JJ headed downstairs, hoping to catch the team in the hotel restaurant. She was in luck, they were still seated around the table, waiting for their order of food. Slipping into the only available seat, she apologized for her lateness, giving an excuse that she'd had to phone Will and check on Henry and hoped that nobody would question her about that. Fortunately, their food had arrived, and JJ put in a quick order of her own. Acting the complete opposite to what she'd been the rest of the day, the team were relieved that JJ seemed to be herself, and not the stranger she'd been throughout the entire day.
Making small talk, and stealing fries off of Reid's plate while she waited for her food to arrive, JJ didn't let her nervousness show through. Every once in awhile, she through glances in the direction of Dave, but he didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary. When her order arrived, the team waited for her to eat, before settling up their bill and heading to their rooms. Bidding goodnight to everyone, JJ headed for her room, and hoped everyone thought she was back to her normal self. She quickly changed for bed, but was surprised by a knock on the door. Grabbing her robe, she slipped it on, before looking through the peephole. Surprise and discomfort came over her when she realized it was Rossi on the other side. It wasn't like she could ignore the knock, he knew she was in there. Crap, this day just keeps getting worse and worse, she sighed to herself, before opening the door and letting the object of her dreams into her room. So much for Garcia's idea to keep some distance between them.
"Dave, what are you doing here? I was just settling in for the night. Can't this wait for tomorrow?" JJ replied, trying to hurry him along and out of her room.
"JJ, what is the matter with you today? First you avoid me like crazy, can't even bother to look at me, and then you are all miss happy now? What's going on? What did I do?" Rossi started to grill her.
"Nothings the matter, I'm just having an off day, it's nothing. I swear, Dave, it's nothing. Just some problems I'm having to work out, and I'm not sure I can do it. I promise, I will be fine tomorrow. I was just out of sorts today." JJ pleaded.
"Well, I didn't see you treat Hotch or Reid any differently. Everytime I got anywhere near you today, you were like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. What the hell did I do wrong?" he continued.
"You didn't do anything, Dave. It's me, it's just me. I have a lot of things to figure out." JJ was desperate to get him out of her room.
"JJ, I'm not leaving here without an explanation." Rossi changed tactics then. He changed his tone of voice then. "JJ, you can tell me anything, you know that, don't you? If you need to talk, I'm here for you. Please, tell me what's wrong."
Realizing she was caught up and short of throwing him out of her room, she turned and went to look out the window of her hotel room. He followed behind her, his curiousity driving him to do that.
Finally, JJ spoke, barely above a whisper "I think I want to break up with Will. I just haven't done it yet. But I've come to some realizations lately, that as great a guy Will has been, and all that he's done, that I'm just not sure I love him anymore. I'm just torn, I don't know what to do."
"JJ, as hard as it might be to leave him, if you don't love him, don't stay because of some code of honor that you think you owe him something. Because I can guarantee you, if you are doubting your feelings for him now, and you stay with him, you will eventually resent him. And you won't be able to remember any of the good things about him. I know the feeling, I've been there enough times myself. Lucky for me, I didn't have any children involved. But don't stay because you think Henry needs two parents. Because I guarantee you, when he gets older, he will realize that things are bad between you and Will. And it won't be pretty."
Looking at the older profiler, wondering why he was standing in her room, listening about her private life, she felt the need to get him out of there and fast. Her earlier thoughts about jumping him were increasing, and she already felt awkward enough around him.
"Thanks for the advice, Dave, I'll be sure to remember that. But, I really am tired, I need to get some sleep. My mind just won't turn off lately, especially when we are out on cases. The dreams I've been having are really disturbing." JJ rambled.
"JJ, we've had bad cases before, what's coming up that's haunting your dreams now? Any case in particular?" Rossi asked, curious as to her answer.
"Oh, they are nightmares of a different sort, Dave. Unbelievable one might say. And they wake me up on a nightly basis when we're away from home. The problem is, now they've started to invade my mind when we're at home too. And that's the real problem." JJ let out.
"Anything I can do to help?" he asked her.
Thinking to herself, she thought "Yeah, you could make my dreams a reality, but I can't go there, not by a long shot." Out loud, she said instead "No, Dave, there's nothing you can do. I'll be fine, really, I will. I just need to get some sleep. Again, I'm sorry I let my lack of sleep get the better of me. I'll be my normal self tomorrow, I promise."
Practically pushing him out the door, needing him out of her room now, before she did something she regretted, she almost slammed the door shut behind him. Leaning back against the door, she thought of the man she'd tossed out. One of these times, she wasn't going to throw him out, and wondered what he'd do when he realized she wanted him to stay instead. JJ had no idea how he'd react, but resigned herself to the fact that once she got things sorted out with Will, something would happen with Rossi. If nothing else, to scratch the itch she had that apparently needed scratching, just to see if that's all it was and she'd go back to Will, or find out if something with Rossi was worth pursuing.
Wanting nothing more than to climb into bed and try and rest, instead she phoned Will. She hated to do it, but figured it might be better while she was away from home. She'd never been one for face to face confrontation, hell, she'd even told Will she was pregnant over the phone for god's sake. Separating from him the same way shouldn't be a shock, but she realized it would be. Dialing his number, she heard his familiar voice, and hesitated.
"Hi, Will. How are you doing? Is Henry down for bed yet?" she said in a calm voice.
"I'm fine, honey. Henry's been down for awhile, but I can wake him if you want him to hear your voice." he offered.
"No, no, don't do that, I'm good. I just wondered if he'd been fussy at all. Actually, I phoned because I need to talk with you about something Will. And I don't know how to start, actually."
"What's the matter, JJ? What's wrong? Are you feeling alright? Is the case bothering you?" he fired out different questions.
"Will, please don't hate me, please. I've been doing some thinking lately, and I need some time. I need some time away from you. I just don't know anymore, I think we need to have a trial separation and see how things go." JJ pleaded. She knew this had come out of the blue and he was probably hurt, very hurt. Silence filled the line, as Will absorbed the fact that JJ wanted away from him.
When he finally spoke, there was a lot of pain in his voice, "Why, JJ, why? What changed? What did I do? Haven't I been a good dad? A good boyfriend? What happened?"
"I don't know, Will, I don't. I know that things have changed lately, and you deserve someone who can give you her complete attention. And I know I haven't been able to do that, and I don't think I ever will be able to. It kills me to come out on cases and have you look at me like I'm abandoning you at every chance I get. I know Henry needs me, I do. And I know you do too. But I don't think I'm the one for you." she pleaded.
"I think it's more like you don't think that I'm the one for you." Will hit the nail on the head, precisely.
Figuring it was better to be truthful, JJ agreed with him. "You might be right, Will. That's the problem, I don't know. And I can't ask you to stick around while I try and figure it out. That's why I'm asking for a separation."
"JJ, I don't need a separation. I know I love you. You love me, I know you do. You'll see, you'll see." he pleaded more.
"Will, I need some time. Give me some time. I don't know, I'm confused. I'll move in with Pen for a bit, you can keep the apartment for now. I'll take Henry with me, we'll work all this out. I just ask for you to give me some time." JJ stood firm.
"JJ, I think you're wrong on this. But if this is what you want to do, fine. I'm keeping Henry though, we'll arrange time for you to visit him. I'm around him more than you anyway." he struck back in the only way he knew how, to hurt her like she'd just hurt him.
"Will, Henry needs his mama. I see him so little as it is, please let me take him with me!" JJ begged.
"It's your choice to continue with that damn job, leaving us all the time. If you want to see him, it will be on my terms. We'll talk when you get back from this damn trip you've gone on." and with that he hung up the phone, leaving JJ sobbing on her bed.
Finally crawling between the covers, she cried herself to sleep, and for the first time in a long time, didn't have one of her dreams about Rossi.
