I was on the couch, asleep, with no memory on how I got here, at La Push with the whole La Push gang including all Leah, Emily, Charlie, and Edward standing behind me with glass eyes glaring at the spot where a piece of paper lay with a yellow pencil and an eraser. A letter, from who and why I didn't know, all I remember was going shopping with Ben and Angie at Port Angeles and being kidnapped by the Volturi on accident and then being returned safely into Edwards arms and Alice having a vision, but I don't remember what the vision was.
Why in the world was everyone crying? Why was Jacob looking depressed? And mainly, why in the hell was Edward breaking the treaty and hanging out with a pack of werewolves, his mortal enemies, in La Push? And why was Billy allowing such many people in his living room at once? Then it all came to me…
Billy was dead. Gone. Never to walk this world that I soon myself would leave far behind to join Edward. Emotions took over my face and tears spilled down my hot cheeks. I wanted to reach for Jacob, pull his big self into my lap and hug him in the tightest hug possible and stroke his shaggy hair, but, no I couldn't. My heart beat quickened and I tried standing up, but I couldn't. My legs like mash potatoes fell right out from under me.
Icy cold hands reached me first and then big warm ones, both a comfort to me, and both the hands of the guys I loved, one I just loved more. I took one of each and allowed them both to pull me up with an easy movement, not even trying. I let Jacob reach for my other hand, and Edward walked towards the rest of the group allowing us a few minutes alone.
I didn't know how to act, what to say, and how to comfort him, so I pulled him into a hug and allowed him to wrap his tree branch arms around my waist and cry. He did, for a long time. The rest of the group seemed to disappear a little at a time starting with Sam and his wife, Emily, then Leah followed and the rest of the La Push gang, in till only Edward and Charlie stood staring at the piece of paper. Charlie was trying to hold back tears, trying to be brave, but soon emotions overtook his usual confident and smooth face. Edward stood still stunned unable to believe what was happening.
"Bells, I need you." Jacob said moaning as he pressed his hot face to my neck and clung to my waist.
I knew I couldn't hurt Jacob, no matter how much I loved Edward, so I allowed Jacob to cry in my arms even more. First his tears fell like big raindrops splashing my black concert Breaking Benjamin shirt, and soon I was soaked. The tears slowly turned into dry sobs and finally stopped. I let Jacob still hold me close and I started to cry.
Edward whispered something to Charlie and the next thing I noticed was both went towards the kitchen allowing Jacob and I complete privacy. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't.
"Bells, Billy is gone." Jacob said whispering in a husky voice not believing his words.
"Jacob." I simply said hugging myself closer to Jacob.
"Bells, he killed himself, and it was their anniversary! It would have been thirty years today, but she died." Jacob said whispering in a sad voice.
"I'm sorry Jacob." I couldn't say anything more.
"In the letter he told me not to cry, but to be strong and led the pack when needed, to watch over Charlie and you, to make sure Edward treated you right, and to make sure the world knew his last wishes." Jacob said trying to smile a brave smile.
"That's not fair!" I tried comforting Jacob.
"Bella, Billy was sick, he had less than two weeks to live and he was dying, he didn't like suffering. I knew this was coming, and soon, Alice told me about it." Jacob said now comforting me in return.
"What? And Alice didn't tell me?" I said in a soft voice.
"She didn't because I told her not to. I want you to be happy, Bells. It would have ruined Edwards and your wedding." Jacob said snuffing back tears.
"Jacob, I can't go get married with you like this." I said with concern.
"Yes you will, Billy's funeral is tomorrow, and after that there will be no more talk of this, ever Bella." Jacob said putting a mild expression of a burden being gone.
"Okay, if you want that…"
"I do. Now for the mean time, I am going to move in with either Charlie or Sam, depending on who will take me in." Jacob said looking towards the kitchen.
"Jacob, I love you." I said not even thinking.
"I know." Jacob simply stated and reached for a tear falling down from my cheek.
"You can stay with Charlie and me…" I was still talking when Jacob's lips pressed tightly against mine.
Half of me was delighted and responding to Jacob, the other half was thinking what the hell am I doing? But, in the end my thoughts responded at random and my hands were knotted in Jacob's hair two minutes later when I realized what had happened.
"Jacob this is too complicated." I said thinking of Edward and how I loved him, more than I loved Jacob…
