Chapter 2 Tommy

A/N again Shannon rocks she helped me with this as well you can not say how AWESOME SHE IS!! Oh btw I do not own IS wish I did then it would be JOMMY 24/7

I've been sitting here staring at the same God dammed spot on the same God dammed wall for the past three hours, and the only thing, the only person, that I can think about is Jude. Not my dead grand-mere, which is the only reason why I left Jude, like I should be. Has it really been over three months since I last saw her? Since I last talked to her? I want to call her so badly and just tell her how much I love her and how much I'm hurting, not only because my grand-mere is dead, the only other woman besides Jude that I have ever been able to love with my whole heart, but also because I hurt her once again.
God, I have hurt her so many times, I wouldn't be surprised if she hates me. First, in the first day that I met her, I tell her that her music, well, her song, sucks. Then I kiss her and tell her to pretend that it never happened. Oh, it gets worse. I start dating her older sister, Sexy Sadie. Yah, stupid of me, and I really did like her, but just not like Jude. Sadie was just the closet thing that I could get to Jude. Unless I wanted to date her mom. Or her Gran. Ew. No. erasing those thought from my head. Wait, there was one more thing wasn't there? Ah yes… when she asked me to go on tour with her. I never went because of Sadie. Because I was afraid, and even though she didn't show it, I knew that that had hurt her.
I'm such an idiot.
You know, now that everything is over with here, like dealing with the lawyers and her house and a bunch of other legal shit, also giving her the funeral that she deserves, I could call Jude, or at least go back to Toronto. To see Jude again, hear her angelic voice, smell her sweet sent… why is it that whenever I think of Toronto, of home, the first thing that comes to mind is Jude, and not my other obligations? Oh, right, because I love her. I am head over friggin heels in love with Jude Harrison. It's everything about her. The way that she can tell when something is bothering me. The way that whenever she does something embarrassing or she lets on how she feels, or felt, about me, she turns as red as her hair used to be. The way that, without fail, she can always make my worst day so much better just by smiling at me and telling me that everything will be okay. The way that when she's writing a song she chews on her lip or the back of whatever writing utensil that she's using. Her laugh, her smile, her voice, her stubbornness, her cockiness, and her fiery personality all make me love her even more. And the way that no matter how many times I have hurt her she always forgives me. Always let's me back into her heart and her life. I don't think that after this time she will be able to though.
Have I mentioned how much I love her yet?
I wouldn't have left her like that that night if the family lawyer hadn't made it sound like grand-mere had hours to live instead or months. I would have sat her down at the dinner and told her everything, and she would have hugged me and told me that everything would be all right, and I would feel better. I knew it. I most likely would have bought her a plane ticket and took her with me. And if that waiter hadn't stopped her, I would have let her stop me. I would have ignored that bald asshole and sat down with her instead of leaving her hurt and alone in the street.
You wanna know something else?
I have written at least ten songs to tell her how sorry I am. How much I miss her and need her, but they are all crap. Except for one. One of them I want to sing for her. I will someday, but something is holding me back from singing it for her. From going back. I think that it's fear. Fear of rejection and her reaction. Why am I such a wuss? Yes, I am admitting that, but only in my mind. Not out loud.
I sigh and look away from that spot and take out my songbook. I turn to the song and read it over.

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Then an ingenious idea hit me. I would find a band and a small studio and record it. then send it to Kwest and have him give it to Jude for me. No… I will just send it to Jude. I don't want to make Jude madder by sending it to Kwest first. That would definitely get to her. I gave a small smile at my plan. Sure, it was a slightly wuss move to send to song to her rather then just go there and sing it to her myself, but at least she would know how I feel about her. Maybe then I would go back. Maybe.