Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters or settings and the plot is a variation on a Lemony Snicket plot.

Shafted

It was all going as planned. They thought. The Baudelaires were studying and the Quagmires were doing the exercises. Until Coach Genghis (Olaf) found out it was the Quagmires. Then everything went wrong beyond belief. It started after the comprehensive examinations when the Baudelaires saw Coach Genghis (Olaf) approaching.

From there it went steadily downhill and ended in a footrace to a black automobile. Klaus reached the car first. He heard Duncan's shouts of V.F.D. and Isadora's sobs. He didn't think about what would happen when Olaf reached the car behind him. This is what I've figured to be Olaf's thinking on that terrible day.

What's this? Baudelaire near the car. Hmmm, uses, uses. Baudelaire, large fortune. Quagmires, large fortune. Baudelaire fortune + Quagmire fortune extremely large fortune. Only need 1 of each. Which ones? Strength in numbers. 3 a crowd. 2 manageable. Quagmire boy strong, stubborn reporter interest, trouble. Quagmire girl weak, breakable, poet interest, easily tamed. Baudelaire boy weak, hopeful, researcher, not much trouble without his siblings. 2+2 4. Yay for Oranges. Keep: Quagmire Girl, Baudelaire Boy. Leave: Quagmire Boy.

And so it was that in the space of less then a second Olaf new what to do. The only thought that didn't occur to him was Boy + Girl… He shoved Klaus INTO THE CAR. And while doing so had his two associates push the Quagmire Boy (Duncan) out of the car. Duncan rolled for a bit as he hit the ground and decided never to jump out of a moving car. The long black automobile sped away and was never seen again.

Life really was cruel. All 5 children shed bitter tears. Klaus and Isadora being driven off in the black automobile were weeping because they might never see their siblings again and when they thought of the horrors Olaf might inflict on them they crept their hands together and wept together all the while banging on the back wind shield as if the futile effort might actually do something. Violet and Sunny wept because they might never see their brother again and because the cruel ways of the world had struck again. Duncan wept because he 1 might never see Isadora again and 2 because he just got pushed out of a moving car.

Violet racked in grief suddenly had a thought. Running over to Duncan she whispered, "Quick put these on," pulling out Klaus' spare glasses.

"Why?"

"You'll be able to stay with us if you look like Klaus, Mr. Poe hasn't got very good eyesight and you already look a little bit like Klaus,"

Duncan quickly put the glasses on while violet ruffled his hair. By the time they were finished he looked reasonably like Klaus.

"Great now you'll be able to help us search for Klaus and Isadora,"

"Violet, Klaus, Sunny, there you are, you shouldn't go chasing cars like that it's dangerous. I've rung the proper authorities and they'll have caught Olaf in no time."

Mr. Poe had promptly arrived behind them, with Nero, who was yelling a much embellished version of the sentence,

"You 5 children are expelled."

"What now?" asked Violet as they hopped in for the familiar drive to places previously unknown.

"I've made arrangements with another guardian who lives in the city; she's the city's 6th most important financial advisor."

"Why don't I like the sound of that?" Duncan whispered to Violet and Sunny as they drove off.

Klaus and Isadora huddled together in the back of the moving truck for warmth. They had changed over to the truck from the car when Olaf ditched it to confuse authorities.

"I hope you aren't afraid of the dark, because where you my pretties are going is very, very dark," Olaf taunted.

"You're not going to get away with this," Klaus told him defiantly

Olaf slapped Klaus hard through the face. Klaus fell to the floor.

"Klaus are you OK?" Isadora whispered while moving to support him. Blood trailed from a corner of Klaus' mouth.

"Yeah, I'm fine,"

",You orphan brats have got it lucky, I'm going to keep you alive while I hunt down and kill your siblings,"

"You monster," Isadora screamed

Olaf ended with a laugh, a laugh that haunts my nightmares to this day.

After being forced into hideous puppy costumes to squeeze through customs Isadora and Klaus were dumped in a pseudo elevator shaft where it was really, really dark. This was not surprising because the building was no. 667 Dark Avenue although didn't know this because they had bags over their heads most of the way and were carried like sacks of potatoes. As Olaf and his men with flashlights left them alone in the dark, in a cage with nothing but stale bread and water, they hoped against hope that their siblings would hurry up and find them.

Meanwhile Violet, Sunny and Duncan were just getting acquainted with their new guardians Jerome and Esme Squalor. Living in the penthouse suite at 667 Dark Avenue was no walk in the park. Esme Squalor as it turned out was totally obsessed with fashion. Violet could not find anything to invent because the houses contents changed when things went out or came in. Sunny found it hard because tall things were in and she was so small that she could barely get onto her bed. Duncan found it difficult because in order to look like Klaus he had to wear Klaus' glasses and as we all know when you where someone else's glasses you find it very difficult to see. Over the children's stay the house acquired many Duncan sized dents in the wall. At night they held secret meetings, trying to figure out where Olaf may have hidden their siblings. Jerome was a help, but he was totally spineless and wouldn't do anything to start an argument, he just did whatever Esme told him to. Violet, Sunny and Duncan found themselves lost in the massive penthouse more then once. Duncan could be heard muttering under his breath about wishing Quigley was here to map the place.

Klaus and Isadora hadn't seen the light of day for about a week. Stuck down the shaft life was boring, and cold and windy. Isadora and Klaus were so cold they were huddled shivering at the back if the cage against the cold iron bars. They felt strange warmth sitting at the back of the cage together, Isadora's head on Klaus' shoulder, knees tucked up to their chins for warmth.

"Isadora, why do you keep a notebook?" Klaus broke the seemingly endless but friendly silence.

"I don't know, I guess I've just always kept one, since I've been able to write I just wrote everything that popped into my head down. I think my parents kept one too." The reply came through chattering teeth. Klaus put his arm around Isadora's shoulder for warmth.

"Thanks," Isadora put her arm around him and they squeezed closer together. The air was almost solid it was so cold.

"Klaus, what's going to happen to us?

"Izzie, I honestly don't know."

Then they kissed and all the cold and the room seemed to vanish as they lost themselves in the warmth each other.

Meanwhile Violet, Duncan and Sunny were having trouble understanding their current situation. Esme was wrapped to introduce them to the most "in" auctioneer in the city, Gunther or as the orphans knew him, Olaf. Esme was currently in a meeting with "Gunther" and the doorman had strict orders to not let them upstairs until Gunther left the building. They were watching the doorman put up sea creature decorations. Then Duncan remembered something, something that might just lead them to Isadora and Klaus. When Jerome came back from his errands and found the children in the lobby he took them up to the penthouse. They would explore this secret tomorrow.

"Izzie, what was that VFD thing you and Duncan were yelling about when we were kidnapped?"

"It was a volunteer organization of some kind, the record we read just mentioned Olaf and arson and something about VFD, but someone had placed a coffee stain so we couldn't read the rest of the article,"

"Oh, Ok then," they kissed.

They had been at the bottom of the shaft for several weeks, Olaf's henchmen only dropping off food and water once a day. Huddled in the corner arms wrapped around one another, knees tucked inside jumpers, all they could do was talk. Isadora occasionally wrote poetry, mainly about Klaus, but still poetry. Klaus even tried writing poetry too, with disastrous results. They were just trying to focus their creative energy when there was a clinking just above their heads. Then they heard voices really high above them.

They didn't make much of it. They heard voices from the penthouse often. They just continued sitting and talking in the pitch black and windy room. Suddenly as ghostly as night a checkered tie with pink love hearts and green swirls on it descended from the heavens and just hung there like a beacon of hope.

"What the?" Klaus muttered. He hoped maybe it was a rescue attempt.

"Dunno" Isadora replied. They just hugged each other tighter and waited. Olaf's hook handed henchman came up with their meal of bread and water.

"Don't worry. You aren't going to be here much longer my pretties, your going to be smuggled out of town during the auction," His head narrowly missed the hanging tie and the light disappeared again as he left via the trapdoor. Almost as soon as he was gone they heard grunts and groans from above and then a large clank as someone jumped onto the roof of their cage. Above them they saw shoes, and then the figure belonging to the shoes jumped down. It was Violet.

"Woah, what are you guys doing here?" was all Violet could say. Duncan and Sunny were not far behind Violet. All 5 children embraced as best they could through the cold metal bars. If Klaus and Isadora could have seen themselves they would have been shocked. They were so thin you could see their ribs and their faces looked gaunt and haunted.

"You guys look like you've faired pretty badly, how long have you been down here?"

"5 weeks,"

"5 weeks! I'm going to kill Olaf," Duncan was yelling now.

"Can you help us out of here; Olaf's henchman said that they were going to get us out of here today during the auction,"

"Today when the sun goes down,

Olaf will smuggle us out of town,"

Isadora recited a poem she made up on the spot.

"We can get you out, but we need some supplies from upstairs," Violet mused.

"What if they get us out of here before you return?" Klaus asked.

"They won't," Violet replied refusing to believe that would happen. Violet, Duncan and Sunny started climbing again. Almost as soon as they were gone, Olaf appeared from the shadows of the trapdoor with a ring of keys, shiny eyes glowing in the darkness. He had the two powder faced ladies with him. They were carrying sacks.

"Oh no," was all Klaus and Isadora had time to think before they were shoved in a sack and dragged backwards through a secret passage.

When they were eventually let out of the sack they were blinded by the light after 5 weeks in the dark. Olaf grabbed them and shoved them in a giant statue of a fish. Ironically it was a red herring. It also had the no. 48 on a piece of paper stapled to its side. There was just enough room for the two of them inside, lying on top of one another before Olaf welded the lid back on and they were surrounded by darkness so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"Klaus, I'm scared," Isadora felt like she meant it, she was shivering all over although it wasn't from fear.

"It'll be ok, it'll all be ok." Klaus wished he could actually be that optimistic as he hugged Isadora. Isadora knew he didn't actually believe it, but she wanted the reassurance of his voice. They kissed. Only then did they realize that their entire bodies were only inches apart. This gave them both some rather uncomfortable ideas so Isadora rolled off Klaus and lay beside him. They lay there for a long time, side by side holding hands occasionally whispering reassurances to one another. Then they were both overcome by an overwhelming desire. Maybe it was the small space, maybe it was the fact that it was hot inside the metal fish, or maybe it was just the right moment. They kissed, then again more passionately, Isadora rolled back on top of Klaus but their lips never came apart, they just kept kissing. Lying there they knew they that there was no other person that they would rather be trapped in a giant fish statue with, bizarre huh. When the kiss was over they lay there panting, Klaus broke the silence.

"Izzie I've said it before, but I love you,"

"Klaus, I know," they kissed again and then they just lay there enjoyed each other's company unseen and oblivious to the outside world.

Meanwhile they were being driven in a truck across miles of desert to a certain village…

OK you've read the story, now hit the button, reviewers get a cookie. Tell me what you think. I know this chapter was bad but I'll make the next one excellent.