A/N: Yeah, okay. I actually tried on this one. Also, thanks to my readers. You mean a lot to me, so thanks!
-Dipper's POV-
Why… Bill… isn't he dead?! What the hell?
"Good question, Pine Tree. Why am I not dead? Well, I was never dead to begin with, actually. Haha! Looks like your plan ultimately failed. But I didn't come here to gloat.
Dipper looked over at his sister, who looked like she was about to faint.
"Mabel," Dipper whispered. "Mabel, are you okay?'
He was answered with a short nod.
"Bill, I don't care why you're here," Dipper yelled at Bill. "Get out. We don't want you here."
"Does it look like I care, Pine Tree? You expelled me from this universe for 6 years, I think I have a reason to be upset."
Dipper fumed. "You have a reason to be upset?! Are you kidding me? You tried to kill everyone and take over the world. I don't think you have much of a reason to be upset here."
Bill sighed. "Look, kid. Nothing's gonna get done with us at each other's necks here. I came here to talk, not argue about why I'm right. Oh, that makes you mad? Sorry, I forgot how fragile your feelings were, kid."
Dipper was so mad and confused and just shocked. How was Bill even here? What did he want? How was he alive the whole time? What about that statue in the forest? Dipper just couldn't wrap his head around it.
Mabel, who seemed to be reading Dipper's mind, asked, "Bill, how are you even here?"
"It doesn't matter, Star. I didn't come here to explain why you guys suck at saving the world," Bill responded, adding, "And why are you so scared? You've seen me before, right? What's so different now?"
Dipper was about ready to strangle the guy. "Bill, were not doing anything for you if you don't answer why you're here. Do what you like, we're not even considering anything you say if you don't answer us." Dipper crossed his arms, and stared at Bill waiting for a response.
"Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Okay. So you guys erased my memory of Ford, right? So I forgot everything about this quiet town and my plan about Weirdmageddon and the portal and everything. But it's not like that killed me. Do you guys die when you forget things? I didn't think so. Anyway, so there I was, back in my home dimension, no reason for life anymore. And I didn't think anything was wrong, either. And it would've stayed that way too, if it wasn't for the fact that I am an all-powerful being trillions of years old, so I obviously began to get bored again. I thought about going somewhere else, a new dimension, and then it hit me. I had already done that. The portal, I remembered it. I kept scratching at that memory until I remembered everything. From Ford, to Gravity Falls, to the portal, to weirdmageddon. But that took 6 years. I spent 6 years trying to remember my reason for life. And then there's now. Okay, so there ya go. Happy now, kids?"
Dipper was in shock. And based on Mabel's expression, she was too. Bill didn't die? They almost sacrificed Grunkle Stan for nothing?! He just couldn't believe it.
But none of that explained why Bill was here.
"So I bet you're wondering why I'm here. And you would be right to wonder so," Bill exclaimed, twirling his cane. "You see, I need a favor to ask of you two."
Oh. My. God. This guy is so dense!
Dipper just sighed. "Bill, you tried killing us, twice, and you used me as a puppet. Why would we have any reason to help you? And don't say you're going to offer us a deal, because you and I both know we're not that stupid. You don't keep your word about anything."
If Bill had a mouth, Dipper was sure he would be smirking up and down the room right now.
"You're right, Pine Tree! There's no reason for you to trust me. And that's exactly why I'm here! You see, I need a body."
At that, Dipper's jaw dropped.
He has got to be kidding me.
At Bill's comment, Mabel stood up and walked over to Bill, finger pointed at him.
"You really want to ask that, after what you did to Dipper?! You obviously forgot more than you realize if you think we would ever help you get a body."
"Listen to me, Star," Bill protested. "You didn't give me a chance to explain. It's not like that."
"Then what is it like, Bill?" Mabel retorted.
"I don't need another human's body. I need something of my own. I mean, someone else's body is just too much work. Besides, I'm not looking to stay this way much longer. It's so boring. There's a way you can get me a body, without hurting anybody. Okay? It doesn't even involve Mr. Scarred for Life over there, so it's all cool.
Dipper stood next to Mabel, still not even considering his request.
Dipper then crossed his arms. "So. You don't need the body of a human. That's cool and all, but you could still hurt people, Bill. And you're bored? That doesn't make much sense. Why is that a valid reason to become a human, the exact being you constantly humiliate and tease?"
"Listen, Pine Tree. When you get to be as old as me, nothing is fun anymore. I've been everywhere, I've done everything, I've grown bored of myself. I want something new. I realized I didn't want to end this universe anymore because I've done it to countless others before. Trying to regain my memory, I realized how simply boring destruction was. It's just, bam, dust and ash. Sure, the fear you put into the innocent beings of the planet is cool, but it's over pretty soon. That's why I'm so bored. And since I've never tried humanity before, I figured it'd be fun to try."
"So why did you come and ask us?" Dipper asked. "Why not just ask someone else?"
"You guys are that thick? The only 3 people on this planet who know enough to make me human are you two, and Sixer, who I don't feel like looking at in another trillion years. Does that answer your question, Pine Tree?"
Dipper was getting sick of that nickname.
"Stop calling me that, Bill. It's annoying."
"Oh, you mean Pine Tree? Too bad, Pine Tree. I do what I want."
Dipper smirked. "You don't get to do what you want if you still want that body, Cipher."
"Aww, come on, Kid! You're ruining my fun… Okay, whatever, I guess. So what are you thinking?"
Mabel decided to jump into the negotiation. "I'd say there's no reason we can trust you. If you want a deal, you're going to have to keep your end of the deal. I say you need to…" she tapped her chin, coming up with ideas. "Well, obviously, promise you won't hurt us or anyone else. Also, you can't cause the end of the world, no matter what you said about how boring it is. And, I assume you're going to need somewhere to stay, so you can use my old bed in the attic. But you're going to need to work at the Mystery Shack with us. For free, too. And I want 50 pounds of glitter gummy worms. Anything else, Dipper?"
Dipper was shocked. He didn't think they were actually going through with this.
He whispered to Mabel, "Are you crazy? This guy tried killing us! We can't let him live with us!"
Mabel waved him off. "It's fine. If we make him promise he won't hurt anyone or take over the world, it should be fine. Besides, if he's human, he doesn't have any powers. And who knows! Maybe he's changed. He could even be fun. And Dipper, we really need the employees, with Soos away with Melody and all..."
Dipper turned to Bill. "First, I have a few questions. Can you go back to your old form if you're human? Second, can you use your current powers as a human? Or are you just like us?"
Bill responded with "No, no, and yes."
Dipper came up with his own conditions. "Okay. We'll do it, if you comply to Mabel's conditions, and if you promise to stop calling me Pine Tree."
"You got yourselves a deal, kiddos!"
Bill extended his hand, blue with fire. He first extended it out to Mabel, who shook it right away. He then extended it to Dipper, who stared at it hesitantly for a moment. He then came up with one more question.
"Listen, Bill. I've only got one more question for you. You didn't lie to us about all of the stuff you just said, right? You really can't use your powers as a human?"
"Nope. All part of the package. I guess it's a pretty big price to pay, but it's something new, which I am so looking forward to… Something new…" He trailed off, and extended his hand back out to Dipper.
Hesitantly, Dipper shook it, half expecting his soul to be ripped right out of his body. When it wasn't, Dipper sighed with relief.
"Okay, Bill," Mabel started. "What do we need to do to get you this body?"
"It's simple, really. I need to go out and find someone I want to look like. You guys need pluck out one of his hairs, and do a ritual. I can only change 5 aspects about the guy to what I want to look like, so it's got to be a good looking person."
"Okay, I guess that's not too bad," Mabel responded. "But it's too late to do that now. We can go searching tomorrow. Bill, can you come back around 9:30 tomorrow?"
"Sure thing, Star. See ya then."
With a snap of his fingers, Bill was gone and color was restored to the world.
Dipper was shocked. In about 15 minutes, he had just made a deal with Bill Cipher. To give him his own body, nonetheless. This was a strange turn of events.
"Well, that was interesting," Mabel stated. She got up and Dipper followed her.
"I'll say," Dipper replied, rubbing his temples.
"Um, I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then?" Mabel asked.
Dipper weakly smiled and nodded. "Yep. I guess so."
Mabel suddenly laughed, catching Dipper off guard.
"You know what I realized, Dipper? Tomorrow's our first day of work and we have to close up shop!"
"Yeah, that is pretty ironic. We'll just have to work Bill until he drops, then."
Mabel nodded, and hugged Dipper before going to bed.
Dipper sighed and headed up the stairs. He brushed his teeth, flossed, used mouthwash, and climbed into bed.
Wow, today was just so… bizarre. That was so much information… this is going to be a weird transition...
Dipper was thinking about the day's events, and started drifting off to sleep, when he suddenly remembered something.
Mabel said Bill could use her old bed in the attic.
Dipper slept in the attic.
Dipper couldn't even enjoy his only sleep alone in his room.
xXxXxXxXx
The next day, Dipper woke up and checked the time.
Only 3:23? Oh, it's going to be a loooong day.
Dipper sighed and trudged down the stairs as quietly as humanly possible. He got downstairs and turned on the TV, hoping the show quality had improved around here.
When he heard the Ducktective theme song come on, his answer was no, but he assumed this was better than nothing.
-Mabel's POV-
When Mabel woke up, she rubbed her eyes and walked into the living room. She noticed Dipper watching what appeared to be Ducktective.
"Hey, Dip, you know the ti-"
"SHHH, Mabel. I'm trying to figure out who stole Ducktective's badge."
"Well that's easy! It was Mr. Wells from the bank. He needed the money. Ironic isn't it? You would think someone who worked at a bank would have enough money to get by."
Dipper only glared at her in return.
"Oh yeah… Sorry, bro. Forgot you were, you know… watching that... "
Dipper sighed and turned off the TV.
Mabel walked into the kitchen and checked the time. It was 8:24. Not too bad.
"Hey Dipper, how long you been up?"
"Um, maybe about 5 hours? I don't knowl. I didn't sleep very well last night."
Mabel walked back over to where Dipper was sitting and plopped down next to him.
"It's all going to be okay, Dipper. I know it's a bit weird, and definitely pretty hard-"
Dipper interrupted her in a fit of fury. "Hard? Are you kidding me, Mabel?! You never had to see Bill inside your own body as he walked around in it as if it were his. You didn't have nightmares for weeks, and you didn't-"
"Right, right. Poor Dipper had to be taken out of his body, but I was locked inside of a prison-"
"A prison of paradise!" dipper yelled back. "Listen, Mabel. I'm sorry for freaking out. I just… I'm just nervous. This is so new… even for us. I just hope he wasn't lying to us…"
Mabel hugged her brother, feeling the exact same.
"I guess we'll just have to wait and see."
-Dipper's POV-
An hour later, the color faded from the world, letting the twins know Bill was ready to go.
"Hiya, kids! How's life? Actually, I don't much care. Let's go!"
Dipper internally groaned. It was early morning, and it was going to be like this for the next month, at least.
"Yep!" Mabel exclaimed.
"I want to be back here by noon, so yes, we should be leaving. We're going to the mall, since it has the most people and it's a weekend." And the weekend's the best time for profit…
"Bill, can you meet us at the front entrance of the mall?" Mabel asked.
"Sure thing, Star. Meet you there."
With that, the gray faded and the world was brought back to life.
XxXxXxXxX
A few minutes later, Dipper and Mabel found themselves in front of the Gravity Falls Mall, waiting for Bill to show up.
Before they knew it, everything was gray again.
"So, kids, got any ideas?"
"Yeah, Bill. There's this guy I know, you would so look good in his body," Dipper commented.
" I sense some sarcasm in that tone, Pin- Dipper," Bill replied.
"Yeah, I was just kidding. You wouldn't look good wearing anyone's skin, not even your own."
"Okayyy," Mabel said. "Let's get this party STARTED!"
The trio spent the next half hour walking around the store, looking for someone Bill could agree with. Everyone else was frozen, too, so it wasn't hard to get a good look at their faces.
After the half hour, Dipper couldn't stand Bill's voice anymore. He just wouldn't. Stop. Complaining.
"BILL. JUST PICK SOMEONE ALREADY. You've been complaining at about how ugly humanity is for the last half hour. This is annoying. Just hurry up."
Bill mocked an offended sound. "How dare you accuse me of such things! I would nev-"
Bill stopped talking all of a sudden, and floated over to a blonde man near a music store.
"Yeah, him. It's definitely him," Bill said.
"This guy?" dipper protested. "He's a jerk. I ran into him, offered him help, and... well, I guess it's not so bad since you're a jerk too… Whatever, I'm not arguing."
"Well," Bill said. "I'm going to wake you guys back up. Pick a piece of his hair somehow, and meet me back at the Shack when you're done. Kay? Bye!"
Bill snapped, and the twins were once again back to reality.
"Okay Mabel. Let's go get his hair, or whatever."
"You got it, bro!"
Dipper walked over to the man, and whispered something to Mabel. She nodded, and Dipper pretended to walk into the music store. He heard some terrible flirting coming from mabel's mouth, and he sneaked over to where the man was standing. He grabbed a hair and yanked, hoping he wouldn't notice.
"OW!"
Dipper ran for it. He wasn't about to be pummeled, or have the cops called on him.
By the time he reached the car, Mabel was already there, waiting for him.
"How'd you get here so fast, Mabel?" Dipper questioned.
"I got mad skills, bro. Now get in the car."
Dipper did what he was told and the two of them were off for the Mystery Shack.
xXxXxXxXx
When the twins arrived at the shack, they walked into the kitchen.
I wonder why Bill chose that guy. He didn't even look that good anyway.
Mabel paced the room, looking excited. Dipper didn't know why, this didn't seem like the kind of event to get excited about.
The next thing he knew, he saw Bill in front of him.
"Hey kids! That was fun. Especially the part where he screamed like a girl! Haha."
Dipper rolled his eyes. He just wanted this day to end.
"Okay, Bill. We have the hair. What do you want us to do now?"
"Well, first there's the 5 things I want to change. First, his nose. God, it was ugly. Second, I want those dots you humans have on your noses and cheeks. They're so weird. Third, I want… actually, you know what? I think the rest of him was fine. I'll be right back, kids."
Bill snapped his fingers, gone for a split second and back again.
"Okay," Bill said as he dropped a pile of clothes onto the table. "I want to wear these when I'm human."
Dipper looked down at the clothes, wondering what he had chosen.
A yellow sweater with one eye on it. How cliche. Some jeans, and what looked like some boots. Also, a fake pair of glasses…?
"Bill, what are these?" Dipper asked, holding up the glasses.
"Oh, those! I want to know what it's like to have glasses on, so I got some fake ones."
Mabel then squealed.
"Oh my God, Bill! You got such a cute sweater!" She was holding up the yellow sweater like she was wearing it.
Dipper rolled his eyes.
"I agree with you on that one, Star. I think it will look perfect on me."
Dipper sighed. "Guys, can we just start doing this?"
"Sure thing, Pine Tree."
Dipper shot him a glare.
"Oh right, I forgot. Short Stack over there gets hurt easily. And Star, here's your gummy worms."
Bill snapped his fingers, and a huge bag of gummy worms fell on the table.
"AHHHH! Thanks, Bill!" Mabel yelled, shoving a handful of gummy works into her mouth.
"Okay," Dipper said, rolling his eyes. "Let's just get this thing going."
The three of them walked into the living room, where they would perform the ritual.
"Okay kids," Bill began to explain. "I'm going to give you guys what to draw out and the stuff you need to read. I'll be naked, so you're going to have to hand me the clothes I need to wear. Also, I probably won't be able to stand, so there's that too. Okay, here you go."
Bill twirled his cane and two pieces of paper appeared in Dipper's hands.
"Just copy down that exact drawing onto the floor, and say those exact words," Bill explained. "If you mess up, well… let's just say it's not going to be pretty."
The twins set off to work, Dipper working on one half of the circle and Mabel on the other. When the both of them were finished, Dipper checked both sides to make sure they were both correct.
"Everything seems to be right, Bill. So now what?"
"Well, now you just set the hair in the middle of the circle. I go in the circle too, and then you recite the words. Just don't mess up.
Bill's intensity sent a shiver up Dipper's spine.
"I'll go get the hair," Dipper called as he was walking into the kitchen.
When Dipper returned, he saw his sister whispering something over to Bill and giggling.
When did she become good friends with Bill…?
"What's so funny, guys?" Dipper asked.
"N-nothing," Mabel replied, her face red from holding back her laughter.
"The Lammy Dance!" Bill blurted out, practically falling over from laughing so hard.
What the hell, Mabel?!
Dipper felt his face flush deep red and tried not to look either of them in the eye.
"Yeah, it was pretty funny. Now can we get back to the ritual, please?" Dipper desperately tried changing the subject.
Mabel rolled her eyes, but got up and stood next to Dipper.
Dipper dropped the piece of hair into the circle with Bill, and began to chant.
"Wen ydob esaelp wen eson y selkcerf esaelp!" Dipper chanted.
A sudden burst of light happened, and there was nothing there.
Mabel had gone into the kitchen to get Bill's new clothes, and when she came back in Bill was on the ground in the middle of the circle, a human.
Never thought I'd see this in a million years.
Dipper grabbed the clothes from Mabel and told her to wait in the other room for a few minutes, so she didn't see anything.
Dipper walked over to where Bill was lying and helped him to his feet. He was barely conscious, and most of his weight was leaning onto Dipper.
Slowly but surely, Dipper got Bill into all of his clothes.
When he was done, he set Bill onto the couch and stood back for a moment, staring at Bill.
He was starting to wake up more, and his eyes looked huge. His freckles were spotted all over his face, and his hair was so soft Dipper assumed it felt like a pillow.
His clothes really brought out the best in him, though. They made him seem so cute-
Dipper froze.
Did he really just say he thought Bill Cipher was… cute?
It was only day one, and Dipper could tell this wasn't going to go as planned.
A/N: Long chapter! Yeah! Thanks to all of you guys who took the time to read my story. That's pretty cool! You guys are the reason I'm even breathing honestly. Well, catch you on the flipside. Jk that joke's too old.
