A little bit weaker than you used to be

-Goo Goo Dolls, "Broadway"


Friday- September 26, 1997

I'd started out with really good intentions. I'd planned to show up at the library, bright and early, and tell Giles the whole thing. All of it. Every last bit of it. I would leave nothing out. We'd get with the researching to figure out what the heck had happened, and then like always we'd come up with a nifty solution and everything would be back to normal-ish again. Hopefully by the end of the day.

Only the closer I got to the library, the more my resolve wavered. It'd only been the one night; it might not even happen again. And what if someone overheard me telling Giles? If word got out that something was up with the Slayer, demons the whole world over would be heading to Sunnydale. Dru hadn't done anything bad while she was in my body, and I'd learned some important information. I could find out even more if this kept up. Wasn't I supposed to keep my enemies close?

I'd talked myself around and around in circles, and by the time I was actually standing in front of my Watcher, I found myself tongue tied.

"You doing alright Buffy?" He asked. It was just us in the library, the school was closed after the excitement of a "gang on PCP" attacking last night. Even Willow and Xander were absent.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I just had a crazy Slayer dream last night. I'm pretty sure the Anointed One is dust now." There, I was useful and didn't give anything away.

"How did that happen?" He asked.

I shrugged "If my dream was right, Spike took him out."

"Well, that's both good and bad." Giles picked up a book and started flipping through it. "It'll be excellent if we no longer have to worry about the Anointed One-"

"Oh, also the vamps lost too many minions last night, so no worries about an attack on St. Vigeous." I broke in.

"Well, that is certainly good news. However, I am worried that Spike is apparently consolidating his power." Giles frowned, looking down at the book in his hands.

My mind was all with the loopy confusion. There was the fight with Spike last night, where he'd tried to kill me and he seemed all kinds of scary and evil, but then later with Dru he'd been tender. I really didn't believe he thought in terms like 'consolidating power,' he was too brash and in the moment. Instead of saying any of that, I asked the most pressing question on my mind. "Who's Drusilla?"

"Er- who's who?" Giles asked, looking up from his book.

"Another vampire, Drusilla; in my dream she was with Spike." I pulled down on the sleeves of my sweater and crossed my arms. I was really nervous and hoped it didn't show.

Giles made a hemming noise and went into his office. I could hear him pulling books off the shelf. After a few minutes he returned, holding out an old picture. "Is this her?"

I had no idea what Dru looked like, having only seen out of her eyes. The woman in the photo was gorgeous. She was dressed in white with luminous dark eyes and a generous mouth. Long fingered hands rested in her lap. For a moment I closed my eyes, remembering holding up my hands last night. I was pretty sure they were the same.

"Yeah, that's her." I handed the picture back to Giles. "What can you tell me about her?"

"Drusilla is, or was, a paramour of Spike's- but she was killed by an angry mob in Prague." Giles stuck the picture back in a book.

"I'm pretty darn sure she's still alive," I said. I had a note from her in my backpack. If she'd been nearly killed that could explain why her body felt so weak. It must have been a frightening amount of damage if a vampire couldn't entirely heal from it.

Giles shook his head. "I really didn't read anything about her since the Council thought she was dead. I'll have to do some research and get back to you. For now, let's train, then you have patrol tonight."

When I got home, all sweaty and gross from Giles putting me through my paces, I pulled the notebook out of my bag. Just in case this hadn't been a one-time Freaky Friday ordeal, I better leave Drusilla a note. Using a black pen, I wrote below what she'd put down:

Dru-

Nice to meet you! Tonight I have patrol, so I have to take my weapons (look under the bed) and go out and walk around the cemeteries in Sunnydale and kill any vampires or demons I find. I sneak in and out of my window so my Mom doesn't know. I haven't had dinner yet, so you may want to grab the pizza out of the fridge before you go. Can you leave me a tally if you do slay anything? Thanks! Also, if it's possible can you eat during the day? It really sucked (ha!ha!) being so hungry last night.

xoxo, Buffy

P.S. I didn't tell anyone

P.P.S. You can fight, right?

I searched around on the floor until I found the pink pen I'd dropped this morning, and left it and the notebook on the corner of the bed where I'd found it. I pulled the blinds open, and my algebra book out of my bag. Might as well try to get some of my homework done. My grades were bad enough as it was.

Late afternoon deepened into twilight. I'd finished the math assignment and was trying to plow through Pride and Prejudice, the novel we were reading in English, when vertigo hit me like a ton of bricks. I blinked and was lying flat on my back, staring up at a very different ceiling. Guess it wasn't a onetime deal then. Lucky me.

I stretched my arms up over my head, arching my back and enjoying the way the sheets moved over my skin. All my skin. Drusilla had been sleeping naked.

There was a purring noise next to me, and I turned my head to see Spike laying on his side, head propped up on one hand, watching me. The red sheet was bunched up around his waist, and his chest was bare. My eyes sort of skimmed down from his smirk to his navel, and I wondered if he was naked as I was. My eyes widened and flew back at his face. I was not thinking about Spike naked. Not at all. The vampire in question was smiling more broadly now, and he did a thing with his tongue, behind his teeth, that got the flutters going again. Or, uh, no.

I quickly turned away and sat up on the edge of the bed. I tried to stand, wondering where Dru kept her dresses, but my legs didn't entirely want to cooperate. Also, I was still incredibly hungry.

There was a heavy sigh from behind me. "Hang on a minute, luv. Let me help you so you don't end up a bloody heap on the floor."

I could hear Spike get up and the rustles that I assumed were him getting dressed. He walked around in front of me, and I instinctively covered my arms over my chest and made sure my knees were tight together. Logic dictated that he'd seen everything before, probably many, many times, but not while I was the one in residence. He had a dress in hand, a lovely black one.

He held out his hand to me "Up then ducks, let's get presentable."

Reluctantly I peeled one hand away from my chest and put it in his. He was gentle as he pulled me up and made sure I could stay standing before bringing the dress over my head. From behind me he helped guide the fabric into place, pulling my hair out of the neckline and tying the bow. For an evil vampire he made an excellent ladies' maid.

Taking my elbow, he led me over to a vanity and sat me on the stool. There was no mirror, of course. The emptiness inside me was painful and I put my hands to my stomach as a jolt of misery ran through my middle.

"What's wrong?" Spike asked, hand on my shoulder.

"Still hungry." I said, turning my head to glare at him. His pained, contrite expression almost made me feel guilty, almost.

"I'll go out right away. Let me just do this first." He reached over to the vanity for an antique hairbrush. With practiced strokes he started running it over my hair. It felt heavenly. I closed my eyes, getting lost in the sensation. I hadn't had someone brush my hair outside of the salon since I was a little girl. It felt so delicious that a little moan escaped me. Spike chuckled and dropped a kiss on the top of my head.

"That's the most I think you've ever enjoyed that. Now," he took my elbow and helped me to stand again, though I was less unsteady this time, and led me over to where numerous old fashioned dolls were arranged on a dresser. He sat me down on a chair there and opened one the drawers, to reveal numerous outfits, ribbons, and a smaller version of the hairbrush he'd used on me. Kneeling down before me, Spike put a hand on each of my knees and looked into my eyes. "You take care of your dolls, and I'll go get us something for tea. Be back as soon as I can. Don't go anywhere." I nodded and he got up, grabbed his coat from a peg, and headed out.

"Wait," I called after him. He came back inside the room. Then, not knowing why I said it, "The Slayer will be out patrolling tonight."

He grinned wolfishly at me. "Don't worry poodle, I won't try tangling with her again for a bit."

I nodded, reassured, though I was more worried he'd hurt Dru in my body, than that she'd attack him. With a swirl of leather, he was gone. Having nothing else to do I grabbed one of the dolls and changed its outfit. Then I brushed out its hair and re-braided it. This was something else I hadn't done since I was a kid. It was actually kind of soothing. I repeated the process with five more dolls before growing bored. Did Dru seriously spend her free time playing with these things? Shouldn't she be hatching evil vampire plots or dreaming about ripping people apart instead of messing around with toys?

A flapping from the corner grabbed my attention. There was a parrot, in a cage. Way to up the odd factor. Being careful not to fall, I made my way over to it. There didn't seem to be any food or water, even though there were places to put them. I found a bag of birdseed in a box next to the cage. I fed the bird, which squawked in gratitude. Water was a little harder to find. I could smell it though, and located a basin on a stand behind the door. The water appeared clean and I quickly scooped some up and brought it back to the bird. I wondered if he had a name. By concentrating, I could hear its rapid little heartbeat, which I guess was kind of cool.

Bored again I wandered around the room. Beneath a couple of Spike's dirty shirts, I found a stack of books. They all seemed to be the type of thing we read in school. There was a copy of Pride and Prejudice, so I shrugged and curled up on the bed to continue working on my reading assignment. I really did not want to fail any of my classes.

Spike was gone for a long time. I swore I could feel the passing of the night, and knew how far off dawn was. Handy skill to have when you burst into flames in sunlight. I wondered if all vampires could do that. I'd have to ask Dru in a note.

I'd read past the chapter we'd been assigned, and was really getting into the story. Why couldn't Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy see they were meant for each other? I'd just flicked over a page when Spike came storming back in, startling me and making me drop the book.

"Damn it, you made me lose my place!" I griped at him. Then I noticed he wasn't alone. There was a body slung over his shoulder. It wasn't dead, I could hear the heart beating, the swoosh of blood through all those arteries and veins. I was so hungry, so very hungry.

No. No. No. I was the Slayer.

I looked down at the blanket I was sitting on, picked at a nearly non-existent piece of lint.

"I'm not hungry," I lied.

Spike dropped the guy, who looked and smelled like he was homeless, on the floor.

"I know the git's not what you like, but I had to be careful. C'mon luv, you always do this." The last was almost a whine.

"Later. Take him away, I'll eat later." I waved my hand in a dismissing gesture. Spike grumbled, but dragged the man out of the room. I knew there was no way to save him; even during daylight in my regular body I couldn't fight through as many vamps as there were here, plus Spike, to rescue him.

I heard chains clank, then Spike came strolling back into the room. I'd picked the book up and was trying to find where I'd been, while simultaneously ignoring the empty ache inside.

"Are you . . . reading?" he finally asked.

"Got bored. Why don't you take your shoes off and stay awhile?"

He shrugged off the heavy leather coat and hung it up, his boots going under the bed. I was guessing from his perplexed expression that Drusilla didn't read a lot. "So, Pride and Prejudice?" He asked, sitting down on the bed. I watched him from under my lashes as he somehow made arranging himself against the headboard and stretching his legs out look graceful.

"I think I'm in love with Mr. Darcy," I told him.

"The wanker," Spike rolled those ice blue eyes of his. "Y'know, if him and Elizabeth had just gotten over themselves for two seconds and actually had a decent chat, that book could have been a whole hell of a lot shorter."

"But not nearly as much fun," I stuck my tongue out at him, then made a big show of turning back to the page I was reading. I'd only gotten through another paragraph when I found the novel plucked out of my hands.

Spike settled back, waving his prize at me. "Allow me, pet." He obviously wanted me to cuddle up to him, but, well- no. Just no. I was so not ready to get snugly with the evil undead. Which might be a touch hypocritical since I was currently occupying an evil undead body. But, hello, I still had a not evil Slayer mind inside.

Instead I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling. He waited a minute, until it was clear I wasn't moving, then he started reading at the top of the page I'd left off at. His voice was rich and warm, and his accent sounded different - softer, more like Giles'. Since I had nothing else to do and nowhere else to go, I let the words and Spike's voice wash over me.

After a while I realized my chest was vibrating slightly. It was a low rumble that culminated in the back of my throat. I was purring. My eyes that had been at half-mast snapped back open. I looked up at the vampire reading to me, only to find his eyes twinkling down at me.

"It's nice to see you happy, Luv." He smiled, and went back to the book. For a minute I was stunned. Happy? I couldn't be happy. Sitting in a dank factory listening to my greatest enemy read a book that he was potentially older than, could not possibly make me happy. Oh, and I'd forgotten the guy in chains that'd be vamp food later.

That threw a bucket of cold water over me. I quit with the freaky purring and half sat up. Immediately, Spike set the book down.

"Is something wrong, my princess?" He ran a finger over my cheek, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. It was such a familiar, intimate gesture on his part that I felt embarrassed to be the focus of it. Obviously, he had some very deep feelings for Drusilla. I lay back down, resigned that there was nothing I could do at the moment.

Shifting in the bed, Spike lay down next to me. He continued to stroke my hair, light touches that were meant to be soothing. The really wig inducing thing was that I did find it comforting. My body relaxed. I just didn't dare turn my head and meet his eyes. The ceiling was much, much safer territory.

"Spike," It was the first time I'd said his name in this body. I hated that it came out in Dru's ridiculous accent, sounding like 'Spoik.'

"Yes?" It was a whisper, much closer to my ear than I'd expected. One of those unneeded breaths he took tickled my cheek.

"Uh- can you keep reading? Until I fall asleep?"

Spike moved away from me with an exasperated sigh. It probably wasn't what he'd been hoping to hear, but he didn't complain. Instead he picked back up the book and continued the story. His voice really was very nice. I didn't want him to be mad at Dru, it wasn't her fault I could only take so much closeness with her boyfriend. In what I hoped was a conciliatory gesture, I rolled on my side and moved over to where he was now sitting cross legged on the bed. I laid my head on his knee with my eyes closed. After a moment, his long fingered hand came to rest on the side on my head.

"When I fall asleep, will you stop reading?" Dawn was close, I could feel it in my bones. "I don't want to miss any of the story."

"No worries," he said, patting me softly.

I was asleep before he'd gotten through three more pages.

I awoke back in my regular body and bed, but sitting up. There was definitely hairspray in my hair, a lot of hairspray. I needed to tell Dru it wasn't 1985 anymore. The notebook was sitting in front of me with another letter from her.

Buffy-

I had so much fun, I haven't felt this good in ages. I didn't find any demons, but I killed three fledglings. Your friend (boyfriend?) Xander called to check on you, so I said I was fine. I feel like I've been cooped up and coddled forever. I'm sorry you have to put up with it while I'm here running around doing awesome stuff. I'll make sure to eat today. The Pizza was great, thanks for letting me do that!

-xoxo Dru

Running around doing awesome stuff? I'm glad she thought so, because who knew how long we'd be switching bodies. Patrolling had stopped feeling like awesome stuff a long time ago. Now it was just a job.

I breathed a sigh of relief re-reading the note. Even though Dru hadn't actually answered my question about it, I guessed she did have some fighting skills. You just couldn't get to be a vampire that old and not be able to hold your own. Being stuck in that weak body twenty-four seven must have been infuriating. No wonder she was crazy.

Suddenly, I remember that while I was sitting here drowsily in the early morning sunshine, there was a man probably dead or dying back in the factory. Suffocating guilt blanketed me. I'd forgotten about him again. I had lain in a bed next to that man's murderer.

Numbly, I curled up into a ball, hugging my knees tight to my chest. I just hadn't thought about it when I'd been there, being cosseted and cared for. Was I so shallow that a handsome face made me forget everything I believed in and fought for? Oh, and now I had extra sparkly guilt for thinking of Spike as handsome. Evil vampires, no matter how nice they were to their girlfriends, did not get to be cute.

I needed to remember I was there to get information; whatever this thing was, it was most certainly not a vacation. I'd just go with it for a little while longer. Then I'd tell Giles. I really, really would.