Chapter 2: Maybe
I'm so sorry! It's been such a long time since I've written! But hopefully you'll still enjoy this chapter.
She kept having that dream. Every night without release. It replayed over and over again, on and on, endlessly ravaging her mind. Exhaling, she shut her eyes, able to recall every vivid detail perfectly. He was constantly on her mind; she could not get the image of his haunted, yet beautiful face out of her mind. But why?
She sighed again. He was perfectly gorgeous, that much she was completely sure about. But it had been a few months now, and she couldn't help but notice that there had been an overriding gloom that seemed to float around her ever since she had woken up from the dream the first time.
For some reason she found less and less reason to smile as the days wore on, found herself becoming increasingly upset, unsatisfied and sometimes catatonic for no apparent reason. These thoughts on this mysterious boy in her dream kept plaguing her. She kept hearing his screams linger in the air, calling her name. She kept seeing him twist in arms that would not let go, trying to reach her, trying to save her.
She inhaled deeply, opening her eyes. She reached out to the tinted window, her fingertips touching the cool glass as she peered out, watching nothing. Just the smooth road, just the cars rushing by to their next destination.
To her next destination...
"Bella," a voice softly called, tarrying in the air with a sense of slight remorse.
Maybe if she just paid a bit more attention to her surroundings.
"Bella..."
Maybe if she wasn't always so deep in her thoughts.
"Bella."
Maybe if…
"Bella!"
Slowly, her head turned, looking blankly at her mother, Renee. Maybe if she wasn't always so consumed with him…
She sighed, looking out of the window at the sun soaring high above the sky. When would she see the sun shine so brightly again? A warm hand rested on her shoulder. She blinked. "Bella, you don't have to go..." It was this conversation again. "Maybe it's just a phase." Renee had never fully accepted the fact that Bella said she wanted to go to Forks. In fact, Bella hadn't fully accepted it herself; it wasn't really so much that she wanted to go, but that she needed too.
Renee looked over, resigned. "But you don't even like the rain," she paused, "or the snow."
Bella sighed again, pressing her face against the window guiltily. It was winter now, and although Jacksonville was warm, her next destination was not going to be so; Forks. Her future looked as bleak and desolate as the weather she would soon be living in.
Renee's hand shook her shoulder gently. "Are you sure?"
No. "Yes," Bella nodded, swallowing. "I think I need to. Maybe I just need a little change of scenery. Maybe I'll appreciate Jacksonville more when I come back."
"You hate Forks," Renee unhappily pressed once again.
Bella's fingers swept through her hair, and through her noticeable discontent, she tried to smile unsuccessfully. "I know, mom," she said quietly, watching as the smooth expanse of the highway ended and a looming, colossal building grew closer; the Jacksonville International Airport.
"Then why are you going?" Renee asked inexorably, for the hundredth time.
Bella's hand curled into a tight fist, her fingernails digging into the flesh of her palm. She said nothing.
"Are you not happy here in Jacksonville with Phil and I?" Renee's voice was noticeably shaken. Was she doing something wrong?
"No, no," Bella said quickly with a squeak, "I just think I need some new surroundings for a little bit."
Renee said no more, and Bella pressed her fist into her thigh as the terminal grew closer. Again, Bella's fingers ran through her hair as she screeched to a stop. "I love you, Bells." Renee pressed a kiss to her forehead.
"I love you too," Bella replied warily. She pushed the car door open, looking out unblinkingly. As she swung her feet around, a hand gripped her wrist.
"Bella," Renee said, "Are you sure?" She paused, almost pleading, "You don't have to go… I don't want you to go..." Her voice seemed to fade out.
Bella bit her lip, almost at a breakdown at this point, her thoughts traveling once again before connecting. Slowly, she nodded in a smooth, fluid motion before busying herself with her bags. There wasn't much, just a few of her thicker pieces of clothing. It wasn't cold in Jacksonville. "It's not you mom," she said finally, repeating the classic break-up line, "it's me." But this was a break-up, in a way: not a complete sever, but something new, something different, and something distant. Her mom was her best friend, and Bella was hers. Could she really leave? Did she really need to?
Yes. She could… maybe she really did need to. "Just for a little…" she whispered, her face growing paler.
Renee stared at her, wonderingly.
"I feel like this is something I need to do…"
Almost dutifully, Renee nodded. Didn't she have the power to deny this? Didn't she have the power to stop her? Technically no. Bella was eighteen now. She breathed in deeply. She just had to trust her. "There's always a place for you here…"
Bella nodded comatosely. "Bye mom…" Bella said quietly turning around, once again lost.
"Bye Bella…" Renee replied as the door shut behind her daughter, her arm extended out, as if to reach her and pull her back. She gritted her teeth, closing her eyes as moisture clumped onto her eyelashes. She hadn't been able to pull Bella back though. Not from whatever was torturing her in her own mind, or now, as she moved closer toward another place.
Renee lifted up a wavering hand to her eyes, blotting her tears gently with the back of her hand. She hoped this was the right decision. She hoped she made the right decision by letting her go. Her hands clutched the wheel of the car once again, firmly, so they wouldn't shake. It was the hardest thing to admit, this, that is. That maybe she couldn't give her only child, her only daughter what she needed. She just hoped that Charlie could.
As she drove off, she looked up at the darkening sky. She frowned, it was only just eight o'clock. It would be one of those rainy days. In Jacksonville and in Forks. "Great…" she said bitterly, noticing an aftertaste that was already there, and was still lingering in her mouth.
His eyes closed as he took another primarily useless breath in the damp air. He fell to his knees, his fingers curling around the lush green grass to find a simple flower in this meadow. He leaned back, the flower at his nose. He inhaled again, closing his eyes. He had always loved coming here to think. Here, in his meadow.
He flicked back his wet hair, licking his cool lips to wipe off the fallen raindrops. He exhaled sharply as he once again thought of a broken girl, screaming as if her heart was about to be torn away forever. Well, then, she would be like him, in a way. The undead, living. His cold hand snaked up to his chest, trying to feel for that tell-tale heartbeat of life, but there was none. There hadn't been one for over one hundred years.
"Bella..." he whispered softly, savoring each syllable. As time grew on, he found that he longed for this unknown girl more and more. Maybe just to see if she lived up to the measure of his imagination. "Pft..." he sputtered. There couldn't possibly be anyone who could live up to such high expectations. And anyway, who could love him that much?
"Edward!"
Her agonized voice echoed around his ears, through the empty meadow.
Who could love a monster like him?
His breath caught, lingering in the air for several moments. An uncomfortable twist grasping his chest; still, he did not take another breath. Why couldn't he just forget her? She was just an imagination. A made-up person to satisfy... satisfy what though? Nothing? Just his boring eternal life so he could have a thought to be tortured about...
He quivered, as he took a breath, shaking his bronze hair. He was the epitome of the eternal damned, wasn't he? Soul-less, heart-less, and tortured.
Ah... well, just another day... and then another, and another. It would go on forever, and endless circle of life.
And anyway, if this girl did in fact exist, what did he have to gain from it? She would just die one day, and he would live on. Because even if she didn't fear him, he could not condemn anyone to this life willingly. What torturous holds. As if any girl would be worth this anguish.
But he couldn't lie to himself... he still thought of her, endlessly. Was she worth this anguish? Maybe.
He inhaled once again, intoxicated by the fragrant petals of the flower. Floral; his favorite.
He sighed once again, thinking of her. What would she smell like? As alluring as the fantasies he had of her? Maybe.
So... maybe you'd like to leave me a review? I'd really like that. :) Hope you enjoyed it! Please, please review!
