In The Hamptons
Disclaimer: Not an ounce of ownership to be had – but that doesn't make me love them any less.
Thank you for all the reviews and story alerts. I hope it continues to live up to expectations.
Rated M for future chapters.
Chapter 2
A few hours later, Kate was strolling along the beach, her limbs loose and body pleasantly sore from an afternoon in bed with Castle. Every time he touched her now, she wondered how she'd gone so long without it – without him. Being with him had become as vital to her survival as air. It was crazy. They'd worked side by side for four years, and any time her thoughts even drifted toward the attraction she felt to him, she pushed it down so fast – first out of stubborn denial and later for the purpose of self-preservation. How could she possibly work through her own issues and feelings if she was constantly thinking about – or fantasizing about – him? That's not to say she never gave in to those indulgent thoughts, but those private moments were closely guarded. After all, a girl could only resist so much, right? But in the day-to-day, she had to tell herself they were better off as friends. It was the only thing that got her through – until it couldn't anymore. Like a beach ball in water, she could only hold her feeling down so long – and with each passing day, it took more energy than she had to expend pretending she wasn't in love with him.
The surf swirled around her ankles, and Kate shivered at the cold water. Even though it had been an exceptionally warm May, the Atlantic took its sweet time shedding winter's chill. But the cool water felt so good against skin that was still flushed – and getting warmer in the 88-degree heat. After only a few minutes, she could see a sheen of sweat on her arms and feel more begin to run down the back of her tank top. The weekend was going to be sweltering, but maybe she'd get a little color in her pale skin, she thought vainly.
She turned around at the sound of gravel and shells crunching behind her and smiled at the boyish picture he made coming down the walk. Gone were the dark slacks and tailor-made shirts, and in their place were khaki shorts and the blue "Columbia Dad" t-shirt Alexis bought him. His hair was mussed and hanging over his eyes in that way that made him look so irresistibly adorable. This was a side of him she'd seen far too rarely over the years, and she couldn't get enough of it now.
"Watcha doin'?" he asked in silly sing-song voice.
"Nothing much. Just enjoying the view."
"Kate, the ocean's that way," he said, pointing behind her.
Looking him up and down, she said, "Not the view I was referring to."
"Oh really?"
"Can I help it if the beach bum look suits you?"
"It does, doesn't it?" he said, turning in a circle to show off. "Maybe I should adopt it as my new uniform. Ditch the dress clothes and show up at the precinct in shorts …"
He trailed of, aware of what he'd said. The light faded a bit from her eyes, but she smiled and tried to reassure him. "It's okay, Castle. I'm not quite used to it either. Besides, even if I hadn't resigned, I'd still be on leave. Espo's got another two weeks off despite Ryan's best efforts to talk Gates' into letting him come back."
He came up to stand next to her as they walked along the rough sand. Castle's property was far enough from the public beach that the sand was coarser and interspersed with rocks and shells. But he liked that it was more authentic to the East Coast.
"Have you talked to them recently?"
"Not in a few days. You?"
"Kevin texted me yesterday asking again if you were really done."
"What did you tell him?"
"That he texted the wrong person."
They'd been walking companionably along the beach, hands casually brushing and entwining at will. At Castle's last comment, Kate smiled and nodded in appreciation. "Lanie's been dropping not-so-subtle hints, too. When we met for lunch last week, I told her she missed her calling as an interrogator."
"I don't suppose that got her to back down."
"Yeah right. If anything, she became more inquisitive. Though to be fair, as much of her curiosity was directed at our relationship as my resignation."
"Oh yeah? Did she want all the 'gory' details?" He laughed at his own pun on Lanie's profession.
"You have no idea."
They went on, talking and laughing about their friends as they meandered down the beach, passing a few people playing Frisbee or walking a dog. It was exactly why they'd come to the Hamptons, though as Castle had explained, there was still some debate about whether Montauk was actually part of the various towns and villages collectively referred to as "The Hamptons." He'd told her on the drive up, "Old school snobs insist only Southampton and East Hampton are legitimate. On the other hand, those of us who opted for more rural addresses but still contribute to the social scene up here have used the term to include more areas of the island, including Montauk."
The slower pace on the eastern half of the beach, farther from the "real" Hamptons, afforded them greater privacy and more time to just enjoy the pleasures of an afternoon walk. While their time together over the past three weeks had been novel and unfamiliar compared to the only routines they knew with each other – with no calls to crime scenes, no interruptions from persistent colleagues, and most notably, no threats to either of their lives – they were still navigating a lot of new territory that didn't exactly come with a clear and reliable map. For one thing, he knew Kate felt awkward in the loft, despite – or maybe even because of – everyone's effort to make her feel comfortable. When Martha and Alexis were out, she settled right in, burrowing against him on the couch, rummaging through cupboards and closets, but the second the other women arrived home, she retreated to a safe, out-of-the-way place to talk and laugh but not presume to be more than very welcome guest.
One night after dinner, Castle asked her about it.
"It's their home, Castle, and I'm not about to send any signals, particularly to Alexis, that I suddenly think it's mine as well. I'm sure it will get easier down the road, but three weeks is not enough time for me to feel comfortable flipping channels or walking around in my bathrobe like I own the place."
"But Kate, you helped yourself to my kitchen to make breakfast when you stayed here two years ago – and we weren't even together then."
"Exactly. I obviously wasn't trying to move in – literally or figuratively."
"You're not trying to move in now – are you?" he said with sudden confusion.
"No, but that's doesn't mean Alexis won't think that. No matter what she says, no teenager on the planet immediately accepts a parent's significant other without a very thorough vetting process. It doesn't matter that she's known me for four years. I'm in a new role in your life, and she needs time to figure out what my intentions are, not only toward you, but toward her as well. And sending signals that I expect her to open her home unconditionally is not something that shows her much respect.
How was he supposed to argue with that kind of consideration – and for his daughter, no less?
And so they took it slow, only spending a few nights a week together at his home. The rest of the time, they went out, or stayed at her apartment, but Kate even made sure he didn't appear to be abandoning his family in favor of her. It was a delicate balance, and to be honest, one she was glad they didn't have to deal with for a few days. And maybe when Alexis joined them, the relaxing environment would help the two women connect in a way that had been somewhat elusive. While friendly, Kate hoped her relationship with Alexis would eventually deepen past superficial politeness, and she knew the responsibility for making that happened fell on her shoulders.
For now, the conversation somehow wound its way from Lanie's inquiry on whether Castle was worth waiting four years for (he totally was), to Alexis' summer plans, and finally, inevitably, back to Kate's job status. For all they had delayed talking about it in the city, it hadn't taken long for the quiet solitude of the coast to knead them into a state of self-contemplation that was so easily ignored back home.
As they completed their circuit of the beach, Castle reached over and took her hands in his. "Kate, I haven't said this before because I didn't want you to think I was second-guessing your decision. And I'm not. But I also don't want you to stick to a decision made under such extreme circumstances. You nearly died, and Gates couldn't even let you take a breath before chewing you out."
"You want to know if I want to go back." It was a statement, not a question.
"No, I want you to know that if you're having second thoughts about resigning, no one is going to blame you, least of all me. You know you don't have to choose between me and your job. I'm not going anywhere. I loved you when you were a cop, and I love you now when you're here with me almost every day, and I'll still love you if you go back on the job."
She turned into him and wrapped her arms around his torso, pressing her cheek to his shoulder. "Thank you, Rick. And I know that. I do. And you know I love you back." Oh how those words still felt so wonderful to say aloud!
"But it's not just about us," she continued. She'd given this a lot of thought, and it's what had guided her decision from the moment she looked down at her badge for the last time in Gates' office. "I need to find out who I am without that badge. At least for a little while. Maybe I will go back, because there is so much about the job that I love. But I need to learn to set more boundaries, especially now. I need to put my life, and the people in it, first."
He nodded, understanding her need to reclaim her life, especially after coming so close to losing it. "That sounds like a plan, and I'll do whatever I can – whatever you want me to – to help you figure this out."
"I know you will, but I have a feeling most of the heavy lifting will be on me."
He nodded again, knowing there were limits to what he could offer, but grateful at least that she was finally sharing the burden. It was more than enough.
"So, enough heavy stuff for now. What do you want for dinner?"
