A/N: I've revised this chapter, and added/tweaked a few things because re-reading it, I realised how terrible it was. I tried to fix it as much as possible SO its worth a read :). Also, I had to reupload this chapter anyways because something happened and long stroy short, I had someone how replaced this chapter with chapter 2. Also I'm revising chapter 2, which will be up soon.

Enjoy :)


It wasn't something she was used to, the way he was treating her. It was a gentleness that she hadn't felt in a while. His nimble fingers combing her hair, intertwining with her locks until he reached the tips, then he would go back to repeat the action again. And even with this his soft touches, she sat stiff and frozen from the contact. The sensation when his fingers accidently brushed down her neck as his hands travelled though the tresses made her feel sick. It was like a slight tickle of some unctuous tentacle about to lace around her throat. But she didn't tell him to stop, because she knew it was what she needed right now. She needed someone to be beside her, even if it wasn't the person she had wished for. Maybe should could image it was his rough fingers, course from the constant use of his weapon, instead of the soft tender touch of a mage's.

Hawke didn't realise she was even crying until she felt a warm tear that had fallen off her face and onto her bare thigh. She felt the hand that was intertwined in her hair softly slither to her chin, coaxing it to turn and face him. As it obeyed she saw amber eyes, not the green ones she had hoped for. A thumb gently wiped a falling tear from her eye.

"A mage did this Anders, a mage." Her voice croaked.

She couldn't help but hate the magic coursing through her veins. Fenris practically loathed her for being a mage. Carver was gone with the templars, and she was surprised with the amount of spite he threw at her for being a mage that he hadn't turned her in yet. And now, her mother was gone because of a mage. It seemed that maybe all this alarm of the mage's wasn't nonsense, perhaps they should be feared.

"They're right; maybe we are a danger to everyone around us."

A sympathetic look crossed Anders face. He shook his head drawing Hawke's face uncomfortably close to his. Their foreheads touched, and Hawke could feel his breath tickling her own lips. "He was a mad man. That's what made him do this… not magic." His hand drew up to caress her face. "Just remember, I am here for you."

One small tilt of the head was all either of them had too do, and their lips would be pressed against each other's. Her heart pace picked up, she didn't want that, and before either of them could move in Hawke's head dipped down and her face buried into the feathers of his coat. She loved Anders, she truly did, but not in the romantic sense. Anders was not unapparent with his feelings for Hawke, and as much as she wanted the comforting kiss that Anders was offering her, she couldn't and wouldn't lead him on. It just wouldn't be fair.

Then she suddenly came undone, sobbing into his shoulder. Instinctively Anders arms wrapped themselves around her body, clutching onto her tight as if he was holding her together. The howls escaping her lips were almost unbearable, nearly identical to the cries that escaped her lips in battle when she had been seriously wounded. Pain, her sobs were full of pain. Anders wasn't sure, but he could only assume that this was the first time Hawke had properly mourned over her mother's loss, and probably Bethany's.

Hawke had an exterior that seemed unbreakable, because she always had to be. She had to be strong for her family. The only time he had every really seen her façade slightly crack was when she was around Fenris, in fact it seemed she lost all sense of pride and self control when she was around the elf. She became a bumbling mess whose eyes festered on him almost constantly. Anders had even noticed she did so during battles, and had on more than one occasion saved her from harm that she was completely oblivious to because of her infatuation with the elf. She knew that he had known about her fascination with the elf, heck everyone who witnessed the way she looked at him knew… apart from Fenris himself. Maybe it was better that way, for now at least.

He was ripped from his thoughts when her hands gripped tightly to the fabrics of his clothes, her cries becoming louder and more painful to endure. Anders cradled her fragile body in her arms, gripping her tighter as her cries grew in volume hoping it would calm her down.


They had been all together at the Hanged Man, minus the company of Hawke and Anders. Fenris took another gulp of his ale, grimacing at the taste. The group was awfully quite tonight with the occasional small talk to try and break the silence.

The absence of Hawke was touching everyone, even Fenris. He had accompanied Hawke along with Varric and Anders when they had found the captor of her mother. A mage who had created mutilated corpse, by piecing body parts together of different women and kept it alive by magic. Unfortunately, Hawke's mother was involved in this plot. He had watched Hawke's emotional barrier cave in when her mother had died in her arms. Though she did not cry, she did not bother to hide her terror and distraught. She had locked herself in her estate, wanting to be alone to grieve. It was understandable. Fenris would not bother going to visit her anyway, because he did not know what to say. He would feel highly uncomfortable talking about such a horrid situation, and her even feared he might upset more. He'd merely obey her command and not bother her. Disobeying was not something Fenris was all too familiar with.

"Hey, Blondie! Nice of you to join us." The whole group turned to face the mage, greeting him with happy smiles. Apart from Fenris, who scowled at his mug of ale.

"Sorry I was with, Hawke." Anders drug out a chair, and took a seat across from Fenris. The mention of Hawke's name had him peak up from the mug and looking at the Abomination.

"Is she alright?" Merrill meekly asked the question for everyone.

Ander's let out a sigh. "She's… coping." A frown fell on his face. "I've never seen her so vulnerable before. She just broke down in front of me. I stayed with her until she finally fell asleep, though I worry. I can imagine the fade will not be kind to her tonight."

And there was a sharp pang in his stomach at the thought of Hawke being comforted by the abomination. Hadn't she said she didn't want to see anyone?

"She is not stable." The worlds slipped from Fenris's mouth and the group turned their attention to him. "It is only a matter of time before she submits to the will of a demon." His eyes trailed to the cup of liquid again before finishing it off with a large gulp and pushing it so it skidded to the centre of the table. There was a silence before Ander's responded.

"You really think Hawke will do that?"

He peered up at the mage before trailing his gaze back down to its original place, smirking inwardly as he saw the aggravation grow on his face. "All you mages are the same. Hawke is no different."

Oh how Anders loathed the elf. He understood what Fenris had gone through, he understood why he may have held a grudge against mages, but his distrust of Hawke confused him to an extent where it angered him. "You're just as narrow minded as I thought." Ander's attempted to kept a calm exterior. "What exact reason has Hawke given you to doubt her so much?"

"She is a mage." It was a blunt answer that wound up Anders and Fenris knew this.

Anders let out a frustrated growl. "Yes, but what has she done? I understand you doubt me and Merrill, but Hawke has never ever done anything that would give you a reason for you not to trust her!"

"Mage, you are beginning to annoy me with your pestering." Fenris sent out a warning to the mage with his low gruff voice that almost mimicked a growl.

"You didn't answer my question." Anders seethed.

Fenris slammed his fist against the table. "Enough! Why do you care about what I think of Hawke?" Fenris jumped from his seat and making Anders automatically imitate the action. They lent over the table, sizing each other up, their hatred for each other sprawled across their faces. "You have no idea what I have been through, no idea what it's like to be a slave to a magister! I am no longer a slave, I will not have my opinions questioned and scrutinised, especially by an abomination!" Fenris's markings were aflame, his hand balled into a fist ready to tear the mages heart out.

"You can't answer my question because you don't have a reason do you Fenris?"

Anders was right. He snarled at the mage. "Venhedis! I'm leaving before I hurt you." Fenris kicked back the chair behind him before storming out of the room.

He could hear Ander's voice yelling at him. "Maybe if you weren't so stubborn you'd realise what's really in front of you!"

Fenris had paused stiff bodied for a moment, contemplating what the Abomination meant by the remark. He shook his head attempting to rid the thought and stalked back out the door.

He made his way to his mansion, passing by Hawke's estate through is journey. He looked up at it considering whether or not to visit. But no, the Abomination had said she was asleep, he would not want to disturb her. There was a soft hum that reached his ears, it was a pretty tune Fenris recognised from somewhere, and as he got closer to his mansion the tune seemed to dissapear.


It wasn't long after Anders had left that Hawke had woken up again. She was sat on the balcony of her room. The wind whipped her hair across her face. Hawke's eyes trailed to the town bellow, a frown toying on the side of her face. She had run out of tears. Her mind drifted, and she was thinking far too much. She closed her eyes for a moment, humming a light lullaby to herself in attempt to get rid of her flooding thoughts. Hawke's breath hitched as she began to think of him. As she snapped open her eyes, she could have sworn she had spotted a light blue glow passing through the dark down bellow…