This one certainly required a wait, huh? Thanksgiving break and I finally finish the second chapter. Might as well let bygones be bygones, huh? I stayed up all night with this one, so - by all means - enjoy.
Two cabins: both dinky, wooden structures fifty feet apart that were almost completely identical. Each had a porch, steps leading up to a door, and an overhang. The campers approached their new stations for the next few months with ambivalence in their guts.
Chris gestured toward the edifices. "Welcome to your new cabins! Make yourself at home, campers!"
The contestants split up by gender and filed into each cabin, apprehensively cracking open the doors.
The girls encroached upon their cabin. Ashley was trying to figure out how to shape her response to her new surroundings to match everyone else. "It's..."
Kendra held up a hand. "Stop right there."
Ashley drooped a bit, deflated. Hailey threw her duffel bag onto a top bunk, which landed with a hard thump rather than the sound of a mattress catching the weight. Rebecca, who happened to be lying on the top bunk, cried out and shot up, holding her head.
"Mother of God!"
Hailey jumped. "Oh, god! I'm sorry!"
Rebecca shook her head. "Strike one, Keller. Strike one."
Hailey rescinded her duffel bag.
HAILEY: I always knew I had a knack for first impressions.
Meanwhile, in the boy's cabin, Keane decided it was a fine idea to piss out of the window. Nicholas, who was watching with a very disgusted expression, reached into his suitcase and pulled out a pair of scissors. He handed them to Keane wordlessly. Keane narrowed his eyes at Nicholas.
"What?" said Nicholas.
During this exchange, Solomon and Quinton began to strike up a conversation with each other.
"I'm currently at Tefler getting a degree in business," said Solomon, "but I also hope to apply somewhere else for a law degree. I took my LSATs a week ago and I'm still awaiting the results. What about you?"
Quinton responded with, "I'm actually working as a contractor. I'm an apprentice as of now, but I'm hoping to buy out my own company."
"Are you any good?" Solomon removed his expensive Rolex and placed it inside of a case.
"I'd like to think so." Quinton replied. "I've been working at it my whole life, just about. Building sets for school shows and all that."
"So that's your connection to this whole musical thing? That's why they picked you for this show?"
Quinton nodded. "That's what I'm thinking. And I was given ensemble and understudy roles because there was hardly anyone in the program. What about you, Mr. Business Man?"
Solomon chortled, chucking his watch case between his hands, deftly. "I did theatre throughout high school myself, starting my sophomore year. But I never got anything bigger than a supporting role, which I didn't really mind. I've always wanted a degree in business, that's the focus."
"Well, I think you made a wise decision with the business degree. It's pragmatic."
"I think so, too. I mean, hey. It guarantees a better salary. That's a must."
Quinton's eyes shifted around to the other boys. Jeffrey had fallen out of the window, Nicholas was ignoring Keane's obnoxious attitudes toward him, Martin had probably left for the bathroom, Lucas was throwing darts at a dartboard he set up, Ross was stretching on the ground, Vander was making his bed, Darius and Xion were leaning against a wall and chatting silently, Daniel was gazing out the window Keane used to pee (unbeknownst to him), and Eric was lying in his bed and staring at the bunk above him, sweating profusely.
Quinton gave Solomon a nudge. "Could I talk with you in private?"
Solomon looked at him for a moment, deciding whether or not he should trust him. "What about?"
Quinton grinned. "Winning two million dollars."
After a well-considered beat, Solomon nodded. "I'm game."
The two men walked out of the cabin. Vander noticed this and walked over to Lucas, picking up a few darts.
"Mind if I play, Luke?"
Lucas turned to look at him, smiling. "Yeah, man. Just, uh, just try not to suck as much as I do."
Lucas proceeded to make a dart hit the bulls-eye. Vander laughs, then slowly inched closer to Lucas, whispering.
"Solomon and Quinton just walked out, and it looked hella suspicious. What do you think is going on?"
Lucas shrugged. "My guess? They're gonna make out, maybe some foreplay."
Vander groaned. "I'm serious, Lucas!"
Lucas stopped throwing darts, turning to Vander. "Oh, come on, it's obvious what they're doing! That's usually what ends up happening on these reality shows anyway, it was only a matter of time before someone formed one."
Vander sighed nervously. "That's what I was afraid of."
After a beat, and a dart, Lucas inquired, "Why'd you come to me about this?"
"What?"
"Well, How do you know you can trust me? What if I were an informant?"
Vander smiled. You seem like a trustworthy guy. And I'm willing to take my chances."
"So what do you want to do about this? What are you getting at?"
Vander hesitated, then decided to come right out with it. "We could form our own," he whispered.
"Our own alliance?" Lucas repeated, normal volume.
Vander jumped, startled. "Shh! Not so loud! Jesus!" He laughed nervously.
Lucas gave a hearty laugh. "No. I don't think that's necessary."
Vander looked slightly crestfallen. "You don't? Why not?"
"Well, Vander, it would make us no better than them."
"I get that, man, but hear me out-"
Lucas whirled around, slightly impatient. "Look, I'll give it to you straight because you don't seem to get it: it would be a stupid thing to do right now. If it ever becomes necessary, then I'll reconsider."
Vander looked slightly hurt. Lucas quickly picked up on this and placed a hand on Vander's shoulder.
"Look, I have no problem with you, and I hope you know that. If I find myself in too deep, I'll know who to go to. Does that sound fairly reasonable?"
Lucas offered a hand to Vander. Vander gazed at it before finally accepting.
"Alright, alright." He shook Luke's hand. Lucas hands Vander another dart. Ross, who has been stretching near them, looks quizzically at Vander.
ROSS: I'm getting some weird vibes from everyone, and we've been on the island for less than two hours.
Chris strutted to the area between the two cabins, brandishing a megaphone. He flipped it on, brought it to his lips, and shouted into it.
"CAMPERS! TO THE MESS HALL! PRONTO!"
Chris trotted off and campers came filing out of each cabin, complaining of earaches and damaged cilia.
Jeffrey stared at the camera blankly, his ears pulsating. After a beat:
JEFFREY: Could you run that by me again?
The campers arrived at the mess hall. Chef glared at all of his new customers as he instructed them on the skinny of the mess hall rules.
"Listen up, maggots! I ain't your daddy, I ain't your friend. I am your chef. I am your only source of food. Got that? I serve my food three times a day. You will eat my food three times a day! Do I make myself clear? Now all of you to line your asses up NOW!"
The campers, genuinely terrified of this man, quickly grabbed trays and scattered themselves into a neat line. Chef began to serve each camper as they came up to his window, displeased with the slop served to them. Some hid their consternation better than others, although Chef didn't give a crap either way. The campers sat at tables to slowly digest their food. Eric stepped up to the counter, eyes flitting about and breathing heavily. Chef raised an eyebrow.
"Why you lookin' so shifty?'
Eric looked at him. "I'm tenth in line."
Chef served Eric his slop, giving him a look. "Double time, weird boy."
Eric sighed, still sweating profusely.
Eric continues to rub his forehead.
ERIC: It's inescapable. I don't know what to do. (has a realization) Wait a minute. This is the tenth thing I've said on the show. Oh dear.
Irene poked her pile of unidentified goop with a fork. After it growled, Irene pushed her tray away from her. "That settles that."
Martin meekly prodded his food, staring at his fellow teammates. "So, when do you think the first challenge will be?"
Lilith shrugged. "Tomorrow. It's probably tomorrow."
"How can you be so sure?" Irene asked her.
"We just got here! It would be stupid to do a challenge the same day we got here."
"Au contraire!" Boomed a voice behind Lilith.
Lilith turned to see Chris smiling craftily at her before walking to the center of the room.
"Campers! Meet me at the auditorium in ten minutes for your first challenge!"
As Chris exited, Lilith muttered to herself. "So I was wrong. No problem."
Martin, noticing the success of his first conversation starter, followed the same method. "So, what do you think the first challenge will be?"
Caitlyn pondered for a moment. "I don't know. But I'll bet it has to do with singing, right?"
Lilith shook her head. "Can't be, we already sung today. Used that one up. There's no way we would sing again."
Chris stood on the stage in front of the campers, instructing with glee and enthusiasm. "Today's challenge is a singing challenge!"
Lilith buried her head in her hands.
LILITH: Life isn't fair.
"More specifically," he continued, "it's one that tests your basic knowledge of songs! Here's how it will play out: we will put on well-known songs. When we call your name, you will sing for an unspecified amount of time. When the next person is called, you stop. When you screw up, you're out. Got it?"
Xion raised his hand. Chris looked over at him.
"Yeah? Xion?"
Xion stood. "So one screw-up and we're out? Doesn't that seem a little unfair?"
Chris chuckled, nodding. "That's the beauty of it!"
"That was of no consolation." Xion remarked dreadfully as he resumed sitting.
Chris resumed his speech. "Natalie will be our DJ, and Chef our standby judge!"
Chef waved from a table in the back of the auditorium, stoic. Campers shot each other looks of equaled fear.
VANDER: Okay, the chef is seriously an unsettling guy. He's, like, several health violations in human form. Truly disconcerting.
Chris called offstage for Natalie. "DJ Nat Dogg! You ready?"
Natalie peeked on from offstage, truly thrown. "What did you call me?"
Chris was astounded that her '90s reference was lost on her. "Uh, Nat Dogg? A play on the late Nate D- forget it. What's the first song?"
"Let's consult the wheel!" Natalie announced.
She ventured toward a lever positioned near the stage's proscenium and gave it a valiant tug. A wheel descended from the rafters and began to rotate. It landed on "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor.
"Ooh!" Chris exclaimed. "Nice one! Alright, campers! Onto the stage! Bucks on stage right, Eagles on stage left!"
REBECCA: This has to be a back-up challenge. There's no way they would give us a challenge this stupid.
Everyone made it onto the stage, in their respective clumps.
Chris turned to the campers. "Remember, kids! Whoever I call upon must sing. And, most importantly, sing correctly. This means the notes, this means the words, this means all the bells and whistles. Natalie, get us started."
The song began. As the piano sounded its downward arpeggio, Chris's eyes scanned the campers, looking for a viable candidate to start off. He locked eyes with Ashley.
She turned a paler color. "Crap."
"Have fun!" Chris walked to the side of the stage.
Ashley took a deep, wavering breath, and began.
ASHLEY:
At first I was afraid,
I was petrified
Kept thinking I would have to live
Without you by my side
CHRIS: Rosalia!
Ashley sighed euphorically as Darius and Lilith gave her comforting pats and side-hugs. Rosalia stepped forward and delivered her segment with immense gravitas.
ROSALIA:
But then I spent so many nights
Thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
And so you're back
SHOSHANA: (interjecting, encouragingly)
Get it, girl!
ROSALIA:
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here
With that sad look upon your face
CHRIS: Jeffrey!
Rosalia pumped a triumphant fist in the air as she fell back into line, so to speak. Jeffrey still couldn't hear anything. He noticed everyone staring at him.
"Wh-What? Were you talking to me? I have no idea what's going on right now, can I just say that?"
A buzzer sounded and the music blasting over the speakers abruptly cut off. The Eagles groaned.
"Jeffrey!" Chris announced. "You are out!"
Jeffrey didn't realize that Chris was talking to him. Keane turned Jeffrey toward Chris.
Jeffrey was still very bamboozled. "What? What? Were you saying something? Or something?"
Chris happily clarified. "You. Are. Out."
"I seriously can't hea-"
"For the love of all that is -" He quickly gave up. "Natalie!"
Natalie entered from offstage. "On it."
She walked over to Jeffrey and took his arm, escorting him offstage. Chris walked over to the lever.
"Alright, time for another song!"
He pulled the lever and the wheel began to spin again. It finally landed on "All the Small Things" by Blink-182.
Keane grinned. "Ah. Classic."
Kendra grimaced at him. "A pop-punk fan? And I almost thought you were better than that."
Keane defended his childhood. "Hey! Blink's a great band!"
Kendra scoffed. "Yeah, if you love the sounds of the same four chords!"
Chris interrupted. "Ladies! You're both pretty! Now let's go!"
Keane rolled his eyes.
Keane shook his head, sniggering.
KEANE: She's really going to get sanctimonious with me over a band from the late '90s?
Chris continued. "Kendra, you're first."
"Son of a bitch." Kendra muttered as balance and order was restored in the world.
The music began with heavy electric guitar pumping through the auditorium.
"Oh, come on!" Keane taunted condescendingly. "What could be so hard about a song with the same four chords?"
Kendra growled, "I really hate you right now."
She then began to sing.
KENDRA:
All the small things
True care, truth brings
I'll take one lift
Your ride, best trip
Always, I know
You'll be at my show
Watching, waiting
Commiserating
She turned to Chris. "Keep going?"
Chris nodded matter-of-factly. "Uh, yah!"
KENDRA: (spoken) God!
(sung) Say it ain't so
I will not go
Turn the lights off
Carry me home
"Nicholas!" Chris shouted.
"Alright." Nicholas waited for the next verse when all of the sudden the buzzer sounded and the music stopped. Nicholas came to a realization.
"Oh, don't tell me the 'na-na's counted."
Chris laughed, then became serious for a split-second. "They counted."
"That's completely unfair!" Complained slighted Nicholas. "That would've been a nice preface!"
Chris shrugged. "You win some, you lose some. Later!"
Nicholas stalked offstage.
Nicholas leaned angrily against the wall, his arms crossed.
NICHOLAS: You can't tell me I wasn't cheated out of that. No idea freakin' onomatapeia counted as lyrics you had to recite for this damn thing.
Natalie walked over to the lever. "Alright, next up."
She pulled the lever and the wheel spinned, landing on "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Theme".
Darius was greatly perplexed. "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"
Even Chris was genuinely surprised. "I honestly did not think that the wheel would land on that one. Regardless, we're doing it. Take it away, Martin!"
Martin nervously stepped forward as the music started.
MARTIN:
Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside-down
And I'd like to take a moment,
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air
CHRIS: Nice! Solomon!
SOLOMON:
In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
CHRIS: Daniel!
DANIEL:
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said-
CHRIS: (simultaneous with 'she said') Ginny!
GINNY: (with character)
'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'!
Lucas picked up on her willingness to let loose and smiled. Already she had transcended any girl he had ever met in his life. He couldn't put his finger on how she was extraordinary, but, at least to him, knowing she was extraordinary was enough for him.
Chris smiled. "Nice! Eric!"
Eric, who had obviously been counting, realized he was the tenth person to be called on.
"Not again with the ten!"
He ran dramatically offstage. The music continued.
Chris shrugged. "Let's just stick with this one a little longer. Shoshana!"
SHOSHANA:
I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror-
The music stopped suddenly and the buzzer sounded. The campers looked around, confused.
Daniel felt righeously indignant for his lady pal. "What gives, McLean?"
Chris was obviously enjoying this. "You skipped, like, four verses, Shoshana."
Shoshana gaped. "Four verses? What four verses?"
Darius sighed, explaining. "I hate to say it, but he's right. There are verses in the middle that they leave out of the opening sequence of the show but include in the actual full-length song. The next verse was something like, 'I begged and pleaded with her day after day'. Something along those lines."
Chris pointed at Darius emphatically. "Boom! I was right! Buh-bye, Sho!"
SHOSHANA: How many more of these tricks is Chris going to pull?
The camera zoomed out to show Daniel in there with her.
DANIEL: You tell 'em, Shoshana.
SHOSHANA: Thank you, baby.
She kissed him.
Shoshana exited the stage. Chris turned to the campers.
"Alright, it is now tied eleven-to-eleven. Now we up the ante, why don't we?"
"As if we had a choice." Lucas muttered flatly to Ginny.
Chris called for his lovely assistant. "Natalie!"
"On it!" Said she, already by the lever, which she pulled.
The wheel landed on a question mark. The campers grumbled amongst themselves. Chris was too busy stifling laughter to care.
"Quinton! You start!"
The music began. It was "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. That's right, Chris and Natalie rick-roll'd EVERYONE. Quinton felt rage boil within him.
"Oh, you're such a di-"
Quinton stopped himself, as he had a song to sing and two million dollars to eventually obtain.
QUINTON:
We're no strangers to love
You know the rules, and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy
CHRIS: Lucas!
LUCAS: (spoken) Bite me.
(sung) I just wanna tell you how I'm feelin'
Gotta make you, understand
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
CHRIS: Ross!
ROSS: (spoken) Damnit!
(sung) We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but
You're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game but we're gonna play it
I-
The music stopped. The buzzer sounded. Chris walked up to Ross and had only one word on his lips.
"'And'."
Ross repeated him, deflated. "'And'."
Chris reassured him, "Good try."
Ross didn't look at him. "Yeah, yeah."
As he walked offstage, Caitlyn cheered for him from the Eagle clump.
"Go Ross! Whoo!"
Ross turned in her direction, smiling earnestly. In any other situation, her shouting might've been deemed ridiculous or inappropriate, even awkward. But Ross genunely appreciated her involvement in his life.
"Thanks, Cait!" He exited.
Ross grins like an idiot.
ROSS: Honestly, having a good friend on this island makes this whole experience so much easier. So much more bearable.
Natalie pulled the lever and the wheel spun once more. It landed on "All-Star" by Smash Mouth.
Julia furrowed her brow. "Never really cared for Shrek, honestly. The musical was okay."
"Then you get to start it off!" decided Christopher McLean.
Julia wanted to express her distaste, but couldn't find a propler way to do so. "Uh, actually... Alright."
The music began, as did Julia.
JULIA:
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
In the shape of an "L" on her forehead
CHRIS: Caitlyn!
CAITLYN:
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do, so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets?
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow
CHRIS: Irene!
IRENE:
Hey now you're an All Star
Get your game on, go play
Hey now you're a rock star
Get the show on get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold
CHRIS: Olive!
OLIVE:
It's a cool place, but they say it gets colder
You're bundled up now-
The music stopped. The buzzer sounded. The campers grew restless.
"What was wrong with that?" Lilith claimed defensively.
Olive was greatly confused and could only muster, "Wait, what happened?
Chris walked to the edge of the stage, using his left hand as a visor to shield his eyes from the stage lights. "Chef, read back what Olive sang."
Chef put down his pencil and recited, standing. "It's a cool place, but they say it gets colder/You're bundled up now- What was wrong with that? Wait, what hap-"
Chris put up his other hand to stop Chef. "Not. That. But thank you, Chef. Now can you read the actual lyrics? Slowly."
Chef picked up a nearby slice of paper. "It's a cool place and they say it gets colder-"
Chris interrupted. "See? It's 'and'. Not 'but'. Thank you again, Chef."
Chef sat, grumbling under his breath. "Minimum wage for this shit. Can you believe it?"
Chris turned to Olive. "See ya, Olive!"
OLIVE: I mean, seeing that I actually got a word wrong, I can't really be that mad. But it's just a modifier. Whatever.
Olive has departed. Chris rubbed his hands together eagerly. "Next song! Natalie!"
"You got it." said a pathetically done Natalie. She pushed the lever and the wheel spun agonizingly slow, landing on "Oops! ...I Did It Again" by Britney Spears.
"Rebecca!" Chris grinned at the poor sucker he chose.
Rebecca soured. "Oh, no no no."
Chris laughed. "Don't you mean, 'yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah'?"
The music started. Rebecca glared at Chris as she sang.
REBECCA:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
"Good! Hailey!"
"Strike one, McLean." Muttered Rebecca.
HAILEY:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Hailey was absolutely killing it, moves and all. Her teammates were impressed.
"Damn, Hailey! You go!" Cheered Darius.
HAILEY:
I think I did it again
I made you believe we're more than just friends
Oh baby, It might seem like a crush
But it doesn't mean that I'm serious
'Cause to lose all my senses
That is just so typically me
Oh baby, baby
CHRIS: Lilith!
LILITH:
Oops, I did it again
I played with your heart
Got lost in the game
Oh, baby, baby,
Oops, you think I'm in love
That I'm sent from above
I'm not that innocent
CHRIS: Keane!
Keane was a deer in the headlights of a monster truck. "I don't know this verse!"
The music stopped and the buzzer sounded. Chris pointed offstage.
"This verse," Chris repeateded derisively. "Sayonara."
Keane glared and stomped off. "I know, I know. Sorry for not being well-versed in Britney Spears."
Keane exited. Kendra chuckled.
KENDRA: I get so much personal pleasure from seing that happen to that asswad. Apparently they call this schadenfreude. I call it exactly what needed to happen.
Natalie spun the wheel, and it landed on "Anthony's Song (Movin' Out)" by Billy Joel. The campers gave positive reactions.
"There isn't anyone who can hate that beautiful man." Xion claimed, grinning from ear to ear.
The other campers nod in agreement.
Chris pursed his lips. "What an odd coincidence. Take it away, Xion."
The iconic plunking of ivory began as Xion channeled the Piano Man.
XION:
Anthony works in the grocery store
Savin' his pennies for someday
Mama Leone left a note on the door
She said, "Sonny, move out to the country"
Working too hard can give you a
heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack
You oughta know by now
CHRIS: Darius!
DARIUS:
Who needs a house out in Hackensack
Is that what you get with your money
It seems such a waste of time
If that's what it's all about
Mama if that's movin' up
Then I'm movin' out
CHRIS: Sheena!
SHEENA:
Sergeant O'Leary is walkin' the beat
At night he becomes a bartender
He works at Mister Cacciatore's down
On Sullivan Street
Across from the medical center
CHRIS: Caitlyn!
CAITLYN:
He's tradin' in his Chevy for a Cadillac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac
You oughta know by now
And if he can't drive
With a broken back
At least he can polish the fenders
CHRIS: Martin!
MARTIN:
It seems such a waste of time
If that's what it's all about
Mama if that's movin' up
Then I'm movin' out
Chris turned to Chef, who looked up and shrugged. "Shit," the host muttered. He turned to the campers. "Ashley!"
ASHLEY:
You should never argue with a crazy mind
You oughta know by now
You can pay Uncle Sam with the overtime
Is that all you get for your money?
And it seems like a waste of time-
The music stopped and the buzzer sounded. Ashley brought an open palm to her forehead.
"Augh! I knew that! I just got carried away! Sorry, guys!"
Chris was relieved. "Finally. Someone screwed up. Beat it, Ashley."
"I'm going." She exited.
Daniel hums the song to himself. He stopped to give his opinion on Mr. Joel.
DANIEL: But I gotta say, "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant" is his best of all time. Forever and always.
He resumes humming the original song.
Chris had grown restless, wanting a victor. "Okay, forget the wheel. I've got the song to weed most of you out anyway. And its name is 'One Week' by the Barenaked Ladies!"
Most of the campers felt like excusing themselves to the restrooms at that moment.
Chris continued. "And not to worry, we're playing this bad boy all the way through. Starting with Lucas!"
Lucas gritted his teeth. "Ecstatic."
"I thought you'd be." Responded the host.
An awkward beat as Lucas waited for music.
"Wait, so do I just start?"
"Yeah. It's all you."
"Oh." Lucas took a deep breath and sand, "It's been-"
The music kicked in after he began singing.
LUCAS:
One week since you looked at me
Threw your arms in the air-
The buzzer sounded, but the music continued.
Chris smiled at the success of his plan. "Jumped a verse. Sheena!"
Lucas exited, muttering a profanity under his breath so filthy it was heavily censored in the live broadcast.
SHEENA:
Five days since you laughed at me, saying
"Get that together, come back and see me"
Three days since the living room
I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
But it'll still be two days 'til we say we're sorry-
The buzzer sounded again.
Chris cackled maniacally. "I, not we! Bye, Sheen!"
"Damnit." She exited.
Knowing the rap section was approaching fast, most of the campers stepped back, leaving only Ginny standing downstage. But she had a confident glimmer in her eye. She turned to Chris as the background music vamped.
"Real quick, if I don't screw any of this up, the entire song, can this win it for my team?"
Chris shrugged, seeing it as a win-win either way. "Alright, go for it."
GINNY:
Hold it now and watch the hoodwink
As I make you stop, think
You'll think you're looking at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish
Although I like the Chalet Swiss
I like the sushi cause it's never touched a frying pan
Lucas watched from the stage left wing, welling up with feelings he had never before experienced at any point in his life. "Wow," was all he could muster at the sight.
Again, he had no idea what exactly he found so appealing about someone reciting a goofy pop-culture rap from the late '90s that had some slightly sexist and perverted lyrics. Nonetheless, he left as if he had an affinity with someone, truly. And it had been only a few hours since they met.
GINNY:
Hot like wasabi when I bust rhymes
Big like LeAnn Rimes
Because I'm all about value
Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits
You try to match wits
You try to hold me but I bust through
Gonna make a break and take a fake
I'd like a stinking aching shake
I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours
Gotta see the show, cause then you'll know
The vertigo is gonna grow
Cause it's so dangerous
You'll have to sign a waiver
ROSALIA AND GINNY: (Rosalia harmonizes)
How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad?
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt
Her team joins in for the chorus.
RIFFING BUCKS:
It's been one week since you looked at me
Threw your arms in the air
And said "You're crazy"
Five days since you tackled me
I've still got the rug burns on both my knees
It's been three days since the afternoon
You realized it's not my fault
Not a moment too soon
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
And now I sit back and wait til you say you're sorry
Ginny steps forward again, commanding the stage.
GINNY:
Chickity China, the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'
Watching X-Files with no lights on
We're dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man's in this one
Like Harrison Ford I'm getting frantic
Like Sting I'm tantric
Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy
Like Kurasawa I make mad films
Okay, I don't make films
But if I did they'd have a Samurai
Gonna get a set of better clubs
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
Just so my irons aren't always flying off the back-swing
Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon
Cause that cartoon has got the boom anime babes
That make me think the wrong thing
ROSALIA, GINNY, AND JULIA: (Julia adds a third harmony)
How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt
RIFFING BUCKS:
It's been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to your sides
And said "I'm sorry"
Five days since I laughed at you and said
"You just did just what I thought you were gonna do"
Three days since the living room
We realized we're both to blame
But what could we do?
Yesterday you just smiled at me
Cause it'll still be two days 'til we say we're sorry
ROSALIA, GINNY, AND JULIA:
It'll still be two days 'til we say we're sorry
It'll still be two days 'til we say we're sorry
GINNY:
Birchmount Stadium, home of the Robbie
Chris, completely amazing, was bouncing from wall to wall. "She even got the last part! Bucks win! Bucks win!"
The Bucks swarmed around Ginny, cheering wildly. Those who lost previously came back on stage to either join the bummed Eagles or to revel in victory with the Bucks. Lucas, specifically, made a beeline for Ginny. He made it all the way to her and took her hands.
"Ginny Fontana. That was the most attracitve thing I've ever seen a person do in my entire life."
Ginny grinned. "It's better to show off when a cute boy compliments you for it."
Lucas chuckled. "Shut up."
They shared a kiss. The Riffing Bucks commenced louder cheering. Chris broke up the excitement.
"Alright, alright! You're free from the marshmallow ceremony tonight, Riffing Bucks! Go enjoy your freedom!"
The Bucks exited jubilantly, Lucas and Ginny trailing behind everyone, hand in hand. Chris hovered over to the Eagles, who were doing anything but Screeching.
"Screeching Eagles. It was a valiant effort, but it just wasn't good enough. This, of course, meaning you will all attend the marshmallow ceremony tonight and you will all vote for one of your teammates' removal. See you at the pit at nine o' clock sharp, campers.
CAITLYN: How in the holy hell did Ginny do that? Who memorizes all that?
VANDER: That reminds me. I have all of "Scenario" by A Tribe Called Quest memorized. I wonder if that will ever come in handy.
At the mess hall, only the Screeching Eagles are present, having stayed behind after the Riffing Bucks swept through and consumed their meals. Jeffrey dumbly sat off by himself, still partially deaf. Vander, Ross, Caitlyn, and Darius conferenced over who to vote off of their team and off the island.
Darius jammed a thumb in Jeffrey's direction. "It seems to me that the obvious choice is Hear-No-Evil over there."
"I can see that." Reasoned Caitlyn. "I mean, he was the first one eliminated."
Vander added, "And it was freakin' "I Will Survive", literally everyone knows that song."
"I mean, who else is there?" inquired Ross. "Everyone else is fairly okay."
Vander quickly swallowed a bite of food. "I mean, except Quinton, of course."
Ross nodded. "Right.
Caitlyn stopped. "Quinton? What about him?"
Vander raised his eyebrows. "I think he's up to, uh, something."
"No, he definitely is." Ross emphasized. "He's starting an alliance with Solomon."
"Solomon?" Caitlyn rubbed her temple.
Ross nodded again. "And we need to stomp it out quickly, before it gets worse."
Darius pursed his lips. "I'm not so sure."
"What do you mean?" asked Vander.
Darius explained, "If we vote off Quinton, Solomon knows we know. Then it could really bite us in the ass."
"Not necessarily," Vander disputed. "Solomon's on the other team. He can't touch us."
"Knowing him, he'll find a way."
"I say we stick with Jeffrey," said Caitlyn.
Vander sighed. "Come on, guys!"
Darius interrupted. "She's right, Vander. Besides, it'll get that idiot the hell out of here. One less problem."
He got up with his tray, walking over to the trash can. "I'll see you guys at the ceremony."
He exited. Vander rose, leaving his tray. "I gotta go. Later." He exited.
Caitlyn withdrew from the table.
Ross stopped her. "Hold on. Are you going with what Darius is saying?"
Caitlyn sighed, then walked around to his side of the table, sitting down.
"Ross, this is the first ceremony. We can't go eliminating random people just because of a suspicion."
Ross tried to reason. "Cait, trust me, this is no suspision-,"
"Alright, even so, it would be smarter to rid ourselves of the weakest link first. Then we can worry about Quinton. Alright?"
Ross didn't respond. Caitlyn rubbed his back. "Take it easy, bud. I'll see you there, okay?"
"Okay." Ross said quietly, glumly. "See you there.
Caitlyn gave him a knowing smile and exited. Ross looked over to Jeffrey, who looked back at him.
"How much of that did you hear?" Ross asked.
Jeffrey raised his eyebrows, not understanding. "Huh?"
"Right." Ross muttered, returning his empty focus to his tray. "Right."
Chris stood at his podium with Natalie nearby, holding the platter of twelve marshmallows.
"Before you are twelve marshmallows. Among you are thirteen campers. The person who does not receive a marshmallow must immediately escort themselves to the Dock of Shame, climb aboard the Boat of Losers, and leave the island forever. The first camper to receive a marshmallow is... Vander."
Vander smiled and walked over to Natalie to claim his marshmallow.
"Well done, Vander." Said Natalie, politely.
Chris continued. "The next campers are Irene, Hailey, Martin, Lilith, Darius, and Caitlyn."
The campers announced, in that order, claimed their marshmallows. Chris eyed the remaining six campers, then the remaining five marshmallows.
"Ross."
"Thank God." Ross stated as he received his marshmallow and stood next to Caitlyn. They 'toasted' their marshmallows and ate them, ironically
untoasted.
Chris took two marshmallows and threw them to...
"Ashley. Olive."
The girls caught their marshmallows, relieved, but continued to sit there. Chris raised an eyebrow.
"Now scram."
They quickly stand.
"Right."
"Sorry."
They walk over to the other "safe" campers. Nicholas, Quinton, and Jeffery are bottom three campers. Chris took one of the two final marshmallows.
"This one goes to... Nicholas."
Nicholas caught his breath, grinning. "I've never been so happy to hear my name coming from your mouth, Chris." He received his marshmallow.
"Yeah, don't get used to it." Chris muttered. He turned to the final two campers with the final marshmallow clutched in his fist. He looked back and forth between the unaffected Quinton and the hard-of-hearing Jeffrey. Chris soon realized that his fist was sticky.
"The final tw- Augh, crap. Well, I ruined this marshmallow. Nat, do you have any extras?"
Natalie reached behind the podium and into a bag to produce another marshmallow. Chris grabbed for it, but Natalie kept it out of his reach.
"Uh-uh. Nope."
Chris sighed. He turned back to the final two campers, wiping his taffy-covered hands.
"The final two. One of you gets to stay to continue competing on Total Drama: The Musical for the chance at two million dollars. The other goes home empty-handed. Broken-hearted. The final marshmallow goes to..."
Chris continued to stare down both campers. Quinton showed not even a twinge of anxiety. Chris backed down.
"Quinton. It's yours."
Quinton smiled, standing to take his marshmallow. Chris turned to Jeffrey to give him the 'goodbye' speech, but realized he wouldn't be able to hear any of it.
"Say goodbye to Jeffrey, everyone." He stopped himself. "Or don't. He won't hear you. I don't know. Either way, he's the first camper eliminated this season. Therefore, we have very little footage for a montage. Natalie, take him to the pier."
Natalie sighed, fed up with the position of second-banana. "Gladly. Sir."
She escorted him off-screen. Chris turned to the camera. "The quest for two million dollars continues. What could possibly happen next? Find out next time! On Total Drama: The Musical!"
Eric Yamada lies on his bed in fetal position. "Ten. Ten. That damn ten. It won't leave me alone!"
TO BE CONTINUED.
