Alright, so for my continued mental sanity I thought I ought to do something else than hang around on the BNC and COCA all day, so here goes the second chapter. I know the chapter is short, but so is the whole story. Please read and review anyway though :) Constructive criticism is always appreciated.

A cosy living room, a grandfather clock in the corner, chiming as the steam rose and curled from the tea pot. Miss Healstether looked out of the window; the sun was setting in three, two, one –

"Ah, good evenink. You must be Miss... Vilhelmina Healstether?"

Miss Healstether turned and blinked in surprise. Pink jumper, carefully drawn lipstick and shoulder-length, chestnut brown hair, the lady before her looked less like any vampire she had ever seen – much more like, perhaps, someone who would offer you cookies and bake apple pies in her spare time.

"I am," she said, "you must be Lady Margolotta?"

The lady gestured to a chintz-covered armchair. "Can I offer you a cookie? I just made cookies. Vould you like a cookie?"

"Thank you, no," said Miss Healstether and crossed her legs. Lady Margolotta smiled, as if she had just passed a test.

"Szo, tzell me about yourself, Miss Healstether", Ladyship said conversationally, seating herself opposite of her and occupying herself by pouring the steaming tea into two porcelain cups with pink and baby blue flowers painted on them. Somehow, Mina found it hard to believe that anyone could talk with such a strong accent and not break his tongue at least twice - but somehow, Lady Margolotta seemed to manage just perfectly. "Vot is your favourite colour?"

Mina blinked in surprise; sure, she had heard that nobility tended to have ridiculous selection criteria, but she never would have dreamed that colours would actually be among them. Then again, it probably just was the countess being conversational. "Black." She wrinkled her nose as Lady Margolotta lit a cigarette. "What about yours?"

"Oh, I vould say... pink, maybe. Or turquoise, it really depends on vot sort of day I'm havink. – Are you szure about the cookies? I've been told zey are very good."

"Thank you."

"Really?"

"No."

Lady Margolotta smiled, instead of looking offended. "Do you like attention, Miss Healstether?"

"I like to attract it, but not to have it," Mina said, now slowly growing suspicious. It seemed to her that Lady Margolotta was playing a game, because there was no way in hell that this incredibly naïve person vis-à-vis who kept offering her cookies was the same Lady Margolotta Dave, Steve and Cleave (or whatever his name was) had described to her just last night. She had to be playing at something, only that Mina wasn't sure what the aim was. "What about you?"

Ladyship pretended not to have heard the question. "So, and you say in your application zat you like... books. Seems zu me zat you should be made for zis position as a librarian. Can you give me some references?"

"I worked for the Young Ladies' Association in Quirm for two years," she said, her mind stirring. "Before that, I was assistant librarian at the Philosophical Institute of Ankh-Morpork, after I had spent three years working with Tells&Fontase as a secretary. They hated to let me go, as you can clearly see from the working certificate among the documents I sent you."

"Zat is very impressive, especially considerink vot you hear about Tells&Fontase. And vhat made you vant zu come here, zu zis... somevhat secluded spot?"

"I like to have my peace and quiet."

"Really." Lady Margolotta nodded solemnly. "Did I ask you vhezzer you vould like a cookie?"

Now Mina's patience was over. What sort of person was this Lady Margolotta? Eccentricity was all well and good with her, but the countess certainly didn't have the dignity or mannerisms nobility should have. So, even though she knew it might cost her the job or start her off on the wrong foot with Ladyship, she said, as politely as she could manage, "Madam, I find your continuous asking extremely irritating. I must ask you to refrain from doing so."

Instead of looking taken aback, Ladyship smiled like a stamp collector who had just found a particularly rare or beautiful stamp. She rose to her feet. "Miss Healstether, it vould be a pleasure zu have you vork for me," she said, extending her hand. "Payment vould be zirty Ankh-Morpork Dollars a month, including board and lodgink, of course. I know it might sound unusual for a vampire such as myself zu hire a librarian, but I find zat in zese days I have neither ze time nor ze patience zu concern myself viz my library in ze ekszent I used zu. Zere might, however, be some other... tasks I vould vish you to perform, tiny tasks and occasionally only, vhich vould not quite be in your line of duty, but vhich vould require your presence. Do ve have an agreement?"

Miss Healstether was too stunned to move. "That is it? You are hiring me, just like that? You didn't even ask whether I know how to bind a book!"

"I take it zat you vould have had brains enough not zu apply should you not know that," Ladyship said, lighting another cigarette. "Or at least zu figure it out before some... book-related accident happens to you."

"What sort of book-related accident?"

"Ze kind of accident that happens to people vho ask too many questions," Ladyship said, exhaling a stream of blue smoke. Despite the crackling log fire, Miss Healstether felt cold. "Now, please, do have a cookie."

And this time, Mina reached out and took one. They really were very good.