
After mass amounts of movements being forced onto me, I gave up and began leaning side to side with a small bounce. That made her very happy and she spider-monkeyed me, swaying us around.
"Hey, you can go home now, but it'll only be up for about thirty minutes," Dirk hollered from the hallway. Really fucking glad I heard him.
"Aww, do you have to go?" Roxy stuck her bottom lip out.
"Yeah, because I have someone's ass to kick," I rolled my eyes as I began carrying her to the room that Jane had pointed to in the hallway. Roxy only got off of me when we were in the room and standing in front of a weird contraption with a small platform and a single button.
"I don't want you to go," She really looked ready to cry.
"I'm sure we'll see each other some day," I lied. Seeing her so sad made me upset for some reason.
"I hope you get home though," She ran up and hugged me, giving me a warm, and sweet kiss before letting me go and taking a few steps back.
"Ok, I really hope this sends you were you need to go, if not, sorry," Dirk pushed me onto the platform and hit the button before I could retaliate there was a flash and blur.
"Woah, KK, what the fuck?" Sollux's lisp was loud in my ear. I slowly opened my eyes and found myself sitting bridal-style in Sollux's lap in front of his computer.
"I'm going to murder you!" I jumped up from his lap.
"Uh, you might want to get the dark lipstick print off you're face first."
