a/n: as per request the epilogue...
hope you like it.
Grief, an emotion which buries within our soul, it lingers even when years had passed, it leaves an excruciating longing which is far worst than death itself and Headmaster Severus Snape knows this emotion to well. Standing in front of an ivory coloured headstone, heart constricting, and eyes welling unshed tears, Severus Snape welcomed grief once again. It's been a few years now since he lost her, a few years since his neglect resulted to suffering and a few years since Hermione Granger passed away. Looking at the intricate markings on the headstone and clutching an old worn out parchment, he surrendered to his memories, memories that he still view in the pensive just to find justification and a proper explanation.
He was acquainted to grief when he lost Lily's friendship after yelling that denouncing word that he now loathes, when his mother passed away after receiving endless suffering from his drunk father. Grief tighten its grip on him when Lily died which was also his fault for telling the prophecy to the once Dark Lord. His life was in whirlwind, that he is aware of and it seemed to calmed done after the war ended. He was surprised to see a pair of brown orbs staring at him in surprise when he awoke for the first time after suffering from Nagini's bite and it's owner became his lifeline then. He was indifferent at first to her motives that time, to why she waste her time for the likes of him, and quite intrigued why she exerted such effort for his welfare. As time passed they were able to form a friendship of sorts which he accepted with gratitude but he was foolish and oblivious not to know that during that time she had developed a deeper sentiment for him.
He remembered when he announced his nuptials, quite astonished when he met Olivia that he forgot to give regards to his surroundings. He was incognizant that his desire was actually insatiable that time as it already belongs to somebody else. He pushed thru with his decision to marry the embodiment of Lily Evans that he once loved, as a consolation for it was a marriage of convenience in fear that he would grow old without an heir and for he knew his desire was in vain and quite foolish. For him it was the best choice that he had made that time. But he was wrong...so wrong!.
He should have taken a good look on her then!, he should have noticed her pain while he holds somebody else!, he should not have been foolish enough to think that her smile was genuine happiness!, he should have run towards her instead and pour his heart out. He should have forgotten all those insecurities and gained some courage because if he did, he might not have lost her. But he didn't.
When a hysterical third year Ravenclaw ran with a pale and distress look on her face everyone became silent. It was at that moment his heart started hammering, and ran for dear life after hearing two words; "Professor Granger".
It was then that his world seemed to stop when a painting of macabre greeted him, a painting made of blood and the muse was Hermione herself. His legs felt numb as he fell to the ground, as he looked at her face he started to break. It was truly excruciating, her eyes were wide open directly looking at him, tear marks on her face and blood on her lips. He shouted at her and started to shake her lifeless body in hopes that this was all an illusion, that it was only a practical joke and she was still there trying to hide a laugh, but it was all in vain because she was lost forever. He then carried her to the infirmary, begged Poppy to revive the woman, he even went down on his knees in front of her but all the Healer could do was give him a sad and sympathetic look.
Her funeral was a blur to him that time due to intoxication to keep his heart numb, his nuptials entirely forgotten as he never left the confinements of his chambers and months after but Minerva never forgot to provide him details. A month after her headstone was placed which includes a message from his request, Minerva went inside the Headmaster's Office. Broken bottles was the first thing she noticed as she tried to look for him, eventually she was able to locate him behind his desk curled up like a child, totally different from his usual strong demeanor. The woman was crestfallen to see the man in such condition yet understanding as she knows how he felt. It was all a sudden for everyone, Professor Granger's passing was not what everyone anticipated and everyone was still in a state of shock. Everyone was at lost on what gave her a reason to simply let go of her life. She remembered how Mister Potter and Mister Wesley grieved muttering questions that she thought was never gonna be answered but earlier today all was cleared up. Letters were delivered carried by owls, the sender was Hermione herself. It was an explanation and an apology, it was a letter which expressed all unspoken emotion that she had keep all this years ago.
"She left an explanation Severus; an explanation which needs to be addressed, for you to finally have a proper closure" She mouthed but the man stayed in trance. Defeated, the parchment was left on his table instead as she starts to retreat.
He took him a almost a year to straighten himself once again, a year before he was able to mask his emotions once again and a year before he was able to look at the letter. And after reading the letter, was the only time that he was able to finally visit her grave. Question still lingers within him yet he knows that it will take sometime before it can be finally answered. He wished to follow her and he still do, but from her letter he still need to live his life and as a promise he would.
Conjuring a black rose, his hopes and prayers were left. While staring at the message on her headstone one last time. A message which forever will embedded on his mind.
"Loved, Forever and Always"
