Author's Note : I don't really feel like doing the disclaimer thing the whole way through, so since I got it out of the way early we're skipping that part. We are also jumping to M rating rather quickly, mind you. Gore and violent things, yay…
The Squirrel Incident is, apparently, next. I finished the next chapter for Deus ex, and I think I'm going to stagger updates between these two for the time being. So when I get chapter 34 back I'll start on 35, and after that the squirrel chapter. So it might be awhile. Might.
The Hyūga Affair
Panther decided she didn't like them.
She liked B, don't get her wrong, but these Kumo-nin seemed nothing like the rapping jinchūriki of the eight-tails.
That… and they were preventing her and Minato from being able to go home for the day. She had a three-year-old son to read a bedtime story to, and she was sure her otouto had plans of his own for Naruto's bedtime.
The end of the Third Great Shinobi War had it's own loose ends to tie up, no matter the beat down Namikaze Minato gave Iwagakure no Sato first before becoming the Village Hidden in the Leave's formidable Yondaime Hokage and Konohagakure's beloved Yellow Flash.
Though the man himself will still cringe and flush slightly if you called him any of that to his face.
Fugaku and Hizashi, who had been in control of the Earth war camps near the end, might have had to smash Iwagakure's teeth in when they attempted to throw out or even rout the Sand-Leaf forces camping out on their front lawn but Iwa did fold after their last gambit failed.
Sunagakure was still staunchly pro Konoha, and Kirigakure was a bit swamped with trying to clear out the very last of any rebel Mist-nin factions to cause further trouble. They both were part of an alliance, as well, with Amegakure and now Kusagakure as support.
Bit by bit, Yahiko and Minato were working on that prophesy of their sensei's. Jiraiya got a little sappy when he heard more news about it, every damn time no matter if he heard it once before or not.
Kumogakure was the last of the Great Shinobi Nations that had yet to decide on what to do, either allow hostilities to subside and nitpick for the next few decades or actually attempt what Iwa tried and epically failed to do.
Hence why Konoha currently had a group of Cloud diplomats jawing at their Yondaime and generally wasting time just because they could.
Minato didn't look all that amused either, for that matter.
Apparently Senju Nawaki's fellow but foreign diplomats had some variation of survival sense, because they begged off any further peace talks for the day shortly after Panther had concluded she didn't like them.
The ANBU General wondered if that had anything to do with her slipping into the visible parts of the Hokage's office or not, but shrugged the thought away and turned to her Hokage while slipping her mask off. "Finally, you ready to head out?"
"Thanks for that, sempai." He spoke while rubbing at his left temple, where he usually felt the pain of any headaches his position gave to a kage.
Natsumi sniffed at him, sealing the mostly black cat mask into her belt simply because she didn't intend to do much else before changing back to her usual jōnin uniform. "I have no idea what you're talking about. In unrelated news it's my turn to read Maru-chan a bedtime story so let's go."
Her old kouhai cracked a grin at her for that. "Well, far be it for me to get in the way of my little godson's privileges. Dismissed, Panther-sama. I'll see you in the morning."
"Sure you will. It's not like I usually hang around awaiting your convenience, Yondaime-sama."
Minato acquired a bit of a sheepish flush at that. "You won't let me meet with non-alliance shinobi without being around to intimidate them for me in the first place, sempai. So I'm putting good money on you showing up bright and early, no matter how much that'll make Shikaku grumble at me."
The former assassin frowned at him. "You know, it kinda sucks when you get anticipated like that."
"Ah, but that's just a measure of how much I both know and rely on you, sempai." Corrected the Yondaime as he got up from his rather comfy couch he used when meeting with foreign dignitaries. "A mark of faith or reliance, if you'd rather."
"I'd think it is more like getting predictable."
"We do not need another Inuzuka riot, sempai."
Natsumi paused, looking back at him before she abused his hiraishin to get home unseen. "Is that an order?"
Minato frowned suspiciously back at her, pausing at his office door. "Why?"
"I'm pretty sure I can think up of something else just as odd and disruptive to annoy you with."
The Yondaime Hokage, Konohagakure's Yellow Flash, the terror of Iwagakure no Sato, planted his face in his hands. "Oh kami, sempai. Don't, please."
His ANBU General snickered at him. "Just a suggestion, kouhai."
"Go home and read my godson a bedtime story."
"Sure, as long as you read my godson a bedtime story."
Minato gave her a bastardized salute as he left his office to the ANBU night guard. Natsumi wondered if he realized it had been copied from Fiona's military salute or not.
\V/
"Come on, kaa-chan! Hurry up."
"Mmhmm, hurrying. Watch me hurry."
Shikamaru still didn't look at all too pleased with her speed, especially since she had promised him cherry preserves to get him out of the house with her in the middle of winter. Wrapped up in a fluffy coat and the scarf Aikido-baa-sama knitted for him, he was almost too cute to take seriously.
Although Natsumi almost wanted to sulk, because the damn bloody cherries were apparently more popular than one of kaa-chan's rare off days. Yes, she knew full well comparing her popularity in her son's eyes to the treat both he and his father shared a love for wasn't at all fair.
Not the point.
Minato had decided that since the Kumo diplomats wanted to just stall for a few days she didn't need to be there constantly, some of Stag's guards would do just as well. Then the ass had made it a point to bring up the lack of time the both of them had to spend with their children since this crap started, and stated that since he was restricted until they decided how they wanted to do this she shouldn't have to miss out on more of Shikamaru's growing years than she already had.
Which resulted in Panther-sama being forced to give Stag the lead in what guarding their Yondaime needed within the village.
Since Natsumi had the time, she rather did want to spend it with the heir she bore Shikaku. Her son was adorable, no matter what little scrunched up face he made being called so. The fact she needed to do a grocery run was just life, because eating was part of that no matter how much their son would rather nap.
It was the actually doing something that Shikamaru didn't really all that like when spending time with kaa-chan. He would much rather take a nap with her and his father instead of expending energy to do something else no matter how fun he found it.
Natsumi blamed Shikaku. Their next child had better not be as lazy.
The Uchiha compound gate guards looked pretty amused at her second trip out there that same week. She gave them an old fashioned look that merely made them smirk at her.
When Shikamaru got behind her and tried to push when she stopped and signed into their compound one actually cracked a laugh.
Instead of bearing more knowing looks and little laughs, after writing down Shikamaru's name she plucked her clan's heir up into her arms and jumped for the roofs.
At least she had a way to get this over with quickly.
Shikamaru squirmed out of her hold the moment they touched down, scampering to the Uchiha run shop as fast as his little legs would pump. "Madoka-baba!"
"Well, if it isn't the young Shikamaru-sama!" The elderly woman beamed at the young Nara, switching targets to his mother. "Natsumi-sama, again?"
"What can I say? Apparently it's better than naps."
"High praise indeed, coming from a Nara." She seemed pleased with that, though, slipping a few jars of the cherry preserves the Nara clan's head and heir loved so into a box for secure and safe handling. "Do you think you can carry it all, Shikamaru-sama?"
The three-year-old might be dwarfed by said box, even as small as it was, but he nodded rapidly and took it from her.
Then balanced it on his head and peered up at his mother with their shared eye coloring to ensure she paid Madoka for his treat.
Natsumi had to look away before she laughed, handing the elderly Uchiha the ryo to cover the expense of the preserves. "I am sorry to bother you again this week, Madoka-san. Really."
"It's fine, Natsumi-sama. I must say this is rather flattering, to say the least."
The ANBU General at least got her change back before the next upset to her rare off day happened.
She didn't catch the thump, but she did hear the alarms around the Hyūga clan go off.
Sighing, she gave her son a slightly regretful look. "Maru-chan, I'm really sorry kiddo. I've got to go in, someone apparently wants to be naughty."
Shikamaru was almost upset enough to drop the box of preserves, which made Natsumi feel slightly better about getting forced to use them as a bribe to get him out of the house willingly. "What? No, kaa-chan! I'm sorry, I won't ask for more again!"
The former assassin saved said box, giving her son a hug and looking up at the alarmed old woman. "Can you take him to Mikoto's for me? I should really report in and see what Minato wants done."
"Of course, Natsumi-sama. I'll wait with him if Mikoto-sama's not in." Madoka accepted the box and the three-year-old who scowled cutely at getting his day with mom interrupted no matter the trouble he gave her for it.
"Thanks." She gave her son a ruffle of his little fluffy ponytail in goodbye before bolting out of the shop and up to the roofs, quickly sighting in on what seemed to be so wrong the invasion alarms rang.
Someone had decided to make a few new doors in the Hyūga compound, apparently. She could see the holes from where she was, and the Uchiha compound was nearly on the opposite side of the village using the Hokage's Tower as a guide point. Confused and a little wary Natsumi made her way there, joining a few other shinobi on their way to the disturbance to either lend a hand or to ensure it wasn't really an invasion before reporting in to whoever they reported to in case of emergency.
There was a ruin of a man getting tended to by a severe looking Hyūga iryou-nin, and Minato was giving some rather sharp but low sounding orders to Shikaku and Inoichi.
What attracted the former assassin's attention was the near murderous rage on Hiashi's face.
Fugaku was talking to his fellow clan head in a low voice, but when Natsumi touched down nearby it apparently hadn't been enough for whatever had pissed off the Hyūga clan head.
…or so she thought.
Surprise hugs were more than a little awkward, especially from a man that seemed to scream 'don't touch me' in vibrant, thunderous colors.
Now vastly confused, the Nara's Lady very slowly patted the shinobi on the back. "…what?"
"The cribs, Natsu." Shikaku informed her, unhelpfully ignoring that another man had hold of his wife. "The ones you carved and sealed? One went off."
"Oh… well… okay. Hiashi, breath. That's… apparently why I did it. Of course, I really thought they would never be used and Inoichi would harass me about paranoia and extreme preventative measures for the rest of our damn lives, but still."
Said Yamanaka clan head scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Yeah… listing this as justified paranoia. Again. And never bringing it up, ever again. I swear, Natsumi."
"Sempai… would you mind making that seal pattern standard?"
"What, like Konoha standard? Sure, if you want me to. I think maybe reducing the force behind it, though, given the holes through Hiashi's poor home."
"No." Hiashi denied quickly, still rather desperately holding onto the fūinjutsu master that had prevented his heiress from coming to harm. "I find the countermeasures almost too benign."
"Agreed." Fugaku chipped in, much to their collective surprise. He was still eyeing the three walls the interloper had been thrown through with a very flinty look, probably comparing what would happen if anyone tried grabbing his nine-year-old freshly genin ranked heir or his three-year-old youngest out of their second story bedrooms.
"Koharu-sama wasn't all that pleased, mind you. For mass use, I may have to." Natsumi patted Hiashi on the arm and slipped loose. "I'll check the seal before I go, to see if it's rearmed itself or not."
Surprise hugs from a murderously irate Hyūga warrior was more than a little unnerving, to say the least.
She cast the bloody wreck that ran afoul of her seal work a dismissive glance. "Will he live?"
"Barely."
That was apparently Hyūga iryou-nin code for 'fuck him' and 'I don't care'.
However, it was good enough for them.
Fugaku nodded sharply. "I will have him taken to T&I for you, Inoichi."
"Don't dirty your hands," Natsumi snapped her fingers and got Stag's former ROOT kids to appear before them, "dump him in whatever cell is free, and ensure he doesn't die in the meantime."
Little Geko and her partner Falcon gave their ANBU General a nod, waiting for the medic to finish sealing the worst of the man's injuries.
"Hiashi, how's Hisana? I know Hinata-chan's okay, because my seal wouldn't have gone off without her inside, but what about your wife?"
That question got the Hyūga clan head's attention, and the man blinked silvery eyes at her blankly.
Natsumi sighed and resigned herself to awkward Hyūga hug number two.
\V/
Minato gave the little leader of the Kumo diplomats a frigid smile. "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?"
"Yoshida Tachibana is one of our most respected jōnin. I refuse to believe he attempted such a thing, especially since we are in the middle of peace talks." The shinobi repeated snottily, glaring with a visible measure of irritation at the kage of Konohagakure no Sato. "You must lie, I demand to see him or we shall report to our Raikage that you have not only fabricated a slanderous story to try justifying holding one of his most trusted shinobi hostage but are refusing to meet reasonable demands."
"Mmm… I thought that was what you said." Konohagakure's Yellow Flash spoke almost pleasantly, still with that icy smile. "Allow me to clear the air. No."
The wordy little asshole spluttered.
"Not only was this Tachibana-san caught red handed in his attempt of bloodline theft, he also dealt a fair bit of damage to the Hyūga clan compound when he ran afoul of their security measures around the clan's heiress. Then we found him bleeding out at the end of that damage. Obviously, either he had full permission to try such a thing from your Raikage or didn't care what the consequences were. Once Yamanaka Inoichi is through with him we will decide both his fate and if we wish to continue the war, and grind your village to dust just as we have Iwagakure no Sato."
The Yondaime Hokage's wintery smile turned more than a little sharp.
"You have best hope we don't continue the war, for you and your team here will be the first casualties. If so, Hiashi has demanded the right to your blood for the insult you dealt him and his by attempting to grab his daughter. A dispatch with both a report and the evidence is already on it's way to our country's Daimyo, he will weigh in if he wishes to see more war or not with this latest upset. You have a week, under the ever so pleasant guard of my ANBU forces. If I were you, I wouldn't annoy them as they're not happy with you at all."
Panther almost wanted to snort, because Stag's guard shift rotations was approaching stupidly redundant and it was only the day after.
The older ANBU agents flatly refused to complain, because the thought of their Panther-sama's son might being one of those attempted for next made them all want to be on the guard shift that caught such a thing. The younger ranks were confused but followed along, because it was a kidnapping attempt no matter how you looked at it and Hyūgas were a clan to be proud of.
Even if the seals Natsumi had inked nearly five years ago prevented more than a glance or two from being stolen of little Hinata-hime.
The blue haired little princess of the Hyūga clan was adorable, tiny and dainty like her mother but with her father's looks. She had been a little bewildered as well, at the flying man that crashed through her nursery walls for no apparent reason.
Minato finally got the so called diplomats kicked out with little more fuss made, mostly by Panther handling ejecting the lot out via Wombat and a squad of Stag's finest.
Finally alone, the man sighed heavily. "Fantastic."
"Well… it could be worse…"
Her Hokage gave her a confused look. "How?"
"He could have actually gotten his hands on little Hinata-hime." Panther shrugged, waving one armored hand at him. "We could have no suspect in custody, or may even have lost the Hyūga heiress completely for a day or two."
Natsumi wondered if she had known about this… but she couldn't recall if she had or if she really was just that paranoid.
She was betting on the latter, though.
Eri and Kakashi had been a close enough scare for her, thanks.
"Though… if it's all the same to you, I kinda want to take that week we have to wait for the Daimyo's response and coddle my son."
"That is a very attractive thought, isn't it?" Minato agreed, but cast a rather dark look at his waiting paperwork. "I wish."
\V/
The Daimyo of the Land of Fire apparently wished to prevent another theater of war from being taken on, no matter his faith that the Leaf would accurately display his displeasure with Lightning Country and the Village Hidden in the Clouds. He and the people of Fire Country were apparently tired enough of war to not wish to deal with it.
Read; embargo and hinder them but don't get into a fight just yet.
Minato was almost cheerful as he reminded the remaining Kumo-nin that all overland trade routes normally went through Konohagakure no Sato, and if possible his shinobi would gleefully hamper any attempts to use them for any Lightning Country merchants until their Daimyo or Raikage could come up with something to appease the Fire Daimyo for his ninja's attempt to steal a little girl from both her family and village.
Oh, and good luck with that.
"I'm fully of the opinion that Kumo-nin are the type you have to punch in the face a few times before they behave." Natsumi informed her husband dryly, dishing Shikamaru more rice from the bowl on the table.
Shikaku cracked a smirk at that, even if the situation had given him all sorts of worries and stress while they were trying to deal with it.
"Like Sasuke-kun?"
Natsumi blinked at her son, who blinked back with their matching eye coloring innocently. "How?"
"He stole Ino-chan's bird. So Naru-kun hit him with his stuffed frog. To get it back." Shikamaru shrugged lazily, pouting at the extra mom insisted he eat before getting his cherry preserves. "Sasuke-kun got him back later. Throwing his peas at him when we were eating lunch."
Whose turn had it been to watch the kids last time there was something going on?
…Tsume's, never mind. That would be proper behavior as far as an Inuzuka was concerned.
"Then yeah, like Naru-chan and Sasuke-kun… I guess."
Now why did that make her want to laugh?
