AN: So... Sorry I took so long. Spring break was this week so I figured Id get something posted. For those of you who are worried that this is going to go in a romance direction, it's not. For those of you who want this to go in a romance direction, its not. I know I'm letting some folks down, but its not that kind of fic. For those that are worried that Raph's a big jerk and Mikey's a little needy and clingy, all I can say is that the title goes both ways. I know I'm treading in taboo waters this chapter, but it'll probably be one of the three chapters in this fic where that happens and its mostly to give back story and have the readers understand why Raphael and Michelangelo end up having the issues they do as adults, not just with each other, but within their own personalities as well. Per usual, reviews are welcome to help gauge interest and reader investment. Seatbelts, safety glasses, hard-hats on and here's chapter two


To say that he'd been a troubled teenager would have been an understatement. Raphael had fought with Leonardo tooth and nail. He'd felt like a failure to his father every time he'd let his anger consume him. He'd lost his temper and lashed out physically more times than he could count. It seemed from the second he turned thirteen, Raphael was the definition of the very word troubled.

Troubled was an understatement though. If his family had known what he was struggling with, he knew for sure he would have been sent away and disowned by their father. So he hid it. He hid his troubles, guilt, and self loathing behind walls of anger, letting that become the only emotion he was capable of feeling. And even though it drove a rift between him and the rest of his family, as the years went by he was able to begin to feel normal again. He was able to forget that there was something seriously wrong with him.

Raphael remembered very clearly the day he realized he had a problem.

He was nine.

He'd been in his bedroom after dinner struggling to complete a math worksheet his father made up for him. He knew even though he and Leonardo were doing the same studies that Leonardo was probably finding the problems far easier. Raphael was already sure that he was no genius, but he was determined and hoped that made up for his often inability to grasp many of the concepts his farther was teaching them from human world.

Reading, writing, math, science. It was all a struggle.

His younger brother Donnie though, was a genius. And had far surpassed the lessons he and Leonardo were learning. With Donnie being younger than Raphael by a year, his brains only served to make Raphael feel more dimwitted. If Mikey could have sat down long enough to begin to learn how to read, Raph was sure that he would have been the slowest learner amongst his brothers. But Splinter didn't have Michelangelo doing any studies other than ninjitsu, as it seemed to be the only thing Michelangelo could focus on for more than a few minutes.

At seven, it was clear to Splinter that Michelangelo was a bit different than his brothers. More sensitive, more free spirited, and immensely more energetic. When Michelangelo wasn't running around the surface with Raphael he was clinging to the end of Splinter's robe like a tiny turtle-shaped shadow. Michelangelo needed people, and at such a young age his need for comfort trumped his need to learn his ABC's and 123's. Besides, there would be plenty of time for those things once Michelangelo's attention span increased.

Raphael scribbled away with his pencil, trying to figure out how to solve a division problem he was sure was going to have a remainder when his bedroom door creaked open and Mikey stuck his head in, his wide eyes searching around until they came to rest on Raphael's shell.

"Raphie," an urgent hushed whisper left Mikey's lips and Raphael turned from the small table he was hunched over in order to look at his brother.

"What, dorkwad?"

Mikey didn't flinch at the insult; instead he pushed his entire round, freckled face through the crack in the door. "Something's wrong with my-" He stopped abruptly before starting again almost as quickly. "Something's wrong with me."

Raph snorted and turned back to his worksheet, "Tell me something I don't know."

"No, you gotta believe me!" Mikey slipped into the room and closed the door quickly behind him. He had his favorite blanket draped around him like a cloak that he held closed in the front as it dragged the floor while he crossed the room toward his brother. "I don't know what's wrong with it, Raphie."

Mikey was whining, and that was by no means the best way to gain Raph's sympathy or attention. If anything it was the best way to annoy him.

"What's wrong with what, twerp?" Raph didn't look up as he counted on his fingers, seeing how many times he could get to a full count of five in an attempt to figure out what twenty-seven divided by five was.

"My winkie, there's something wrong."

Raph's gaze twisted up from his worksheet to settle on his youngest brothers frightened features. "Whadaya mean there's something wrong with it? And would ya stop callin' it that already? It's a dick, not a winkie. Even penis would be better, bro."

Mikey took a shaky breath, "F-fine. There's something with my..." He paused to figure out the best word to use in front of Raphael and to figure out which of the two options he was given made him the least uncomfortable. Neither one was okay. "With down there."

"Geez, Mikey. Spit it out already so I can finish my math! I don't got all day. What's wrong with down there?"

"It... it came out of my pocket."

Raph was less than distressed by the news. "So?"

"It wont go back in. Something's wrong with it. It's... bigger. And when I try to put it back, it just... pops back out again. I tried a few times but it started to hurt when I'd get it back in. Something's wrong with it!" Mikey parted his blanket and exposed himself to his older brother.

Immediately a fit of laughter possessed Raphael. "Ya got a boner, you bonehead! Relax. Just go jerk off or somethin'."

"A what?"

"It's when yer dick.." Raph paused. Truthfully he wasn't sure what a boner was, other than when a guy's dick got stiff and rubbing it made it feel better than anything in the world. He knew it had something to do with sex, but he wasn't entirely about that either. He was almost certain it had something to do with a guy rubbing his dick on lady's privates to get that same good feeling. "It's when you need to make yourself feel good. Like when you eat a bunch of pizza and ice cream and get all happy then sleepy. But better. Just go rub it till it feels real good down there, then it'll go away." He picked up his pencil and went back to his worksheet.

Mikey's face contorted as he tried to understand. "What am I supposed to rub it with?"

"Yer hand, doofus. Or yer pillow. Just... go in yer room and rub it against something for a while."

Mikey opened his mouth to ask another question then closed it again, thinking better of annoying Raph any further and feeling embarrassed for thinking there was something wrong with him when apparently Raph was sure it wasn't a big deal. He gathered his blanket around him and headed to the door.

"Don't go sharing the fact that you got yer first boner with everybody. It's a private thing. And what you do with it's a private thing too, shellferbrains." Raph warned casually over his shoulder, having long ago learned that masturbation was an action that should be kept discrete.

Mikey didn't reply and Raph heard the soft click of his door as it closed behind his little brother.

Twenty-seven wasn't fitting into even amounts of five and Raph was sure he'd screwed up his counting somewhere. Or there was going to be a remainder and he wasn't too sure how that was going to work out. He bite the tip of his tongue before flipping his pencil over and erasing all the work he'd done on the problem to start over. He wasnt sure how long he'd worked at the same problem, doing it over and over and seeming to get no closer to the answer, or to anything he thought might be kind of close. It didnt matter though, because his attention was stolen when he bedroom door creaked open again.

"Raphie, its not working!" Mikey's voice was higher pitched, his level of distress more evident as he poked his head inside.

Raph dropped his pencil down on his worksheet before turning to face his brother, "Mikey, I don't have time for this."

Mikey shook his head, dismissing Raphael's comment entirely as he pushed his way through the door and closed it behind him again. He still had his blanket draped around him and his bandana was wet around his eyes, a clear give away that he'd been crying. "It wont go back in and it hurts!"

Raph's face twisted into a grimace as Mikey dropped the blanket to the floor, exposing his erection again. The little shaft was dark green straining and the tip was purple and swollen. "Ya tried what I said?" He asked, trying not to seem disgusted by his little brother's lewdness.

Mikey nodded, "It made it worse."

"Hmm," Raph leaned forward, his face close to Mikey's crotch, seemingly inspecting it.

"Well?!" Mikey flapped his hands in a panic, "What's wrong with it?!"

"Well what? It looks normal. Yer just gonna have to work at it."

Mikey nearly wailed, tears filling his eyes again, "I cant Raphie, it hurts!"

"Oh for Pete's sake!" Raph grumbled as he stood up and gave Mikey a small shove back towards his bed, "Yer pathetic, ya know? Sit down."

Mikey's legs backed up to the bed and he sat instantly, his hands at his sides running over the fluffy blanket on Raph's bed.

Raph took a knee in front of, "This is the only time I'm gonna show ya how to do this, got it? Cause it really ain't that complicated."

Mikey nodded, his eyes resting on his lap

"Yer pitiful, Mikey. Everybody should be able to figure this out on their own, ya know? I figured it it out, so it ain't rocket science." Raph took hold of him firmly between his finger and his thumb. He looked up at Mikey's face, seeing the tears spilling from his little brother's eyes. "Ya gonna cry while I'm tryin' ta help ya?"

Mikey sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hands, "I'm not pathetic, it just hurts."

Raph snorted, "Ya are pathetic. Just quit yer cryin' and pay attention so we can get this over with, okay?"

Raphael remembered that day clearly in his mind, because after Mikey had slinked off back to his own room, sated and more in need of sleep than he'd ever been in his young life, Raph had taken his own erection in his hand and pleasured himself as he thought of his little brother sitting on his bed, with his legs spread, trusting him to do whatever he thought would take the pain away.

Even though Raph was nine, he knew that what he'd done to Mikey could never happen again. Mikey would have to figure things like that out on his own. Because for the first time Raphael actually felt needed, and he liked that feeling. That feeling of being needed was more of a turn on than any of the dirty magazines he'd caught a glimpse of while he riffled through dumpsters, or any of the shows he saw on TV late at night when he was supposed to be in bed, the ones with humans kissing and rubbing against each other.

Raphael remembered the pleasure he got that day when he finally brought himself to completion. The pleasure he got from touching Michelangelo while he needed him. That realization even at the time was enough for Raphael to know that there was something wrong with him. There was something wrong with him for enjoying it. He shouldn't have enjoyed it at all, he was just trying to help. At first at least. He promised himself that day that what he and Mikey had shared together would never, ever happen again. That wasn't for brothers to share with each other.

Raphael had managed to keep that promise to himself for all of two days before it happened again. And again. And again and again for nearly the next four years. Michelangelo was Raphael's little slice of heaven every night, creeping into his bedroom claiming he'd had nightmares, begging Raph to do that "thing" to make him sleepy.

Raphael obliged Michelangelo every night, his focus solely on his brother, never asking or expecting anything in return. Mikey needing him was enough to make Raph feel good, and things continued on that way...

Until the night Raphael needed something too. Mikey's nightly visits ended abruptly afterward, and the anger that consumed Raphael afterwards was a real nightmare for everyone.