A/N—This chapter delves into some concepts that I've never explored before, so it was interesting trying to balance everything in this section without pushing some things too far. Regardless of how successful that balancing act was, I hope you enjoy :)
Tony opened his eyes and found he could not see. Or, rather, he could see, just that there was nothing distinguishably visible; everything was inky blackness every way he turned. He began to tentatively move forward until he realized he didn't know where he was going. He stopped and spun in circles, feeling lost.
"I don't know where I am," he said to himself plainly. Confused, he spun around again and found himself face-to-face with a young girl. He jumped back, briefly startled by her sudden appearance. Only about six-years-old, she, however, didn't seem particularly fazed by his presence. On the contrary, she observed him curiously as he caught his breath. She had light brown, unruly curls that she constantly fought to keep out of her eyes, strange seas of deep green with the slightest of brown speckles.
"Are you lost?" she inquired.
"Y-yeah...I think I am," Tony answered slowly.
"It's okay. I can help you," she said with a smile as she walked toward him. She grasped his hand and started pulling him forward. To where, Tony couldn't tell; everywhere he looked still seemed to be indistinguishable darkness. The girl, however, seemed to know where she was going, so Tony allowed her to guide him.
As they walked, he began to see a light appear somewhere in the distance. It seemed to still be quite a ways off, but it was apparently their destination.
Suddenly, an object solidified at Tony's feet. He stooped to pick it up, finding that it was his NCIS badge, pitted and scratched. It had obviously seen use, but it was proudly polished as it sat in his hand. He looked up at the girl who regarded him curiously again with those strange eyes.
He stood up without a word, and she grabbed his right hand, pulling him silently towards the as-yet indescribable place in the distance, its light leading the way.
As they walked, Tony began to make out shapes that seemed to solidify out of the darkness. To his left appeared the NCIS bullpen, floating in the black. He watched it pass by without objection as the girl continued to pull him forward. Shortly after, Gibbs' basement materialized out of the ink. Again, it floated by as they left it behind; the girl seemed determined to reach wherever it was they were going.
Eventually, they arrived at their destination, a bright wall of light. It had a soft glow about it, not too bright that Tony couldn't observe it directly. He looked down at the girl, confused. He thought, I don't know what to do.
Even though he did not voice this aloud, she smiled and pulled him forward into the brightness. Tony suddenly closed his eyes as the light blinded him, but he kept hold of the girl's hand, depending on her to guide his way.
Without warning, the bright disappeared from behind his eyelids and was replaced by a softer, almost dancing light. He slowly opened his eyes and found he was standing in an unfamiliar living room, sunset light filtering through a tree just outside the bay window, bathing the room in a warm, orange fire.
As the girl laid eyes on the space, she smiled and ran off.
"Wait!" Tony called after her, unsure of what else to say. Tony stood nonplussed, taking in his surroundings. The room around him contained some bizarre attributes; a number of objects appeared solid, while others seemed to be blurred and indiscernible.
He walked silently to a shelf and examined the books sitting on it. He picked one up, feeling the solidness of it, the dryness of its pages. He replaced it and focused his attention on a blurry picture frame sitting just next to it. He made to grasp for it, but it evaporated into smoke in his hands. As his hand retreated, the frame reformed to its original undetailed state.
Tony slowly turned to observe the room at large once more and found that, despite the blurred oddities, there was something strangely comforting about a place he'd never been before.
Suddenly, he heard the little girl talking excitedly outside. He walked over to the window and looked out onto the green lawn. He smiled as he saw her stooped down in the grass, balancing on her toes, her hands supporting her chin as she observed something that he could not see. A woman with her back to him laughed, sitting across from her. As she talked, the girl listened with rapt attention.
Her voice was familiar. Why couldn't he place it? Her dark hair cascaded down her back in the soft glow of the end of the day, and he was certain he knew this woman, even if he couldn't put a name to her.
Tony stepped away from the window and looked to his left, finding a hallway that he hadn't noticed before; he followed it briefly to a door that led outside to the yard. Opening it, he instantly felt the warmth of the sun on his skin.
As he stood just outside the door, the girl saw him and a wide grin spread across her face as she jumped up and ran to him. Tony allowed her to grab his hand again as she pulled him toward the woman, saying excitedly, "Mama was just showing me something really cool!"
As Tony came level with the woman, she said in a slight accent, "I was showing her a butterfly. We have had so many of them around here recently." He looked into the grass and saw the insect balanced on a single bloom, its delicate blue and purple wings quivering slightly. Tony returned his attention to the woman, her back to him still. No matter which way he moved, he couldn't seem to get a look at her face.
"Mama was saying that they first start out as caterpillars. And then they make a cocoon to sleep in. And then they grow wings and become butterflies!" she proclaimed wide-eyed as she spread her arms for effect. When Tony said nothing, she looked at him expectantly.
"Yeah...that's really something, isn't it?" he said slowly as he knelt next to the woman, looking at the butterfly again.
"Mama says it goes through a metamorsis," she told Tony emphatically. The woman laughed slightly and corrected, "'Metamorphosis'."
"Yes! That's what I meant," the girl exclaimed. She said it in such a way, so similar to someone else he knew, it caught Tony off-guard.
"Why isn't it just born a butterfly?" she continues. "How come it's a caterpillar first?" Even though Tony couldn't see her face, he could tell the woman was smiling when she replied, "Because some things must go through a transformation to become better and more beautiful." The girl regarded the butterfly for a moment, then nodded and smiled in understanding.
She suddenly jumped up and said excitedly, "I wanna draw it before it flies away! I'll be right back!" She quickly spun around and returned to the house.
In the silence that followed the girl's departure, Tony sat down in the grass beside the woman who's features he still could not discern. As they both watched the butterfly slowly flap its wings, Tony said quietly, "Transformation, huh?"
"The act itself can be just as beautiful as the outcome, yes?" the woman inquired just as quietly.
"It can be both hard and painful though. Don't you think?"
"That is true. But do you not think that makes the change that much more miraculous?" she questioned. She reached to hold his left hand and uncurled his fingers from the badge that still rested in its confines. "Don't you think?" she asked again more quietly as Tony regarded the worn, metal surface. "Reaching what we want takes time and effort, sometimes more than we think we are possible of giving." The woman turned her attention back to the door as she said, "But the outcome is worth the pain and the wait."
And Tony realized he could then see the woman's face, a smile spread across it as she regarded the house. And it was a face he knew all-too-well. Her name was about to slip from his lips when he heard the girl reappear behind him, asking excitedly, "Is it still here?"
Tony turned back to the butterfly and realized it had taken flight. As it fluttered into the light of the setting sun, he suddenly became aware of the fact that it was now too bright, causing him to shield his eyes. As he felt himself yanked forward into the light, he heard a disappointed sound escape from the girl as she said, "It's flying away, Daddy!"
…
"He's back!"
Tony's eyes burst open in shock and pain. It took him a few breaths to realize what was happening. His view of the sharp blue sky was obscured by the men hovering over him, an oxygen mask covering his face.
He was vaguely aware of how his shirt was open, but more than anything, he couldn't ignore the piercing pain in his torso. And as he gritted his teeth and slammed his eyes shut, he remembered the guns, the shots, the bullet.
His breathing became shallow and quick as he opened his eyes, frantically searching for a familiar face, but finding none. He tried to speak, but only something garbled came from his iron-tasting mouth.
"Alright, let's get him outta here!" he heard one of the men shout; Tony realized he was on a stretcher as they lifted him from the ground.
He turned his head from side-to-side, searching in wild-eyed vain.
And then he saw them.
Gibbs and McGee were handcuffing the still-struggling suspect to a gurney behind an ambulance.
But not her. Ziva stood a short distance away, her arms crossed as she stared intently at Tony's face. His breathing calmed as their eyes met. In that moment, Ziva seemed to release a breath that she must have been holding, something else passing behind her eyes.
With all the strength he could muster, Tony barely raised his hand in a feeble wave. Ziva managed a small smile as she subtly returned the gesture.
The effort suddenly exhausting him, he dropped his head back onto the board and stared once more at the vibrant blue sky. As the inky black started to creep into his mind again, a butterfly floated into his shrinking field of vision. The sunlight struck its wings, intensifying its brilliant blues and purples.
As Tony shrank back into darkness, a smile crossed his face as he recalled a non-memory.
A/N—Thanks again for taking the time to read. Feel free to comment, criticize, or review. Final chapter arrives tomorrow. Until then, happy reading!
