Well yeah.. it just came to me, this story had more to tell, So I just needed to write this extra little adition.
As much as Severus hated to admit it, Dumbledore had been right, the reminder of Lily's statement that they were going to talk provided him extra strength, true enough Voldemort threw cruciato at him, and tried to probe his mind with legimisy, but suddenly the occlumency Severus had so far been struggling with , came a lot more easily, it came naturally as if it was an automatic defence mechanism, just as it was supposed to be.
And Severus made it, he didn't break under Voldemorts furry, he gave the death eaters no reason to believe they had been betrayed or even that he had other wishes than serving the dark lord, he made it through, also this time.
Now however came that time again Severus on some level hated the most, the downtime, the time where nothing happened, only leaving the anxiety, anticipation and sheer frustration, knowing that it was only a matter of time something horrible would happen again, only not knowing what or when. And this time his anxiety twice as great… Lily and he was going to talk.
He was waiting for her, silently in Dumbledores office, his hands clinged together resting in his lap, not even the Phoenix's soft tones did anything for his own anxiety.
Severus felt how his body was aching, it was due to Voldemorts rough treatment of him, and his own neglect, Severus probably hadn't taken to well care of himself lately, he had tried to make an effort for this occasion, washed up, putting on clean robes, but it didn't felt like it helped much, he felt just as sallov and greasy as before the efforts of cleaning up, despite having been rubbing his skin so hard and so long some parts of it was still an annoyed pink colour.
Finally the fire blushed up in a green colour, and Dumbledore stepped through, Lily following closely after, Severus looked down, only occasionally tightening his hands, he stole a glance at her… she looked very tired, there was circles under her eyes and her hair was in quite a mess. He looked down again.
"Severus." Dumbledore spoke.
Severus didn't answer, he just looked down.
Dumbledore sighed. "I think I will be leaving you two alone." He then said. "I will be in my library." He hinted at a door.
"Thank you." Lily responded, and Dumbledore walked towards his destination, and closed the door behind him, leaving Lily and Severus alone, and they were left to awkward silence, Severus not even daring to look at her, slowly Lily walked towards him, and then pulled a chair, sitting somewhere in front of him. "Well." Her voice cut through. "Are you ever going to look at me?" she asked.
Severus swallowed, and slowly did as he was told, raising his head to look at her.
"Hm." Lily made the sound. "You look like shit."
Severus nodded without even changing face expression.
"Have you lost your voice or what?" She asked. "I gotta tell you, I have no patients right now, I just spend three hours trying to make Harry sleep, so I am just exhausted."
Severus held back, his face still strangely blank.
"I asked you, have you lost your voice?" Lily asked. "Say something!"
"Sorry…" he mumbled.
Lily shook her head. "So I heard." And she sighed. "Well, if I must start.. Honestly, explain yourself Snape, why have you turned? Why should I believe your on our side?" she asked.
"I can't say that I am a unique case." Severus hesitated. "The dark lord gets people into his service by promising greatness, playing at peoples vanity and hopes of becoming individuals of importance and fortune.. but once you are in there.. You find out that that really isn't the case, all of the dark lords death eaters fear him more than anything else, and there are many who wished they had never joined.." he looked down. "It's only those who are insane who still wants to be a death eater after around one month in service, but then it's to late, it's either serving or dying."
"I see." Lily sighed. "So you want out because it isn't what you thought it was." There was disgust in her voice.
"Sort of." Severus looked down again.
Lily lifted an eyebrow. "There's more?" she asked.
Severus squirmed. "He wants to kill you." He mumbled in a extremely low voice.
"What?" Lily asked. "Sorry, I didn't heart that."
Severus swallowed and then looked up. "He wants to kill you." He said more clearly.
"And that's a surprise to you?" Lily asked. "Snape, I am a muggleborn, he wants to kill all muggleborns!"
Severus squirmed again. "But he is targeting you specifically because of.. of… "
"Yeas I know." Lily rolled her eyes. "But even if he didn't, I am still part of his main target. So you honestly shouldn't have been surprised, I am as you are so good at putting it, a mudblood, what will you do about it?"
Severus cringed together. "There's no such things as mudbloods." He at last stated silently. "The thing about pureblood being better it's.. it's hogwash."
Lily looked apprehensive at him. "You're doing it again." She said. "Telling me what I want to hear, you were might able to get away with it when we were fifteen, but not now Snape."
Severus looked down again, his eyes flicker from the carpet to her and back again. "I wont expect you to ever forgive me.." he said silently. "I betrayed you.. all I can say is that I'm sorry, I never wanted you hurt.. and I don't want you to die, I hate the dark lord, I want to see him go down, I will be dancing on his grave.. I am not a coward." he suddenly stated. "Many of the Dark lords death eaters wished they had never joined, but they are cowards, so they just keep on going along, play at The dark lords wishes in the hopes of getting in his favour, even desperate to do so, they are cowards, I am not.. And I think it's there the difference lays." He looked at her again, and sighed deeply. "You don't trust me." It was a flat defeated statement.
"I have no reason to." Lily returned. "I have no idea where your alliance is, who you are with, where is your loyalty? Do you even have any."
Severus sighed. "only one." He told her.
"One loyalty?" Lily asked with crossed arms and a lifted eyebrow. "To whom?"
Severus was totally silent, he looked at her holding back his breath. "You." He at last breathed.
Lily starred wide-eyed at him. "Me?" she asked confused in a disbelieving voice. "Why me?"
Severus shrugged. "Because you're you." He said the only answer that came to mind
"If that is so.." Lily hesitated. "I think you know what you have to do, keep up pretence, don't die on me. If you do, I would fell guilty about it, so don't you dare."
Severus looked oddly at her, feeling a weird sort of feeling in his chest by her light concern, it wasn't much, but it meant the world to Severus. He nodded.
And a sort of weird gleam came over Lily's eyes, a predators gleam who had found a way to get what she wanted. "he is after my son. I am pretty sure you know that." No, it wasn't a predators gleam, it was a mothers gleam, a mother with only one concern and willing to do anything to fulfil that concern, and any thing stopping her would have to pay. "If your loyalties really is to me, protect my son! He is my life." She suddenly resembled a commander as she stood up, standing over Severus looking both stern and demanding. "You have no idea how many nightmares I have about Voldemort killing my son, that's all that matters to me Severus Snape, so if your working for me, protect my son! And I'll reconsider your worth."
Severus could fell his whole body as he tensed, looking wide-eyed at her, sort of feeling like he did when Voldemort demanded a mission of him, only this time, Severus's loyalties truly were with his commander. "Yeas." He said. "I'll will do all that I can to protect your son." He said surely.
"And the rest of my family." Lily stated. "Every single one, my husband, Harry's godfather, our house friends which truly are our family, Harry comes first, but they are also in danger."
"Yeas, I'll protect them as good as I can." He stated. "But you and your son comes first."
"No!" Lily hammered down on him. "Not me! If the choice comes to be between me or my son, my son is the important one! He is from now on your first concern, not me."
Severus stifled, and then nodded. "I'll do as you wish." He clinched his hands so his knuckles turned completely white. "Harry Potter is my first concern, and I will protect him with all of my might."
"You better." Lily stated, before sitting down again, still looking commanding at him. "So that is my commands, don't be foolish, don't die and Merlin help you if something happens to my son."
Severus nodded.
Suddenly Lily stretched out an arm, her hand reached forward. "Vow it!" she demanded. "Vow it and you will have given me reason to trust you, if just a little."
Severus swallowed, and then reached ford a hand to firmly grasp hers, it felt warm and small in his hand, though her grip was firm and strong, almost squeezing his hand so it hurt. Lily brought out her wand and lightly tapped their locked hands so silver threats connected them.
"Do you, Severus Snape, vow your loyalties and alliance to me, Lily Evans Potter, to never turn again and never give in to the dark lord."
"I do." Severus said and meant it.
"Do you, vow to protect what I stand for, to be a champion for the light side."
"With all of my heart." Severus answered.
"And do you." Lily looked sternly at him. "Vow to protect my son, Harry Potter, at all cost."
"I do." Severus finished, and the silver strings merged into their hands, until Lily let go.
It looked like she had been inflated as she sank back in the chair, all the commanding energy leaving her, leaving a beyond exhausted shell. "Now there really is no turning back for you." She said it in an incredible tired voice. "You can't serve Voldemort and mean it."
"I don't want to." Severus stated. "You didn't need to vow me, because all those things you said, I was going to do them anyway, if you just asked."
"Oh Sev." She sadly shook her head. "What have the world come to around us? What have it done to us?"
Sev? She called him Sev! He had earned a string of trust from her.. He couldn't believe it.. yet her words, what had they come to? it was a legitimate question, and yet there was now answer.. Exhausted Severus sighed. "I don't know Lily." He answered honestly. "We are not kids any longer, we can't act like it."
"I know." Lily looked incredible sad. "Remember that time, before we went to Hogwarts, you figured how to levitate the water in the stream.. and play with it, so it looked like a show.. It was so pretty."
"As I recall you didn't think it was so pretty after I lost control and you got wet." Severus commented.
"I got my pay back." Lily shrugged.
"I remember, you pushed me in the stream." Severus shook his head.
"And then you levitated water right into my face." Lily responded in a dreaming tone looking out in the air clearly without seeing, a melancholic smile on her face. "And then we laughed, and as we got home we ate chocolate chip cookies while our clothes dried up."
"And drank your mothers home made lemonade." Severus continued. "Though it was to bitter, but we didn't point it out because we were in enough trouble as it was."
Lily looked at him with sad emerald green eyes. "How did we come from that, to this?" she asked.
Severus was silent, he couldn't answer that at all, and neither could Lily apparently, also she was seemingly still lost in thoughts.
"If it weren't for the war…" Severus hesitated. "Are you at least happy.. With everything?"
"Yeas." Lily told. "If it weren't for the war and all the misery, I love my husband, I love my child and I love my friends."
Severus looked down, she didn't need him in her life at all, not for anything else than being a last resort shield against Voldemort and his death-eaters.
"What would you have me say?" She asked. "I have moved on Sev, I'm sad for you and I hope you will find peace one day, but I couldn't spend all my life mourning your turn."
"I don't want you to." Severus said. "I want you to be happy, I'm glad that you're happy. Honestly I am."
Lily breathed deeply. And they sat in silence again, it seemed like both parts really had run out of things to say.
It seemed like forever until Dumbledore came back, Lily in a odd monotone courtesy addressed Dumbledore politely, and left through the fireplace, mumbling something about that Harry was probably awake again around now, and she shouldn't leave him hungry.. or James would mess the kitchen totally up..
"How do you fell?" Dumbledore at last asked Severus.
"I know what I am supposed to do now." Severus looked straightforward, without seeing the room.. "I fell.. clear minded."
"You should probably rest." Dumbledore commented.
"Yeas." Severus said in a weird distant voice. "Yeas, I must rest now… no knowing when I wont be able to, when he will call.. so I should." He stepped towards the fireplace, still that distant look in his eyes. "Protect them.. I must, protect them." He mumbled as he reached for the floo powder and threw it at the fireplace, before stepping through and landing in his own home, where he headed straight for the bed, to lay down on his back, looking up at the ceiling with wide-opened eyes, keeping mumbling to himself..
Severus was cold, inside and looked even colder outside, he looked way beyond his young years as he stood upright, his wand resting in his hand, his hair blowing in front of his face as he stood in the darkness. "My lord!" he called out, to the dark lord voldemort who was on his way.
Voldemort turned his head, his red eyes seizing Severus, and he sneered. "Snape." he hissed. "What are you doing here, I believe I gave you a job."
Severus stepped out of the shadow as he raised his wand, looking coldly at Voldemort. "It ends tonight." he said. "I will no longer serve you."
Voldemort squinted his eyes. "Oh really." he asked. "You're not serious, do you really believe your anything." Voldemort snorted. "what a failure."
"You will not hurt Lily Evans Potter, or anyone that she loves!" Severus stated pointing his wand directly at Voldemort.
"I never took you for such a fool." Voldemort sneered. "We can't have that." he raised his own wand.
"SECTRUMPSEMPRA!" Severus roared flinging his wand.
Voldemort easily deflected it. "Your attacking me!" he angered. "Insolent brat! you will pay!"
Severus dropped his wand as he looked at Voldemort, his eyes and face strained, yet he didn't flinch, didn't movie, just looked at Voldemort with his cold black eyes.
'Jesus it's like he wants me to kill him' Voldemort thought as he raised his wand. "Avada Kedavra!" Voldemort threw the curse, hitting Severus right in the chest, for a moment he just stood there, and it created the illusion he would keep on standing, but then he fell down face first, and Voldemort sneered before passing on, as if nothing had happened at all, leaving the pathetic corpse where it was, on bare hill where it was unlikely anyone would come.
"Lily!" James potter yelled. "Take Harry! He's here! He's come to kill Harry! Take him an go!" he demanded bracing himself with his wand.
The door was blasted aside, and there he stood, Voldemort in all his power, squinting his eyes at James.
James held up his wand ready to fight, but it was all the quick. "AVADA KEDAVRA!" Voldemort hissed sending James violently through the air, so he crashed towards the wall and sank down.
Voldemort advanced to the stair case and blasted the door open which on the other side showed a woman standing in front of a baby crypt, shielding it with her body. "No!" she begged. "Not HARRY!" she begged. "Take me instead! I'll do anything! Spare him! HAVE MERCY!"
"Avada Kedavra!" the green light flashed once more, an a suddenly was send right back, Voldemorts eyes widened as the light came zooming right back to him, and hit him right in the face, a big crash sounded. Lily screamed as she covered her son with her body as the place fell apart, when she could see again she quickly picked up her son and looked wide-eyed around.. there was a corpse on the floor.. Voldemorts corpse.
"Lily!" a well known voice sounded from under the stairs. "LILY!"
"JAMES!" Lily cried out as she ran for the door, and ran down the stairs to accept his embrace while she cried in his arms, clutching her crying son.
"Lily what happened?" James asked.
"I don't know." Lily cried. "He tried to kill us! but the curse bounced off... I think... I think he's dead!" she exclaimed. "His corpse is up there!" and she cried again, burying her face into James.
"Shh Lily." he held her tight "Lets get out of here!" he exclaimed.
There sounded a sound outside, like a motorbike, and a voice called. "PRONGS! LILY!"
"Come on." James dragged Lily with him towards the missing wall, which seemed to be the shortest route to Sirius's voice. "PADS! HERE!" he yelled.
"JAMES!" Sirius came running towards them. "Thank Merlin your both alive!" he really seemed ready to drop dead of relief. "The.. the traitor.. It's Wormy!" he said horror filled. "Peter is the traitor!"
James nodded. "I know, but lets get out of here."
Sirius nodded. "Come on, if you sit behind me Lily should be able to carry Harry in the side wagon." he gestured at his still turned on motorbike.
Lily nodded, already on her way crawling up in the little wagon attached to the motorbike, though though it was made a little difficult as she also clutched her crying baby close. "Thanks."
Lily was still shell shocked beyond belief as she found herself in the current Order of the Phoenix headquarters, she was stunned into fright and the only thing that kept her going was her crying son, who clearly was able to sense her unease.
"I don't understand." She told Dumbledore. "Why aren't we dead! how can Voldemort be dead? what happened!"
Dumbledore looked sadly at her. "Funny thing about Avada Kedavra, a single little flaw Voldemort would never ever be able to grasp, because of the way his mind work." he stated. "If someone is willing to take Avada Kedavra for someone else, that other person is safe... you were protected."
"But who?" Lily asked. "Who could possible be mad enough to lay down his life for such a thin premise?" And her eyes widened. "Oh god please no." she begged.
Concerned James laid and arm around her. "What is it Lily... do you know who it could have been?"
"He took my place." she said in a weird dry voice. "James, it was Sev! I am sure of it!"
"Snape?" James asked bewildered. "but, he's a death-eater."
"A defected Death-eater." Dumbledore corrected. "And as I have not been able to contact him at all the last few weeks." he looked incredible old as he said it. "I had suspected he might had died."
"No!" Lily cradled her son. "It's my fault he did it!" she cried out. "I made him vow to protect Harry at all cost, but I honestly didn't think he would be this stupid!"
James looked very confused at her, but kept quiet.
"Don't blame yourself." Dumbledore pleaded of her. "It was his own choice, and it was a very honourable dead, he saved all of you, with that single action." Dumbledore looked seriously at her. "He defeated Voldemort himself."
"I didn't want him to die!" Lily cried. "I didn't mean it like that."
"Lily listen to Albus." James pleaded. "It was Snape's own choice. If what you say is true, and he did it so we cold life, so Harry could life, it was honourable, In his last moment, he was a great hero! It's what I will remember him for."
"Oh James." she cried. "And we are the only ones who are ever going to know." she cried so hard. "Who else is even going to care?"
"yeah." James nodded. "But we will be forever thankful, myself included."
