The First Day (Revisited)
Link awoke in the mysterious screen again, and was greatly confused at the mystery of the Old Man. Was it a dream? He wasn't holding a stick.
"Didn't I just die? Let me go back to what I was doing!", pleaded the hero, just wanting to return to his delicate action figures, to experience the joy of role playing with small pieces of plastic. The hero realized again that he did not have a weapon.
"If you're going to throw me into some unknown land please have the courtesy to hand me a sword or something."
Link looked away from the screen, continuing on to explore the hidden cave.
"Wait, what?"
Link looked away from the screen, continuing to explore the hidden cave.
Link entered the cave a second time, not knowing what to expect.
"IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE!", breathed the Old Man, bald head shining in the pixelated dungeon light, "TAKE THIS."
The Old Man's eyes seemed to glint with madness.
"Hey wait, didn't I already come in here?"
Link realized that he had forgotten to save upon his untimely death!
"What? Nobody told me that!", Link raged. He then dropped his conversation with the omnipotent voice in the sky because he was getting tired of explaining things (When does he ever get a break anyway?), and turned to the Old Man. The hero, suspecting the Old Man would kill him brutally with the stick if he didn't take it this time, grabbed hold of the stick and backed slowly out of the cave.
Link, now back in the area he'd started in, tested the sword.
"Why does this thing suck so much? I can't-- ergh!!-- swing it!" The boy in green was fed up with only being to stab, and tried to drop the stick on the ground.
"I can't--ugh!-- get it off my hand! Hey! I can't drop this thing!" Link eventually gave up, deciding that it must be stuck to his hand with super glue or something.
He ventured west, to find a bunch of hopping monsters otherwise known as Tektites. After slaying them all by poking them to death, the Hero finds a human heart, which was ejected out of the corpse of one of the jumpy monsters.
"Eww! Awh, oh my-- What!? Is that a human heart!? Awhh!" Link decided he was going to give the heart a proper burial--
"What!? I don't want to touch that thing!", so he touched the object, and tried to bury it. To the hero's dismay, the heart disappeared, though he felt more energetic.
"WHERE'D IT GO!? OH MY-- DID I JUST EAT THAT HUMAN HEART!? AWH, WHAT THE--" Our protagonist proceeded to vomit violently onto the ground in a choking tirade against his normal standards of morals. One narrator would think that such a hero was wimpy; if you're not able to perform severe extreme secondary cannibalism, then what kind of man are you?
