Ranger's Little Helpers- Part 2-by Jersey Girl in Oxford (Sue)

Amy's Christmas Carol Challenge

There was a knock on the conference door. Ranger and Stephanie took a few seconds to compose themselves before they could open it. Lester poked his head in the door.

"Problem Santos?" Ranger asked him sternly. Lester looked sheepish.

"Uh…no. Well….um…yeah," he stammered. He held up the red Speedo. "I think you gave me the wrong size. This is a small." He let out a nervous laugh. "I mean…look at me?" He gestured to his pelvic area. "Do I look like a small to you?" Stephanie looked over at Ranger and rolled her eyes. She grabbed the Speedo from his hands and held it up.

"Gee, Les. You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give you a small," she began as she dug around in the box of Speedos. She pulled out another and handed it to him. "I meant to give you an extra-small." Ranger smirked as Lester's jaw dropped.

"Any other problems, Santos?" Ranger straightened up and crossed his arms. "If those are a problem, I think I saw a thong in there." Lester visibly blanched. He shook his head no and turned to leave.

"Fuck me," he mumbled under his breath as he left. Stephanie closed the door behind him. She got the 200 watt grin from Ranger.

"Remind me not to piss you off," he told her as he took her in his arms.

The Merry Men showed up to the Senior Citizen Center the Saturday before Christmas as ordered. They met Stephanie and Ranger in the kitchen to get everything set up. Ranger fought very hard to keep a straight face. The Men were clad in their red Speedos and black boots. The Speedos didn't leave much for the imagination. Ranger hoped the Center had an automatic defibrillator somewhere on the premises just in case one of the ladies had a heart attack. Lester kept having to adjust himself by tucking certain parts back into the extra small Speedo.

"Okay, I know this is punishment. We get what we did was wrong. Joke's over. This can't possibly be the only thing you're making us wear," Lester spoke up. He prayed the thong wasn't next, but this was way too embarrassing. Stephanie giggled.

"Of course not, Silly. Like we would have you wearing only Speedos in front of these ladies for their Christmas lunch!" She pulled out another box. "We have Santa hats too!" The men groaned. She handed each one a hat. "Go ahead…..put them on." They were going to gripe and protest but with one look from Ranger thought better of it. The hats went on without further comment.

"If you guys screw this up, too, the punishment will be even worse," Ranger warned. The caterers arrived and gave the Merry Men their instructions.

Christmas music was playing in the background. The hall was decorated with a large Christmas tree, wreaths, candles, and Christmas lights. The ladies cheered when the men entered the room.

"Great job, Edna!" one lady yelled across the room. "I think this one's got an implant!" Ram turned as red as his Speedo.

"No Ma'am," he told her indignantly, "that's all me." This piqued the ladies' interest.

"Prove it," another woman sitting at Ram's table insisted. Ram set down his tray and was about to defend his manhood when he caught Ranger staring at him.

"Uh….you're just going to have to take my work for it," he mumbled as he picked his tray up. There were a chorus of 'boos'. Ranger just shook his head.

There was a loud crash and everyone turned to see Hal running to the kitchen. Ranger and Stephanie went to check on Hal. He was pulling something out of his Speedo as they walked in. "Report!" Ranger barked. Hal held up a $20 bill.

"Some old lady put this in my pants! Jesus! I've never been felt up by someone as old as my grandmother!" Hal was starting to hyperventilate. Stephanie handed him a paper bag and tried to help him calm down.

Lester was serving his table. A sweet looking old lady had been staring at his crotch for the last few minutes. "That's some weird looking tumor you have there." Lester looked down. His left testicle was hanging out of the Speedo.

"Shit," he muttered. "Damn size extra small." He turned and adjusted himself. He swore he would never write another letter from Santa again.

Woody was serving Grandma Mazur's table. The ladies cheered and whistled as he served their lunch. "What an impressive package you have there, Young Man," Grandma Mazur told him with a wink.

"What's your name, Son?" another lady asked him.

"It's Woody." They looked at each other and snickered. Woody was beginning to hate Christmas.

"Come here, Woody," Grandma Mazur instructed as she crooked her finger at him. He walked around to her and she stuck on bow on the bulge in his pants. "There….every impressive package deserves a bow!" The ladies screamed with laughter. "Merry Christmas, Woody!"

"Yeah….Bah! Humbug!" he mumbled as he snuck back to the kitchen.

The luncheon was totally humiliating for the Merry Men. After the dessert was served, Lester stepped into the vestibule to adjust himself for what seemed like the millionth time that afternoon. He was startled by a voice behind him. He turned to see the lady who asked him about the tumor sitting on the bench by the window. "Excuse me?"

"I said…you remind me of my grandson." She paused and smiled at the recollection. "He was always doing crazy things like this. Oh…could he make us laugh! There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good-humor." Lester grinned.

"Well…we kind of got roped into doing this," he explained. "Where is your grandson now?" Her smiled slipped from her face.

"He was killed on Christmas day in 1970. Vietnam." She looked at Lester and smiled again. "He was a handsome young man…just like you. I like to honor his memory every time I laugh. Thank you for today, Young Man." All the anger Lester felt about the humiliation he suffered today was gone. He sat down next to her and gave her a hug.

There was one lady at Bobby's table that had been pinching his behind all afternoon. Finally, he was going to say something rude when he noticed her wedding ring. He held back the rude comment and said, "I bet your husband wouldn't be too happy with you grabbing another man!" She gave him a little smile.

"If he was still alive…you'd probably be right. Sorry. I couldn't help myself. My husband had the same firm apple of a hiney that you have," she told him. Bobby opened and closed his mouth like a fish. Sensing he was nervous, she continued. "It's okay, Sonny. Bobby died a long time ago. He was killed at Pearl Harbor on the Arizona." His jaw dropped. "I'd never thought I'd get my hands on another bottom as beautiful as his."

Bobby didn't know what to say. He just saw this group as a bunch of horny old ladies. Now…he looked at them in a different light. He had only been thinking about himself….again. This was community service. It was supposed to be about others and giving something back. He finally got it. He leaned over and kissed the woman on the cheek. "Merry Christmas."

The luncheon was over and everything was cleaned up before they left. Grandma Mazur thanked Stephanie and Ranger for their help. "This was the best Christmas lunch the ladies ever had!"

During the week, each of the Merry Men had stopped by Stephanie's cubicle to thank her for making them work the lunch. Stephanie knew a lot of those women either had husbands or other family members that had served in the Armed Forces. It was nice to see that they finally understood what Ranger was trying to do when he wanted to give something back. "God bless us….everyone!" she said to herself and got back to work.

Christmas Day- several different places in Trenton

"Mommy! Daddy! Look!" Timmy excitedly told his parents. They were sitting at the kitchen table Christmas morning drinking their coffee. They turned to see Timmy holding a little beagle puppy dressed in a read sweater. "Look what Santa gave me!"

Teddy's mother opened the door to see her husband standing there. He had a black eye and a fat lip. "I'm sorry about everything. We'll get a new babysitter. I promise to try to work things out. I think we should get back together. It's what Teddy wants," he begged.

"What happened to you?" she cried out.

"A couple men dressed in black made me see the error of my ways. Oh…and they gave me some Legos for Teddy."

"Mom….come here! You've got to see this cool video!"

"What video Thomas?" She walked into the living room to see what her son was watching. She hadn't gotten him any videos for Christmas this year.

"It's a video from Santa. He apologized for the letter he sent me. He said it was his alcoholic brother who escaped from Rehab that wrote all those lies. This is a video of his work shop. Look at all those elves making the toys. Santa totally rocks!"

"Mom…Dad! Come quick!" Sarah frantically yelled to her parents.

"What is it, Honey?" her father asked. She pointed to the front lawn.

"There's a man chained to the oak tree out front. He looks a lot like Osama bin Laden!"

Special thanks to Brianne…your comment about the Santa hats spawned the idea for Part 2…..thanks!