The How-to's of Rurouni Kenshin

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin. It is owned by Nobuhiro Watsuki, it is :)


How to Get Free Food

Sanosuke: Hey, I'm Sanosuke Sagara. Thanks for requesting the how-to, Scarred Sword Heart!

*leans against wall of the dojo*

Sanosuke: So...I betcha almost half of the Rurouni Kenshin fans everywhere know I almost never pay for food...

Kaoru: *stops at the doorway* *leans in, eyes large* Almost? You never pay for anything, you lousy free-loader!

Sanosuke: *tense mark appears on forehead* Anyway... in this How-to Guide, I'll give you all the steps I take on how to get a free meal. *smirks* And hey, maybe you can go by these steps too!

Kaoru: I doubt it! Who in the right mind would want to be a lazy rooster-headed free-loader like you-?

Sanosuke: *flares at Kaoru* SHUT UP YOU STUPID RACOON!

Kaoru: *glares at Sanosuke* What did you call me?

Kenshin: *steps in, sweatdropping* Anyway, lets move on, shall we? Heheh... ^^;

Step 1

Sanosuke: Alright, so go to any restaraunt you can easily swing by in town. For this step, I'll be headin' to the Akebeko. *winks* *walks into Akebeko*

Tae: *stops her sweeping* *cheerfully turns around* Welcome to the Akebeko-! *sees its Sanosuke and frowns* Oh, it's you again...

Sanosuke: Heheh, yeah... *rubs back of head* *smiles awkwardly* So, um, one way to get free food is by puttin' any meals you order on your tab. It's a great and easy way to eat for free, am I right?

Tae: *smacks Sanosuke upside the head with broom*

Sanosuke: YOUCH! *grips head, wincing*

Tae: You are not putting any more of your meals on your tab, Mister! You already haven't paid for over a months worth of food!

Sanosuke: *grins sheepishly* Hey, where's a guy suppose to get money little lady? Besides, I already toldya 'I'm gonna pay you back'.

Tae: *fumes* THAT WAS THREE MONTHS AGO!

Sanosuke: *flabberguasted* Damn, seriously? I thought I told you two months ago... uh... *sighs* ...well anyway, thats the way I mostly get my free food. But theres plenty more ways to get it if your tab hasn't piled up...

Step 2

Sanosuke: For this, you'll need to have a couple friends, preferably friends who can actually cook.

Kaoru: *holds bokken behind Sanosuke* What was that?

Sanosuke: Anyway-

Kaoru: AH! *prepares to hit Sanosuke over head*

Kenshin: *restrains her, sweatdropping* Now, now Miss Kaoru.. ^^; It's quite alright, that it is. Sano is meerely teaching the audience his 'how-to'.

Kaoru: I don't care! LET ME AT HIM! *kicks and thrashes as Kenshin continues to hold her back much to his embarrassment*

Sanosuke: -so another way to get free food is by mooching off your friends! *grins* And in return, you can repay them with your company. Right Kenshin?

Kenshin: *eyebrows raise* Sano...

Kaoru: DAMN RIGHT YOU WILL! LOUSY FREE-LOADER!

Sanosuke: *raises index finger* And when you can't mooch off your friends anymore, for say, they either run out of food to offer you...

SLAM!

Sanosuke: *cringes* ...or they kick ya out of their house for being the cause of all their food running out, here's a final step you can take that is a one-hundred percent guarentee full-proof idea to get free food. *laughs nervously* *calls over shoulder* Uh...hey Missy, can I come back in now? Huh?

Step 3

Sanosuke: Head out into some kinda forest and find food there!

*wrestles through bramble thickets and trees*

Sanosuke: *grunts* Yep! One sure fire way of getting free food is this...! *spots an unnaturally colored plant growing nearby* *gapes with triumph and plucks it out of the ground* This, er, whatcha-ma-call-it-plant is a plant that I sure hope would be edible! You can always count on the forest to be your number one provider for a food source.

Sanosuke: *plops plant in mouth* *begins to eat it* *arches brow* Ya know...irt kinda has a funky trste to irt... *scratches head* Irt trstes really familiar...

Kenshin: OROOO! *falls through a tree canopy and lands on his face next to Sanosuke*

Sanosuke: *swallows plant* *sees Kenshin and blinks* O.O Kenshin? Is that you? *pulls Kenshin to his feet*

Kenshin: *spits out bits of dirt and rock*

Sanosuke: What are you doin' here?

Kenshin: *opens eyes* *eyes grow wide as saucers* Sano...you didn't forget to tell the readers about the severity of half of the forest's plants, did you?

Sanosuke: *hits fist into his palm* Oh yeah! That's what I forgot!

Kenshin: Sano...

Sanosuke: The one thing you gotta remember when your out in the middle of a forest is never eat any forest plants without knowing if it's highly severe or not. *puts hands on hips* *bows head* *shuts eyes* *shakes head* That'll definately be somethin' pretty bad. But hey- *lightens up and smiles* -just as long as you know your forest plants, you'll be fine!

Kenshin: But Sano...

Sanosuke: Well, that's all from me. Hope ya liked my 'how-to' guide! See ya. *walks away, a rooster tail sprouting from his butt*

Kenshin: *sighs and shakes head* Oro...


Owari!

Well that's all for now! Thanks for the suggestion Scarred Sword Heart! I hope you enjoyed Sanosuke's 'How-to-' Guide! Please review and don't forget to request any how-to's from the Kenshin-gumi.

Me and the Kenshin-gumi: Ja ne!

-MrFoshizzleProTheWanderor