Chapter one: Alone

Leia

It was an early morning in July; I had been out the evening before. When I came home that morning before, I believed my daughter was soundly asleep. Eliza was anything but a rebel. She preferred to go to bed early and wake up at the crack of dawn. When I woke up, I would find breakfast on the table. When I stepped down the stairs that day, I didn't smell any food. There was no smell of fresh coffee or eggs. Had she slept late? It didn't seem anything like her.
"That's strange." I heard Han say behind me. "I was looking forward to my morning toast."
We walked in the living room, to find the breakfast table empty. There were no preparations; it seemed like Eliza hadn't even entered the kitchen. She was the only one that prepared dinner, in fact, Han always joked that we would all starve to death without Eliza.
I walked in the living room; there I saw books stacked on each other. Eliza had been reading before she went to bed like she always did. I didn't know if was invading her privacy if I looked at the titles.

"Eliza, darling," I called out. There was no reaction. That was what got me worried. There was nothing special about this day; there was not one reason why Eliza wouldn't be up. I turned around facing Han; it took us a few seconds to run to her room. When I arrived in front of her door, I didn't dare to open it. I was afraid what I would find inside.
"Han, did Eliza seem…" I paused. "I mean did she seem off?"
"Secretive at times," Han replied. I didn't know what I needed to think. I remembered what Han meant, nothing had changed about her habits, yet it seemed she was hiding something. I would catch her sending messages to someone; I didn't know who.
"Do you think Ben tried to contact her?"
He didn't say a word, he simply opened her room. I was almost scared we would inside. My vision confirmed by biggest fear. Her room was completely destroyed, it was clear that she had put up a fight. Her lightsaber in the middle of the room. I had no idea she still had that thing. I had asked her to get rid of it, it seemed that the force only caused bad things to my children. I didn't want her with it. I walked towards it, taking the saber in my hand. On the floor I saw spots of blood. I became extremely pale.
"Leia, it's going to be okay," Han said. "She's fine."
"Han, are we in the same room?" I walked to the shattered window. "Someone came in here and took our daughter with him. He might have even murdered her."
"Do you think Ben?"
"Do you mean Snoke…" I shook my head. "If he did this, Snoke influenced him to do it. He would never harm his sister. I know it, they're close. They're close, Han."
"I know." He replied. "But you don't know what the dark side did to him. Maybe he wanted to destroy all ties to the light side?"
"Han, then why are we still alive?"

I wanted to panic, the idea that her son had done such a deed mad her upset. Why would young Ben kill his own sister? Ben and Eliza had grown up as closer than anyone could ever be. Eliza seemed to be strong with the force ever since she was a baby. She always seemed to find her way in Ben's bassinet, even when I tried to stop it from happening. Eliza loved her brother, the bond they shared was something that could not be broken. When Ben was bullied in school, Eliza would fly any toys to the guilty children. It wasn't one time Leia and Han had to come to school, hearing: "Your daughter is disrespectful, using the force to bully other children!"
I remember how Luke would react his young niece had used the force. He said he would teach her the Jedi ways if she wanted it. He said he would teach both Ben and Eliza. Eliza always wanted to be a Jedi; she said they were the heroes of the galaxy. Han wasn't sure if he wanted our daughter to be a Jedi. I knew she would be in danger at all times; I didn't know if I wanted that life for her. In the end, Luke thought her to be a Jedi. It was not long before her training was cut short, it was Ben who had turned to the dark side and Eliza that blamed herself for turning.
She told me she always felt the voice of darkness with him. The first few weeks after the incident she would not come out of her room. She would play music. Sometimes I believed I could hear two voices in there. Almost like Ben was still there with her. Laughing like they always did.

Now when I stood in her destroyed room, I had to admit that it might be her brother. I never understood the dark side of the force; Luke had tried to explain it to me so much. Even when it was consuming my son, I still did not understand.
"What do we do?" Han asked me.
"I don't know." I sat down on Eliza's bed. Her bed sheets were messy; it seemed that she had been woken in the middle of the night. On her nightstand was a letter. I took it in my hands. It was an old letter from Ben. Before he had turned to the dark side. She had kept it close. Right next to it was a small note,

Ben still had good in him. I can sense it. The light side of the force is still strong in him.

I put the note on her nightstand. I turned to Han.
"She believed he had still good in him." I turned to him. "She believed she could save him. Do you believe there's still good in him?"
"I cannot stop believing in my son." He said. "Do you think she did something stupid? Do you think she called him here? Do you think he murdered her because she saw that sparkle of light in him? Do you think he believed that by killing her, he would cut that last connection he had with the light side?"
"I can't believe it."
That afternoon went faster than I expected. People came to our house to look for clues, yet they didn't find anything that could lead them to the one who did this. Nothing proved that our son had been in our home. Han would always whisper that Ben wouldn't destroy evidence, he never did. He always left a crime scene unchanged. Why would he start changing that habit? It seemed that Han got more convinced that it was not our son that had committed the crime. And every moment he got more convinced of his own theory.
"They've kidnapped her to cut that last tie Ben has with the light side." , he explained. "They will use her to keep him with it. They will use her to torture our boy."
When I heard him speak those words, I almost hoped they were true. I could not remember one Sith Lord that ever kidnapped a family member in that way. Snoke would not be different.
"It seems that Ben would just save his sister and release her. There is not one place in the universe where they can't use the force. Ben would know where she was in no time."

I didn't speak about his theory ever again. It was somehow worst to think that they could use my daughter to torture my son. I didn't think Snoke was not evil enough to do so. It was times like this I wished that Ben hadn't severed our force connection. When he was younger, I could look in his mind. I knew what he needed before he finished the thought. When he turned to the dark side, the connection was destroyed forever. My connection with Ben was never as strong as his connection with Eliza was, whatever I sensed. She had sensed earlier. If I presented him with a nice glass of milk, she would have already prepared the cookies. When I had given him a brand new electric toy, she would have the batteries laying around. I didn't know if he had broken the force connection with her. It seemed today I didn't have a force connection with son or daughter. It had been severed, and I had no idea if I had felt it.
I remember that day when they told her; they found parts of a body. It was enough proof to believe our daughter was dead. I think that day was one of the worst of my life. Han always shared what he felt with me, but that day he closed himself off. He suffered in silence. He locked himself in the room and wouldn't come out for two days. When those days had passed, he came out of his room, dressed in his old clothes. He had a bag prepared.
"Han, where are you going?"
It seemed that Han had convinced himself that our daughter was still someone alive. The theory that Snoke had her, had grown in his mind. I didn't know what he had in that bag, but at that moment I knew he was going to take the millennium falcon and leave me.
"What are you doing?" I asked him. He didn't say a word. He walked outside, I followed him. I didn't know what I was expecting. I wanted to call out to him, but I knew he would not react. He turned to me before he stepped on the Millennium Falcon.
"I will not stop searching until they find her body.", he said. "I won't give up on my children until I am dead and cold."
"Han, please stay with me," I asked. "Han, I need you."
"My daughter needs me more right now." He looked at me. "So does my son. Leia, I'm going to get them back. Even if it's the last thing, I will do."

And I knew he didn't just refer to Eliza. He referred to Ben as well. He left that day, that was three years ago. Today three years seemed so long. I tried to be a great leader; I felt I should try to save Ben. The only child that was still around. In my heart, he was not too far gone. He could still be saved. That was what Eliza would have wanted. Eliza still believed in her brother, the day before she died, she told me about how they were going to discover the universe together. She added that her brother needed to be turned first. I asked her how she knew he was still good on the inside. She said: "That bright light in Ben could never be destroyed."

And here I stood, alone. I wondered where Ben was; I missed Eliza. And more I wanted to know where Han was and if he would ever come home. And somehow I kept just a small hope that one day I would find both my children again. Safe and sound.


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