Selection of the ghost

Several hours earlier and several million miles away.

"I want to see them."

The Doctor looked up from his book on quark physics. "What?" He asked. His feet were up on the TARDIS console, the rest of his lithe, angular frame tucked into his old armchair.

Clara leaned back against the railing of the TARDIS opposite the controls from his, her hands gripping the cool metal tightly.

"All those lives," She replied, "from when I jumped into the time winds to save you. I want to see them." "I want to know them Doctor. I want to remember what they went through."

He turned a page disinterestedly. "Clara, reawakening those memories would be like living those lives all over again, you wouldn't be able to hold all those memories." He said all this matter-of-factly.

Stubborn as ever, Clara didn't give up. "I don't want all their memories," She said, standing her ground. "I just want to see them."

Something in her voice made the Time Lord look up. He watched her carefully for a few seconds, trying to read her face. Finally, he sighed and unfolded himself from his seat. "Look," he said a little more gently, tossing his book onto the chair. "when I brought you back from there, I had to salvage the memories you had of your life, not any of theirs. It was the only way to make you remember who you were." He crossed to her, her eyes never leaving him. "I had to bury all those memories deep down for you to even exist. Each of them is a piece of you but a piece that grew into an entire other life with its own habits, memories and wishes. An echo, a ghost of you. Remembering all that, or even some of it could erase you forever. You'd remember a million different lives, unable to distinguish between your life and theirs."

Clara took the final step, standing defiantly right in front of him. "Then just one." She pleaded. "Please Doctor. Let me see just one."

"Clara, even one could…"

"Could. Not definitely…there's a chance everything will be fine."

"Well yes but mathematically speaking, the chance is…"

But as she always did, Clara stopped him before he could tell her unpleasant news. "Please Doctor, I just want to know what kind of life one of those had." She was nearly crying by this point, but softly, like she hoped he wouldn't notice. "Just one, then I'll let it go."

She brushed angrily at an errant tear dripping down her face. The Doctor was silent.

He knew she was hurting over the loss of Danny Pink. She hadn't left the TARDIS in over two weeks now, never once demanding that he take her back to school or her home. Instead she just let him pick the destinations, flying carelessly from one place to another as if she were trying to get lost, like him or rather, lose herself in something else. They had traipsed around different worlds and swum with alien species and narrowly escaped the Salem Witch Trials with their heels on fire.

Always, chasing another wild adventure, a scrape with death. As much as he enjoyed it, he knew she had an alternative reason for it.

Her emotions back under control, Clara turned to him again. "Let me know one of my ghosts." She demanded softly.

Now he understood. Rather than try to escape her own life, she was now going to mess around in a life she had forgotten. All in the hope that it would distract her from her misery for just a little while longer.

He had never been good at just leaving her be. He always looked out for her, even when she didn't want him to.

The Doctor turned on his heel. "Alright." He said gruffly. "Fine, just one." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a tiny smile pull at Clara's lips, but it barely lasted longer than the blink of an eye. Rummaging through the control panel, he pulled a circuit out of the TARDIS console and gestured Clara forward. "We'll let your subconscious decide." He told her. "The TARDIS will lock onto the first flicker in your mind, the first repressed life that knocks against the door I built. She'll then take us to the place where that ghost died. Then we'll take a look around and try to figure out who she was."

Clara nodded, her face set. The Doctor stuck the circuit into her hand and she felt a pinch as the TARDIS briefly read her mind. The Doctor pulled the coupling free and cupped her face.

"Now remember, if we do see the ghost, don't talk to it, don't interfere. The consequences could be worse than crossing your own timeline."

Clara nodded again. "Right."

"And above all," He continued, "we cant change any of the events that happened. We are there to observe only. Who knows what kind of chaos will break loose if we change sometime from one of your false lives?"

"I know Doctor." She reminded him. "I just need to know."

Above their heads, the console turned as the TARDIS began to fly.