Rolling Thunder
Chapter One:
Any remnants of the storm that ransacked the city had vanished in the hustle bustle of bodies crowding the streets. As if it had never happened, every one emerged and continued with their lives in a way Leonardo knew his family never could. The buzz of indiscernible chatter floated to the roof top where he crouched, his arms cradling a black, marble urn to his plastron as if to feel the soft fur of the loved one inside. Etched in elegant, silver lettering was simply his name.
The old ninjitsu master would not have cared for lengthy, carefully worded endearments. He'd always had a soft spot for the simple.
April had found a way for them to carry out his master's last wishes. Finding a box to nail their father's body into, she'd brought him to a cremation business, claiming the box held her dog. Leonardo hated that his father had spent his whole life in hiding and now, even in death, he'd had to hide.
Leo was proud of himself.
Through it all, he had held his composure. As Mikey let out a strangled cry of anguish. As Donny crumpled to the floor and sobbed. Even as Raphael shook in his arms all night long. His eyes had stayed dry. However, when April sorrowfully set the heavy black urn into his hands, he almost heard the sharp crack he felt inside. This is real...
He'd only managed to barely excuse himself before salty tears burned their way down his cheeks. Unlike Mikey, he did not loudly announce to the world that his heart was breaking. He didn't whimper and sob uncontrollably like Donny. Nor did he throw and break things until he couldn't stand the pain anymore as Raph had.
Curling into himself, Leonardo clutched his father's ashen remains to his chest and silently mourned, rocking back and forth slightly. Barely uttering a sniffle, he sat there holding the urn for an hour and did not so much as whisper his pain to the wind that attempted in vain to embrace him. He refused the comfort as he wiped his eyes and stood.
He would not return to the lair in such a state. His brothers were still hurting and he had to be there for them. As the head of the household, he was now responsible for them all. How could they look to him for comfort if he returned crying all over himself? Calming himself, the blue masked turtle carefully tucked the urn under his arm and dropped into the nearest man hole.
The lair was silent when he returned. Dark and deserted, the kitchen was where Leo headed. As the most frequented spot in the house, even now, this was where he was going to place Splinter. Gently, he set the urn in the center of the table, turning as he heard one of his brother's open their door.
Leo almost didn't recognize his baby brother as he looked out at him.
When he heard noises in the kitchen, Michelangelo knew his brother was home from retrieving... the ashes. He couldn't believe Leo would burn their father. Even if it had been the old rat's wish. It seemed so wrong to him. Still, he stood and peered out of his room, unable to tear his gaze from the black vase shaped object.
After spending the entire night crying, Mikey's eyes were long since dry. He'd slept, but didn't look like it. Since he'd not bothered to don his mask, it was that much more apparent. Bags from his fitful night left dark circles under his blank, blue orbs and his normally sea green pallor seemed almost gray. His wan face was void of the sparkling personality that identified him as Mikey.
Leo didn't say anything as his youngest brother slowly walked out of his room, eyes glued to the urn sitting on the table top.
Mikey reached out, his hand shaking slightly as his mind rejected the idea that this... vase contained his beloved master. The surface was like ice. Hard and cold. Nothing like the loving, wise rat inside. Still, his fingers ran down the side in an almost loving caress as if to feel the warm fur one last time.
Leo felt his eyes start to sting as he watched his brother sadly touch the urn as if trying to remember what his father felt like. He blinked rapidly and looked away for a second to swallow the knot forming in his throat. He was not going to lose it right now. Not when Mikey looked so... dead. His eyes held no life as they surveyed the black marble and his frown was deep and unnatural. For Mikey, anyway.
"Is that... him?" Came the hoarse, cracked voice of Donatello, who'd suddenly, silently appeared behind them. He gently set his hand on Mikey's shoulder as the youngest turtle nodded feebly.
"It's so strange to think that this is..." Donny continued, his voice emotionless and his expression unreadable.
"Don, stop," Mikey said, looking away and clenching his fists.
Donny sighed," It just happened so fast..."
At the slight whimper Mikey made, Leo shook his head at Donny," Not right now."
Donatello sighed again, hand dropping to his side. He stared fixedly at his feet as silence fell.
Leonardo slipped around him as Mikey began to shake. He placed a hand on each of his trembling shoulders and turned him away from the table.
Dipping his head forward slightly to try to capture the suffering aqua hues, he said," Come now, Mikey. Don't cry."
"I can't help it, Leo! I miss him!" Mikey cried, shrugging the hands off and turning now angry eyes at Leo," How can you not be crying? Don't you miss him at all?"
"Of course I do, Mike... How can you even ask that?" Leo whispered, the hurt he tried to hide escaping in his softly spoken words.
"I don't know..." Mikey groaned and rubbed his tired eyes that were dry and scratchy from the salty tears that had leaked from them all night. His bottom lip trembled like he might start to cry, but he only let his hands drop to his sides.
Leo sighed as sapphire eyes lowered in regret for his thoughtless words, throat working as if he was trying to form some sort of apology. Leo slid his arm around his youngest brother's shoulders and brought him closer. He wasn't angry. How could he be? They were all hurting.
Donatello's eyes dropped from his embracing brothers to the marble container. He rubbed his arm nervously, a little uncomfortable with the situation. It all seemed so... unreal. The night before, he felt like the pain would eat him alive, but today...
He didn't feel... anything. As if nothing at all had happened. Even though his father's ashes were sitting right in front of him, he felt no sorrow. And it made him feel guilty. So guilty that he couldn't stand to watch as his oldest and youngest brother held each other for comfort. Even though Leo hadn't so much as cried a single tear, he could see the suffering in his eyes.
"Mike..." Leo sighed again as his little brother's shoulder began to quake," Everything will be all right."
Suddenly, Michelangelo stopped trembling and glowered angrily up at the blue banded turtle. Planting both hands firmly on his plastron, he shoved the older terrapin hard, sending him backwards several paces where he stumbled and barely managed to keep his balance.
"You're wrong, Leo!" Mikey snarled, his eyes darkening and his face twisting into an unfamiliar expression of fury," Nothing will ever be all right again!"
"Mike, what's wrong with you?" Donny asked for Leo, who seemed to be shocked in silence. The eldest brother stood with his hands raised and open and lips parted slightly as he stared at the blue eyed turtle as if he'd never seen him before.
Michelangelo ignored Donatello, continuing to glare at Leo. Clenching his teeth, he continued, his voice rising," You never loved Splinter at all! I bet you were counting down the days to his death! Is that why you wouldn't even talk to him for the last week of his life? That hurt him, you know!"
"Michelangelo!" Donny bellowed, shoving the sea green brother's shoulder to get his attention. Mikey huffed and stormed out of the room, slamming his door. The sound seemed to reverberate off of the walls.
Grimacing, Donatello looked worriedly at his older brother.
Leonardo's head was tilted downwards and his fists were clenched. The dimly lit room cast shadows across his eyes, so Donny couldn't see his expression. However, the tenseness of his muscles and his stature spoke volumes. Mikey had definitely struck a nerve. Perhaps many nerves, in fact.
"Leo..." Donny said softly, reaching towards him. Leo lifted a hand to bat his away. When he looked up, he wore a soft smile.
"I'm fine, Donny. Mikey is just... upset. I understand. He's hurting and he doesn't know how to deal with it. I'm fine," He said unconvincingly. Donny frowned and opened his mouth to retort, but was interrupted.
"Why is ev'rybody yelling?" Came a small, unrecognizable voice.
Both turtles blinked in curiosity at each other before turning towards the speaker. Raphael stood at the entrance to the kitchen, blinking large amber eyes at them. He rubbed sleep from his eye with one hand and with the other, he hugged his blanket to himself.
"Are you mad, big brother?" He continued in the same, small child-like voice, peering at Leo with wide eyes. He hadn't called him 'big brother' in years.
Leonardo and Donatello stared dumb founded at their red masked brother before exchanging thoroughly confused glances.
"Raph?" Leo asked lightly, tilting his head.
"Yeah?"
"Is uh... is everything okay?"
"I was woked up by loud voices. Are you and Donnie-tello fighting?" Raphael continued, his bottom lip trembling.
Donny raised an eye ridge skeptically at the name Raph used to call him when they were kids," Is this some kind of joke, Raph? Because if it is, it's not funny."
Raphael looked like he didn't have a clue what his violet clad brother was talking about. His bottom lip stuck out more and his breathing quickened in what used to be a tell tale sign that he was on the brink of bursting into tears.
"I don't think he's faking, Don..." Leo whispered," What the shell is going on?"
