House limped to his office, grabbing a case file from the nurse station. His flaming cane led the way to his office, flamboyant running shoes on his feet. He slide the door open to find Foreman, Kutner, Taub , and Thirteen already waiting for him in his team's study. His leg was already aching him, and he limped over to the coffee station, making himself a cup with black coffee and one sugar. He tossed the file at his ducklings as the scurried to read the case enclosed.

"Tobias Brooks, 27, an easy one for you. Definitely interesting enough." House said as he popped two Vicodin pills in his mouth and sipped his coffee. He limped over to the whiteboard, erased the current case when Kutner objected.

"W-Wait! We haven't made a clear diagnosis yet! She still is dying!"

"Oh?" House said sarcastically, eyeing the half erased white board and back at his team. "I thought you guys would have figured it out by now... the answer was LITERALLY popping out at you guys." House said, continuing to erase the board, ignoring Kutner's protest.

Thirteen, Foreman, Kutner, and Taub all looked confused at House.

"Let's see... Fever, muscle weakness, the Hershey Squirts, and Hyperthermia. Not to mention the psychosomatic pain in her chest that Foreman got wrong, it was real. When Thirteen did the lung biopsy we found the node in the lung, hence the pain."

"That's right. Lung cancer...but it was removed." Kutner repeated, her voice fading off in understanding.

"The patient had Munchausen's. How were we supposed to know it was actual pain." Foreman blurted.

"I'll ignore that stupid idiotic statement, in turn for getting this now very boring patient off my hands." House commented.

House paused in contemplation. "Actually can't let that one go. You're wasting my time Foreman. She has a low tolerance to pain. What she thought was her chest about to explode was really the pain from post-op recovery. Doesn't matter if she had Munchausen's. The fever and recurring headache also points to...now it's your turn to fill in the blanks."

"Could be a common cold or flu." Taub added, seeing it could be plausible.

"Except it's not. Treat her for Trichinosis and Encephalitis , give Mebendazole therapy and a Corticosteroid of your choice, seeing if she is not allergic to that too, also Cytovene for the Encephalitis and Zofran for nausea. It was clear as day. You didn't know it was Encephalitis because we never tested for it. You all just assumed it was her Munchausen's right?"

House eyeing his ducklings with scrutiny .

" Yeah, thought so. Please hold the applause ..."

When no applause came, House shooed them. "What are you waiting for? Go cure the patient, so we can get to the more interesting one!" House whined at the end.

Taub, Thirteen, Kutner, and Foreman all scurried away, going to cure Sarah Thompkins of her Encephalitis and Trichinosis. Hopefully they won't hear the condescending wrath of House for anymore diagnostic mistakes they might make.

"How did we not do a Lumbar Puncture! If we had called for the test, we wouldn't have missed anything! I should have seen it miles away!" Kutner sighed.

"You miss a lot of things." Taub quipped.

"We all missed it." Thirteen corrected.

" We all disregarded all her other pain symptoms because of her psychological problems." Foreman stated, the doctors turning the corner.

"Does this actually require four doctors to tell her the news that she's going to live?" Taub questioned, knowing the answer.

"No, not really." Kutner said, looking at Taub with the suspicion he was about to bail.

"Well, I'm sure you all can handle the tears of joy. I've got to go." And without another word or opportunity for protest, Taub left.

"Well that was predictable." Thirteen said as they reached Sarah's hospital room, with some of the fakest smiling faces (except Kutner who was genuinely happy) to tell the patient her diagnosis and get her consent to treatment.


House banged on Wilson's door, entering.

"Office door closed, unusual. "

What House saw was Wilson rolling blunts for a patient. A very lucky patient.

"Are those for me? Wilson! Such a welcomed gift!" House said sarcastically as he took a seat.

"Not for you." Wilson commented.

"Jeez, mom. You always give the best stuff to sick people." House whined, tsking at Wilson.

"Because those 'sick people' you are talking about have cancer."

"But for pain." House interjected.

"Yes, House, for pain." Wilson sighed.

"I'm having pain." House whined.

"But you don't have cancer. Nor my patient. Nor responsible enough not to do something stupid and get caught by Cuddy."

"Hmm. Speaking of cancer, care to be a consult?"

"What is it? Or whom might be a better question."

"My patient." House replied, placing his stubbled chin on the handle of his cane.

"Sarah Thompkins?" Wilson asked, starting to roll another blunt.

"Who?" House questions.

"Really House? The woman who had a node in her lung from the biopsy."

"No, no, no, new patient. Guy named Tobias Brooks. I'm thinking he might have a tumor..."

"Where?"

"No idea."

Then how am I going to-"

"Exploratory surgery...with Chase." House pondered.

"Have you gotten consent with-"

"-Haven't met him yet."

"Yet you want to do risky exploratory surgery?" Wilson said in disbelief.

"That's what I said." House mumbled, secretly rubbing his leg.

"No House. Find proof, and then I'll consult."

"But the proof will come when you DO the surgery. Like a gumball machine. You know what's in there, a hundred different gumballs with different flavors, but then you grab your cane, give a good swing and break the glass, and then you choose the one you want, and spare yourself fifty cents and a nasty banana gumball." House said the crude analogy with raised eyebrows and a devious smirk.

Wilson all but gave up on his friend.

"Did you really make your patients' possible condition reduced to nothing more than a gumball machine-"

"-And the cane a precious scapel." House finished.

And you just want Chase-"

"And you-"

"-And me to open the guy up and rumage until we find a tumor!?"

"Yep, and Cuddy's the nasty banana gumball, so avoid that." House got up, turning to the door.

"House..."

"What."

"Put it back."

"What are you talking about."

"Your're good, but not that good, give me back the medicinal cannabis."

"Next time I'll get Foreman to get it, he's used to stealing things." House remarked, as he tossed the blunt he stole to Wilson and walking out the door to check on his patient he just saved.


Thank you to all who favorited, followed, reviewed, and subscribed to me! It means so much! Also you will officially see the House and Tony meet in Chapter 6. Snark fest at Chapter 7. I gotta get the drama building first!

I will try to update regularly, at least once a month if not more. Comment down below and let me know (what you think about the story)!

ALSO I am looking for a artist to possibly make a cover art for this fic (thinking of Stark and House sneering at each other and Pepper in the middle). If interested, please PM me, and we'll take it from there. The winner's art will be the coverart, and recognized in summary. Notable mentions will receive a shout out and art will be recognized.

\(°θ°)/ - excited happy face!

Toodles!