Gonna try to spin out the last chapter today xx
Sam, now twenty-four, walked through the arch into the cemetery once again. She really needed to think. She walked alone for an hour before finally coming to a stop. She sat down in front of the headstone. She thought back to exactly what had happened in her life that led her here as she leaned back onto a tree. She thought about when she and Freddie planted the tree. She then thought about Freddie.
She remembered when they brought it here, him running with the large tree and her eagerly dragging the shovel behind her. They planted it and then spent all day laying there. He had brought a blanket so they spread it out and sat with the tree and the headstone until dark, talking and laughing and playing cards. Then they left.
She remembered the day she knew exactly where to go after Carly called her at two in the morning and said that Freddie had a fight with his mother and left upset. This time it was she who brought a blanket and put it around his shoulders. He told her all about how his dad told him he always needed to treat his mother with respect, and take care of her when he was gone.
She remembered how they came here with a bottle of whiskey she snagged from her mother's liquor stash, and how they drank little bits at a time and talked until the bottle was nearly gone. It was a respectful kind of intoxication-Freddie would have it no other way, and honestly, neither would Sam. They talked quietly, speaking only truth until Freddie said he needed to tell her something. Instead of whispering it in her ear, like he was going to, he turned her face and kissed her.
They were just 'hanging out with his dad'. They were just spending time together in a field of headstones and broken hearts. They were just falling in love in a cemetery. Now she needed to step back and think about what she was doing.
She placed a hand on the stone, which was cold from being exposed to the October air. She kept her hand there, her palm and all of her fingers spread out on the smooth rock and ignoring the chill that was seeping into her bones. She took a deep breath.
"So, uh… hey there. I really needed to think, but I'm also going to talk. I've been really busy lately, but I need to be alone once in a while, you know?" She drew in another breath, but her voice shook as she continued "And I'm not saying I have any doubts, I'm totally ready. But sometimes…" "She twisted a ring on her finger "I just don't feel good enough for him, you know? He deserves someone great. Somebody compassionate, and sweet, and quiet, and beautiful… I just can't be all those things. I do love him, and I'm the happiest I've ever been. But is that really enough?" Sam put her head back and closed her eyes.
She thought about when Marissa asked her to save herself for marriage, and she said she would. She remembered when he popped the question, and she remembered them looking for apartments in the city. She thought about what he said, 'Nothing's too good for you'. She twisted her fingers and furrowed her eyebrows.
She glanced at the headstone and remembered the first time she told him she loved him, when they got into their first big fight, and when he left for University. The times he promised he would love her until he ended up here, because he knew she was scared. She smiled, sighed and began to speak.
"Mr. Benson… I'm going to marry your son."
She patted the headstone, put her forehead on the cold rock for a second, her and Freddie's way of showing their respects to him, and walked away. Once she was in her car, she looked in the rear view mirror and saw her pure white dress. Smiling, she drove away.
Thank you to the reviewer from last chapter who reminded me that Freddie's father's name is supposed to be Leonard. I did know this, but wrote it without thinking... sort of. I have changed it!
