A/N: Hey there all! Wow, this has gotten more follows/favorites/reviews then I thought in the short time it's been up. I'm really grateful to everybody doing so and, being a person of my word, I'm back with more Grimkitty Adventures!
I will say off the bat that this won't update as often as And Then Things Went Horribly Wrong just because Grimmjow is tougher to write for and I want to take my time with it.
"He took a shit in my shoes!"
Revenge came in many forms, he'd learned.
At first, he'd gone for the quick kill. He'd bitten and clawed at Kurosaki's jugular and all that had gotten him was put in what the bitches called the 'Timeout Room'.
He hated the Timeout Room.
So, he'd changed plans. He didn't like it, not one bit, but he'd have to be a bit cleverer if he was going to kill them and avoid being put back in his cell. Thankfully, or so he'd thought at the time, humans were fragile. Thus he initiated a plan he'd dubbed 'Stairway to Hell'. Once the bastard went to sleep, he'd placed all of the obnoxious cat toys that he was regularly assaulted by at the top of the stairs and waited. Instead of his intended target though, it was his dipshit father that ended up tripping over them though. He'd been pissed at that, but still felt pleased when he'd seen the man's head bent at an angle he was sure meant the fucker was dead. At that point, he'd just been happy something was dead and he was the one responsible.
Unfortunately, it seemed the elder Kurosaki was too fucking stupid to die and was up and walking just moments later. He continued to leave out the toys at the top of the stairs, hoping that he might get lucky, however he'd largely written off Stairway to Hell as a long-shot.
His next plan, 'Flames of Hell', was something he took days putting together. A little scrap of paper here some dried leaves there, and he had himself a decent amount of kindling built underneath the bed of the annoying bitch. Her constant cooing and inability to go more than five fucking minutes without grabbing his paws or playing with his face was enough to earn her the number two spot on his shit list. The issue became finding a means of lighting it. During one of his late night explorations, he'd found a lighter in the desk of the elder Kurosaki. He could still remember the excitement he'd felt hauling it all the way through the house and under the girl's disgustingly pink bed.
Ever try to use a lighter with cat paws?
His third and final attempt at murder would involve poison. So, of course, he'd named it 'Poison of Hell'. If nothing else, he was consistent. He'd overheard the fucking moron that was Kurosaki's father talking with his patients about how dangerous it would be if too many pills were consumed. He'd camped out the man's clinic, enduring all of the humans that shuffled in and out regularly, waiting for his chance. Unfortunately, Kurosaki the Elder was far too careful with his drugs. The same couldn't be said of his patients though, some old bitch leaving a bottle behind one afternoon. He'd seized on his chance immediately, carting the bottle back to his base beneath the bed of the less annoying girl's bed.
Once again, ever tried to open a medicine bottle with cat paws? Had he been a bit more developed, he could have maybe chewed through it. Instead, all he managed to do was get pissed off which was fine because that was quickly becoming his default state. He wasn't gonna just roll over and quit on this plan though. Even if he couldn't use drugs, he still knew when his best opportunity to poison the bastards were. They insisted on eating together every morning and evening, the annoying bitch handling most of the cooking. He'd been fairly certain she would burn the place down for him, considering her head seemed to be empty, however she was a frustratingly competent cook. Didn't even have the decency to burn herself and give him something to be happy about.
He'd managed to get himself a place on their dining table one morning and, as she set what he knew was Kurosaki's plate, waited for her to turn back around... He didn't have much to use, but they did leave salt and pepper on the table. He moved quick, just going fucking crazy with it, and by the time she was looking back his way, he'd already returned everything to its proper place. When Kurosaki came down the stairs, unfortunately by walking and not by falling to his death the bastard, he'd locked eyes with him, glaring. The orange-haired prick glaring back was just too satisfying. He'd waited, never blinking and internally cackling when the human's inferior biology forced him to first, and watched as he lifted a bite of food to his lips.
'Choke on it, prick.'
He'd seen Kurosaki Ichigo's thin eyebrows shoot up. His discomfort, the pain clear in his eyes, showed that the taste was far from what he'd expected. "This is-!" The Shinigami had started, but hadn't finished. His gaze had moved over to his younger sister and then back to him on the table. With a shaking hand, he'd continued eating.
Apparently, he didn't have it in him to say anything negative about his sibling's cooking. Instead, he was enduring it.
By the end of the meal, Kurosaki looked absolutely miserable.
Even if the prick wasn't dead, this former Espada was more than willing to call that a resounding success.
All of this had lead him to where they were now, with an extremely pissy looking Ichigo Kurosaki glaring down at him holding his shoes out like he might throw them at him.
"Ichi-nii! You know that he's still being house-trained! You can't hold it against Tora-chan!" The annoying one was there to jump to his defense. Just for that, he might actually hold back from lighting the kindling under her bed once he found a match.
"It's in my shoes! That cat-"
He tried, and failed, not to be annoyed being called that.
"-has something against me!"
"Ichi-nii." The dark-haired sibling spoke up now. "Aren't you being paranoid? A cat has it out for you?" This was why he liked her. Even if she was completely wrong. "I didn't think that you were the kind of guy to blame things smaller and weaker than you."
...she was dying too in the end. Yeah.
"Karin! He glares at me all the time! I think he's possessed."
"Ichi-nii, wouldn't you be able to tell if he was?" ...should he? Would anyone be able to tell this new form was him?
Kurosaki threw his hands up before glaring at him.
"Besides, even if he did do it, I'm sure you deserved it. Tora-chan's a prideful beast. I'm sure in a past-life, he was a lion or something."
Ugh. As much as he appreciated the acknowledgement and enjoyed being called a 'beast' rather than something cutesy, he still couldn't get over humans and their hard-ons for lions. Did they think all he wanted to do was sit around all day and fuck bitches that went out and did all his hunting for him? That wasn't what a King did.
"Past-life, huh?" Ichigo scoffed. "I bet he was a real prick then too."
'Shinigami, you have no idea how much of a prick I am, but you will.'
"Ichi-nii! Don't call Tora-chan that! He'll get confused and think it's his name!" The annoying one was touching him again, hoisting him up and carrying him in a way she had to know was uncomfortable. He debated clawing one of her eyes out.
"Pff." It wasn't helped at all by Ichigo Kurosaki snickering at that idea. "Prick-chan?"
'I'm shitting in your bed next!'
"Ichi-niiiii! You're confusing him!"
He'd slipped out one afternoon while his future victims were at school to get a lay of the land. Karakura, as he vaguely remembered Aizen speaking about a literal life-time ago, was supposed to be a special place. As it turned out, it was just a boring ass town full of annoying ass people. He'd had to duck and dive to escape no less than three grannies, one of which chased him and made him feel more genuine terror than he ever had in either of the lives he could remember.
He didn't get humans. All of them were scrambling to get somewhere, some of them looking down at their watches or towards clocks or even those weird things he'd seen some of them talking into even when by themselves, and yet none of them ran. Well, the younger ones did, but after a certain age it looked like all of them were desperately trying to get someplace quick, but it wasn't where they actually wanted to be.
It was a pathetic existence, he thought. Too weak, too domesticated by their society to really live their lives for themselves so instead they dragged their feet in a pathetic attempt at rebellion.
Even when Hueco Mundo had been conquered, and it had been conquering regardless of how some of the others thought of it, they hadn't just let themselves be neutered on top of it. Plenty of them died in the process and even more of them still plotted to dethrone their new 'King'. The ones that didn't threw themselves behind Aizen as loyal vassals. Then there were ones like him that just didn't care. While the idea of bowing to anyone was disgusting, he acknowledged that smug bastard was the strongest and existed on a higher spot on the food chain. The only one who did, in his opinion, and even that was temporary. He did feel some gratitude towards Aizen making him an arrancar, and for that reason he'd agreed to be one of his Espada even if he was undervalued.
Still, that was entirely different from these people half-assing their way through life because they weren't happy with it. Even the Shinigami, as much as he loathed them, didn't look so miserable in their existence.
Just watching these humans was enough to piss him off more than he usually was.
"Oooh, kitty!"
His eyes widened.
He remembered that voice.
More than that, he remembered those tits.
Before he could do anything, he was being crushed against them. Suffocating. It wasn't an entirely bad way to end this short existence of his, but also-
'LET ME GO BEFORE YOU KILL ME WITH YOUR FUCKING UDDERS!'
"O-oh! I'm sorry, Mister Kitty!"
Air! Precious, precious air! He gasped for it for a few moments, filling his small lungs with it. The four-eyed freak owed him, those jugs were totally authentic. He glared up at her, part of him wanting to claw away at her hands and another part of him just confused. He hadn't really thought about it, given the 'what the fuck' nature of his reincarnation, but how exactly was she here, in the human world? How was Kurosaki not dead? Why was this whole city not one big pile of ash?
'Well, dumbass, it's that Ichigo Kurosaki beat Aizen. Which means he beat Ulquiorra. Which means even if you hadn't died, like a bitch, that he's gotten stronger than he was when he was already stronger than you.' His thoughts, which he'd prefer shut the hell up, answered his questions for him.
"Did you get out? I'm sure there's someone looking for such a cute little kitty."
'I will destroy you and your ridiculous tits, you stupid bitch.'
"Aw, I beat they miss you too."
'I would claw off your face if I could.'
"You're so talkative!"
'Die.'
"No collar, huh?"
As if he'd let anyone put a collar on him. He was not anyone's pet, regardless of what these shitheads thought.
"Well, don't worry! I'll make sure you get home!"
And, despite how much he fought, he found himself being carted off against his will. At some point, he had to wonder if he'd pissed off a deity or two somewhere between dying and his new life and just couldn't remember. He was pretty sure if he'd met any kind of divine figure he'd have told them to shove it and possibly picked a fight with it. That would explain his current situation.
So, on top of his long list of things to kill, he now had to add God. Or gods.
The girl's home was shitter than the Kurosaki's, being smaller and apparently in a building shared with even more humans, and she struggled to open the door with her keys while keeping him in her arms. Admittedly, he wasn't making it easy for her.
"Now, just wait here." She said after she, after closing the door and trapping him in here with her. "I'll get you some nice milk!" She pet his head entirely too hard. "You can make friends with Spot while I do that!"
Spot?
"Oh! I didn't tell you about him, did I? I'm sure you'll get along, he's just the sweetest little puppy!"
Puppy?!
'Woman, do you not understand something as basic as cats and dogs don't mix?!'
She was gone, moving away before he could even get a swipe in, which left him sitting there. Alone. At least, he thought alone. There was some mutt around here that would probably jump at him the moment he saw him. To be honest, he wasn't upset about that part. The idea of getting into a scrap with anything sounded like a dream come true at this point. It was more the fact that the woman didn't understand basic things like cats and dogs didn't belong together.
Very, very carefully, he slipped into the main living area.
He didn't even have to look for the other animal, the dog was seated at the low table in the center of the room. Quietly. For a puppy, that was just creepy. Also, it was black. Solid black. Not a single spot in sight. When it opened its eyes, their particular shade of green was unmistakable.
A/N: Dun Dun DUNNNnnnnNNNNNnn...
A 'little' bit of mystery on top of your hilarity!
Is this dog who you think it is!?
If so, why has this happened?!
What will Grimmykitty do with this news!?
And, most importantly, why did she name the dog Spot?!
...because she's Orihime, that's why.
