The How-to's of Rurouni Kenshin
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin. It is owned by Nobuhiro Watsuki, it is :)
How to Get Free Food
Sanosuke: Hey, I'm Sanosuke Sagara. Thanks for requesting the how-to, Scarred Sword Heart!
*leans against wall of the dojo*
Sanosuke: So...I betcha almost half of the Rurouni Kenshin fans everywhere know I almost never pay for food...
Kaoru: *stops at the doorway* *leans in, eyes large* Almost? You never pay for anything, you lousy free-loader!
Sanosuke: *tense mark appears on forehead* Anyway... in this How-to Guide, I'll give you all the steps I take on how to get a free meal. *smirks* And hey, maybe you can go by these steps too!
Kaoru: I doubt it! Who in the right mind would want to be a lazy rooster-headed free-loader like you-?
Sanosuke: *flares at Kaoru* SHUT UP YOU STUPID RACOON!
Kaoru: *glares at Sanosuke* What did you call me?
Kenshin: *steps in, sweatdropping* Anyway, lets move on, shall we? Heheh... ^^;
Step 1
Sanosuke: Alright, so go to any restaraunt you can easily swing by in town. For this step, I'll be headin' to the Akebeko. *winks* *walks into Akebeko*
Tae: *stops her sweeping* *cheerfully turns around* Welcome to the Akebeko-! *sees its Sanosuke and frowns* Oh, it's you again...
Sanosuke: Heheh, yeah... *rubs back of head* *smiles awkwardly* So, um, one way to get free food is by puttin' any meals you order on your tab. It's a great and easy way to eat for free, am I right?
Tae: *smacks Sanosuke upside the head with broom*
Sanosuke: YOUCH! *grips head, wincing*
Tae: You are not putting any more of your meals on your tab, Mister! You already haven't paid for over a months worth of food!
Sanosuke: *grins sheepishly* Hey, where's a guy suppose to get money little lady? Besides, I already toldya 'I'm gonna pay you back'.
Tae: *fumes* THAT WAS THREE MONTHS AGO!
Sanosuke: *flabberguasted* Damn, seriously? I thought I told you two months ago... uh... *sighs* ...well anyway, thats the way I mostly get my free food. But theres plenty more ways to get it if your tab hasn't piled up...
Step 2
Sanosuke: For this, you'll need to have a couple friends, preferably friends who can actually cook.
Kaoru: *holds bokken behind Sanosuke* What was that?
Sanosuke: Anyway-
Kaoru: AH! *prepares to hit Sanosuke over head*
Kenshin: *restrains her, sweatdropping* Now, now Miss Kaoru.. ^^; It's quite alright, that it is. Sano is meerely teaching the audience his 'how-to'.
Kaoru: I don't care! LET ME AT HIM! *kicks and thrashes as Kenshin continues to hold her back much to his embarrassment*
Sanosuke: -so another way to get free food is by mooching off your friends! *grins* And in return, you can repay them with your company. Right Kenshin?
Kenshin: *eyebrows raise* Sano...
Kaoru: DAMN RIGHT YOU WILL! LOUSY FREE-LOADER!
Sanosuke: *raises index finger* And when you can't mooch off your friends anymore, for say, they either run out of food to offer you...
SLAM!
Sanosuke: *cringes* ...or they kick ya out of their house for being the cause of all their food running out, here's a final step you can take that is a one-hundred percent guarentee full-proof idea to get free food. *laughs nervously* *calls over shoulder* Uh...hey Missy, can I come back in now? Huh?
Step 3
Sanosuke: Head out into some kinda forest and find food there!
*wrestles through bramble thickets and trees*
Sanosuke: *grunts* Yep! One sure fire way of getting free food is this...! *spots an unnaturally colored plant growing nearby* *gapes with triumph and plucks it out of the ground* This, er, whatcha-ma-call-it-plant is a plant that I sure hope would be edible! You can always count on the forest to be your number one provider for a food source.
Sanosuke: *plops plant in mouth* *begins to eat it* *arches brow* Ya know...irt kinda has a funky trste to irt... *scratches head* Irt trstes really familiar...
Kenshin: OROOO! *falls through a tree canopy and lands on his face next to Sanosuke*
Sanosuke: *swallows plant* *sees Kenshin and blinks* O.O Kenshin? Is that you? *pulls Kenshin to his feet*
Kenshin: *spits out bits of dirt and rock*
Sanosuke: What are you doin' here?
Kenshin: *opens eyes* *eyes grow wide as saucers* Sano...you didn't forget to tell the readers about the severity of half of the forest's plants, did you?
Sanosuke: *hits fist into his palm* Oh yeah! That's what I forgot!
Kenshin: Sano...
Sanosuke: The one thing you gotta remember when your out in the middle of a forest is never eat any forest plants without knowing if it's highly severe or not. *puts hands on hips* *bows head* *shuts eyes* *shakes head* That'll definately be somethin' pretty bad. But hey- *lightens up and smiles* -just as long as you know your forest plants, you'll be fine!
Kenshin: But Sano...
Sanosuke: Well, that's all from me. Hope ya liked my 'how-to' guide! See ya. *walks away, a rooster tail sprouting from his butt*
Kenshin: *sighs and shakes head* Oro...
Owari!
Well that's all for now! Thanks for the suggestion Scarred Sword Heart! I hope you enjoyed Sanosuke's 'How-to-' Guide! Please review and don't forget to request any how-to's from the Kenshin-gumi.
Me and the Kenshin-gumi: Ja ne!
-MrFoshizzleProTheWanderor
