I'm back guys! I wanted to get this chapter up earlier, but fanfiction wouldn't let me post anything. I finally got it working though, so yay!
Anyways, thank you to those who reviewed, favorited, followed and even just read my story. I hope you like this chapter.


Once Lenalee and Lavi had left, Allen allowed himself to relax. He knew they were his friends, knew he could trust them, but after his experience at the hands of the NOAH, he just couldn't find it in himself to.

He wanted to trust them, wanted to be able to allow himself to break down, and just feel in front of them, but he couldn't. After so long of the pain being worse if emotion was shown, he just couldn't allow himself to show anything in front of others. It was hard, and when he had first been taken to the hospital, he hadn't been able to do it very well. He was always afraid then, that someone would lash out at him, that someone would hurt him.

He was still afraid, and that fear made it impossible to do the only thing he wanted to do: cry.

It was the best way to allow grief and anger out, and he wanted to so bad, but he couldn't. If someone saw him… that would mean more pain. And there was always someone watching.

After so long of hiding everything, the pain, the sadness, he had finally gotten to a point where he could just turn his emotions off. He knew his friends suspected something was wrong. He knew that if he didn't start trusting them soon, they would begin to pry. And once they started that, he wouldn't be able to hide anything.

Feeling the tears that he had been holding in for months threaten to fall, he quickly turned off his emotions. A numbness came in and replaced the grief and pain he felt, and he drifted off to sleep with one thought in his mind.

Could it be that… the reason for being able to shut my feelings down… is part of the experiments they did on me?

It was dark, so dark. He couldn't see a thing. There was nothing, nothing at all.

Nothing except the fear. The pure, blinding fear that haunted him night and day.

And then there was pain. It spread throughout him, his entire body writhing in agony. Why couldn't it leave him be? What had he done to deserve this?

All he wanted was one full day, twenty four hours, of peace. No pain, no fear, no sadness. He just wanted to get out of the dark.

As if granting his wish, the shadows that filled his vision were shattered by a light. Slowly, as his eyes adjusted, he began to see.

But what he was was not the vision he had wanted. He was back, back in the dim room he had spent over a half a year in. The room that only brought him misery and despair.

The only light came from a barred window, higher than he could ever reach. Dirt and dried blood was splattered across the floor and walls, and in the corner of the room, sat the bed on which he was perched.

Footsteps could be heard outside the room, growing louder with each passing second. A feeling of dread spread through him. They were coming, and they would bring pain and suffering with them. He wanted to cry, but that would only make it worse.

The footsteps grew louder and louder, until they stopped, right outside his door. As the door opened, slow and menacing, a sense of terror washed through him. He couldn't move, just watch as a man with slicked back black hair entered the room, a maniacal grin spread across his face.

In that moment, as the man walked toward him, knife in hand, he knew. He knew he would never escape. He was trapped forever, never to be able to leave. The terror left, leaving only a numbness where it should be.

As the man walked forward and plunged the knife into his gut, laughter ringing through his ears, he found that he just didn't care anymore.

The boy in the corner, once terrified of being hurt, had given up hope of anyone saving him. Had given up on life.

And that scared him more than anything.

Allen woke up with a gasp, a cold sweat covering his body. He could feel tears pushing to break through, but he forced them back. After this long of having nightmares like that, they shouldn't make him cry anymore.

Knowing Lenalee would visit soon, he sat back to wait. He knew it would be pointless to try and get more sleep. Not after a nightmare like that.

He sat there, watching the clock. These days, time seemed to move so slowly. He'd sit there waiting for what seemed like hours, then look at the time to see only minutes had passed by. It got old fast, but he couldn't do anything about it.

As he waited, a song he'd heard a long time ago came to mind, and he quietly began to sing.

"When the light fades, the moon makes, all the difference between, black and gray. As your faith dies, and your hope lies, where can you go? Death or Life? (1)"

When Lenalee came in later that day, she found Allen staring out the window again. This time it wasn't raining, but there was a storm brewing.

"Hey Allen." She said, walking over and taking his hand.

He looked up at her and smiled a bit. "Hey." He replied

"Are you feeling a little better?" Lenalee asked, looking at him hopefully, hoping he'd just say something for once.

He shrugged. "Same as yesterday." He said

As he looked at Lenalee, he noticed she looked tired. He frowned. "Lenalee, are you alright?" he asked, swallowing back the emotions that began to pop up.

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired I guess. I haven't been able to get much sleep."

He nodded and sat back. He knew she was lying, she wasn't alright, but he didn't want to pry. He had a fairly good idea what was upsetting her anyways.

"H-hey Allen? Can I ask you something?" Lenalee said after a moment of silence

He shifted his gaze from the ceiling to her. "What is it?" he asked

She shifted a bit, obviously nervous. "Well… it's just that, you've gone through a lot you know? So… so how come you're like this? Aren't… aren't people who go through things like what you have normally really emotional and scared all the time? So… how come it's like you have no emotions at all? Do you not trust us?"

Hearing that, Allen froze. Did he trust them? Did he trust her? He wasn't so sure anymore. Could he even trust anymore? He felt tears well up in his eyes, and he tried desperately to hide them. He turned away from her, and tried to force them back, but a few escaped. Lenalee's expression softened, and she put a hand on his shoulder, using the other one to turn his head towards her. "Allen…" she whispered

"I-I'm sorry Lenalee. It's not that I don't trust you, it's just… just that…" he couldn't do it. He couldn't even think of what had happened to him without wanting to burst out crying, so how could he tell anyone? Maybe when he was out of the hospital, but not now. He turned away, and sniffed a bit. "Sorry, I just can't talk about it yet." He said, looking down.

She sighed. "It's okay Allen. Just know that… when you're ready to talk, I'll be here for you."

He nodded, and reached up to wipe away the few tears that managed to escape when the door opened. He froze midway, and stared at it terrified. Were they coming for him? Were they going to punish him for crying? For showing what he felt?

When the nurse walked in with his daily medicine, he relaxed. No one was coming to hurt him. He was safe. He stared at the cup of water and two pills, and decided to wait to take them until Lenalee left.

"Are you going to take them Allen?" she asked

He shook his head. "Not right now. I'll take them later."

She shrugged, and started talking to him about school. He listened intently and found himself laughing at Kanda and Lavi's antics. He missed hanging out with them, he really did. He just wanted things to go back to normal.

When Lenalee left, he sat back against his pillow and sighed. God he was tired.

Closing his eyes, he fell into a deep sleep, the two pills on the stand forgotten.

The next morning, when Allen woke up, it wasn't from a nightmare for once. He yawned and stretched, thinking about the dream he'd had.

A gentle breeze wafted over him, bringing with it the scent of wildflowers and pine trees. He was in a giant field, from all directions as far as the eye could see, there was grass. It was so peaceful.

It wasn't quiet. No, in nature, there was no such thing as quiet. If you just listened, there was a whole lot to hear. A birds chirping, the rustling of the wind in the trees, an animal's call, a small stream. There was always something to hear.

All of a sudden, a soft voice floated through the air. It was sweet, like sugar. Beautiful.

"Soshite, bouya wa nemuri ni tsuita. Iki zuku, hai no naka no honoo, hitotsu, futatsu to. Ukabu fukurami itoshi yokogao. Daichi ni, taruru ikusen no… yume… yume. Gin no hitomi no yuragu yoru ni, umare wo chita, kaga yaku omae. Iku oku no, toshitsuki ga. Ikutsu… inori wo… tsuchi e kaeshite mo… watashi wa inori, tsuzukeru. Douka, kono ko ni ai wo. Tsunaida te ni, kisu wo."

As the song continued, a feeling of calm came over him. For once, he could forget. He could forget about the pain and the suffering, about the anger. He could just be happy.

So he lay down in the grass, closed his eyes, and listened to the music.


(1) Just part of a song I wrote for this story. I'll be adding more of it into the story, so wait for that. And if you actually want to hear it, my friends are making me sing it and upload it onto youtube, so if you do want to hear it, tell me and I'll pm you when it's up. It may take a while though.

Of course, I had to add the fourteenth's song. What kind of -Man story would it be if i didn't? I love that song so much I have it memorized and I'm teaching myself how to play it on the piano.

Anyways, so how was it? Good, bad, great, horrible? I'd like to know. Review!