The bond of Two Brothers
o0kaymawn0o
Chapter Summary:
Dean can't sleep. He gets some answers from Carmen.
Notes:
This is a short chapter! I was going to go for a long one, but I didn't feel like I needed it. Thank you for reading and for the favourites/alerts/reviews! It's greatly appreciated - when I see a kudo, I smile. ;D Hope you enjoy the latest.
Sleepless Night:
Dinner was awful. I didn't really enjoy any of the food I was given, even if it was tasty. All I could think about was how Sam walked away from me, so easily, without a glance back – not even a glimmer of regret in his eyes. It hurts so much. I don't think I've ever felt a pain like this one. I've been shot; stabbed; punched; kicked; strangled, even smacked round the face with a shotgun, but nothing amounts to this. Not even close.
I'm lying in my bedroom. I remember, even from such a young age, how much I used to love my bed. It was mine, after all. The material just feels rough against my clothed back. Carmen is sleeping peacefully next to me. She doesn't seem to have a care in the world. Guess she can't sense the pain radiating off me, huh?
I want to go to Sam's room and wake him up. I don't care if it disturbs Jessica. There's nothing I care about right now, other than patching things up with Sam. How did the Dean of this world function without Sam in his life? I can't go a day without panicking something might have happened to him when I leave the countless motel rooms to grab something from the shop. Most of the time, I ask him to come with me in a subtle way, so I know he's safe – with me.
I'm being corny as shit right now, but I could give two shits about it. Sam's my brother. He's my best friend. How could I not be crushed by something like this? Yeah, we fight a lot. We're in each other's company all day, so we're bound to. Unless one of us gets laid, which is usually me. Still, by the end of it, we'll still have each other's backs.
Sam's happy with Jessica and I'm happy that he's happy. I just want him to think of me as a brother again, and not a total stranger. That's how it felt when I looked into his eyes when he hopped out of the car with Jess. His eyes weren't inviting or pleased to see me. I knew something was up then. Something didn't feel right about the whole situation. And when we exchanged pleasantries, his face looked confused we were even talking.
Why didn't we bond as kids? Was I too busy being a dick all the time? Did I have no time for my fucking brother? Sammy mentioned that he wanted to be friends in the past, but all I thought about was myself.
As shit as it sounds, I can't help feeling a little grateful that son of a bitch got to my mum. At least with that, I had Sam. I had my brother by my side and we weren't complete and utter strangers to each other.
I've got to set this right. I won't leave here 'til I do, you lousy Djinn.
Carmen stirs next to me and throws an arm over my stomach. I'd enjoy it if my mind weren't so pre-occupied. "What's the matter, Dean? You look like you haven't slept?" She rises up to a sitting position and yawns with a stretch.
"Nothing," I lie, unmoving.
"You've been like this since dinner. Are you sure there isn't anything wrong? Anything I could help you with?" I glance at her then. She looks beautiful in the moonlight. How did such a douche like me land a girl like Carmen? This is what I say to her. "Dean, your pros far outweigh your cons, trust me. I'm happy to be with you. Is that what's troubling you, honey?" Her fingertips pad against my shirt. I wasn't feeling it all too much, though.
"No, it's not that. Carmen, why don't Sammy and I talk?" I had to know. She's with me, so I must tell her some things.
Carmen removes her hand, her face puzzled. "No offence or anything, Dean, but why do you care?" I wanted to have a go at her for the tone she was using, so shocked and concerned.
"He's my brother," I say honestly, gauging her reactions.
She sighs and strokes my face. "Dean, in the time that I've known you, you haven't once cared what your brother has thought, and you've never asked why you don't get along. I'd of thought you knew, just never told me…" Carmen trailed off, playing with the right side of her hair. Maybe she was nervous? Hell, I was bricking it just asking these sorts of questions I should know the fucking answer to!
"As far as I know, when you were a teenager, you suddenly had no time for Sam anymore, or any of your family, really. You just got in trouble and fucked girls. You told me this when you asked me out," Her hand is back on me and I try a smile. "You said you wanted to come clean, put all your cards on the table because you wanted to be with me." She presses a gentle kiss to my lips, keeping her nimble fingers on my chest.
I close my eyes and force myself to enjoy the sensations of her soft lips against my own. But it was useless. Nothing was working. I pull away and bow my head in shame. "Sorry, Carmen. I can't right now," I mumble honestly and chance a glance at her.
To my immediate surprise, she smiles understandingly and rolls back over to go back to sleep. Talking to her cleared some things up for me. Now I just have to find out why I became so distant as a teenager.
Notes:
Hope you liked it! Dean is going to be quite angstyin this fic... But I hope I can keep up his tough guy act, without him seeming weak, you know? Reviews and the like are appreciated!
