September 17, 2009

Dean is lying to me again.
I don't know why. I've betrayed him before, yes, but haven't I always redeemed myself? I just wish he could trust me enough to say that he actually isn't feeling okay.
Why do humans lie? Don't they know it only causes problems? Angels are taught not to lie. But I do anyway. I guess he reason they lie is because they don't want people close to them. I love Dean. I want to be close to him, and on some level he wants to be close to me as well.
He told me that the reason his eyes were red and swollen was because he was hungover. I know he was lying because when I touched him I could tell he had a minimal amount of alcohol in his blood. I didn't tell him that though. Does that make me a liar?
Humanity is so confusing. They putter around pushing people away and breaking hearts and then they wonder why the feel so alone. I know I feel alone a lot.
That's why I don't want Dean to be alone. I can sit for hours watching the bees fly and thinking of him. But I doubt he could do the same. Action, drama, fighting, that's what he likes. But more importantly, he needs people. He has sex with other lonely people and brings his brother back from hell and goes out drinking every now get just to feel something. He acts like he doesn't need anyone but it doesn't take a genius to know that he does. I am a genius compared to him, of course, but that's not the point. Dean needs me and I need him. I just wish he knew that.

-Castiel