Alright everyone, here you are! The next chapter. Enjoy!
Chapter 2
The next morning, Ed was in a cold sweat, screaming out for help in his sleep. He was having a nightmare of what happened the previous night, mixed with the events that happened in the past month. "NO AL! AL, PLEASE HELP!" Ed cried out, tears streaming down his cheeks as he kicked and flailed his arms and legs. "Leave me alone! Don't touch me! Don't touch HIM!"
Roy jerked awake in a panic as he heard the frantic screams. He must have dozed off in the middle of the night because he had previously been propped up against the headboard at an awkward angle. Edward was thrashing wildly around, screaming for his brother and sobbing. Roy watched him helplessly with a pained look. By now he knew better than to try and touch him to get him awake, it would only cause Edward to panic even more.
"Edward...it's just a nightmare, wake up! It's not real..." Why was it so instinctive to reach out to stroke his hair? To pull him into an embrace? It was so hard to just sit there, hands clasped firmly together, and not do anything.
Ed's screaming and flailing sent him flying off the bed and on to the floor. The boy woke up with a start and he groaned in pain from the impact he received on his already hurt body. He then sat up and sobbed quietly, running a hand through his hair to brush the bangs out of his eyes as he lightly shook.
Ed then blinked a few times and looked down at himself, then around the room, trying to process where he was. This certainly wasn't his home. He also realized that he was also bandaged and in clothes that weren't his.
He then remembered the events of the previous night and looked up suddenly, seeing Roy sitting on the bed, looking down at him worriedly. "C-Colonel..." he said and looked away, embarrassed. He then began to lift himself off the floor, but found he was still in a lot of pain and his legs felt like jelly. Obviously he was too weak from the loss of blood to do anything himself yet. Sighing in defeat, he plopped back down and just sat there, unsure what to do.
Roy climbed off the bed and moved around it to kneel slowly on the floor next to Edward. Folding his hands on his lap, he sat silently for a long while, thinking. He knew Edward was staring at him in confusion, waiting for him to say something. After a few minutes, Roy sighed softly and looked up at him. Slowly reaching a hand out to place it on Edward's shoulder, he spoke quietly.
"...Do you want to talk about it...?"
Ed blinked a few times and stared at the hand resting on his shoulder. He felt a bit uncomfortable, but he didn't feel like he was in danger. No. Roy's presence felt comforting to him, very protective, and, even though he wasn't his younger brother, he felt he could trust Roy.
Still, that alarming voice in the back of his head was still nudging at him and Ed shied away from Roy's hand a bit, looking at the wall in embarrassment. "No..." he said finally, biting his lip. Even though he felt safe around Roy, he still didn't know if he could trust his senses yet and above all else, it was truly the most embarrassing thing to talk about with another man.
Roy noticed how Edward shrank away from his hand as he nodded slowly, getting to his feet. "Alright. And I can see I've made you uncomfortable again. Sorry." His voice sounded a bit strained, so he cleared his throat slightly. It would probably be best if he just let Edward be right now... He could tell that being around him made him uneasy. Turning, he made for the door.
Edward looked up a bit shocked as he saw Roy head for the door. He then began to panic a bit. He didn't want Roy to leave, he just didn't want to talk about it. Ed bit his lip, holding back a sob as he leaned forward, putting all his strength into getting himself off the floor. It hurt, but he didn't care. He just didn't want to be alone anymore.
Grabbing on to the bed, Ed slowly pulled himself up, gasping from the pain and tried to keep himself balanced. Once he knew he could stand on his own, he shakily placed one foot in front of the other and followed after Roy. The Colonel probably already made it downstairs by now.
Running out the door, while tripping a few times in the process, he saw that Roy was just at the top of the stairs and quickly dashed after him. "C-Colonel wait!" he cried, tackling the man from behind, lightly though so they both wouldn't take a tumble down the stairs. He then hugged him around the waist, burying his face into Roy's back. "I'm sorry! Please don't leave me!" he said through choked sobs. He was leaning most of his weight into Roy, finding it hard to stand anymore.
To say Roy was shocked would be an understatement. He had most definitely not been expecting this from Edward. After a few moments, he placed his hands over the ones around his waist. "Leave you...? I wasn't going to..." He trailed off as he realized something and mentally kicked himself for not thinking of it earlier. After Edward lost Alphonse... He didn't have anyone left. His entire family was just...gone. Memories of years ago, faded though they were, resurfaced again. He knew what it was like. He knew what it felt like. To be suddenly, painfully, alone.
Roy loosened the hold on his waist just a bit so he could turn around, and held not Edward's wrists, but just the tips of his fingers in each hand, loosely. Edward was not alone. He had not lost everybody. "Edward..." he stared softly. "I'm not leaving you behind. You are not all alone in this, and no matter what, don't you dare think otherwise."
Ed looked up at Roy, blinking back tears. He then leaned forward and hugged Roy, sniffling a few times. Memories of his brother flashed through his mind and it hurt a lot. "I m-miss him.. s-so much..." he choked, feeling weak in the knees and slid down, sitting on the floor. His skin was still very pale from the loss of blood and Ed was slightly panting for breath. "Why me?" he asked, hugging himself. "Does God hate me that much...? Or do I just have incredibly bad luck?" he asked, trembling as the tears slipped.
Roy knelt down next to him again and drew him into a hug. He couldn't imagine just how painful it was for Edward to lose somebody so dear to him. "I thought you never believed in God anyway, why should you care what he thinks?" He chuckled softly, but it was void of any sort of humor.
Ed hiccupped a few times and looked up at Roy, not finding it one bit funny, but shook his head. "I-I don't... I was just-" but he cut off, unable to finish his sentence when he suddenly reached up and wiped his face from the tears, sniffing heavily. "I want him back!" he sobbed. "I want my little brother back..." Ed was devastated. Losing his only family and being raped all in the same month could have driven the boy to suicide. Ed leaned into Roy and hugged him tightly, letting out pain filled cries of anguish and despair.
Roy held him close, letting Edward cry himself out. "I know..." he murmured. "I know, you miss him so much it hurts...and... I'm not going to lie to you, it's going to hurt for a long while, Edward." Roy's gaze darkened a bit as his thoughts drifted into old things that he thought he had buried long ago. "...There are days that you forget, only to be cruelly reminded, and it rips you apart from the inside each time. Habits, things you associate with him... each time it aches... But after a long while, you start to slowly accept things for how they are. Eventually it won't hurt so much..." He was murmuring too quietly he wasn't entirely sure if he was speaking to Edward or himself anymore. He was absently stroking the golden hair all the while as Edward trembled with sobs.
Ed trembled as he listened to Mustang's words. It was true, the pain wouldn't go away for a long time and what's done is done. There's no way to bring back the dead. Ed learned that the hard way, yet he felt that it was unfair, after everything he and his brother went through, that Al had to go first. Ed's sobs quieted down a bit and he slumped into Roy, his head feeling dizzy from crying too much.
Roy rubbed gentle circles onto Edward's back as the younger alchemist slowly calmed down a bit, set on waiting as long as Ed needed. After they had sat in silence for a long while, Edward letting out only a whimper every now and then, Roy then slowly pulled back just enough to look down at him. "Hey," he said gently, "I know it's not going to sound very appealing right now, but you need to eat something. Come on, let's get you some breakfast."
Ed looked up at him with a tear streaked face and reddened, tired eyes. In a way, he looked like he just rose from the dead. Ed shrugged a bit. Food didn't sound pleasant at the moment, but he knew if he didn't eat anything, Mustang was going to force him sooner or later. After a moment of silence, Ed tried standing up on his own, practically pulling himself up using the railing for support. When he was finally on his feet, Ed looked down the stairs dizzily, wobbling like he was going to fall head first down the stairs.
Roy stood and bit his lip as he saw Edward clutch the railing and sway dangerously. He knew he wouldn't appreciate any help, but quite honestly, he was more worried about Edward pitching head first down the stairs than wounding his pride by helping. So he gently took the boy's arm, steadying him, and began to descend down the stairs.
Ed snarled quietly as Roy helped him down the stairs. It was embarrassing enough that he knew what happened to him and actually had to bathe his battered, bruised and naked body. He even went as far as to cry himself in the Colonel's arms. The thought made Ed flinch and he quickly pulled away from Roy once they reached the bottom of the stairs and stumbled quite messily over to the couch and plopped down on it. He then buried his face in one of the pillows. Why did it come to this? After everything he went through, he was tossed into the pit of Hell once again.
Ed sucked in a breath of air through the pillow, trying hard not to let the waterworks start again. He didn't think he had any tears left in him. They all dried up, mostly from the event that occurred last night. Ed stiffened at the thought, his wounds starting to ache again over the memories burned in his head. Those rough hands tracing his skin, that dull blade, cold against his chest and stomach, and that hot, foul breath against his face. He made a noise through the pillow that sounded terrified and he trembled quite visibly on the couch.
Trying to calm himself down, Ed looked up at Roy after a few minutes, a look on his face that looked scared but also angry. "Are you going to make breakfast or not?" he asked, his voice sounding a bit threatening.
Roy suppressed the urge to flinch at his tone, opting for swallowing hard and nodding instead. Turning, he left the room for the kitchen. It was probably best to give him some space now...he thought. Though last time he thought Edward wanted to be alone... He sighed and carded his fingers through his hair. No, he couldn't blame any of this on the teen, he really couldn't. He would just have to go with whatever Edward wanted at any given time, feel out the situation...
Sighing, he set to work making breakfast for the both of them.
About ten minutes later he emerged from the kitchen balancing two plates of eggs, bacon, and toast. He placed one on the coffee table in front of Edward and sat down with the other in the large chair farthest from the blond. Best not to test the waters quite yet.
When Roy came out, Ed was fast asleep, curled up on the couch in a tight ball and clutching the pillow for support. The look on his face was far from peaceful. The sound of shuffling feet and the clang of a plastic plate on a wood table caught his ear and he fluttered his eyes open at a start.
Realizing it was only Roy bringing breakfast out to him; Ed yawned and sat up slowly, still in a lot of pain. He then stared at the bacon, eggs and toast and frowned. Normally he would welcome the food at anytime, but right now, his stomach twisted in a knot when he looked at it and he quickly turned his head away. "I don't think I can eat it..." he muttered.
Roy glanced up from where he had been staring at his food and frowned a bit. "If you don't eat, you're going to just make yourself sick."
Ed pouted. "I'm already sick..." he said, turning his head to the side. "Eating might just make me throw up..." he muttered.
Roy gave an exasperated sigh. "Just eat the damn food, Edward," he snapped.
He immediately felt guilt wash over about snapping at him, slumping over a bit and resting his head in his hands with his elbows propped on his knees. Why was he being a bastard now of all times...?
Ed glared up at Roy and held his gaze for awhile. He then huffed and grabbed the plate of food, stuffing a piece of toast in his mouth. He chewed it for awhile and then set the plate back down. He knew it would upset his stomach a bit. Sighing, he tried to eat the food much slower, finding it not as painful on his stomach. It wasn't the food, but the fact that he was thinking about those awful things while he was eating.
He then set the half eaten piece of toast down and stared at it for a bit before looking up at Roy. "I want to go home..." he muttered sadly.
Roy's head shot up to meet Edward's sad gaze as his heart sank. Guilt settled heavily on his shoulders as he averted his eyes again to stare into his steaming coffee. First he tries to get Ed to open up, and then he pushes him away. 'Great going, Mustang, now he wants to go home and get away from you.'
But in all honesty, Roy had neither the heart, nor the right, to tell him no, to deny him. Swallowing a bit thickly, he nodded and stood. "That might be for the best, Fullmetal."
Ed nodded and tried to eat as much of the food as possible. The Colonel did go through the trouble of making it for him after all. Ed then set the almost finished plate of food down on the table and stood up. He then shakily made his way over to the bathroom he washed up in last night and shivered, seeing the bathroom was still covered in blood. Ed tried to suppress a sob and the dizziness he felt wash over him and searched through his clothes. He then realized one thing. His pants were gone which meant that his house key and his pocket watch were missing too.
Shrugging sadly, Ed got up again and left his dirty clothes where they were. He never wanted to use them ever again. Looking up at Roy, he tried to mask the pain and sadness on his face. "Throw those clothes away and burn them... I have a spare key hidden outside my apartment."
Roy nodded, and then turned to go back up the stairs. "Hold on one minute though, you need something before you go out there..." Climbing the stairs, Roy returned to his bedroom and rummaged through his dresser a bit before pulling out a pair of simple black slacks and a red button-down shirt. Bringing these back down to Edward he handed them to the blond. "Here, you can transmute them so they fit better, if you like," he explained. The younger alchemist was still clothed in only the boxers and t-shirt he had given him last night.
Ed nodded and slowly took them from Roy, placing them on the table before clapping his hands and transmuting them. He kept the clothes the same only he made them a few sizes smaller. Not only was he always smaller than Roy, but he also got skinnier from not taking care of himself and lost a lot of his muscle.
After pulling on the clothes, he then looked at Roy. "I don't think I can walk all the way there... Do you have a car?" he asked, tilting his head.
Roy scratched his head, a bit embarrassed. "Er...well, no..." He was not about to admit that Central denied him a military-issued car because of his previous driving records. "Do you want me to call Hawkeye...?"
Ed's eyes suddenly widened. "N-NO!" he shouted in a panic then shrugged, embarrassed. "N-No... We'll just walk. I'll be fine, I swear," he said and turned and headed for the door. There was one reason he didn't want anyone driving them, especially Hawkeye. She was sharp and quick and would find out in an instant what happened to him and force him to go to the hospital.
Without another word, Ed was already out the door and heading down the sidewalk. He was glad it was morning and the sun was shining brightly, otherwise, he would be clung to Mustang's side and dragging him along for fear someone would jump out of the shadows at him.
Roy jogged and caught up with him, a bit surprised he was able to move a bit quicker, and hopeful that it meant he was already healing. He watched him out of the corner of his eye as they walked down the sidewalk at what wasn't quite a normal pace, but Roy was satisfied they were even moving steadily. But as he watched him, Roy could see the pain Edward was trying to mask with each step. Trying to find something to talk about just for the sake of conversation, he said the first thing that came to his mind. "So how are you holding up? Is it hurting you still?" he asked softly.
Ed stopped in his tracks, his eyes growing wide and his heart lodging in his throat. He looked down at his toes, feeling the bandages underneath his clothing. They stopped bleeding a long time ago, but it still hurt a lot. Ed slowly turned and glared up at Roy. "What do you think?" he growled through his teeth before turning again and stomping off with a limp in his steps.
"Ah..." Roy halfheartedly reached out a hand as if to stop him, but just watched him stumble farther away. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, frustrated with himself for not thinking before he spoke. Right now it would probably be best to try and keep Edward's mind off of it, not keep bringing it up again.
Ed stumbled angrily ahead. Not just at Roy, but at himself. He knew Mustang didn't mean to make him upset and was just worried about him, but at the same time he wished he would just leave him alone. Ed didn't know what to think anymore. He wanted to push him away and shut him out of his life, but then again he wanted someone to hold and comfort him and never leave him alone in the world.
Ed let the tears slip slowly, hiding his face from anyone that saw him. Suddenly he began to feel light headed and he stumbled a bit. He stopped and gasped, putting a hand to his forehead. He then shook it and began walking again, only to pass out on his feet and fall to the ground.
Roy gasped as Edward suddenly faltered and collapsed to the ground ahead of him. Running to his side, he knelt down and very gently shook his shoulder. "Edward?" Worry crept into his voice. He had passed out. Carefully he scooped Edward up in his arms, resting the blond head against his chest. He glanced down at his face, and then felt his heart drop.
Tears had worked narrow paths down his cheeks from red-rimmed eyes that also held dark shadows under them from exhaustion and a month's worth of sleepless nights. His eyebrows were knitted together in what was probably a mixture of grief, frustration, and pain.
Holding the frail alchemist just a bit closer, Roy continued his pace towards the small apartment.
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