1 year later….
My life pretty much went back to the way it used to be. But mostly I was on robot mode. Everything I did, meant nothing. Absolutely nothing was the same after that one night. I blocked it out as best as I could but I could I forgot something so memorable, So beautiful…
I never talked to anyone about it, not even Bones though he must have known but knowing me he chose to keep quiet about it. It would do no good to talk about it though. Just remind me of the loss and hurt, pain I've never felt before, that I went through that day.
That day in general passed by in a blur. I don't remember getting back to my apartment but I did somehow. The entire day spent in bed, mourning for the loss of a love never to be found again. The more I thought about it the angrier I became. Why had he left? Was all I could ask myself over and over again. Then I realized that no matter how hard I thought about it, there just was no reasonable explanation. And in my frustrated and angry state of mind all I kept thinking was that the reason he left me was because of my profession.
That was the only reason that came to mind. And if that was true, who was he to judge me? It was a job like any other right? But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that he had every right. I mean who wants to be involved with a whore? No decent Vulcan, let alone person would want that in their life. Then I was no longer angry just ashamed of myself and what I did. But what I could do? I had chosen this life and there was no going back.
I was about to hop into the shower when I heard the door chime go off. I went over and saw that it was Bones. Weird, what could he want now?
"Jim, how are you?" he asked.
"Just fine Bones, was about to take a shower but since you're here what's up?" I asked uncertain as to the pleasure of his visit.
"Well I'm here because I wanted to go over details about your next movie. Today I was told of an interesting idea and I wanted to see if you were ok with it or not?" he asked with a certain apprehension in his eyes.
"Ok, shoot what's the plot and stuff and who do I have to do this time?" I asked bored of the conversation already.
"Well see that's the interesting part, its not who your doing its whose gonna do you." he said.
"Come again?" I ask with confusion written all over my face.
"Yeah, the writers thought it would be great to put you in a film, where you play this debonair Starfleet captain, aboard this ship called The USS Enterprise right, and you screw your female crew left and right , but you end up falling in love and getting taken by…your male first officer." he says with a cowering look in his eyes.
"Whoa, they really went out on a limb to see me get fucked in the ass huh? But why now? That's just weird but hey I'm down for anything. So do you know who the guy is or what?" I try not to let the disgust of being taken by another being who wasn't Spock show in my face. But in a way this was payback, show that son of a bitch that he can't hurt me ever again. And I was gonna make sure to make it nice and good just in case if he ever saw it.
"Well here's another weird thing, the guy is also gonna be directing the movie! Isn't that just strange? I've never heard of a director taking part in his own movie before but this guy is supposedly new on the scene and I've heard he's brilliant. Don't know what he looks like or even his damn name though." he says, his voice dripping with annoyance.
"Oh well I guess we'll know soon enough right? When do we start filming?" I ask.
"Well as soon as you said yes, so starting tomorrow."
"Damn that quick, oh well. Oh wow does that mean we'll get to wear uniforms and everything and I'll get to say "Ahead warp factor one" I ask enthusiastically.
"Yes, Jim. Geez, do you have to act like a damn child sometimes?" he says with a roll of his eyes.
I chuckle to myself as I see his expression. He should know better. After that he leaves with a few more details about who I'm gonna fuck within the next couple of weeks. Looks like its Gaila and me again and a couple of others I've heard of but never had the pleasure of meeting, let alone fuck.
I hop into the shower and continue on with my nightly routine with one question still on my mind, the one question that has plagued since that one fateful night…
Why did he leave?…
Spock's POV
Why did I ever leave? That is one question I will continue to ask myself until the very end of my existence. Suffice to say, I don't really have an answer. Which causes it to plague me even further. For once in my life, I did not have an answer to a question asked. But if I was being truthful, the question would be How did I ever leave him?
The one being who in one night made my existence in this life worthwhile. The one person who made me feel so alive, wanted…loved besides my own birth mother. How did I do it?
I sigh deeply as I once again find myself trying to meditate to find some sort of answer. As I breathe in the incense and will my body into a total and complete peaceful state of mind, I find myself assaulted with visions of that night. The hot, passionate, lustful emotions causing me to break any concentration I may have had. My Vulcan upbringing would be sufficient to put me into a complete meditative state but I found that no longer mattered when it came to James T. Kirk.
The man who stole any chance at my being at peace and being able to a normal more logical way of life. In one night that man changed everything that I spent that last 25 years of my life trying to accomplish. No doubt if I were on Vulcan, I would be seeing several healers to find the cause of my mental breakdown as they might call it. But I know what he did was something my mother spent all her life trying to do for me. Show me what it truly was to feel…
Not to feel with the senses but with the soul. The katra as we call it on Vulcan. Something no true Vulcan could ever truly or even begin to understand unless they themselves had gone through it. In ancient times, it was called finding ones T'hy'la. There is no true standard definition of it but the closest would be brother, friend, lover…
I had found my T'hy'la that very fateful night I met Jim. I knew it the moment my eyes gazed upon his across the dance floor. The incense must have been a more powerful affect on me than I thought as I find myself once again reliving that night…
1 year earlier…
"Oh come on Spock you never go out! It's always work, work, work! When are you ever gonna just go out and have some fun? I mean I know your Vulcan and all but come on, I know even Vulcan's have to let loose once in a while, right?" Uhura says once again finding herself facing the straight faced Vulcan she called a friend.
"It is more along the lines of there is nothing logical about wasting time and energy dancing or gyrating on a dance floor, when it would be better spent on doing something productive to better one's self or others." I found myself saying once again to the over emotional Terran he called a friend.
Sometimes he questioned as to why but then he remembered she was one of the most intelligent beings he had ever encountered while in school and the one who could handle being around someone as stoic as himself and still be able to laugh when he said something unintended to be comical or humorous in any way. Needless to say, he had accompanied his friend to the club that night. He had not intended to do anything that night but stay hidden from any oncoming admirer, drinking his glass of K'vass. The only place in the city with the drink available to him.
He was on his second glass of the robust alcoholic beverage when he saw him. The light in the darkness…
His very presence demanded attention. The tight clothing showing off his defined abdominal muscles and strong boyish facial features only adding to his beauty. He was one of the most beautiful specimens I had ever seen. But that was nothing on his eyes. He had the most exquisite blue eyes. I feel myself drowning in their beauty. As they meet mine from across the room I feel my whole world spiral out of control with emotions I never knew I had within myself.
He like myself is wearing all black but his outfit is intended for grabbing attention, arousing all those whose eyes land upon him. Well certainly has succeeded in that because I find myself so captivated by his very essence I can't help but stare. He notices but seems confused as to whether I truly am looking at him or not, so I nod. I never thought that I would be bold enough as to acknowledge him or admit my attentions toward him but clearly, he making me go where no Vulcan has gone before that night.
He makes his way towards me, swaying his hips I notice. His face, pure seduction keeping me trapped in his gaze. Again I notice the icy blue eyes that seem to jump out at you. If his intention was on seducing me, I considered myself seduced in that very moment.
Although Vulcan, I was also half human which would explain the momentary lapse in logic which dictated I should have left the moment Nyota decided to leave my side. It was at that moment I also decided that logic had nothing to do with this and I saw no harm in getting better…acquainted.
As we introduce ourselves he sticks his hand out to shake mine in greeting. Normally I would be adverse to such an act but once again I found myself eager and compliant to something that is frowned down upon. When our hands touch it is as if the flood gates were opened. Lust, overwhelming all my senses, along with so much more. It would be impossible to describe all that I felt when I was ignorant of all these emotions. But I understand the lust, the curiosity. All coming through the one simple touch. I heard him release a small gasp, quiet enough that only my sensitive hearing could have heard him.
I raise my eyebrow so as to not convey my own surprised reaction at the touch, which he simply laughs at. He asks me toward my reason for being there that night which I notice is a way to change the topic of conversation to avoid that which has happened but as I've learned with my dealings with humans its better to pretend as though nothing were happening. I proceed to tell him of how I came about arriving with Nyota and I notice her attentions towards a man at the bar. Jim informs me it is his best friend and I notice his interest in Uhura's figure. I do not blame him for she is one of the most beautiful women I know and one of the main reason's besides her intellect that I find her company more than pleasing.
He then inquires about my attire. Particularly about my cap which I use to hide my ears, seeing as it is most rare to find a Vulcan, let alone one in such a place as this. And although it is illogical, I can't help but feel some insecurity towards displaying them in public. Jim though will not accept no as answer so through much persuasion (or little depends on how you view things) I remove my cap and he is shocked to find that I am Vulcan. I find myself shocked myself that he finds it extremely appealing, attractive even, something I've never encountered before.
The further we divulge into our conversation, the more we find out about ourselves and our professions. The fact that Jim is a porn star is not surprising. He is beautiful how could any director want to capture that on film during an act so intimate and passionate as one during sexual intercourse. If I could only have the chance…
He is about to leave when I tell him of the uncomfortably way I feel when surrounded by so many people such as where we are and mistakes it as his presence being an annoyance to me. The thought of being by myself again with his light shining my dark overwhelms and I cannot be blamed for exclaiming as loudly as I did. He finds humor in this once again and I feel I would do anything to see that smile again.
My opportunity comes sooner than expected when he asks me to dance. At first I feel a certain reluctance but I nod because I do not want to be out of his sight anytime soon.
The song that plays is sensual, passionate, velvet smooth, the singer's voice captures the mood that has enveloped what I feel when Jim is pressed against my body, as if it were meant to be there. I do not recognize the song but make a note to find out who it is afterwards. As the song progresses so do the movements Jim and I make to each other, producing such lust in me that I have never known before. I find him staring at my lips and I stare at him, telling him everything that I want in that moment.
Our lips touch and its as if everything in the world as come into place where it should be, where it belongs. I give into the kiss with more feeling than I think I could ever muster or have ever shown in my entire life. The passion, the love, lust is more than I can handle but I hold him tighter to me. I never want to let this moment, him go. As our kiss comes to its natural end we are panting against each other with our foreheads pressed together.
"You wanna get out of here?" he asks.
And that's all he needs to say before I nod and we are headed on our way to a nearby hotel…where I spent the most amazing, magical, passionate night I will never forgot for as long as I am living…
I will also never forget it because it's the day I made the biggest mistake of my life…
…leaving my T'hy'la…
*Back to the present*
I spent the next year working on useless and meaningless tasks and movies. Movies that could never capture on film the love that one feels when one finds true love. No matter how great the actor. That is until I am presented with a new project by one of my superior's.
"We think it would be good for you to branch out Spock. The way you capture things on film is magical and we thought this would be a challenge for you and I know how you love those." says Christopher Pike with laugh, my captain as he likes me to call him. Though he knows I would never call him anything informal. I suppose he just likes to 'tease' me as they call it. An illogical form of entertainment…
I look at the script and realize there is something fascinating about the plot. Something indeed I would consider. Then I realize what type of film it is and almost immediately reject until I come across a name. A name that has haunted me for that past year since I last heard it. A pornographic film with at the top of the list of people they chose reading…
James Tiberius Kirk
I find myself clutching the script with strength I rarely used and almost tear it before I realized what I was doing and get a hold of my senses. I have no idea how to react or what to say but I readily accept the offer, telling Pike before he goes to make my name anonymous and he goes to make all the necessary preparations for the film. Within a couple of weeks I will see him, Jim…my T'hy'la and I cannot contain the joy I feel in my heart at the prospect of seeing him again. I feel the muscles in my face form a small smile. And for once in my life I do not feel shame at seeing the reaction on my face.
As the days pass and I make everything ready for film, I count the seconds until I see him once again. A few days before the movie is about to begin filming, Uhura informs me that one of the stars of the film wishes to meet me to discuss some of the things in the film. I find no objection so I make my way through the mess of wires that are coming through everywhere and come to a door of a dressing room for one of the stars. I feel a sense of weariness at the prospect of having to argue with someone who feels they are better than everyone else and mentally prepare for such an argument until I open the door…
…and standing no more than a few meters of me is none other than James Tiberius Kirk himself. Any preparation I may have had is worthless at this point, especially when I see Jim's eyes frown and become angry. Though I see pure sadness in their depths and I feel as though nothing in the world could have prepared me for this moment…
"What the fuck are you doing here?"
