AN: I wanted to get the second chapter out quickly so people could see where the story was going. Hey, no one can say it ain't RonCentric. Heh heh. From here on it'll go into a cycle with ATCOTS, PRINCESS DIARIES and THE BACK UP PLAN, so expect the next chapter in a week or so. Legal Stuff at bottom.
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Nightmare of Ecstasy: The Strange Life and Fate of Ron Stoppable
By SHADO Commander
Chapter 2 – That Sinister Urge
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It was hours later when Ron finally dragged in, bewildered and shell-shocked. To say that things had gone strangely on this last mission was the understatement of the year… no, of the millennium.
Staring at the stack of dry cleaning still lying on his bed, he realized that he'd have to take it over himself… but he might want to wait a bit on that. The revelations of the evening had yet to percolate through his brain and he wanted them to have a chance to simmer for a while, letting the strange brew blend before he attempted to swallow it.
Fortunately, there was plenty of room in his closet, so it took only a few seconds to position the still wrapped garments in a less conspicuous portion back corner. A few more and he'd carefully scooped the cosmetics Kim had left behind back into their bag so he'd have room to brush his teeth. The bathroom itself was way to big a mess to tackle in his exhausted state, so he put that chore off for the next day, along with the question of what to do with Kim's ink-stained mission clothes and lingerie, which he deposited in a spare trash bag… better treatment than he gave his own clothes, which he stripped out of and left in a heap on the floor as he collapsed backwards onto the bed wearing only his boxer shorts.
What in the hey-nonny-ha ha had just happened tonight?
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They'd arrived at the National Ultrasecret Department of Eccentric and Imaginary Engineering Institute to find Drakken and Shego fighting. Not the usual bickering back and forth that was standard procedure for the dysfunctional duo, but really fighting as in yelling at each other at the top of their lungs, with Drakken hiding behind a large rolling cabinet as Shego tossed balls of plasma at him. To be fair, it didn't look like Shego was actually trying to hit her supposed employer, just get close enough to singe him, but if he'd dodged the wrong way it could get very nasty….
Ron stared down from the skylight he'd planned on entering the building through and seriously rethought his plan of attack. Whatever was going on, Shego was PISSED, and given that his normal job of tackling Drakken would have taken him directly into her field of fire, he was strongly of the opinion that the Ron-man might be best off making a no-show tonight. He turned to Kim to inform her of that opinion, but she was already in the process of prying the skylight she had chosen open.
With a deep gulp, Ron turned his view back down towards the train-wreck unfolding before him, the old adage about time seeming to slow down and senses becoming more aware in times of extreme crisis proving unexpectedly true. For some reason he found himself noticing every little detail. The slightly olive color of the metallic flooring beneath him, the odd flickering light caused by a failing ballast in one of the fluorescent fixtures illuminating the huge warehouse, and the erect status of Kim's unsupported nipples due to the chill night air around them all seemed to pop into his mind with crystal clarity, perfectly recorded at a resolution that would put ultra-high definition 3D movies with 19.3 surround sound to shame. (The bit about Kim's built in thermal indicators was especially popping.) And even from this distance, he could see every nuance of Shego's facial expression. He'd never seen the green woman blush before, but he had a good idea now as to what color her cheeks would be as the flush of her anger was an odd shade of chartreuse that actually went rather well with her black and green jumpsuit. The girl might be evil but she sure knew how to dress and coordinated down to the bone.
"…of all the stupid, lame and disgusting things you have ever had me do," Shego was yelling as Kim smoothly lifted the skylight cover and the sound of the argument went from a muffled mess of mumbled middle tones to a clearly defined and discernible diatribe, "This has to be the lowest, the foulest…"
"Should be a perfect job for you, then, shouldn't it?" Kim growled as she landed on the catwalk a few dozen feet from the pissed off villainess, then flipped easily over the guardrail to drop the final twenty feet to the floor.
"What the…?" Shego jerked around, having been so distracted that she hadn't even noticed Kim's arrival. "Do you know what this blue pervert wanted me to steal…?"
And then Shego's voice apparently simply gave out, her mouth gaping open in an excellent imitation of a nutcracker doll.
"K…?"
"Come on Shego, let's do it!" Kim was already charging, "I've got a lot of aggravation to work off."
Except, unfortunately, Shego didn't respond as Kim expected. She didn't respond at ALL…
Except to go over like a collapsing house of cards when Kim's first swing went straight to her jaw with a sickening crack!
"ki… ki.." Shego gurgled as she hit the metal floor with all the grace of a side of well marbled meat being slapped onto a butcher's table.
"SHEGO!" Drakken screamed and was racing for his sidekick
"Oh my God!" Kim shrieked in shock, making her own run for the fallen henchwoman.
"Oh heckens," Ron thought, finally flipping up his own skylight and dropping his rappelling rope in order to guard Kim's back.
Kim beat Drakken by seconds, but neither gave any thought to the others'proximity as they took opposite sides and immediately began examining the unconscious woman like a team of veteran paramedics.
"Ron! Kimmunicator her!" Kim ordered as her sidekick stumbled up to them, initiating a full diagnostic scan and pulling up Wade's link at the same time.
"Hey Ron, what's the…? Whoa!" Wade's tiny face gasped. "How did…?"
"Just tell me how she is?" Kim cut him off. "Can we move her?"
"Hold on… hold on…." The young genius' brow creased as he fired the transmitted data over to the medical database ap on his Android phone. "Um, move her? I don't see any obvious signs of a concussion, but she's got a broken jaw and cheekbone but those…."
"…are already healing," Drakken finished with a worried look. "A useful survival trait but with an unfortunate Achilles heel. If she follows her usual form, it'll be completely healed within a few days, but we need to get it properly set now or it'll have to be broken again to fix the deformity."
"Do you know how to do that?" Kim demanded.
"No," the blue scientist admitted ruefully. "Clones I can make, bones I can't fix."
"Me neither," Wade chimed in. "You need to get to a hospital fast."
"But…" Drakken began.
"I swear I'll keep her from being arrested, okay?" Kim promised abruptly.
"WHAT?" Ron, Drakken and Wade blurted simultaneously.
"Fair's fair," Kim mumbled. "Something wasn't right about the way I took her down. I don't know why but for some reason it felt like a cheap shot."
"Uh…" Ron gaped. "Huh?"
"YOU, on the other hand," Kim added, clasping a set of handcuffs around Drakken's tiny wrists before he could even blink, "Are so busted."
"Oh snap!"
Kim was already walking over to the row of lockers on the far wall. "Wade, can you call my mom and tell her I'm coming in with a special case that requires total privacy. The usual spot."
"Right! I'll call the vets and have them open up," Wade confirmed as Kim leveled a devastating kick into the guts of the lockers, jolting several of the doors off their hinges.
"Wha…" Ron asked, now totally confused as he watched Kim finish tearing one of the doors off with her hands. "Vet?"
"It's where I usually go when I get shot," Kim explained, lowering the improvised stretcher next to Shego. "I need you and Drewby's belts."
"Uh… okay…" Ron had his belt half off already when it hit him. "Wait! When have you been SHOT?"
"Another time Ron!" Kim growled in exasperation. "Just take Drakken out and put him in the trunk, then come back and help me get Shego out of here, okay?"
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Yeah… that had been more than just strange. It was as though he'd suddenly discovered that Kim wasn't quite the person that he'd always thought she was.
More than that… it also implied that there must have been missions that she went on without him. More dangerous missions that she trusted Wade to know about, but not him…
And he didn't even want to think about the things that Drakken had said, AFTER they'd made it to the Mauser & Bauser Veterinary Clinic and he and Kim had offloaded Shego. It had been disturbing enough to learn that Kim was actually registered as a cat at the clinic, a rather accident prone orange tabby by the name of Princess, in fact, to which all the anesthetics and surgical supplies were routinely billed… a detail that Ron had managed to glean as her overheard Shego receiving a quick renaming as the Possibles' new pet, a Siamese named Jade. But when Kim's mom had arrived with a full rolling toolcart of additional medical gear, it had only served to press home that this whole exercise was one that the Possibles were quite prepared for.
And who in the hell maintains a registration on a fictitious cat? Especially to cover up part of their own medical care?
"Didn't know about any of it did you?" Drakken had commented once Ron had stopped the car a dozen blocks from the vets and let the bound and handcuffed villain out of the trunk. "By the way, that trunk would be a good place for a stick up."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Ron blustered, although the truth was that he DID know nothing about most of what was going on.
"Oh, it's a little deodorant dispenser with tape on the back. You can put them anywhere and they come in dozens of scents. They're really quite marvelous."
"I know what those are," Ron sighed as he put the car back in gear. "I meant the other…"
"Oh THAT," Drakken continued conversationally. "Well, you see, the law requires Hospitals to report gunshot wounds, so Miss All That and her mother have been bending the rules by not treating her in a normal facility."
Drakken raised an eyebrow as he saw Ron's face darken. "So you really didn't know about any of this before now? Interesting. I wonder what else she's been keeping from you?"
"Maybe I ought to put you back in the trunk," Ron glowered.
Drakken merely smiled.
"And then drive over every speed bump in town," Ron added.
Drakken stopped smiling. And didn't say another word until they got to the police station.
Now, though, Ron wished he hadn't been so quick to shut the villain's blue lips. He probably wouldn't be able to talk to Kim until after work tomorrow. Not in person, at least, and he had a feeling that the upcoming conversation was going to have to be very up close and personal.
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As he'd half expected, Kim wasn't there when he called her home phone number, and it was an early day at SmartyMart. The shower was so disgusting that he ended up tossing a towel on the floor and lathering himself up in front of the sink before quickly dancing in under the spray to rinse off the foam.
And the soles of his feet STILL ended up totally black. A hurried application of deodorant later and he was pulling on the inevitable mismatched pair of socks, boxers, a pair of tan jeans and a plain button up white dress shirt. Standard smart work attire for the smartly dressed SmartyMart employee once he added one of his two treasured red Smarty-Vests from its hanger in the closet. However, as he reached for one of the vests he happened to notice the half-price laundry coupon attached to the stack of dry cleaning.
"We'll get the stain out or it's free," he read in surprise. "Hmmm."
Stepping back into the bathroom, he scooped up the now black towel from the floor of the shower and dropped it into the plastic bag containing Kim's inked mission suit, then added her bra, panties and the ink-soaked Kimmunicator into the bag, then tossed the whole deal into the little backpack in which he always carried his mission clothes. There was no way he was going to put those disgusting things in the family washing machine and risk catching heck from his mom, but maybe the cleaners could actually handle it.
Besides, that blonde girl had been kind of cute, and it was on the way to Wade's house where he could pick up Rufus.
It would be nice, he mused as he raced down the steps so that he'd have time to grab a plate of breakfast nacos, if SOMETHING would go right today.
It didn't.
"Ronald?"
Ron braked as his mom's voice caught him at the bottom of the stairs.
"Uh, yes Mom?" the teen replied as he turned to see her sitting at the table in the kitchen."
"Do you have a second, dear?" The woman who had been in labor for 23 hours to bear him asked.
"Er… I'm kind of on my way to work."
"Oh," His mom looked oddly disappointed and Ron suddenly felt like a heel. What the hell, he could get a Brekkirito and eat it while driving.
"No," Ron sighed, making a U. "I guess I've got a few minutes. What's up?"
"Oh…" His mom's tone was oddly evasive and… was there a slight tinge of melancholy? "Nothing much with me. But what's new with you, Ron?"
'She called me Ron,' Ron thought. 'Not usually a good sign.'
Out loud he said "Nothing, really. Why?"
His mother smiled crookedly and shrugged. "We just haven't talked much lately. Not since you and Kim…"
'Oh, was that what it was?' Ron sighed inwardly. THAT he could deal with. Even if it meant massaging the truth a bit. "It's fine mom. We're still BFFs… best friends forever, I mean. We just… turned out to not be as compatible, um…"
Ron cut himself off before he totally embarrassed himself by admitting that he'd basically gone crazy during he and Kim's brief romantic relationship. In retrospect, he thought back over some of the things he'd done and didn't understand how she'd put up with some of his antics as long as she had.
On the other hand, as last night seemed to prove, she'd also clearly been hiding some things from him as well. So maybe it was at least partly her fault for not being honest from the beginning. And on that note…
"Mom…" He found himself asking unexpectedly, "How would you…?"
"I mean," he began again after stopping to collect his thoughts. "If there was a part of someone's life that they weren't willing to share with you, is it fair to demand that they share it if you find out about part of it before they're ready to talk to you about it?"
"N..no.., I guess not," His mom replied, with far more gravity than he had expected. "But… at the same time… if you felt that they were doing it to protect you, wouldn't you agree that it's also important for YOU to show that you understand and accept that they do have those secrets, in the best way you can… even if they're not ready to talk about them openly?"
"Um…" Ron stopped, a bit surprised at the profundity of his mother's words. It was almost as if she was reading his mind! "I… guess it's like a two way street, huh? You can be on one side or the other, but maybe sometimes you have to meet on the island in the middle."
"Yes, I guess you do," Nonnie nodded with a slight smile, then glanced at the kitchen clock on the wall. "You probably ought to get to work now, dear."
"Right Mom," Ron agreed, feeling oddly lifted. On the spur of the moment, he leaned over, kissed his mother on the forehead and gave her a wink as he pulled away. "Kim's my best friend, but you'll always be my best girl, Mom!"
Nonah Jean Stoppable watched her son leave and ran their conversation over in her head. There was no doubt in her mind as to what Ronald had been trying so desperately to say…
And, as he'd said, sometimes you couldn't stand on one side of the street or the other. Sometimes you had to meet halfway.
But first… she was going to go upstairs and take one more look around his room. If that black underwear wasn't still on the curtain rods, she had a feeling she knew exactly what her son had been wearing under his SmartyMarty best the entire time he had been talking to her.
And the strange thing was, now that they'd 'talked' about it without actually talking about it, it didn't bother her so much any more.
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"Mom! I'm home!" Ron yelled as he came in the door, Rufus tucked back in his traditional place in Ron's pocket.
"Howme!" The molerat echoed, glad to be back in a comfortable environment at last. "Fnaly!"
"Yeah," Ron apologized for perhaps the thirtieth time as he ambled up the stairs. "I've told you I'm sorry, but you wouldn't have wanted to be around Kim then anyway.
"Scawy Kim?" the pink creature looked up, squinting his eyes in a startlingly good impression of Kim scowling.
"The scariest," Ron nodded. "10.5 on the Kimness scale."
Although, Ron thought, not as scary as the Kim he'd seen on the recorded message she'd left on his Kimmunicator. She looked like she hadn't slept much and as near as he could tell, she was still wearing the clothes she'd been wearing last night.
What really bothered him, though, were her eyes. They looked… haunted. And worried.
But he'd find out what it was all about soon enough. She'd wanted to meet him after work and had suggested Bueno Nacho. Her treat. Which only made it sound like it was really something bad, because one of the things that HAD come out during their rocky break up was that Kim really didn't care much for Bueno Nacho these days. Occasionally, sure, but Ron had kept careful notes and the ONLY time Kim ever suggested going there was when she was trying to make up for something. For her to do it in advance? Preemptively?
Terrifying.
Which was one reason running home first made sense. It gave him more time to brace himself. Plus he couldn't afford to get any diablo sauce on his white dress shirts. It didn't just stain, it ATE through the made in Rodigan material.
"Mom?" He yelled again as he hit the top landing. He had a feeling he needed to get some more of his mother's advice before he went and found out what was up with Kim.
And then he stepped through the door of his room and stopped.
His jaw dropped.
Laid out, on the bed, were three dresses, all carefully matched with precisely coordinated accessories… even matching colored shoes. There were six pairs of panty hose. Two packages of panties. A pair of sweaters and… a long blonde wig exactly the shade of his own hair.
Had he stepped into Hana's room by accident? Via a time warp ten years into the future? Why would anyone have…?
"It was hard finding them in your size," a voice spoke softly behind him and Ron turned to see his Mother, the most beautiful smile than he could ever remember seeing on her face as she looked at him with love in her eyes.
"My… size?" Ron stammered.
"Yes dear," Nonnie approached him tentatively, just barely keeping her voice from cracking as she stepped towards her son and enveloped him in a gentle but loving hug. "You said sometimes we have to meet in the middle of the street, right?"
"Ub… gah…" Ron began, then looked at her in disbelief. "Really?"
"Mmm hmm," Nonnie sighed gently, embracing her son physically even as she embraced who he was inside. "Consider it my way of saying… that I love you, and accept you for who you are."
"What do you think about trying the blue one on first?"
To Be Continued In The Next Chapter… RON OR RHONDA?
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Legal stuff: Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable, Wade Load, Rufus, Dr. Draken, Shego, Dr. Anne Possible, Hana Stoppable, Mr. and Mrs. Stoppable, SmaryMart and Henchco are all borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe, the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and trademarks of the Disney media organizations. The senior Stoppable's full names are subject to conjecture, so I've incoporated the most common fanon names with ones I feel fit better in the context of the show: Nat Stoppable and Nonnie Stoppable. For those who haven't caught it, both the story's name and the chapter titles are references to the legendary Ed Wood. All use should be considered fair under current parody law, and is not for profit in any case. Finally, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18
