deux.
If Sasuke felt that the guilt had swallowed him whole before, at this moment acid was burning craters into his skin and digesting him alive. His throat burned and he opened his mouth to dissuade her idea, only to find that no sound escaped from him.
Sakura looked at everything but Sasuke at that moment. She knew for sure that he had felt something for her, just what it was she wasn't sure. Sasuke might be good at hiding his emotions, but Team 7 had a way of deciphering his actions and he definitely would not have kissed her back if he wasn't even a tiny bit interested.
Sasuke might be blunt and operate a no filter policy between his brain and mouth, sugared words may never leave be said in his voice, but he was never intentionally cruel. At least - not towards her.
Bunching up the pooled fabric from underneath her; long forgotten insecurities about her body begin to arise again. The fact that she could feel his eyes avoiding herself only intensified the pain.
Was it that her breasts were too small? Her waist too wide? Or was it the scars that mottled her body? She knew that she wasn't perfect, but over the years she had accepted it for what it was and she was proud of her achievements with this imperfect body.
It was daunting; Sakura always thought that it didn't matter what others thought of her body because it was her own, but it seemed that her mental state was affected by something else⦠though Sasuke had always proved to be an exception to her every rule.
It hurt that the only one she actually wanted to accept her for who she was, the only person who's acknowledgment she sought happened to be disappointed in what he saw. And it hurt, because she thought she was stronger than this was well.
'I see. Goodnight, Sasuke.'
Pulling the creased white fabric up against her chest, taking care that it streamed over the scar on her torso and exposed as little as possible - an easy feat with the size of the shirt - she turned from the bed and proceeded to yank a layer of the bedding off. Cocooning herself in marshmallow softness before rolling into the plush carpet of the room, taking comfort in the surrounding coats of warmth and blanketing as she let murmurs and silent tears escape her before she quickly fell to slumber.
Silence filled the room.
The absence of the syllable that had always been attached to his name didn't go unnoticed by the Uchiha,
and he was angry.
Furious at himself for letting it get so far, to have ruined their relationship for seconds of pleasure. To have hurt her even though he had known what he was doing was wrong; immoral. That Sakura might wake up in the morning clear headed, and regretting what he had attempted to do was even more fearful though, and he did't regret stopping - he just regretted having started it.
No. That's a lie.
Lying alone on the too large for one bed with his head buried in the mattress, Sasuke wished he could burn himself awake for the sheer sickness of his thoughts. He was like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar, the only regret came from having been caught.
He was only angry because he couldn't think of anything else which could have happened in its place.
Those seconds of pleasure had been what he had wanted for years, yearned for when he was alone and craved in dark nights. If the situation had been presented to him at any other time under the same circumstances, he was sure that he would not have done anything differently... except, maybe, to have finished sabotaging their friendship.
He had wanted Sakura for years.
Sakura wouldn't have said 'no'. He knew Sakura well. He knew that she thought he didn't care, but he knew that if he actually told her to be with him she wouldn't deny him even if she didn't know how he felt about her.
Because she loved him.
And the guilt punches him in the gut again, while a delicate moan knocks his head back and strains his ears.
'e-kun... don't... no...'
He doesn't regret stopping anymore.
Not if the villain of Sakura's nightmares is no longer another Uchiha, but replaced by him instead.
'Stop... sorry...'
Closing his eyes and sucking in his breath, he picks his sorry self up from the bed and is about to head for the lights.
Though, he retreats, realising that he might as well place Sakura on the bed instead while he's at it. The smallest consolation he can give for what he did, a beginning of another redemption.
His hands are inches away from rose coloured strands, from her elfin face and from the strong small of her back and all her curves as he allows them to hover - debating whether his touch would make her nightmares worse.
'I'm sorry... Don't stop... Sasuke-kun...'
Sasuke's eyes widen and his body drops to the floor. Backwards. A stumbled silent thud against the plush vanilla fluff.
It is just enough to wake a kunoichi.
'Sasuke-kun? What are you doing?' Her voice slightly hoarse from sleep.
Green, green eyes stare at him. Alert. Nervous. Ashamed. With love. Always with love.
He thought he would see fear, hate and indifference. Not love. He thought he had lost Sakura's love.
'Apologising.'
Sasuke hopes she understands. That he wants to make amends. That he wants her love and in return, he wants the right to love her as well.
But from the way she averts her gaze and drops it down at her torso away from him, he fears that perhaps for once she has failed to decipher what he feels and once again, he blames himself for his lack in showing his affection for her. While it protected her from him, it had proved that any show of affection was know too foreign for even the person he considered the closest to him to understand.
He was going to make it right this time.
'Oh... It's okay Sasuke-kun. I don't mind. I knew long ago I wasn't what you wanted.'
Sakura looked at Sasuke, puzzled by his actions. Maybe he had heard her in her sleep? Had she sleep talked? Was that why he was apologetic? Because he didn't want her the same way?
She hadn't lied about her reply, she had long since resigned her hopes that Sasuke might feel the same about her, but she had always thought that perhaps he would have been attracted to her body at least.
Though it seems it was what he liked the least about me...
As she looked back up at Sasuke, she froze at the look in his eyes. Blood red - with anger? He growled.
'No. It's not okay.'
The chidori wielder's speed was legendary amongst the team and having finally experienced it first hand herself, she know understood what Naruto meant when he said that it 'knocked the wind out of you'. Because initially, her reaction had been shock at the fact that she couldn't breath.
Sasuke kissed her with an intensity akin to that of himself in battle. And she can't seem to puzzle out what he is fighting against. He pushes hard enough for her to feel the dry skin of his lips embossing their shape of her own, he bites at her lips for entrance to her mouth and ties her tongue up in an unrecognisable surrender as he pushes it in.
Her first kiss having only been the few chaste pecks a few hours ago - because compared to the lip lock Sasuke had her in now, they were definitely pecks - she is lost at how to respond, only pushing herself against his body more. Lips against lips, tongues in a tangling tango. And she knows that she wasn't wrong to think that Sasuke may at least feel lust for her when she feels him rub against her. But it feels like -
'Oh.'
He rubbed a nipple through the fabric with the base of his thumb, breaking her chain of thought as the ripples of pleasure rushed through her. But she is also suddenly highly aware of her body's own shortcomings.
With a less hurried pace now, Sasuke then moved his hands that had become tangled in her locks towards the hem of the distracting piece of fabric, however, he hadn't expected that Sakura would try to push his prying hands away. inching her body away and only letting him taste her lips.
Breaking the lip lock, he held her shivering body against him with her head tucked tightly under his own. Wrapping his arms around her head.
'Let me love all of you.' He whispered.
